# of Sexual Partners

Warped · 08-10-2011, 01:54 PM

Does the number of sexual partners of your significant other (or desired future partner) matter to you?

Should it matter much especially in a small community like the deaf's as you might know several former partners?

If it does, then what would be the number that makes it too little or too much?

**sallylou** · 08-10-2011, 01:59 PM

Nope. A wise person doesn't even bring the subject up. After you've been married a long time, it seems silly.

Sunshine · 08-10-2011, 02:06 PM

It only matters to me because my boyfriend and I have been together since age 13 and I know we were the first for each other. If either of us had any number but one, it would mean there was cheating involved.

**Jiro** · 08-10-2011, 02:23 PM

oic

Paige · 08-10-2011, 02:39 PM

To me it matters ,
This topic hasn't come up between my boyfriend and I YET.
I think if I can't count it on my two hands than its to many for me.. If its more than that I need an explanation , it just makes me worried... what if I can't live up to the other girls , what if I'm not good enough (I'm a virgin) what if he has an STD . SO many questions to be asked .

radioman · 08-10-2011, 03:34 PM

hmm good point. I come from a background where my old freinds circle is different then the couple more I gone through as I age and grow from high school to college to getting married and now with kids.
I know of a few freinds where thier circle of freinds really has not changed since grade school and still in the SAME circle after being married with kids. Now- these people seems to be a drama circle as they know who did what and when. not something I like to be part of.

having said that- the number of sexual partners really doesnt matter as long you have grown from the previous relationship and not just doing it as a #uck buddy thing. changing the friend circles is not a bad thing as long you are able to keep a few friends for life along the way like I have.

**ash345** · 08-10-2011, 03:36 PM

The number of partners doesn't really matter for me, its more faithfullness. If I were to say it mattered, then I would be a hippocrate. The important thing for me is that we both are tested for any STI's, and come up clean. I never use to be tested, and with how many people I've been with I could have easily had something. Thankfully I was lucky. I think if you only date other Deaf people, then you are bound to know their exes if you know many people in the community... its not something that can be helped really.

dereksbicycles · 08-10-2011, 08:07 PM

Number doesn't matter because it means nothing. That is one reason why I hate Deaf community sometimes. People know this or that person. I don't. I wasn-t there so I don't need to know who did what. Other people can keep their score. I've my relationship.

rockin'robin · 08-10-2011, 08:35 PM

I'd be very leery of dating someone who was sexually promiscuous. And if the relationship should become serious, then, in fact, I would ask and go for testing for any disease beforehand. That's one of the reasons I've been celibate for a number of years. I value my health and well-being. Asking for a sexually transmitting disease test (AIDS, STD's, etc.) before becoming sexually active with someone, should not hurt anyone's feelings. Then again, wait 6-8 months unless using a condom every time.

MidnightSun · 08-10-2011, 09:31 PM

I have been alone along time (by choice) but now I am in love with someone. I firstly would not get involved with anyone who didnot have the same understanding of commitment that I did. I of course know this man had other partners in the past. He is attractive, smart and funny. To my surprise, he offered to be tested. I did not ask him to. He was fine and I couldn't be happier. The real clincher was that he wanted to do it for me. "To honor" me he said...amazing,
Wow! The wait was worth it...Smiling..Midnight..♥♥

KStiletto · 08-10-2011, 09:51 PM

If I meet a guy, we get to know each other through conversation, and tells me has slept with 100 girls, or any other large number, I'd think that he has some type of issues whether it's commitment or insecurity. Even during the young, and adventurous stages does one need to have a large number of old partners by the age of, lets say 30/35. I couldn't and wouldn't take him seriously.

**TWA** · 08-10-2011, 09:59 PM

I used to be much more concerned about this, but as I get older, it's not as big a deal for me. It still does matter though. For example, if you have to add extra appendages to your body in order to count your number, well . . .

rebeccalj · 08-10-2011, 11:26 PM

It bothered me more when I was young and immature.

