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Unread 01-31-2011, 12:53 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ember View Post
Because talking to someone everyday is an open admission of guilt. I talk on here every single day maybe your SO should be weary of me, oh and I talk to my girlfriends everyday the ones who are married maybe their husbands should be worried that we are going to fall in love with each other. Smh
talking to girlfriends everyday = not a problem
talking to ex everyday = not a problem
talking to MARRIED ex everyday = a big problem

if a spouse tells you to back off... you back off. period.

I'm not interested in trivial details like you don't call him baby or it's "strictly friendship". you back off. period. Marriage is not a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. It's a very expensive, serious relationship on whole another level. Divorce is extremely ugly and costly. Why you wanna do that to them?

You should move on and make new friends.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 12:55 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by rockin'robin View Post
WOW! Every day, Ember???...do you call your other friends "every day"? If my friends called me "every day"...it would become aggravating!....

and BTW, one of my ex's is married now, and we were together 5 years....if I called him "every day", then it's a sure FACT that I want him back!..But I don't do that...and I don't call him at all....if I see him with his wife somewhere, I do wave or say "Hello" and make small talk.

I do believe you know where this is going, whether you won't admit it or not. And if I were the wife, and my husband would not put a "STOP" to those daily phone calls....then I would do it in person.
They were friends before they dated and are still friends. And did she say SHE calls him every day. Maybe he calls her too. It should be no different if he talks to a male friend every day and hangs out with a male friend every so often.
If he's not spending enough time with the wife, then that's a problem within the marriage and not with how he's spending his time away from her.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 12:56 PM   #63 (permalink)
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no one needs to tell others if they are wrong if they still to talk to other ex's. It's none of my business. One of those days, one of them will lead to the consequences and no one is happy or not.

Life is so short.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 12:58 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Jiro View Post
talking to girlfriends everyday = not a problem
talking to ex everyday = not a problem
talking to MARRIED ex everyday = a big problem

if a spouse tells you to back off... you back off. period.

I'm not interested in trivial details like you don't call him baby or it's "strictly friendship". you back off. period. Marriage is not a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. It's a very expensive, serious relationship on whole another level. Divorce is extremely ugly and costly. Why you wanna do that to them?

You should move on and make new friends.
Don't tell anyone what to do if anyone is married. it's married people's problem who allows the problem rolling on and will have the consequences. the single person who talk to the married person will get hurt eventually and if the single person ends up with the married guy who got divorced and then marry the single person. then the single person will be insecure wondering if he will look at other chica , just like what she did with him.

its called "the consequences." so Let it be.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 12:59 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by rockin'robin View Post
WOW! Every day, Ember???...do you call your other friends "every day"? If my friends called me "every day"...it would become aggravating!....

and BTW, one of my ex's is married now, and we were together 5 years....if I called him "every day", then it's a sure FACT that I want him back!..But I don't do that...and I don't call him at all....if I see him with his wife somewhere, I do wave or say "Hello" and make small talk.

I do believe you know where this is going, whether you won't admit it or not. And if I were the wife, and my husband would not put a "STOP" to those daily phone calls....then I would do it in person.
That's your problem not mine and yes I talk to my close group of friends everyday not long conversations not even phone calls maybe and this includes him maybe some days it's just text messages. I have talked to him everyday in some manner letters when he was in Afghanistan emails text or phone almost everyday for 17 years so you are right and 10 of those years were post relationship if we wanted to be together there has been enough time passed for it to happen. I am sorry it is hard for you to believe it is headed no where that I do not have one romantic feeling for the man and we are just friends. Some people are capable of healthy platonic relationships.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 12:59 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Don't tell anyone what to do if anyone is married. it's married people's problem who allows the problem rolling on and will have the consequences. the single person who talk to the married person will get hurt eventually and if the single person ends up with the married guy who got divorced and then marry the single person. then the single person will be insecure wondering if he will look at other chica , just like what she did with this person.

