deafbajagal

I hate Hallmark days, I truly do. I KNOW it's a marketing ploy by businesses to gain some revenue between NY's and Easter. We shouldn't have a day set aside to tell someone you love them - that's just stupid. Heart-shaped boxes with nasty chocolate pieces and flowers on brick of death are a waste of money.

Yet, the last two years I've felt more hurt over Valentine's Day than just about anything else. I do not know why it bothers me so much, and it bothers me that it bothers me. I feel so stupid for letting such a trivial holiday ruin my day. This year was the worst.

Here's the deal - and most guys are not going to believe this. I don't want expensive gifts. I don't. All I want is a little note (it doesn't even have to be a card) saying "Happy Valentines' Day" or "I love you" or something and a small gesture to indicate that you are glad that on this day, no matter how stupid it is, you still feel lucky that I am a part of your life. Especially if you are not the kind of guy who gives small gifts or make gestures on a regular basis.

Last year, I got ditto. Not even "Hello, Happy Valentine's Day" words or a text. It was as if it was a regular day. I talked with my husband about this and I explained clearly to him about my feelings.

He says he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day, especially since we have our wedding anniversary two weeks before it. Why should we celebrate twice?

This year he told me that he would get me something and we could celebrate it on the 16th, when he got paid. On the 14th, I heard nothing from him all day (I had to leave at 7 AM and didn't get home until nearly 6 PM). I left him a card with a gift card and two cards for my daughters with a small gift for each. I got home and he left me a card. The thing is...the card is what he bought me for my anniversary. But he NEVER said the words "HVD" or "ILY" or anything. That was it. The 16th rolled around and nothing happened. 17th. Nothing. Finally on the 18th I did something that was completely out of my character. I demanded a gift. lol

Especially since I had been through so much in the last few months. Cancer. Treatments. Holding down two jobs. And at the time, I was pregnant but having complications. He just found out about it a few days before Valentine's Day and he yelled the whole time about the bad timing of it and what an inconvenience it would be. And especially since he was able to find the time to buy himself books, a movie, and a poker magazine after he got paid.

He got SO mad that he slammed the door while cursing about how he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day and it was a waste of money and then he left for the entire day, gone until late that night. He bought a rose and a bag of my favorite candy. He left the rose on the table and the bag of candy on the nightstand. Then he said in a cold voice, "Here. This is a typical Valentine's gift that people get. Hope you like it. Now you can stop bitching about getting nothing." And then he turned around.

I much rather have a knife through my heart. It killed me. Literally crushed me.

Why can't I get over this? What the hell is the matter with me?

Deafness

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Bottesini

Literally? You are depressed. But that may not be what you mean.

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rockin'robin

...WOW!

enomakos

interesting

KreenAkrore

You know it's ok Eventually you'll get over it,
I actually took so much time to prepare a valentines day gift for my girlfriend.
I made her a Cd with music that I played and sung too, wrote her two beautiful cards.
And guess what? I haven't even seen her since, we stopped talking and that's how it ends.
But don't worry after a while you'll stop thinking about it.

Babyblue

You have a lot on your plate right now. Hopes all works out for you.

Beowulf

Here's a bouquet of roses for you, deafbajagal.
Let your husband know there are men who would treat you as you deserve.

Tousi

There are just.....no words to cover this up. I'm sorry, DBG....

rockin'robin

I still believe in Valentine's Day...used to be a very special day. Times have changed, I guess!...Even Easter isn't what it used to be....and we had so much fun...

I, too, would feel and be very hurt if my hubby/SO acted this way. Not a very nice thing to do!

shel90

I am with Tousi...no words to describe this but one thing I can say..you have every right to want to feel special on that day especially after everything you went through.

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Daredevel7

Give this woman some love!!!!!!

TWA

deafbajagal

I should not be complaining about something so trivial. I should just suck it up and get over it. There are worse things in the world, I suppose.

I survived cancer!!! This year!!! So what the hell am I pouting over flowers for? If anything, I should go out and smell the flowers.

...right?

Daredevel7

Yes! Just remember, just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they got.

(Heard that quote somewhere..)

TWA

Honestly, after everything you've been through this year, it is your HUSBAND who should not be making a big deal out of it and just do something "trivial" to make you happy.

Anyway, in my opinion, the real reason you're upset about this is because it is revealing a deeper rift in your relationship that neither of you want to address. I think the two of you should probably have a conversation about that first.

Good luck.

Banjo

You went through a lot, that's for sure. I don't want to speculate or assume anything, but it does sounds like you and your husband are having problems. Maybe it's from everything you went through, or it has been building up over the years. Like I said, I can't speculate or assume. Like some people here said, you two need to have a real conversation and see if there are some issues that need to be resolved. Just remember, he is your husband, maybe he is going through something too but doesn't want to burden you with it. If these issues are not resolved anytime soon, maybe seeing a marriage counselor is ideal.

Regardless, I hope you two will be able to resolve whatever issues there may be. I wish for nothing but the best for you two.

Kalima01

I don't believe in Valentines Day myself... I believe in letting people know EVERY day you love them, not just a day where flowers, chocolates etc are more expensive.

However... I just lost my Grandmother to cancer, she won't be here for any more Valentines Days, Birthdays, Easter, Christmases etc - She barely got a chance to celebrate being a Great-Grandmother.
You survived cancer, your brave fight prevailed... You got to spend another Valentines Day with your husband...

I think you want your husband to acknowledge that and possibly celebrate EVERY day you get to spend together especially the holidays... I might be wrong but I would...