Now I only care that they don't have STD and that we both share the same idea of what commitment means because I have a, how do you say, wider view of sexuality than most people.

Beach girl · 08-11-2011, 11:47 AM

Does anyone remember the old Mary Tyler Moore show when Mary had some sort of discussion with her boss, Lou, about "the number?" If I'm remembering right - according to Lou "the number" should be "3." More than that and you were a bad girl!

Personally, I think it's not so much the exact number that matters; it's more the context of the former relationships. Although I agree with KStiletto and TheWriteAlex that super-high numbers don't say anything good about a person.

But by a certain age, I'd also be concerned if the number were "zero." How do you get to be age 30, say, and never been in love enough to have had an intimate relationship? It's possible, of course, but I'd like to know why. If it's due to sincerely-held moral/ethical reasons, fine. If it's because the person is scared of sex and intimacy, that might be reason for concern.

**ash345** · 08-11-2011, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beach girl

Does anyone remember the old Mary Tyler Moore show when Mary had some sort of discussion with her boss, Lou, about "the number?" If I'm remembering right - according to Lou "the number" should be "3." More than that and you were a bad girl!

Personally, I think it's not so much the exact number that matters; it's more the context of the former relationships. Although I agree with KStiletto and TheWriteAlex that super-high numbers don't say anything good about a person.

But by a certain age, I'd also be concerned if the number were "zero." How do you get to be age 30, say, and never been in love enough to have had an intimate relationship? It's possible, of course, but I'd like to know why. If it's due to sincerely-held moral/ethical reasons, fine. If it's because the person is scared of sex and intimacy, that might be reason for concern.

a high number of partners could just mean the person was searching in all the wrong places... generalizations like that (saying it doesn't say anything good about the person) could keep you from finding the love of your life. If my SO had been so concerned about numbers, we wouldn't have been together for 4 years... and I have NEVER cheated on anyone... yes my numbers are high, but that DOESN'T make me a bad person.

Beach girl · 08-11-2011, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

a high number of partners could just mean the person was searching in all the wrong places... generalizations like that (saying it doesn't say anything good about the person) could keep you from finding the love of your life. If my SO had been so concerned about numbers, we wouldn't have been together for 4 years... and I have NEVER cheated on anyone... yes my numbers are high, but that DOESN'T make me a bad person.

Maybe you were a good match for each other in terms of prior experiences or expectations. Context matters; if you were both ok with whatever your numbers were, then you were both ok. No one else's opinions matter, really.

Being concerned about numbers didn't stop me from finding the love of my life; we're going to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary (25 years of marital bliss!

) in a couple months.

We were about equal in terms of prior relationships. More importantly, we were on the same page about commitment, fidelity, and all those things that matter when you're thinking about marrying someone.

**ash345** · 08-11-2011, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beach girl

Maybe you were a good match for each other in terms of prior experiences or expectations. Context matters; if you were both ok with whatever your numbers were, then you were both ok. No one else's opinions matter, really.

Being concerned about numbers didn't stop me from finding the love of my life; we're going to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary (25 years of marital bliss!

) in a couple months.

We were about equal in terms of prior relationships. More importantly, we were on the same page about commitment, fidelity, and all those things that matter when you're thinking about marrying someone.

my SO's experiance (in terms of #'s) was much, much lower than mine... no doubt about that. Its just that I don't like sweeping comments like that (people who have alot of sexual experiance or a high number of partners are bad people, or anything of the sort) My SO and I were on the same page about commitment what cheating means and that there are NO excuses for it. Neither of us had ever cheated on a partner before, and neither of us ever will. Also, we were both upfront about our sexual history, number of partners, and if we had been tested for STI's (we both had, everything from a standard blood panel, to AIDS testing).

jillio · 08-11-2011, 01:21 PM

That isn't a question I have ever felt the need to address in a relationship, and would be insulted if the question were asked of me. Thank goodness I have always been involved with men that realized it was an innapropriate and meaningless question.