its called "the consequences." so Let it be.
can i call you everyday?
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:00 PM   #67 (permalink)
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can i call you everyday?
it's your call because i will ignore your call everyday.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:00 PM   #68 (permalink)
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That's your problem not mine and yes I talk to my close group of friends everyday not long conversations not even phone calls maybe and this includes him maybe some days it's just text messages. I have talked to him everyday in some manner letters when he was in Afghanistan emails text or phone almost everyday for 17 years so you are right and 10 of those years were post relationship if we wanted to be together there has been enough time passed for it to happen. I am sorry it is hard for you to believe it is headed no where that I do not have one romantic feeling for the man and we are just friends. Some people are capable of healthy platonic relationships.
so you don't have any consideration for his wife?
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:00 PM   #69 (permalink)
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talking to girlfriends everyday = not a problem
talking to ex everyday = not a problem
talking to MARRIED ex everyday = a big problem

if a spouse tells you to back off... you back off. period.

I'm not interested in trivial details like you don't call him baby or it's "strictly friendship". you back off. period. Marriage is not a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. It's a very expensive, serious relationship on whole another level. Divorce is extremely ugly and costly. Why you wanna do that to them?

You should move on and make new friends.
Well said!
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:01 PM   #70 (permalink)
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That's your problem not mine and yes I talk to my close group of friends everyday not long conversations not even phone calls maybe and this includes him maybe some days it's just text messages. I have talked to him everyday in some manner letters when he was in Afghanistan emails text or phone almost everyday for 17 years so you are right and 10 of those years were post relationship if we wanted to be together there has been enough time passed for it to happen. I am sorry it is hard for you to believe it is headed no where that I do not have one romantic feeling for the man and we are just friends. Some people are capable of healthy platonic relationships.
You're missing the point. It's not about how you feel about the man, it's how you are being inconsiderate toward the wife.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:02 PM   #71 (permalink)
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it's your call because i will ignore your call everyday.
oh snap.....

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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:04 PM   #72 (permalink)
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You're missing the point. It's not about how you feel about the man, it's how you are being inconsiderate toward the wife.
Or was that the husband being inconsiderate toward his wife, either?

Indeed, that sucks!
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:09 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Hmm, I think you've all made your points. We're just kicking a dead horse here. And I mean, like, really kicking the shit out of it. If you all know where you stand on this issue, that's great. I don't think there's anything else that can be said that is going to change anyone's mind.

Now, back to the OP: look, this is the type of shitstorm that awaits you if you don't just end this thing now. End it, buddy. End it.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:09 PM   #74 (permalink)
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No, I'm just saying that I can see why the wife would have a problem with that.
that wife lives with him everyday in a same house. can you imagine the bickering and hostility everyday in the house?

that shit ain't good.

ember - you don't live with him everyday. his wife does. since you talk to him everyday, I take it that you're his good friend. so if you still want to be a good friend for him, then please respect his wife's wish. let them have a happy long marriage. and his wife would respect you too and wouldn't mind letting him hang out with you for a whole day once in a while.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:10 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Dump her and find another gf that'll not run back to her ex. It's obvious that she's cheated on you dude. Sorry for being blunt but its true.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:10 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Hmm, I think you've all made your points. We're just kicking a dead horse here. And I mean, like, really kicking the shit out of it. If you all know where you stand on this issue, that's great. I don't think there's anything else that can be said that is going to change anyone's mind.

Now, back to the OP: look, this is the type of shitstorm that awaits you if you don't just end this thing now. End it, buddy. End it.
why are you still kicking a dead horse, man?
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:16 PM   #77 (permalink)
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I know she knows she could come because I invited her and told her she was welcome to come anytime she wants to and he chooses not to come because she doesn't understand how and why we are such good friends.
Why do you think she would enjoy "hanging out" with you?

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I find no need to rationalize or justify my actions because I have not, never have, and never will fo anything wrong, I was just simply trying to give a background and description of our friendship.
But you are trying to rationalize by your very posts.

