My GF still hangs out with her ex - Page 2

ember · 01-31-2011, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

Are you sure about that? Is that what she told you?

In your opinion. How does she really know what goes on if she isn't present?

Sounds like you're doing a lot of rationalization for your actions.

Of course, you're not discouraging any of this. Sounds rather smug to me.

If you truly care about the guy you wouldn't do anything that would cause friction in his marriage. To continue as you've been doing is selfish.

I know she knows she could come because I invited her and told her she was welcome to come anytime she wants to and he chooses not to come because she doesn't understand how and why we are such good friends.

I find no need to rationalize or justify my actions because I have not, never have, and never will fo anything wrong, I was just simply trying to give a background and description of our friendship.

Like I said before we were friends all along and she knew that so now I'm the selfish one because I remain friends with someone who u have been friends with for over a decade because his wife who knew about me as his girlfriend can't trust him... Oh ok whatever.

Whether people can accept it or not there is such a thing as men and women just being friends.

ember · 01-31-2011, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BecLak

To be brutally honest, you are crossing the boundaries, girl. His wife has every right to be jealous of you. He is HER husband and the father of their children. My advice, back off before you are sorry or you will be paying the consequences and they won't be pretty.

I have nothing to be worried about nor am I worrying about paying any consequences. I dont know another way to say I am not crossing any lines nor am I doing anything wrong. We are just friends in every sense of the word.

**Banjo** · 01-31-2011, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ember

I have nothing to be worried about nor am I worrying about paying any consequences. I dont know another way to say I am not crossing any lines nor am I doing anything wrong. We are just friends in every sense of the word.

Ember, if the wife has a problem with you, you are interfering with their marriage.

Can't really put it any simpler than that.

LoveBlue · 01-31-2011, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

Ember, if the wife has a problem with you, you are interfering with their marriage.

I disagree. The wife has a problem, but it's not Ember. It could be self-confidence, jealousy of anyone/anything, etc, that takes her husband's attention away from her, "control freak", etc.

I don't believe 3rd parties can break up a marriage that is strong. If a marriage breaks up because of "someone else", the marriage already had problems.

**Banjo** · 01-31-2011, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveBlue

I disagree. The wife has a problem, but it's not Ember. It could be self-confidence, jealousy of anyone/anything, etc, that takes her husband's attention away from her, "control freak", etc.

I don't believe 3rd parties can break up a marriage that is strong. If a marriage breaks up because of "someone else", the marriage already had problems.

It doesn't matter, if there is a problem, you have two options, you confront it or you back off. If you cannot resolve it, then you have no choice but to back off.

rockin'robin · 01-31-2011, 10:59 AM

When a couple gets married, then each other are the 1st priorities in their lives. Friends come second. Wives & husbands always are first....

You're saying the wife could come and hang out with you and her husband...like a "second wheel"??... And she has 2 children to care for. I don't get it!

**Banjo** · 01-31-2011, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin'robin

You're saying the wife could come and hang out with you and her husband...like a "second wheel"??... And she has 2 children to care for. I don't get it!

Right. That makes the whole thing awkward.

LoveBlue · 01-31-2011, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin'robin

When a couple gets married, then each other are the 1st priorities in their lives. Friends come second. Wives & husbands always are first....

As long as one is not smothering their spouse.
The wife may be more jealous of the fact that her husband can "go off and have fun with a friend" while she's stuck at home with the kids. In this case, it's not Ember that she's jealous of, but the fact that she's stuck at home while he's out having fun.

lanapoo · 01-31-2011, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveBlue

As long as one is not smothering their spouse.
The wife may be more jealous of the fact that her husband can "go off and have fun with a friend" while she's stuck at home with the kids. In this case, it's not Ember that she's jealous of, but the fact that she's stuck at home while he's out having fun.

No. I was in a relationship similar to the OP so I know what he's going through

I'm telling you that what ember is doing is wrong. I was in a relationship with a man who still hung out with his ex every weekend. I was cool with it at first, but then they started crossing the lines. They clearly still had feelings for each other and wouldn't let each other go. The girl he hung out with had the same mentality ember did. I told her to back off, she went off on me saying I was the jealous one. She was definitely interfering with our relationship. She even still called him "baby" and they were intimate with each other. Thank god I dumped his ass. I've had enough with him and I put up with too much that I didn't deserve. The OP shouldn't have to go through what I went through. Sounds like what happened to my relationship and the best thing he can do is to get out of it ASAP before it gets worse.

