candybrowneyes

I have recently been talking to a guy that doesn't live here, in fact he lives in another country all together. I am usually a good judge in character and really like this guy. I have always been the girl who was overly cautious with my feelings and emotions, careful to not let the wrong guys in.

Another part of this was losing the one person I felt I could marry in my life. After finally realizing there will never be another man exactly like him I was able to let go and allow myself to believe there was another man out there for me.

My question is this, if love is there, do you believe that over distance it can prevail and if it was meant to be we will end up in the same place?

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Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world...

Deafness

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Bottesini

If you have some unusual interest in common that would bring you together it might work. I would be really cautious on wondering if they were looking for a green card and a way into this country.

There are a lot of people out there looking to take advantage of lonely women. I would have the person checked out before getting too committed.

(Remember you titled this honest opinions!)

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DeafCaroline

Have you met this guy in real life?

candybrowneyes

Thanks Bottes, I can assure you he isn't looking for a green card, he could get one through work. His company actually is offering a spot on Chicago and he is contemplating taking it so that isn't an issue. I too am very cautious when it comes to things, especially if it has anything to do with me. The time we spend chatting, camming etc. is really nice. He has also given me any info I need to know about him.

We are thinking I come to visit or him here this winter, so that gives me more time to get to know him. Thanks for your opinion

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Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world...

candybrowneyes

No just virtually DC, we cam and Skype together, met on a dating site.

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Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world...

Bottesini

He should visit you where you have friends and family around you.

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posts from hell

Oh whew....

Smithtr

otherwise your important to good trust and honest and good kindly important!

better first to visit relationship long depend 3 or 4 yrs, I experience

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Beach girl

Have you actually met this person?

I would be very, very cautious of feelings that spring up only from typing to another person on-line. You have no idea who he really is, what his values are, what his friends, colleagues, and family think of him. It is easy to romanticize long-distance relationships because you don't have to put up with annoying daily habits. That's true even when you know the person and you are temporarily separated, but even more so when you have never even met.

Also, be very cautious of sayings like "if it's meant to be..." Nothing is "meant" to be. Things happen or don't happen mostly by our own actions and choices, with a bit of luck tossed in.

There is no substitute for really knowing another person live, in the flesh, in your own area. Someone you can see under good conditions and bad. You see how he copes with his life, how he makes decisions, how he treats family and friends, and you. That's how you can learn enough to really love the person for who he genuinely is, not for how he presents whatever tiny little sliver of his life he shares by typing to you long-distance.

sallylou

It can work out. A couple of my cousins met their spouses through online dating. I would be very cautious though.

Chatting online is good but it doesn't show you what this person is like in his daily life, around friends and family, etc. so your information about him is limited.

I agree that meeting him should take place around your friends and family. And check out whether he is married or has a girl friend. The problem with long distance is that a guy can hide a wife or girlfriend more easily. There are some real dogs out there.

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candybrowneyes

We haven't just only typed and its not like this was just yesterday, we have known each other for a few months, and we talk via Skype and he has called me on a few occasions on the phone, its just free on Skype so we like that, plus we can cam. He originally was just someone I thought to be a friend, I chatted about other guys to him, my days and what is going on and he sat back all the while just being my friend. I have spoke with his friends, mother, 2 sisters and brother before, seen them all via cam as well. I am 31 I am aware of what feelings are like when its just a fantasy and when it is real.

that is definitely your opinion, I tend to believe differently.

Again, its more than just me on one side of the screen and him on another and no one can every tell what someone is like until we are with them which is why you meet them and spend time with them. Taking the fact that he is only online right now, my question has still not been answered.

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Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world...

candybrowneyes

I totally agree, and thanks for answering my questions. Like I have said to others its not like I am walking into this blindly without thinking. I know for a FACT he is not married nor has he ever been and he doesn't have a girlfriend.

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Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world...

DeafCaroline

Ok, I am going to share a precautionary tale with you. In my late 20s, I met an Italian guy via ICQ. We chatted for hours every single day for about a year. We got along beautifully and I thought he was just awesome.

