HelloNurse

ok so, as i previously posted, i just became single in the past 4 days. it was a 3 year relationship and he was PSYCHOTICALLY jealous of me hanging out with my friends, especially when i went out to Deaf nights.. (there are a lot of guys there, so he just assumed i was having sex with all of them )..

we had been fighting nearly every night for about 2 months about this until we finally decided to call it quits. there was one person thats really been there for me through this whole ordeal and kept me sane. hes one of my Deaf friends. i would text him every now and then and update him on what was going on or hed ask me how i was doing, and if i said i was wreck he would talk to me about it on oovoo, and twice he invited me out to the bar to talk about it and he bought me my drinks and everything.

now i really think he is sincere in being my friend and not being a creeper that wants to get in my pants, but you never know. th reason i dont think so is that th times i did go to the bar with him, my bf would text me horrible things about how im a slut, bitch blah blah and i would start crying. he would hug me and talk to me and ask me what i really wanted, he said if i am crying because i miss him then i should go home and talk to him and work it out. he even offered to text him and try to reassure him nothing was going on between us, but i told him not to because he would just be an ass...

on the other hand we do flirt a lot, but i think he does it to make me feel better, and it kinda does. it boosts my self esteem a little to know people can still be interested in me and i still have options.

i find myself having a bit of a crush on him. but heres the thing that puts me off a little.... he is 32, and i am 22. he also has a daughter.. kind of. his ex gf got pregnant by someone else, had the baby and left her with him so his parents adopted her and she calls him daddy. lol confusing i know. but i dont really want the responsibilities of being a step mom or anything, but he said his parents have custody of her if he moves out (hes living with them right now, he just got DIVORCED a year ago as well.) soo, the divorce thing is weird to me too..

i dont plan on dating seriously right away anything but do you think all of that is too weird to even get involved with? he is really a sweetheart and we have a great time together, and weve been video chatting like every night.. i just keep thinking: when he was 20, i was 10. gross. haha

Deafness

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TWA

Yes, this is too weird.

Right now, you're going through the break up of a three-year relationship. That isn't a light thing. You need to take some time off to be by yourself and get some closure. If you get involved romantically with anyone right now, even if it's just "casual," you'll only be transferring your feelings from the previous relationship, along with all the insecurities of it, onto your next one.

Take some time for yourself. This guy seems nice (although, I would have strong reservations about the fact that he is 10 years older than you and he's asking you to bars and buying you drinks. THAT IS a bit creepy), but he also seems to be playing his cards perfectly: acting like the good friend, being supportive, etc. while waiting for his chance to swoop in. I'd be wary of that.

Seems like you already have some reservations here, so my best advice for you: trust your instincts.

LeighASL

Age is just a number.

Children are a blessing.

Everyone has history, makes them who they are.

If he makes you happy, throw silly problems that may just be in your head aside.

Or that's just my humble opinion.

TWA

In another context, this would be good advice. But sorry, in the context that she outlined above, this is really BAD advice.

Frisky Feline

Just go with the life and get hurt and move on and do it better etc. That is what it's called a LIFE.

HelloNurse

im definitely not jumping into another relationship until i have my head completely clear. i think i will just continue to be friends with him and get to know him, and whoever else comes my way, and see where it goes from there. if we both have feelings a couple months from now and ive felt him out and think hes still an alright guy, maybe something will happen. but yeah Alex, you are right, i dont need to be jumping right into it and transferring my feelings into my next relationship, it will probably only hurt both of us in the process.

it feels good to get all of this out though, thanks for listening guys! and if anyone else has more advice, im listening!


*side note about the daughter, the other night we were chatting and she started running back and forth behind him singing "daddy has a crush, daddy has a crush on a pretty ladyyyyy!!" when he realized what she was saying he got all embarrassed and started blushing >.< lol, at least shes funny.

TWA

You're a smart girl. You'll be just fine. Good luck!

ember

mmmm

It sounds like both of you have a lot going on right now but here is what raises my eyebrow, the little girl calls him daddy but whenever he gets back on his feet he is going to leave her with his parents. I don't know about that one.

TWA

Whoah, good observation! Definitely reveals some ulterior motives if you ask me.

HelloNurse

when he was married she didnt live with them either.. shes always been with his parents. i shall inquire more about this tonight when i see him. haha.

ember

I know for you because you aren't ready to be a mom its sounds like its not a big deal. But especially with him being 32 that just sounds irresponsible to me in my opinion. If you are going to take on the role of being a parent to the child and have the child call you dad then you should be a man about it, especially when its not your child and you are so called concerned with the welfare of the little girl. That scream red flag character flaw to me but again thats just my opinion.

radioman

Well- if you FOUND humor in this- then you are already comfortable with him no matter what the current "weirdness" is. I don't see any problem here.

good advice- remember his past made him for who he is NOW- you already "fellen in love" with him because of his past, so i don't see an issue. If you realize something is weird, but you are not embarrassed by it if you can imagine being in a reelationship with him, then by all means go for it.


Who cares!!! Ask yourself why doesnt his ex have custody of child? there is a reason why the child is over with BF parants home. if the child calls him daddy and he is the only father figure she ever known- then don't mess with it. adoptive children turns out just fine.