Exes can still be friends, but hanging out with each other all the time is a big no no. There are boundaries to be set especially if the couple is married. If the wife tells you to back off, it means back off because you are interfering with their marriage. She's not jealous, she's just letting you know that you are crossing the line. Don't play the pity card saying that she doesn't understand. YOU don't understand.

rockin'robin · 01-31-2011, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lanapoo

No. I was in a relationship similar to the OP so I know what he's going through

I'm telling you that what ember is doing is wrong. I was in a relationship with a man who still hung out with his ex every weekend. I was cool with it at first, but then they started crossing the lines. They clearly still had feelings for each other and wouldn't let each other go. The girl he hung out with had the same mentality ember did. I told her to back off, she went off on me saying I was the jealous one. She was definitely interfering with our relationship. She even still called him "baby" and they were intimate with each other. Thank god I dumped his ass. I've had enough with him and I put up with too much that I didn't deserve. The OP shouldn't have to go through what I went through. Sounds like what happened to my relationship and the best thing he can do is to get out of it ASAP before it gets worse.

Exes can still be friends, but hanging out with each other all the time is a big no no. There are boundaries to be set especially if the couple is married. If the wife tells you to back off, it means back off because you are interfering with their marriage. She's not jealous, she's just letting you know that you are crossing the line. Don't play the pity card saying that she doesn't understand. YOU don't understand.

LoveBlue · 01-31-2011, 11:27 AM

And the husband shouldn't be the one to say back off? If he doesn't care enough about his wife's feelings, then there's already problems in the marriage.

If Ember and her ex are more than just friends she should back off. And if her ex tells her to cool it and she doesn't, then she is a problem.

ember · 01-31-2011, 11:35 AM

I will ask not to be compared to a situation that is not mine. I don't call him baby nor does he call me any pet names. We are not and have not been intimate since the last time we were in a relationship which was over 10 years ago. It's not like that at all between us we are friends why that us so hard to understand I don't know. Not friends with benefits not well we cuddle now and then no none of that we are FRIENDS. We had been friends outside of a relationship for years before they even met. Does she not like it yes am I causing them enough distress that thy are headed for divorce NO! I could careless if the kids came it's not like we do things that the whole damn family couldn't do, she just doesn't want him around me period for an unjustified reason, we have never given her any reason to think otherwise. So dont compare me to a situation that is not my own. If I did still have those type of feelings for him I am woman enough to say so but I don't at all and havent for years it wasn't a bad break up it wad mutual and healthy. Far be it from me why it is that we ate suppose to hate each other and never speak when we had a true friendship we weren't just **** buddies. But if you want to label me a home wrecker because it makes you feel better so be it. I know what is true and so does he and whether she will ever admit to it or not she knows nothing is going on thy have been together long enough now that if she really felt there was something then she would have left. Oh and by no means do I feel our friendship comes before his marriage never said I did nor has she ever threatened to leave him because of me, she just catches an attitude with him every now and then about it and he tells her he is going out with me, he tells her he is my friend and she has to accept that I don't force my presence in his life and I would be happily be her friend too if she were open to it. So once again do not compare me to your own lives.

lanapoo · 01-31-2011, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveBlue

And the husband shouldn't be the one to say back off? If he doesn't care enough about his wife's feelings, then there's already problems in the marriage.

If Ember and her ex are more than just friends she should back off. And if her ex tells her to cool it and she doesn't, then she is a problem.

Men are morons when it comes to that. They're not confrontational compared to women.

LoveBlue · 01-31-2011, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lanapoo

Men are morons when it comes to that. They're not confrontational compared to women.

Well, there are 3 people involved and therefore there are 3 points of view. The husband is as much "in this" as the wife and ex, therefore he should be fully involved in solving the "problem".

BTW, I have never been the ex, nor the jealous wife, so I have not been in this type of situation. I'm looking at it from the "outside". Perhaps the couple needs marriage counseling where an objective observer can analyze the situation and make recommendations.

I think we should get back to the OP and, if anyone wants to continue with Embers situtation, start a new thread.

rockin'robin · 01-31-2011, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveBlue

And the husband shouldn't be the one to say back off? If he doesn't care enough about his wife's feelings, then there's already problems in the marriage.

If Ember and her ex are more than just friends she should back off. And if her ex tells her to cool it and she doesn't, then she is a problem.

IF there are problems in the marriage, then Ember is the contributing factor....The ex is a married man with 2 children...and the wife is more than likely trying to save her marriage. Ember needs to back off, and let the married couple work their problems out, especially with having 2 children to think about.

Ur right about the husband, tho'. He needs to be the one to say "back off", my marriage is in jeopardy and we need to work on it.....But, perhaps his ego has gotten in the way, maybe thinking..."I'll have my cake and eat it too."!

Then again, it's possible he doesn't want to hurt Ember's feelings...but his wife's feelings come first, along with his children, and he should be spending his spare time with them and helping take care of his family.

