Jealously?

**JClarke** · 09-07-2011, 12:49 AM

OK - I just wanted to seek some advice, on jealously (family-wise).

As for myself, I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for a while now, and this might apply similar.

If you were in a relationship with a girl and find out that their eldest family member shows a lot of jealously but tries its best not to show but was obvious to pick. For example, the eldest sister makes the decision on behalf of other person or, tells them off that the guy is not right for you blah blah.

What would you do?

***naisho*** · 09-07-2011, 12:55 AM

It tells me about their character. Actions speaks louder than words.

Most people aren't open to changing their personalities once they are past a certain point of age. You can show them how they were wrong by 'leading a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink' - people just like horses, will only do what they are interested in doing.

I don't force people on anything. If they look like they would like a correction, I'd offer it, but most of the time people don't want to see one.

Frisky Feline · 09-07-2011, 04:42 AM

the girlfriend makes the choice, not anyone else. maybe the elder sister did not know enough about the boyfriend. If the boyfriend makes some effort to talk to the elder sister and see what happen from there. one of those days, the girlfriend and boyfriend will end up get married, and more likely to be stuck with the elder sister.

For real, if the boyfriend is seeing the girlfrined a lot. That would be nice if the boyfriend makes some effort to see the girlfriends family to get to know them better a little. But don't expect to live with them, just make some comfort zone to let them know that the girlfriend is in a safe condition so the family would feel better.

**Bottesini** · 09-07-2011, 08:49 AM

Remember that you often will have to deal with the family, especially if you get married.

Setting a boundary is important also so the girlfriends family does not think they are controlling your relationship.

**sallylou** · 09-07-2011, 11:35 AM

Wirelessly posted (droid)

Move further away from family. I'm not kidding. Dealing with SO's family is always callenging. Limit time with them. Use your energy to build you relationship with your SO. Talk with your SO about setting appropriate boundaries.

Royale · 09-07-2011, 11:47 AM

Jealousy can be unhealthy and/or harmful to you and your relationship. That is why I have agreed with the posters that you both better get away from the family.

whatdidyousay! · 09-07-2011, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Royale

Jealousy can be unhealthy and/or harmful to you and your relationship. That is why I have agreed with the posters that you both better get away from the family.

That is easier said than gone! I think the busybody need to be spoken to by the younger sister and told to stop trying to run her life. It can get messy when the guy get in the middle of a family matter between two sisters!

lanapoo · 09-07-2011, 12:22 PM

Wirelessly posted

My bestfriend had to call off her wedding because her man's family refused to let him marry her. So we all learned that maybe it's better to just cut off the family if they don't agree with your relationship. My friend tried every approach, she tried to win them over to no avail. It was the man who didn't stand up for their relationship. So either your girlfriend has to just slap them in their face or walk away from them. I think the first choice would be better since it's just jealousy. They'll get over it at some point and learn how to be happy for your girlfriend.

**sallylou** · 09-07-2011, 12:26 PM

Wirelessly posted (droid)

NEVER communicate with family members in a triangular fashion. Big time dysfunction. For example, BF tells GF, then GF tells sister what BF said. Causes trouble with no real resolution. Deal with family members DIRECTLY. Your SO must be ready to back you up. Same with gossip. What motive can a family member have for gossiping about other family members except to cause drama? If you eliminate triangular communication, you'll have less drama.

VacationGuy234 · 09-07-2011, 12:45 PM

Well, you have to respect your girlfriend's family and understand that they care about her. It may not be jealousy so much as them just wanting the best for her. And, you should be respectful to her family as long as they treat your girlfriend well.

What I would do about it depends on the situation. You are not always going to like your girlfriend's family and they are not always going to like you. So, you have to understand when to do something about it and when to leave it alone. You don't want to start trouble with her family unless they are really giving her a hard time. It is usually best to just let your girlfriend handle it.

If they do something directly to your girlfriend that you don't like, you should step and and take her side.

If they don't do anything to her directly, you should not get involved and let her handle it.

DeafCaroline · 09-07-2011, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JClarke

OK - I just wanted to seek some advice, on jealously (family-wise).

As for myself, I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for a while now, and this might apply similar.

If you were in a relationship with a girl and find out that their eldest family member shows a lot of jealously but tries its best not to show but was obvious to pick. For example, the eldest sister makes the decision on behalf of other person or, tells them off that the guy is not right for you blah blah.

