mimi

I would like to know if there are any fellow deaf asexuals on this forum. (Asexuals are people who are not capable of experiencing sexual attraction and therefore don't have the desire to have sex.) As an asexual, I'm capable of experiencing romantic/emotional attraction. I hope to find a well-educated deaf asexual guy to share my life with. I don't want to lead a lonely life in the future

Deafness

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S0rceress0

Mimi have you logged onto AVEN? Asexual Visibility and Education Network
It looks like there may be opportunities on there as well

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inmate23

I would fall into the asexual category. But I'm also Gender free (means I dont into feel like either male or female)

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katz4life

Hi Mimi,

Yes, I do have more than a few well-educated Deaf male friends especially my brother here in New York State and they are over 30-40 years old. I am not sure any one of them is a member on here at AllDeaf but who knows a couple of them may be a lurker with a zero number of post. Unfortuately, my brother prefers a hearing woman. I doubt he will ever find one who is interested in him but a low key profile deaf woman who is well-educated do works wonder for him but he won't take it.

deafbajagal

Do you mean you're looking for a companion, but not a lover? Is that what asexual is? I admit I really don't know much about that subject.

warpedpink

Have you ever read "The World According to Garp" by John Irving? If not, you should. It's fantastic book with an asexual character.. It's also a movie starring Robin Williams but, as always is the case, the book is better.

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warpedpink

I'm not sure why you said "also". You identified yourself as an asexual, which means you don't like men or women. Then you said you also don't like men or women.. Am I missing something here?

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inmate23

Thread: Deaf Asexuals? Reply to Thread
gender free means I don't consider myself male or female

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Please remeber I have audio processing disorder

i use asl rochester method or pop or oral

warpedpink

Sorry.. I didn't see the word "feel".. I read it as you don't like males or females... You said you don't *feel* like a male or female. Meh.

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MCB

After a late marriage, a traumatic divorce, and an annulment in the Catholic Church, I know that I shouldda been a nun.

Part of it is that I had an undiagnosed hearing loss, and never realized how much I lip-read. That thing about hearies misinterpreting people watching peoples' lips as a sign of sexual interest when it isn't, and being falsely accused as some kind of diffuse nympho really squelched anything for me. I told them that I am celibate, so any sexual attraction I do have is my business, and mine only. They wouldn't believe it.

planetdoodle

gender free?do they have a public restroom for that?

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inmate23

no wish they did

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Please remeber I have audio processing disorder

i use asl rochester method or pop or oral

warpedpink

They hold it till they find a unisex bathroom

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warpedpink

Psst... Who do you think invented "the potty dance"? it was the gender-free people.. those unisex bathrooms are goddamn rare haha

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PowerON

impossible, every deaf I know are too frickin horny

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Aleser

While you may be joking, this isn't a particularly okay joke to make. Would you appreciate it if someone said "it's impossible for people of (your ethnicity) to be gay, because all the ones I know are straight!" (or vice versa)?

Asexuality is as much a sexual orientation as being heterosexual or homosexual, and should not be dismissed off hand because you have not met any or many asexuals yet.

in my experience, when one person in a community "comes out" as asexual, 100 other people "come out of the woodwork" expressing their asexuality, too. Some knew they were asexual and didn't talk about it, many others didn't know what asexuality was but now finally have a word for how they feel... because the first person was brave enough to talk about it.

And since this is the first in our community, perhaps we should give them as much respect as possible?

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"She thinks... she can make people do what she wants or needs, what is right, by the sheer force of her own talent, not by forcing them... she can teach them and persuade them... that they'll catch it from her. This is still faith in their rationality, in the omnipotence of reason. The mistake? Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them."

CSign

I agree with showing respect. While it probably wasn't intended to be hurtful, the OP has made a clear statement about who they are. It's better to show support in situations like this.

My Great Grandmothers brother was asexual. He married a lesbian, and from what I heard their relationship worked out quite well. There us someone out there for you.

PowerON

I'm not joking and I do understand about it mean. For deaf, I never know of anyone but hearing.

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deafbajagal

I'm still confused about what asexuality is. I've googled it, but it's not registering with me.

Does this mean the person who is asexual does not have any desire for sex?

deafbajagal

How do you know if asexuality is a preference, as oppose to someone who may have an underlying medical or psychological issue that may be treated and help increase sexual desire?

MCB

If a person is happy and comfortable with an asexual lifestyle, and has no interest in finding out if it is part of a psychological or medical problem, then it is a lifestyle choice. It is not abnormal, it is well within the range of normal. American culture places waaaay too much emphasis on sexuality.

inmate23

For me yes for other asexuals dont no havnt meet others

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Please remeber I have audio processing disorder

i use asl rochester method or pop or oral

deafdyke

.
True, and I do believe it exists. But I have lurked at AVEN.....how do asexuals know that they simply haven't met the right person to turn them on? Before I get attacked, let me explain. I am not attracted to girls in general. I am attracted to people who happen to be girls. Make sense? It does seem like asexuals think that sexual people are always horny all the time. That's not true. A sexual response is based on how much you really really like a person. Maybe asexual people are just really really picky. Although if I recall correctly, asexuality is connected to high functioning autism. So it does exist.