Someone is going to be very hurt in this situation, and I believe the wife and the children are already being "cheated"....it could esculate to the point where violence comes in.

lanapoo · 01-31-2011, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin'robin

IF there are problems in the marriage, then Ember is the contributing factor....The ex is a married man with 2 children...and the wife is more than likely trying to save her marriage. Ember needs to back off, and let the married couple work their problems out, especially with having 2 children to think about.

Ur right about the husband, tho'. He needs to be the one to say "back off", my marriage is in jeopardy and we need to work on it.....But, perhaps his ego has gotten in the way, maybe thinking..."I'll have my cake and eat it too."!

Then again, it's possible he doesn't want to hurt Ember's feelings...but his wife's feelings come first, along with his children, and he should be spending his spare time with them and helping take care of his family.

Someone is going to be very hurt in this situation, and I believe the wife and the children are already being "cheated"....it could esculate to the point where violence comes in.

I was going to say something similar. But yeah...

Men enjoy the attention he receives from women so he doesn't realize that it's really hurting his marriage hence the reason I said they're morons. So I suggest to just back off in general.

ember · 01-31-2011, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveBlue

I disagree. The wife has a problem, but it's not Ember. It could be self-confidence, jealousy of anyone/anything, etc, that takes her husband's attention away from her, "control freak", etc.

I don't believe 3rd parties can break up a marriage that is strong. If a marriage breaks up because of "someone else", the marriage already had problems.

Thank you loveblue I agree

**TWA** · 01-31-2011, 11:57 AM

Just out of curiosity, Ember, how often do you and your friend hang out?

Frisky Feline · 01-31-2011, 11:58 AM

a married person hangs out with ex alone too often is weird.
a married couples hang out with ex and others as group too often is not weird.

that's all I can say.

ember · 01-31-2011, 11:58 AM

Oh my God y'all just took this from A to Z with no middle. No he is not afraid to hurt my feelings it's one of the reasons why we are friends he is brutally honest with me and no I dont give him special attention. And HELL NO no one is contemplating violence or that upset when I call she doesnt curse me out or hang up she gives him the phone and the conversations we have had about it were civil not Jerry Springer drama but y'all have taken it there. I'm done talking about this and explaining it I have no need o defend myself and this just went from an experience share to a damn made up lifetime movie with elements I never said were apart of it WOW

PowerON · 01-31-2011, 12:17 PM

so? I hang with my ex. We have no romantic interesting each other

**TWA** · 01-31-2011, 12:18 PM

Going to ask this again: How often do you hang out with your friend, Ember?

ember · 01-31-2011, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWriteAlex

Going to ask this again: How often do you hang out with your friend, Ember?

Maybe once or twice a month but we talk nearly everyday or every other day

**Banjo** · 01-31-2011, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ember

Maybe once or twice a month but we talk nearly everyday or every other day

You two talk nearly everyday? Yeah, I can see why the wife doesn't like that.

lanapoo · 01-31-2011, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

You two talk nearly everyday? Yeah, I can see why the wife doesn't like that.

Agreed.

ember · 01-31-2011, 12:41 PM

Because talking to someone everyday is an open admission of guilt. I talk on here every single day maybe your SO should be weary of me, oh and I talk to my girlfriends everyday the ones who are married maybe their husbands should be worried that we are going to fall in love with each other. Smh

lanapoo · 01-31-2011, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ember

Because talking to someone everyday is an open admission of guilt. I talk on here every single day maybe your SO should be weary of me, oh and I talk to my girlfriends everyday the ones who are married maybe their husbands should be worried that we are going to fall in love with each other. Smh

It's not that.

You are taking his time away from his own family. She feels cheated that he probably confides in you more than he does her. It's kind of emotionally cheating. Try putting yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if your husband talked to his ex everyday? That he hangs out with her and not with you or your children?

**Banjo** · 01-31-2011, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ember

Because talking to someone everyday is an open admission of guilt. I talk on here every single day maybe your SO should be weary of me, oh and I talk to my girlfriends everyday the ones who are married maybe their husbands should be worried that we are going to fall in love with each other. Smh

No, I'm just saying that I can see why the wife would have a problem with that.

Frisky Feline · 01-31-2011, 12:50 PM

no one needs to tell others if they are wrong if they still to talk to other ex's. It's none of my business. One of those days, one of them will lead to the consequences and no one is happy or not.

Life is so short.

rockin'robin · 01-31-2011, 12:51 PM

WOW! Every day, Ember???...do you call your other friends "every day"? If my friends called me "every day"...it would become aggravating!....

and BTW, one of my ex's is married now, and we were together 5 years....if I called him "every day", then it's a sure FACT that I want him back!..But I don't do that...and I don't call him at all....if I see him with his wife somewhere, I do wave or say "Hello" and make small talk.

I do believe you know where this is going, whether you won't admit it or not. And if I were the wife, and my husband would not put a "STOP" to those daily phone calls....then I would do it in person.