PowerON · 08-11-2011, 01:35 PM

former president of Cuba - Fidel Castro, had over 2,000 with women. He damn man!

Beach girl · 08-11-2011, 01:37 PM

Maybe he was in competition with Ah-nuld??

**sallylou** · 08-11-2011, 01:38 PM

Wirelessly posted (droid)

That's gross.

Beach girl · 08-11-2011, 01:41 PM

Which one, Fidel, or Ah-nuld, or our joking about them?

PowerON · 08-11-2011, 01:46 PM

Oh, my bad... 35,000. I recently re-check the correct record...

Fidel Castro Sex 35,000 Women

no wonder, he have bad disease right now... shurg!

Babyblue · 08-11-2011, 01:57 PM

If I felt it was a need to ask the person that question.. Then I have no business getting involved with that person in the first place.

**Daredevel7** · 08-11-2011, 02:04 PM

Personally, I ask out of curiosity after being with that person for a long time.

So sue me. I'm a curious cat.

It wouldn't affect my opinion of them.

Well.. unless it's a crazy, scary number... like well over 100!

OR...

If I get this answer:

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't remember most of them."

Frisky Feline · 08-11-2011, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PowerON

Oh, my bad... 35,000. I recently re-check the correct record...

Fidel Castro Sex 35,000 Women

no wonder, he have bad disease right now... shurg!

what about hugh hefner? He got hottie young ladies.

**ash345** · 08-11-2011, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daredevel7

Personally, I ask out of curiosity after being with that person for a long time.

So sue me. I'm a curious cat.

It wouldn't affect my opinion of them.

Well.. unless it's a crazy, scary number... like well over 100!

OR...

If I get this answer:

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't remember most of them."

I don't have a definite number I did some very stupid things when I was younger, and I'm not sure how many people I have slept with. The other thing is this depends on what a person definition of sex is. if it is a penis entering a vagina... then my numbers are low, 4 or 5 I think...

Beach girl · 08-11-2011, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daredevel7

Personally, I ask out of curiosity after being with that person for a long time.

So sue me. I'm a curious cat.

It wouldn't affect my opinion of them.

Well.. unless it's a crazy, scary number... like well over 100!

OR...

If I get this answer:

"Honestly, I dont know. I don't remember most of them."

That would do it!

Generally, if you (general "you", not you, Daredevel, in particular) are dating someone, doesn't this information more or less come out in the normal course of conversation, of getting to know each other after you've been together a while?

I don't think either my husband or I ever actually came right out and said "Say, so how many people have you been with?" But eventually we discussed our previous relationships a little bit. It just came out in the context of learning about each other. Apparently what we learned about each other was OK, no red flags either direction, so life proceeded apace.

I think it's really bad form for someone to put a dating partner under the Inquisition and ask for details. Everyone has a right to privacy. But I'd also be skeptical if two people were really serious about each other and had absolutely no idea of their partners' previous relationships, general ideas about the importance of sex in a relationship, their religious/ethical/moral feelings about sex in general, and so on.

Beach girl · 08-11-2011, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

I don't have a definite number I did some very stupid things when I was younger, and I'm not sure how many people I have slept with. The other thing is this depends on what a person definition of sex is. if it is a penis entering a vagina... then my numbers are low, 4 or 5 I think...

Sounds about average to me, including the doing stupid things when you were younger. Heck, if we never do stupid things when we're young, when ARE we going to do them??

**ash345** · 08-11-2011, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beach girl

Sounds about average to me, including the doing stupid things when you were younger. Heck, if we never do stupid things when we're young, when ARE we going to do them??

this is very true... better to get them done young then do them during a midlife crisis... my SO's numbers, using the definition we came up with together, is about 1/25 of what i think my numbers are... but I am no longer young and stupid... though I have not "grown up" I doubt I ever will

and unless something major happens... my numbers are not changing.