What would you do?

If the sister is telling your girlfriend you're not right for her, stay out of it and have faith your girlfriend will handle it.

If the sister is attempting to make decisions on your girlfriend's behalf without her permission, then talk to girlfriend and tell her she's old enough to make her own decisions.

But don't get in between them or it would make problems worse. Let the sister thinks whatever she wants of you. It's her problem, not yours.

drphil · 09-07-2011, 01:50 PM

Wise words from Deaf Caroline. Consider as well review the entire thread. Happy reading!

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07

**JClarke** · 09-07-2011, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafCaroline

If the sister is telling your girlfriend you're not right for her, stay out of it and have faith your girlfriend will handle it.

If the sister is attempting to make decisions on your girlfriend's behalf without her permission, then talk to girlfriend and tell her she's old enough to make her own decisions.

But don't get in between them or it would make problems worse. Let the sister thinks whatever she wants of you. It's her problem, not yours.

Thanks everyone for the input, appericate it.

Deaf Caroline, I am in the same shoes as yours, I don't give a damn and let the sister talk whatever she wants. My girlfriend is aware that she is old enough to make decisisons and she wont allow her sister to do such like this.

I just know, it is all jealously.

**Smithtr** · 09-07-2011, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drphil

Wise words from Deaf Caroline. Consider as well review the entire thread. Happy reading!

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07

inappropriate behavior your not incorrect please respectful

seems your ego and control!

**JClarke** · 09-07-2011, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smithtr

inappropriate behavior your not incorrect please respectful

seems your ego and control!

Smithtr, please do not harass drphil
drphil hasn't done anything to my thread.
if you don't like my thread, please leave.
thank you.

Grummer · 09-07-2011, 06:57 PM

pretend youre your sister go on the dating website, make up what she likes, (use some of it as true, and some made up you figure it out) arrange for a dinner /pick up from your family place (time it so she'd be home) and have a old ugly balding geeky **** knocking on the front door, asking for yourself (while you and the gf is there and watch ! LMAO
say, oh, its your date at the door.....keeps her busy with the w..t..f... moments...

make is like she's a got a diploma of japanese language or some other ones, and get a total foreign smitten and turn up LOL

**Rio** · 09-07-2011, 08:10 PM

That's very wrong of your sister to tell your gf those words you are not good for her. Sometimes, family members don't think before they speak.

**JClarke** · 09-08-2011, 06:14 PM

*sigh* Yeah, that's right, Rio. Sometimes, they need to step back and realise they might have impacted something they might not want to see... but they caused the damage. I do not want this to impact mine. Just that the jealously has gone to overdrive.

09-07-2011, 12:49 AM	#1 (permalink)
JClarke I.T Guru Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Canberra, Australia Posts: 28,060 Blog Entries: 6	Jealously? OK - I just wanted to seek some advice, on jealously (family-wise). As for myself, I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for a while now, and this might apply similar. If you were in a relationship with a girl and find out that their eldest family member shows a lot of jealously but tries its best not to show but was obvious to pick. For example, the eldest sister makes the decision on behalf of other person or, tells them off that the guy is not right for you blah blah. What would you do? __________________ This is not a ASL version Owner of the Postwhore Club If you have 5,000 posts - please send me a PM requesting to join.

09-07-2011, 04:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 20,239	the girlfriend makes the choice, not anyone else. maybe the elder sister did not know enough about the boyfriend. If the boyfriend makes some effort to talk to the elder sister and see what happen from there. one of those days, the girlfriend and boyfriend will end up get married, and more likely to be stuck with the elder sister. For real, if the boyfriend is seeing the girlfrined a lot. That would be nice if the boyfriend makes some effort to see the girlfriends family to get to know them better a little. But don't expect to live with them, just make some comfort zone to let them know that the girlfriend is in a safe condition so the family would feel better. Royale likes this.