01-31-2011, 11:27 AM	#41 (permalink)
LoveBlue Registered User Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 3,355	And the husband shouldn't be the one to say back off? If he doesn't care enough about his wife's feelings, then there's already problems in the marriage. If Ember and her ex are more than just friends she should back off. And if her ex tells her to cool it and she doesn't, then she is a problem. __________________ Severe-to-profound hearing loss in both ears. SD @ 100db L-88% / R-96% - unaided Phonak Naida IX UPs

01-31-2011, 12:17 PM	#51 (permalink)
PowerON Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: 37.5, 126.9 Posts: 10,321 Blog Entries: 5	so? I hang with my ex. We have no romantic interesting each other __________________ • [Illustrator.Blog-alloon.com] • Don't shoot me! I'm only blogger!

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01-31-2011, 10:59 AM	#36 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,275	When a couple gets married, then each other are the 1st priorities in their lives. Friends come second. Wives & husbands always are first.... You're saying the wife could come and hang out with you and her husband...like a "second wheel"??... And she has 2 children to care for. I don't get it!

01-31-2011, 11:35 AM	#42 (permalink)
ember Registered User Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: one of the states Posts: 646	I will ask not to be compared to a situation that is not mine. I don't call him baby nor does he call me any pet names. We are not and have not been intimate since the last time we were in a relationship which was over 10 years ago. It's not like that at all between us we are friends why that us so hard to understand I don't know. Not friends with benefits not well we cuddle now and then no none of that we are FRIENDS. We had been friends outside of a relationship for years before they even met. Does she not like it yes am I causing them enough distress that thy are headed for divorce NO! I could careless if the kids came it's not like we do things that the whole damn family couldn't do, she just doesn't want him around me period for an unjustified reason, we have never given her any reason to think otherwise. So dont compare me to a situation that is not my own. If I did still have those type of feelings for him I am woman enough to say so but I don't at all and havent for years it wasn't a bad break up it wad mutual and healthy. Far be it from me why it is that we ate suppose to hate each other and never speak when we had a true friendship we weren't just **** buddies. But if you want to label me a home wrecker because it makes you feel better so be it. I know what is true and so does he and whether she will ever admit to it or not she knows nothing is going on thy have been together long enough now that if she really felt there was something then she would have left. Oh and by no means do I feel our friendship comes before his marriage never said I did nor has she ever threatened to leave him because of me, she just catches an attitude with him every now and then about it and he tells her he is going out with me, he tells her he is my friend and she has to accept that I don't force my presence in his life and I would be happily be her friend too if she were open to it. So once again do not compare me to your own lives.

01-31-2011, 11:57 AM	#48 (permalink)
TWA Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 5,374	Just out of curiosity, Ember, how often do you and your friend hang out?

01-31-2011, 11:58 AM	#49 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 20,223	a married person hangs out with ex alone too often is weird. a married couples hang out with ex and others as group too often is not weird. that's all I can say.

01-31-2011, 11:58 AM	#50 (permalink)
ember Registered User Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: one of the states Posts: 646	Oh my God y'all just took this from A to Z with no middle. No he is not afraid to hurt my feelings it's one of the reasons why we are friends he is brutally honest with me and no I dont give him special attention. And HELL NO no one is contemplating violence or that upset when I call she doesnt curse me out or hang up she gives him the phone and the conversations we have had about it were civil not Jerry Springer drama but y'all have taken it there. I'm done talking about this and explaining it I have no need o defend myself and this just went from an experience share to a damn made up lifetime movie with elements I never said were apart of it WOW

01-31-2011, 12:18 PM	#52 (permalink)
TWA Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 5,374	Going to ask this again: How often do you hang out with your friend, Ember?

01-31-2011, 12:41 PM	#56 (permalink)
ember Registered User Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: one of the states Posts: 646	Because talking to someone everyday is an open admission of guilt. I talk on here every single day maybe your SO should be weary of me, oh and I talk to my girlfriends everyday the ones who are married maybe their husbands should be worried that we are going to fall in love with each other. Smh

01-31-2011, 12:50 PM	#59 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 20,223	no one needs to tell others if they are wrong if they still to talk to other ex's. It's none of my business. One of those days, one of them will lead to the consequences and no one is happy or not. Life is so short.

01-31-2011, 12:51 PM	#60 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,275	WOW! Every day, Ember???...do you call your other friends "every day"? If my friends called me "every day"...it would become aggravating!.... and BTW, one of my ex's is married now, and we were together 5 years....if I called him "every day", then it's a sure FACT that I want him back!..But I don't do that...and I don't call him at all....if I see him with his wife somewhere, I do wave or say "Hello" and make small talk. I do believe you know where this is going, whether you won't admit it or not. And if I were the wife, and my husband would not put a "STOP" to those daily phone calls....then I would do it in person.