HelloNurse

i completely see where you are coming from, but his ex just left this child with him and literally just disappeared. he didnt know what to do, he wasnt prepared to take care of her, but he didnt want to just give her away like she did. his parents decided they would be willing to take care of her, i dont completely know all of the details but i think they mostly take care of her.. but i do know he loves her like his own, its definitely a big thing for me to look into and understand before i even think about starting anything with him. that is the biggest worry i have.. the age thing i can get over, but kids are serious, and i dont want to mess the kid up any more than she already may be by being another woman coming in and out of his life... he says he hasnt dated/slept with anyone in almost 2 years (since his divorce) and he doesnt want to jump into anything either, and i have a lot of friends/aquaintances that know him and would let me know if he was lying.. so i dont think he is any kind of player or anything, i think he is genuine, but only time will tell.

ember

You missed the complete point of my comment. Him nor his parents had to take on the child but they "chose" to and if he chooses to be that father figure in her life then he should act like it instead of putting her off on his parents, if he said well I am just "steve" or whatever his name is that is different but if she is calling him daddy then that is role he should play not the half ass dad who comes around when life is convenient for him. I don't think there is anything wrong with adoption or adopted kids but I do find fault in not owning up to your responsibilities especially when it was one you chose to have.

TWA

Bingo!

SneakerNet

Yeah I can understand about having responsibility with children and really children need a stable life instead of messing around back and forth between him or his parents. The child will get easily confused and who is real mommy and daddy, because during the young age is critical time for bonding and who to trust.

you know when I had a short date with one woman who was, 25 years younger than me, I see myself a little problem that I feel like I'm dating a "daughter" also she have very young children. Having a very young children make me feel like I have to start all over again to raise the children. I have 2 kids that they are an adult now and no longer living with me. It's like finally I have a freedom. On other hand, I do love children and sometime I missed them dearly. The more I think about it with this person I'm dating.. I decided to tell her the truth of what is more important for me and what I want. So, we both agree not to pursue in a relationship.

radioman

okay- you have a valid point here- however, I just want to say since I don't know the guy and the surrounding details, I stand firm in my earlier statement. hellonurse wanted advice on wierdness , so I addressed so.
Now- hellonurse is saying she can get over the age gap, but is concerned mostly on the child well being.
All I can say at this point is that only time will tell and going slow is the way to do it. Keep in mind things can change real fast when summer comes up as its the time when most people start to enjoy life being active outside and such. So extra caution is in order.

sallylou

Is it possible that you're in love with the idea of being in love? Can you give yourself a little time alone to sort out your feelings and decide what you want in life? You're relatively young and that may be a good idea. Then again, if this is just a rebound relationship, go for it.

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HelloNurse

that is completely possible and also one of my worries.. i just hope my hormones and summer lovey ideas dont cloud my judgement. i will try my best, wish me luck!

sallylou

You're supposed to have some fun romances while you're young.

When I look back, I laugh, especially about dating my husband. You can imagine how our teenagers feel when they hear that their parents got busted under the bleachers. Mom going out clubbing? How shocking!

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HelloNurse

lol yeah i really need to let loose and have some fun! planning an atlantic city trip in april! haha

shel90

I spotted that too and it kinda bothered me a little bit.

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"Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it."

--- Anonymous

shel90

I think others had good advice but the best one given here was about follow your insticts. If you already have doubts or some reservations, listen to them and just enjoy your friendship with him. Maybe down in the road, it could become something or not but at least you will have a good friend and those are hard to come by.

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"Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it."

--- Anonymous

sallylou

It's great that you recognized that your relationship with your ex was not healthy. Give yourself credit for that. It's a red flag when men are jealous and controlling. I have a feeling that you'll know whether your next relationship is right for you. Just listen to instincts, like Shel suggested.

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HelloNurse

just wanted to update on this story...

i went to a psychic today, and without any information she said "i see you have become interested in an older man.. he is sincere, he cares about you and has a nice aura, but he has some baggage."

i was like wtf weird. im not sure if i totally believe in psychics or not but she was pretty dead on.. about other stuff as well.

Reba

I hope you're not serious about the psychic.

whatdidyousay!

I thought of that too. I wonder what the girl call the guy parents, grandpa and grandma? The guy parents adopted the girl so you would think she would be calling them daddy and mommy. This has to be confusing the girl and I hope was she will not feel abandoned when her 'daddy' move out after her mother abandoned her! I think you are right to take our time and and just be friend with the guy. You are a very good at thinking through and will made the right decision for yourself. You're a really a together person!

Arbayong

Mr. observation is that, you're actually leaning toward going for the guy. if not why say you will give the relationship time to develop and then jump ahead to see a psychic? Am sure the kid likes you from the statement you attribute to her when she saw you with her 'father'. Maybe the man intends to leave the kid with his parents because he has reason to believe you might not be willing to take good care of the girl or he other former gf did not want to take care of the girl.

You hormones are really up regulated for this guy. Trust your instincts. You alone have a clearer picture of who 'your lover wanna be' really is.

You may checkout Maya Angelou's poem "Men". unfortunately i dont have a link handy. try google.

FOR LAUGHS: Wish i was geographically close to do hormone assay for you.
I pray you take the right decision:

ember

Now there is a sign of a good man, if he is willing to leave his kid because he chooses you over the kid, girl you better snatch that one up quick

MidnightSun

Hi Hello Nurse..MMMMmmmm to be 22 again..smiling...I think you have the answers already..just trying to give yourself "permission" I do wish you Good Luck...but I see too many "red flags." Laughing..Come on now...take the time to get to know yourself better now. Have some fun, and please be very careful...I am proof that people only show you what they choose to. I wish you every happiness..smile..but PLEASE be careful...Peace always...M♥♥♥