I flew to visit him in Milan and that was not a happy week. His real life personality wasn't the same as his online personality - on the computer he was really warm and funny. In real life, he wasn't. I was miserable, miserable enough to spend the last 48 hours of my trip hanging out at the airport where I had a better time meeting people than I did in the whole week with this guy.

The internet changes you and others' perception of you. It's not like people can see how you act like in real life, in real situations. They just see you in front of the computer.

Don't start thinking about this guy in the "forever" sense till you meet him and see how he really is and how he behaves in different situations otherwise you could be setting yourself up for heartbreak in case you two don't jive as well in real life as you did on the computer.

candybrowneyes

I appreciate your story and trust me I have met other men online, some good some bad. Im not walking into this blindly and Id be a cold hearted bi*ch if I could just talk to someone without feeling and emotion. It just happens, we can't control that, which is why you decide to meet someone to begin with and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
I really do appreciate all of the concern, trust that I have that part of it under control. Ive known him for many months and have never thought of him any more than a friend, Id consider him a great friend right now because of how often he is there for me even when I wasn't for him.

With that being said and all of the caution tape flying in the wind,


My question is this, if love is there, do you believe that over distance it can prevail and if it was meant to be we will end up in the same place?
Given this guy isn't nuts, and doesn't cut me up and we can manage to be around one another?

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Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world...

Bottesini

With that condition above, yes. But it's got a better chance if he relocates to Chicago, and you can see each other in person more often.

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candybrowneyes

Well of course...

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Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world...

DeafCaroline

Let's say hypothetically, you two met in real life and hit it off. You two couldn't be a happier couple. Can love prevail? Sure, if one is willing to relocate to a new country far away from family and friends and if one is successful at settling into the new country (i.e. employment, making new friends, adjusting to culture well).

Babyblue

If love prevails then distance will be a problem, if one isn't willing to move. Will you or him be willing to move to be closer to each other?

sallylou

Wirelessly posted (droid)

Let's face it. Everyone who is dating is on their best behavior. Trying to seem desirable and impress. That's true whether it's online or in person. That's why you date for a while to really know the person before getting serious.
Once you're in a serious relationship with a person, then you see negative qualities. You have a more accurate view. When you find someone you can put up with, you marry him. Lol

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deafbajagal

Beautifully said.

AJWSmith

My answer is "Yes, it is possible".

In our own extended family we have a happily married couple where one was from Africa and the other from the UK. The African partner left home and settled successfully here in the UK. Obviously you need to be careful, and there is plenty of good advice already posted, advice followed by couple I refer to (they spent time meeting in the flesh in both countries & families before committing to each other, and the whole courtship was spread over a number of years).

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LoveBlue

Same here. It was fate / "meant to be" for my husband and I. There's no way we would have met if God hadn't put us in the same place at the same time (working on a summer show). Granted, either of us could have ignored His guidance, but we didn't and after a few years of getting to know each other over the summers, we married and spent nearly 25 years together (he passed away 2 years ago) and raised two wonderful girls.

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shel90

Aint that the truth!!!!!

My brother learned that lesson the very very very hard way.

CBE...seems like everyone has great advice. Hope it all works out!

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radioman

I am a bit apprehensive on this. A freind of mine met a girl online, flew to russia and met girl parants in person. He decided she was the one and made a second trip and proposed to her and married her there. He had to work many months to get her here legally. Once they were together, they started to have issues and she got homesick within a half a year and flew home to visit her folks and her mother basically scolded here and stay in USA. She did go back , but got divorced from him. She is still in usa with someone else, but I cant help but think my freind was taken for a ride. all that work down the drain.

caorline makes a good point- going in person and visit can reveal many truths. Problem is, if you stay together, then what do you do about the holidays? one of you will have to give up EVERYTHING and leave it behind for the other. Which one of you? If you get married, are you prepared for the huge flight expenses for rest of your life, even if you do it every so many years like every 5 years?
I think this has to come up in your skyping in a what if scenarios. You might want to talk about something trivial or pet peeves like which way do you put toilet paper on? over or under? just little things like this can show how serious your relationship can be.