09-07-2011, 08:49 AM	#4 (permalink)
Bottesini Joe's Friend Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: With Owl Sock Posts: 37,532 Blog Entries: 1	Remember that you often will have to deal with the family, especially if you get married. Setting a boundary is important also so the girlfriends family does not think they are controlling your relationship. rockin'robin and Royale like this. __________________

09-07-2011, 11:35 AM	#5 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	Wirelessly posted (droid) Move further away from family. I'm not kidding. Dealing with SO's family is always callenging. Limit time with them. Use your energy to build you relationship with your SO. Talk with your SO about setting appropriate boundaries. Royale likes this. __________________

09-07-2011, 12:22 PM	#8 (permalink)
lanapoo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: The Golden State Posts: 2,568	Wirelessly posted My bestfriend had to call off her wedding because her man's family refused to let him marry her. So we all learned that maybe it's better to just cut off the family if they don't agree with your relationship. My friend tried every approach, she tried to win them over to no avail. It was the man who didn't stand up for their relationship. So either your girlfriend has to just slap them in their face or walk away from them. I think the first choice would be better since it's just jealousy. They'll get over it at some point and learn how to be happy for your girlfriend. __________________ Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.

Today
Deafness	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

09-07-2011, 12:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
*naisho* Forum Disorders M.D.,Ph.D Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 6,162	It tells me about their character. Actions speaks louder than words. Most people aren't open to changing their personalities once they are past a certain point of age. You can show them how they were wrong by 'leading a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink' - people just like horses, will only do what they are interested in doing. I don't force people on anything. If they look like they would like a correction, I'd offer it, but most of the time people don't want to see one.

09-07-2011, 11:47 AM	#6 (permalink)
Royale Registered User Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: World's Second Coldest Capital City! Posts: 4,418	Jealousy can be unhealthy and/or harmful to you and your relationship. That is why I have agreed with the posters that you both better get away from the family.

09-07-2011, 12:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	Wirelessly posted (droid) NEVER communicate with family members in a triangular fashion. Big time dysfunction. For example, BF tells GF, then GF tells sister what BF said. Causes trouble with no real resolution. Deal with family members DIRECTLY. Your SO must be ready to back you up. Same with gossip. What motive can a family member have for gossiping about other family members except to cause drama? If you eliminate triangular communication, you'll have less drama. JClarke likes this. __________________ Last edited by sallylou; 09-07-2011 at 12:27 PM.

09-07-2011, 12:45 PM	#10 (permalink)
VacationGuy234 Registered User Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 2,800	Well, you have to respect your girlfriend's family and understand that they care about her. It may not be jealousy so much as them just wanting the best for her. And, you should be respectful to her family as long as they treat your girlfriend well. What I would do about it depends on the situation. You are not always going to like your girlfriend's family and they are not always going to like you. So, you have to understand when to do something about it and when to leave it alone. You don't want to start trouble with her family unless they are really giving her a hard time. It is usually best to just let your girlfriend handle it. If they do something directly to your girlfriend that you don't like, you should step and and take her side. If they don't do anything to her directly, you should not get involved and let her handle it. rockin'robin likes this.

09-07-2011, 01:50 PM	#12 (permalink)
drphil Registered User Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Toronto Ontario Posts: 4,117	Wise words from Deaf Caroline. Consider as well review the entire thread. Happy reading! Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07 __________________ Get Real:Implanted Sunnybrook/Toronto -Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07

09-07-2011, 06:57 PM	#16 (permalink)
Grummer Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Batcave Posts: 9,534	pretend youre your sister go on the dating website, make up what she likes, (use some of it as true, and some made up you figure it out) arrange for a dinner /pick up from your family place (time it so she'd be home) and have a old ugly balding geeky **** knocking on the front door, asking for yourself (while you and the gf is there and watch ! LMAO say, oh, its your date at the door.....keeps her busy with the w..t..f... moments... make is like she's a got a diploma of japanese language or some other ones, and get a total foreign smitten and turn up LOL __________________ "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." Albert Einstein Last edited by Grummer; 09-07-2011 at 09:59 PM.

09-07-2011, 08:10 PM	#17 (permalink)
Rio Patriots Rock! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Patriots lockerroom Posts: 12,244 Blog Entries: 59	That's very wrong of your sister to tell your gf those words you are not good for her. Sometimes, family members don't think before they speak. __________________ Ps.103:12 He washes our sins away into the ocean Brady's back Proverbs 17:9 Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends

09-08-2011, 06:14 PM	#18 (permalink)
JClarke I.T Guru Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Canberra, Australia Posts: 28,060 Blog Entries: 6	sigh Yeah, that's right, Rio. Sometimes, they need to step back and realise they might have impacted something they might not want to see... but they caused the damage. I do not want this to impact mine. Just that the jealously has gone to overdrive. __________________ This is not a ASL version Owner of the Postwhore Club If you have 5,000 posts - please send me a PM requesting to join.

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