Kalima01

I totally get what you're saying re: your sexuality.
My best mate has always been hetro and now her r/ship is with a woman...
However she doesn't class herself to be a lesbian because she's not sexually attracted to women in general... The person she fell in love with, just happens to be female.

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Aleser

This is a whole lot of fail all in two posts.

Saying "how do asexuals know that they simply haven't met the right person to turn them on" is like saying "how do gay people know that they're gay, maybe they just haven't met the right heterosexual person to make them normal?"

Absolutely, sexuality is fluid. Some people who identify as asexual some time might identify as demisexual or sexual later, but that doesn't invalidate their experience. Much like a lesbian dating a man doesn't mean she "wasn't a lesbian".

Likewise, saying "How do you know if asexuality is a preference, as oppose to someone who may have an underlying medical or psychological issue that may be treated and help increase sexual desire?" is much like saying "how do you know if homosexuality is a preference, and not just a medical or psychological issue that may be treated and help normalize the person and increase heterosexual feelings/expression?" - aka, a really offensive and silly thing to say.

"It does seem like asexuals think that sexual people are always horny all the time." <-- blatant and inappropriate use of stereotype. Would you appreciate it if I said that "it seems like all of you gay people think straight people are always horny all the time, and you're wrong"? Probably not.

"A sexual response is based on how much you really really like a person." ... uhm, just, no. Some sexuals entire sex life consists of one night stands with people they don't care about much less like. Some asexuals are lovingly married. Attraction, fondness, or affection have scarce little to do with how engorged your genitalia becomes at the sight of a person.

"Maybe asexual people are just really really picky." Again, would you appreciate it if someone said "maybe lesbian girls are just really picky and if the right man came along they wouldn't be (this perceived inferior state of) a lesbian after all?"

"Although if I recall correctly, asexuality is connected to high functioning autism. " No again, and, again. Would you like it if people said "lesbianism is connected to x disability, because I know a lot of disabled lesbians, so it must be their disability making them lesbian"? No, because that would be ridiculous. Asexuality is more visible in autistic culture, which is why more autistic people are out as ace. This in no way reflects the actual rate of the orientation compared to non-autistics: they're just less likely to know about it.

To sum it up: human sexuality is ridiculously, ridiculously complicated. There are many, many many many possible valid expressions, and you're pretty much bound to say something stupid or offensive if you pick an orientation/expression/behavior (which is consensual) and say the words "are you sure that person doesn't have a disorder which needs therapy".

Just because it isn't your cup of tea, doesn't mean its basically ever acceptable to call consensual sexual expression (or indeed nonexpression) "maybe disordered" or to imply that it might be changed if that person could just "meet the right normal person". Never.

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"She thinks... she can make people do what she wants or needs, what is right, by the sheer force of her own talent, not by forcing them... she can teach them and persuade them... that they'll catch it from her. This is still faith in their rationality, in the omnipotence of reason. The mistake? Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them."

deafdyke

Oh give me a break. You completely misinterpreted what I am saying. Asexuality does exist. I'm just saying that I think it's overall a lot more complex then a lot of even asexuals might be . It's like.....have you ever read Kate Bornstiern and her writings on how gender is very fluid? Same with sexuality (of ALL sorts)
I do think many asexuals do not realize that sexuality can be really fluid. At least you admit that. But the thing is.....from the posts on the AVEN messageboard, they almost seem to think that sexual people are always turned on. That board is FILLED with complaints "oh our culture is so sexual....ewwwww!"
And just so you know, I was not pathologizing asexuality with my mention of Asperger's Syndrome. There was a member on here who was Aspie and stated that it's very common in the HFA/Asperger's world. Asperger's Syndrome very often (not always) involves significent social emotional deficts. There seems to be two subtypes. One is they're kind of a hermit and may not want friends. The other is they want friends but really don't know how to make friends. Like think Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.
He has a realtionship with Amy Farah Fowler, and he cares for her, but just as a friend. It's not sexual. He does not seem to be sexual per se. If what I heard (about Asperger's being connected to asexuality) is correct then it makes sense.......if there are people who may not be interested or adapt at relationships b/c of a nereological quirk, then it stands to reason that some of those same people may not have sexual desire.

MCB

Yes, sexuality is fluid, and people change. And asexuality is a common feature of Aspergers. And autistic-like characteristic are very common in the general population. That is why Asperger's is so over-diagnosed.

Fear of HIV has helped many people make the step to an asexual lifestyle. Those who bend to society's pressures by participating in drunken promiscuity are getting rarer and rarer.

Personally, I have much better things to do than pursue a mate.

deafbajagal

What's the point of your response? To insult others? It sure isn't to educate them about asexuality, which is probably one of the most misunderstood form of sexuality. By ridiculing others who are asking questions about it, instead of educating them, you are shutting down the open dialogue. Result? Continue with more misunderstandings of what asexuality is.

Way to go.

MCB

Perhaps his post arises from anger at a social environment which regards a celibate lifestyle as abnormal. I know of at least one culture in the United States that thinks it is weird.