08-10-2011, 01:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
Warped Registered User Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Maryland Posts: 102	# of Sexual Partners Does the number of sexual partners of your significant other (or desired future partner) matter to you? Should it matter much especially in a small community like the deaf's as you might know several former partners? If it does, then what would be the number that makes it too little or too much?

08-10-2011, 01:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	Nope. A wise person doesn't even bring the subject up. After you've been married a long time, it seems silly. jillio likes this. __________________

08-10-2011, 02:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jiro Aparecium Deletrius Legil Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The Soprano State Posts: 60,540	oic __________________ - Don't forget to buy Jiro's Special Edition Sunglasses for $19.95

08-10-2011, 02:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
Paige Registered User Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Winnipeg MB Posts: 120	To me it matters , This topic hasn't come up between my boyfriend and I YET. I think if I can't count it on my two hands than its to many for me.. If its more than that I need an explanation , it just makes me worried... what if I can't live up to the other girls , what if I'm not good enough (I'm a virgin) what if he has an STD . SO many questions to be asked . Sunshine likes this.

08-10-2011, 03:36 PM	#7 (permalink)
ash345 Audist Free Zone Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 806	The number of partners doesn't really matter for me, its more faithfullness. If I were to say it mattered, then I would be a hippocrate. The important thing for me is that we both are tested for any STI's, and come up clean. I never use to be tested, and with how many people I've been with I could have easily had something. Thankfully I was lucky. I think if you only date other Deaf people, then you are bound to know their exes if you know many people in the community... its not something that can be helped really. __________________ with a capital D, more than just a state of being, its family, belonging, home "Love and dreams are miraculous, they don't need to be heard or said or translated, only felt" That Deaf Girl

Today
Deafness	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

08-10-2011, 02:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sunshine Banned Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Home of Canucks! Posts: 3,269 Blog Entries: 2	It only matters to me because my boyfriend and I have been together since age 13 and I know we were the first for each other. If either of us had any number but one, it would mean there was cheating involved.

08-10-2011, 03:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
radioman Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the good ole USA ! Posts: 2,554	hmm good point. I come from a background where my old freinds circle is different then the couple more I gone through as I age and grow from high school to college to getting married and now with kids. I know of a few freinds where thier circle of freinds really has not changed since grade school and still in the SAME circle after being married with kids. Now- these people seems to be a drama circle as they know who did what and when. not something I like to be part of. having said that- the number of sexual partners really doesnt matter as long you have grown from the previous relationship and not just doing it as a #uck buddy thing. changing the friend circles is not a bad thing as long you are able to keep a few friends for life along the way like I have.

08-10-2011, 08:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
dereksbicycles Registered User Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: 60202 Posts: 3,807	Number doesn't matter because it means nothing. That is one reason why I hate Deaf community sometimes. People know this or that person. I don't. I wasn-t there so I don't need to know who did what. Other people can keep their score. I've my relationship.

08-10-2011, 08:35 PM	#9 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,303	I'd be very leery of dating someone who was sexually promiscuous. And if the relationship should become serious, then, in fact, I would ask and go for testing for any disease beforehand. That's one of the reasons I've been celibate for a number of years. I value my health and well-being. Asking for a sexually transmitting disease test (AIDS, STD's, etc.) before becoming sexually active with someone, should not hurt anyone's feelings. Then again, wait 6-8 months unless using a condom every time.

08-10-2011, 09:31 PM	#10 (permalink)
MidnightSun Registered User Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 566	number of partners I have been alone along time (by choice) but now I am in love with someone. I firstly would not get involved with anyone who didnot have the same understanding of commitment that I did. I of course know this man had other partners in the past. He is attractive, smart and funny. To my surprise, he offered to be tested. I did not ask him to. He was fine and I couldn't be happier. The real clincher was that he wanted to do it for me. "To honor" me he said...amazing, Wow! The wait was worth it...Smiling..Midnight..♥♥ CSign and Beach girl like this.

