Hearing girl has issues with other hearing guys

GAH! So I kind of need to rant.

I've dated a few hearing guys, they're great and handsome and are really interested in me... until I say hey look I'm a CODA and my parents are deaf. They're always supportive and cool with it at first but then they get such cold feet and pretty quickly too. They make excuses to avoid learning even the ever so simple alphabet so that they can introduce themselves to my parents or say a couple things. Or they'll learn it and refuse to use it, saying they're embarrassed to use it. Then they break it to me that either I stop trying to make things comfortable between my family and them by teaching the guy simple signs or they'll leave.

Such a deal breaker for me! Goodness gracious, it's so heartbreaking to find out that someone you like denies such a large part of you. I identify so much more with the deaf community more than the hearing community which is supposedly my "native community" Ugh a story for another time. Anyway, I would love to date a deaf guy or another CODA. I'm sure that it would make for a much needed stress free relationship.

UGH! haha thanks for reading! But seriously, any suggestions? I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong with these guys. Am I going about this right? I have their approval to teach them a little bit of sign, I never force it upon them. Why would they back out so suddenly, and why can't they get it? I've almost entirely given up on actually finding a hearing guy, I have yet to meet one that is willing to be deaf friendly. Not only have I ever met a understanding hearing guy, but girls too. I'm such an isolated CODA haha, not too many friends. Suggestions?!?!

Apparently there are events for CODAS, I've even heard of a cruise for CODAs? And why not go to Deaf events? CODAs go to them too.

Have you heard of the CODA Brothers? They're on youtube (and I LOVE their videos, they are hysterically funny!). Just bringing that up because they feel the same as you in that they feel more at home in the deaf community than in the hearing world because of how they were raised.

they are wankers to begin with, just keep finding.

If they don't want to "speak" to your parents they are not really interested in a relationship. It could be an easy way for you to find out if they like you or just out for a good time. Sorry but it's that simple. Dump them, move on, you will find someone who will move mountains for you, and this little task will be something to show their love for you.

I've some issues that I'm working out with my girlfriend. If you weren't so far away from Chicago, I would be interested. This link gives me an interesting idea. Is there a link where CODA can go looking for a date?

dereksbicycles said:

This link gives me an interesting idea. Is there a link where CODA can go looking for a date?

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Good question, I tried googling for some. There doesn't seem to be any. Could be some good money in it for someone who develops one! haha

DeafCaroline said:

Apparently there are events for CODAS, I've even heard of a cruise for CODAs? And why not go to Deaf events? CODAs go to them too.

Have you heard of the CODA Brothers? They're on youtube (and I LOVE their videos, they are hysterically funny!). Just bringing that up because they feel the same as you in that they feel more at home in the deaf community than in the hearing world because of how they were raised.

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There is only one real deaf event in my area, I go to it, but mainly much older people my parents age and older. haha so not looking in that age range! lol.
I have heard of the CODA Brothers and I get so much amusement from their videos, they're great.

My fiance went to quite a large school where ASL was taught as a "foreign" language alongside Spanish, French, Chinese and a few others. It's the language he took, and he certainly wasn't alone. So there are, somewhere, hearing guys interested in ASL!

There is hope!

There are some great tips, as you've seen, above this post, as well. You'll be fine

Here's hoping you find the ASL-friendly man of your dreams!

I see that you live in PA...it depends on where you live, but PA has several locations with large Deaf communities, especially in Philly.

shel90 said:

I see that you live in PA...it depends on where you live, but PA has several locations with large Deaf communities, especially in Philly.

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Not here where I live! haha I'll do some research, find out some more info.

kristenjo said:

GAH! So I kind of need to rant.
Anyway, I would love to date a deaf guy or another CODA. I'm sure that it would make for a much needed stress free relationship.

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Not necessarily.

Reading your post, it almost sounds as if you are telling these guys that learning how to communicate with your parents is an ultimatum on dating you.

You have to remember, these guys are dating you, not your family. It takes time for people to get used to culture shock. Once they are comfortable with you over time, they eventually warm up to learning how to communicate with your parents. If all the hearing guys are giving up on you after being supportive at first, chances are they are leaving you because of your actions, not because of where you come from.

My cousin is a CODA, and her husband started out with pen & paper, and over the years eventually picked up fingerspelling & signs. He is still uneasy around the deaf culture, but does a pretty good job.

Then next guy you date, don't force the culture on him. Let him embrace it when he is ready.