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Like I said before we were friends all along and she knew that so now I'm the selfish one because I remain friends with someone who u have been friends with for over a decade because his wife who knew about me as his girlfriend can't trust him... Oh ok whatever.
It really doesn't matter if you aren't doing anything wrong. If the wife perceives it as wrong, and it's causing disharmony within the marriage, why would you want to continue? If he's your friend, why do you want to cause trouble? That doesn't seem very "friendly."

Quote:
Whether people can accept it or not there is such a thing as men and women just being friends.
People can accept such a thing as men and women being friends. That's not the problem. It's when wives don't accept certain women as being friends with their husbands. It's specific situations.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:20 PM   #78 (permalink)
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I disagree. The wife has a problem, but it's not Ember. It could be self-confidence, jealousy of anyone/anything, etc, that takes her husband's attention away from her, "control freak", etc.
Do we know that the wife has a problem with all women friends or just that one?

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I don't believe 3rd parties can break up a marriage that is strong. If a marriage breaks up because of "someone else", the marriage already had problems.
I don't believe third parties have any right to tempt problems in a weak marriage (if that's truly the case). If the marriage already has problems, why exacerbate them? That doesn't seem like something a true friend would do.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:22 PM   #79 (permalink)
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As long as one is not smothering their spouse.
The wife may be more jealous of the fact that her husband can "go off and have fun with a friend" while she's stuck at home with the kids. In this case, it's not Ember that she's jealous of, but the fact that she's stuck at home while he's out having fun.
We don't know if that's the situation; that's speculation.

Even if it is true that the wife is "stuck at home while he's out having fun" do you not see what's wrong with that picture? Why can't the wife leave the kids with hubby and go out with her friends? Or, better yet, the couple should get a sitter and go out together for some fun.

Duh!
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:22 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Here are the truest words said to me I did not ask for anyones opinion or advice about my friendship with my friend I was responding to the OP so keep your thoughts and your advice to yourselves and as Alex said respond to who really wanted or cared to know what you think.

That is all
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:25 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Here are the truest words said to me I did not ask for anyones opinion or advice about my friendship with my friend I was responding to the OP so keep your thoughts and your advice to yourselves and as Alex said respond to who really wanted or cared to know what you think.

That is all
well - you opened a can of worm yourself in your post #11 and #25 so....
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:28 PM   #82 (permalink)
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And the husband shouldn't be the one to say back off? If he doesn't care enough about his wife's feelings, then there's already problems in the marriage.
Of course, the husband should quit seeing the "friend." But just because he's giving into pride (wow, two women want me I'm so hot) doesn't make it OK for her continued play.

Also, guess what? Every husband who fools around says he has a wife who "doesn't understand me the way you do." Ha!

Quote:
If Ember and her ex are more than just friends she should back off. And if her ex tells her to cool it and she doesn't, then she is a problem.
Why does she need to wait for the guy to say cool it? Can't she do the right thing without his prompting?

If she doesn't cool it even after he does tell her to do so, then that's called stalking.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:29 PM   #83 (permalink)
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Why can't the wife leave the kids with hubby and go out with her friends? Or, better yet, the couple should get a sitter and go out together for some fun.
I agree. Is the hubby willing to help take care of the kids so she can go out? Or get a baby sitter. Again, it's up to the hubby to help work out the solution. Everyone wants to blame the "other woman". It always seems like the man is never to blame.