08-10-2011, 09:51 PM	#11 (permalink)
KStiletto Registered User Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Brooklyn, NYC Posts: 557	If I meet a guy, we get to know each other through conversation, and tells me has slept with 100 girls, or any other large number, I'd think that he has some type of issues whether it's commitment or insecurity. Even during the young, and adventurous stages does one need to have a large number of old partners by the age of, lets say 30/35. I couldn't and wouldn't take him seriously. Beach girl likes this.

08-10-2011, 09:59 PM	#12 (permalink)
TWA Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 5,374	I used to be much more concerned about this, but as I get older, it's not as big a deal for me. It still does matter though. For example, if you have to add extra appendages to your body in order to count your number, well . . . jillio and Beach girl like this.

08-10-2011, 11:26 PM	#13 (permalink)
rebeccalj Registered User Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 1,585	It bothered me more when I was young and immature. Now I only care that they don't have STD and that we both share the same idea of what commitment means because I have a, how do you say, wider view of sexuality than most people. PowerON likes this.

08-11-2011, 11:47 AM	#14 (permalink)
Beach girl Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: northern Virginia in winter; NC in summer Posts: 3,760	Does anyone remember the old Mary Tyler Moore show when Mary had some sort of discussion with her boss, Lou, about "the number?" If I'm remembering right - according to Lou "the number" should be "3." More than that and you were a bad girl! Personally, I think it's not so much the exact number that matters; it's more the context of the former relationships. Although I agree with KStiletto and TheWriteAlex that super-high numbers don't say anything good about a person. But by a certain age, I'd also be concerned if the number were "zero." How do you get to be age 30, say, and never been in love enough to have had an intimate relationship? It's possible, of course, but I'd like to know why. If it's due to sincerely-held moral/ethical reasons, fine. If it's because the person is scared of sex and intimacy, that might be reason for concern.

08-11-2011, 01:21 PM	#18 (permalink)
jillio Banned Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 60,296	That isn't a question I have ever felt the need to address in a relationship, and would be insulted if the question were asked of me. Thank goodness I have always been involved with men that realized it was an innapropriate and meaningless question.

08-11-2011, 01:35 PM	#19 (permalink)
PowerON Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: 37.5, 126.9 Posts: 10,333 Blog Entries: 5	former president of Cuba - Fidel Castro, had over 2,000 with women. He damn man! __________________ • [Illustrator.Blog-alloon.com] • Don't shoot me! I'm only blogger!

08-11-2011, 01:37 PM	#20 (permalink)
Beach girl Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: northern Virginia in winter; NC in summer Posts: 3,760	Maybe he was in competition with Ah-nuld??

08-11-2011, 01:38 PM	#21 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	Wirelessly posted (droid) That's gross. __________________

08-11-2011, 01:41 PM	#22 (permalink)
Beach girl Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: northern Virginia in winter; NC in summer Posts: 3,760	Which one, Fidel, or Ah-nuld, or our joking about them?

08-11-2011, 01:46 PM	#23 (permalink)
PowerON Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: 37.5, 126.9 Posts: 10,333 Blog Entries: 5	Oh, my bad... 35,000. I recently re-check the correct record... Fidel Castro Sex 35,000 Women no wonder, he have bad disease right now... shurg! __________________ • [Illustrator.Blog-alloon.com] • Don't shoot me! I'm only blogger!

08-11-2011, 01:57 PM	#24 (permalink)
Babyblue Registered User Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 12,001	If I felt it was a need to ask the person that question.. Then I have no business getting involved with that person in the first place.

08-11-2011, 02:04 PM	#25 (permalink)
Daredevel7 Adrenaline Junky Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Huntsville, AL Posts: 4,341	Personally, I ask out of curiosity after being with that person for a long time. So sue me. I'm a curious cat. It wouldn't affect my opinion of them. Well.. unless it's a crazy, scary number... like well over 100! OR... If I get this answer: "Honestly, I don't know. I don't remember most of them."

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