KStiletto

Is it ever okay? I'm including those questions that I keep hearing women supposedly ask men "Does this make me look fat?" Do women really ask that? My op is if you have to ask, you know the answer.

Or what about telling a friend the truth about her newly decorated apartment that she thinks looks great, but you're secretly throwing up in your mouth. These are mere examples. Btw, white lies are still lies.

Your thoughts.

Deafness

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naisho

Relationships:
In the beginning, when it's about courting and dating, don't think there's ever been an instance where lying comes out OK/good if you intend to be with them long term in a healthy relationship. Some things just come back to haunt and bite folks.

During the actual relationship, it's more about trusting than it is about lying. If you gain mutual trust with the SO/spouse deeply enough, you don't have a problem with what they say or do. Lies then can be seen as funny or jokes; because you'll actually know when they aren't actually being serious about lying and call them out on it.

That's the only case that I can see where a form of 'lying' is acceptable. Context is important.

Friends are just friends, it's too situational to be compared on the same level as a relationship. Some friends are disposable, some are your colleagues, some are your coworkers, classmates, so on. But personally, I would rather keep them on the same page.

KStiletto

Well I refer to people that are disposable as associates. I can count on one hand and I don't even need all of my fingers about how many good friends I have.

But other than that I totally agree with ya.

Glenn

What's the difference between a lie and a different perspective?

KStiletto

A lie is a untruth. A different perspective is a variation of the truth, imo. Somethings you just can't tweek to make it sound truthful lol.

whatdidyousay!

Marty lies to me all the time. He will come sit next to me and be nice then made his move for my food! I feel so used!!

KStiletto

Marty is who?

whatdidyousay!

He is my new dog!!

KStiletto

I kinda figured it was an animal, just didn't want to assume though. Btw I don't think he lied to you. He had every intention on coming for a taste. It was shown in his face. You just didn't pay attention.

rockin'robin

Everybody lies to a certain extent....little white lies...or a flat out "lies".....I have friends who are overweight, terrible hair-do's, ugly shoes....etc. And if they ask me "do you like my shoes", or whatever...I'm not gonna say..."No, they are ugly!".....to each their own, I believe...besides, I don't like them as friends because of their shoes, hair or whatever. And I'm not about to hurt their feelings...if they like their shoes (and they must, since they bought them)...I just say..."Oh, they're nice. Do you like them? That's the important thing."

In a relationship, both parties lie from time to time....just to make each other feel good....No one has to be too critical!...But when it comes to cheating, that's a big difference, even $$...So, I don't sweat the little stuff, just concern myself with the big stuff.

Frisky Feline

if you have too close with friend or in relationship or married. it sometimes can lead to agruement endless.

Beach girl

When I go shopping with my sisters, we are totally honest with each other if we ask each others' opinions before buying. One of my sisters is definitely a fashionista and really knows her stuff. If she told me that something was not flattering to me, I'd believe her and not buy the item.

But if something is a done deal, that's a little different. Personally I wouldn't ask someone's opinion unless I really wanted to hear the truth. If I ask one of my sisters "Should I wear *this* outfit or *that* outfit" to such-and-such an occasion, I want the real opinion, not something to make me feel good.

And generally I get it, too.

It's my husband who is more likely to say "They're both fine. C'mon, just get dressed and let's go!"

Barbaro

Men are strange creatures.... I tell ya.

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Beach girl

Less exacting, sometimes. Gotta love 'em - if my husband thinks I look good in whatever I wear, who am I to argue differently??

Barbaro

LOL. It is impossible for me to ask my husband- what do you want for dinner tonight? You know what he said? "I don't know."

So I had to change my way in order to get an answer from him. I just show two different meats- "Do you want beef or chicken?" He replies-"hmm. chicken."

It works.

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We know what we are but not what we may be.
-Author:Shakespeare

KStiletto

I can't stand a white lie. In my experience, telling the truth is best because people are so shocked by my truth that they they get a kick out of it. The people close to me know to come to me with certain questions because I won't tell them what they want to here. Now if it's a horrible hair style, I'd say " I kind of like the style you had before." From that they understand I'm not feeling the current hair style. If they still aren't sure, I'd say in a nice way, " I just don't like."

When it comes to dating, I want the entire truth because I know if it's not said at the beginning, it would probably be felt, or said, later along down the lines. I like to know every nitty gritty. I like to get to the core of the person, because I know life isn't about cotton candy and puppies. The truth hurts sometimes, but it's just better to be known imho.

MidnightSun

Laughing, Oh come on my friend...Take a seat and hold on, here goes..

A Lie, is a known false statement purposely put forward as the truth, it is meant to deceive or give a wrong impression...

A Different perspective, is a subjective evaluation of possible, relative signifigance presented as a point of view, not necessarily the truth.

I know you are "very cool" and are fluent in the "words of the hood"
so if you need me to break this down further for you, it would be my pleasure.
laughing...Peace to you always..your friend..Midnight..♥♥

Grummer

he's LYING all the time only you cant tell

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Beach girl

Well, not ALL the time, I seriously hope!!

Anyway, his heart is pure, his motives are kind, that's about all I need, really.

whatdidyousay!

I am joking around!!

Smithtr

you tell on bullshit because he fool you! I am not trust, I give you bullshit & lying I am serious! I don't trust to someone is lie fool about to you!! they give you hurt reason serious! I give relationship is very shame fool!

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KStiletto

Yes I know, hence the response ending with a giggle icon.

Glenn

Thank you.

I posed this question for the purpose of this discussion--just so people would be clear on what the differences are. You've defined it wonderfully and I couldn't improve upon your definition. ☺

Smithtr

be careful your relationship reason otherwise watch out language verbal personal

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whatdidyousay!

When I was a little girl I use to tell my mother "not to worry as my other mother will be here" I kept hoping there would someone be stop the abused I was getting from dad. My mother asked when she was dying what did I mean when I talked about 'my other mother'. There was no way I could tell my dying mother she was a 'poor' mother. so I told her a 'white lie', and "said I thought she needed some help doing the housework". this made my mother feel better, and no harm was done. And it helped my mother not to feel so guilty about not stopping the abused. I loved my mother too much to tell her the truth.

radioman

right back at ya- women are strange creatures too... I guess we are not so different after all.

Warped

I do believe in telling the truth as much as I can, however I've been known to "soften" the truth when it comes to something like this,

She: "Does this outfit look good on me?" (horrendous outfit)
Me: "Ehh, I think you should try this shirt instead"

As much as I would like to be blunt, sometimes people can be sensitive, so I have to slow down a little. I don't consider that lying tho, just working around the truth.

rockin'robin

My sisters and I all have totally different opinions about anything (even politics)...If I really like something, I'll buy it...if I'm unsure and a friend is with me, I might ask how it looks on me...but if I really like the item, I'll buy it regardless of what her opinion is....

Beach girl

It's interesting that my sisters and I have different tastes in things; you can certainly look into my closet and either of my sisters' closets and know that you're looking at three very different people. But we are all very good at being able to identify what looks good on each other.

Oddly enough, my husband is also really good at picking things out for me. He almost never goes shopping with me, but once in a while we might go together. One time I was buying my fall wardrobe for work, and thought I was almost done. He had been elsewhere in the mall and wandered back in to where I was when I was just finishing up. He looked at an outfit on the mannequin and said "You know, that would look good on you. Why don't you try it?"

It was a shade of blue that I almost never wore, but I tried it on, liked it, bought it, and later got SO many compliments on it! I told him we needed to shop together more often.

whatdidyousay!

I have 2 sisters and none of none dress the same. My older sister and I did
dress the same in the 70's , like hippies.