Back to the OP....
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:33 PM   #84 (permalink)
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I will ask not to be compared to a situation that is not mine. I don't call him baby nor does he call me any pet names. We are not and have not been intimate since the last time we were in a relationship which was over 10 years ago. It's not like that at all between us we are friends why that us so hard to understand I don't know. Not friends with benefits not well we cuddle now and then no none of that we are FRIENDS. We had been friends outside of a relationship for years before they even met. Does she not like it yes am I causing them enough distress that thy are headed for divorce NO! I could careless if the kids came it's not like we do things that the whole damn family couldn't do, she just doesn't want him around me period for an unjustified reason, we have never given her any reason to think otherwise. So dont compare me to a situation that is not my own. If I did still have those type of feelings for him I am woman enough to say so but I don't at all and havent for years it wasn't a bad break up it wad mutual and healthy. Far be it from me why it is that we ate suppose to hate each other and never speak when we had a true friendship we weren't just **** buddies. But if you want to label me a home wrecker because it makes you feel better so be it. I know what is true and so does he and whether she will ever admit to it or not she knows nothing is going on thy have been together long enough now that if she really felt there was something then she would have left. Oh and by no means do I feel our friendship comes before his marriage never said I did nor has she ever threatened to leave him because of me, she just catches an attitude with him every now and then about it and he tells her he is going out with me, he tells her he is my friend and she has to accept that I don't force my presence in his life and I would be happily be her friend too if she were open to it. So once again do not compare me to your own lives.
The point is, she doesn't need a reason. He is married to his wife, not you. She should be his priority no matter how pure you are.

Married couples with small children have very little personal time for each other, especially if they have jobs and/or school in addition to family responsibilities. That time is precious. It should be spent with each other as much as possible. Not to the total exclusion of other interests or activities but as much as reasonably possible.

The truth is, no matter innocent the activities, the time that he spends with you is time that he is neglecting his wife.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:35 PM   #85 (permalink)
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I agree. Is the hubby willing to help take care of the kids so she can go out? Or get a baby sitter. Again, it's up to the hubby to help work out the solution. Everyone wants to blame the "other woman". It always seems like the man is never to blame.

Back to the OP....
I'm not blaming the other woman (who doesn't even see herself as "the other woman"). Since we don't have a post by the husband we can't discuss his responsibility with him. We do have posts from Ember, so we can discuss the situation with her.

If the guy posts here, I'll be glad to share my advice with him.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:38 PM   #86 (permalink)
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I'm not blaming the other woman (who doesn't even see herself as "the other woman"). Since we don't have a post by the husband we can't discuss his responsibility with him. We do have posts from Ember, so we can discuss the situation with her.

If the guy posts here, I'll be glad to share my advice with him.
You're on a roll!

I agree with you 100% and ember just doesn't realize it.

If their marriage end, she'll be a contributing factor to it.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:41 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Ember is not the damn other woman and all of you gave them maritial problems on the brink of divorce I never said they were. I am not aloof or an idiot I am not the other damn woman!!!!
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:43 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Must be something wrong with me. There is no one that I call every day. I guess my life isn't that interesting.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:43 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Ember is not the damn other woman and all of you gave them maritial problems on the brink of divorce I never said they were. I am not aloof or an idiot I am not the other damn woman!!!!
His wife did tell you to back off, correct?

Respect that and be considerate. She sees you as the "other woman" and is trying to put a stop to it and work on her own marriage.
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Unread 01-31-2011, 01:47 PM   #90 (permalink)
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You're missing the point. It's not about how you feel about the man, it's how you are being inconsiderate toward the wife.
I agree with Banjo. However, let's give ember the benefit of a doubt. Let's be fair.

Ember, in one of your posts, you mentioned about how you and your ex were not giving any reason for his wife to be jealous. You are attempting to implicate that her fears are unfounded. You mentioned your ex husband and yourself as "WE are not giving HER any reason to be jealous ..."

You and your ex are not a couple. His wife is not a jealous control freak manipulative type - it is quite possibly that HE is. If he refuses to listen to his wife and continues in the same manner, it will not be too long before she takes the kids and files for a divorce.

Then ... you can come in and pick up all the peices. I certainly wouldn't be saying this if I hadn't a) experienced the same thing first hand b) seen this happen to many of my friends and c) know this is how those situations transpire.

You are playing with fire.

I mean that in the most respectful way.
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