ExR

Sorry for the subjective title.

Basically, do you think that most of your friends and family members understand your needs?

I'm HoH and sometimes I think that my family & friends forget. For instance, they will often use an aggressive tone when asked to repeat something. Or, they may excessively increase the loudness of their voice. I find this annoying because signs of aggression suggest that they can't be bothered, and speaking excessively loud is just rude. More often than not, all they need to do is face me and speak more clearly.

Sure, if it was someone I didn't know very well, I'd be more understanding and tolerant. However, with family and friends, it is very frustrating at times.

Deafness

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rockin'robin

It's not a perfect world....and people do have their moods. If it happened all the time, then I can see ur frustration....even I get frustrated at times and yell....sorry to be so blunt!

blaqueinque

Sorry you've had to go through this with your family and friends. People are so impatient these days. I am hearing and I hate having to ask people to repeat things for the same reason. Kindness and understanding are quickly becoming things of the past...SMH.

green427

My parents never understood me. They were not involved with any of us, just there to feed us and smack us when we got out of line, none of that "heart to heart" talk. There was a lot of frustration answering my questions. I've learned to just be quiet and figure things out for myself.

Most of my hearing friends were patient and understanding, and were good at remembering to look at me while talking. None of them, however, were patient with me when there were other hearing people around.

I've learned that it is easier to be alone most of the time, and to limit my time with family, friends, and co-workers.

I am much happier being alone than feeling sad around rude people.

whatdidyousay!

I know how you feel , this happen to me to with my family and friend that knowed me all my self. Hearing people will never understand what it like to be HOH or deaf. You will have to remind your family friend to do not yell at you when you ask them to repeat what they said. It is rude and there is no excuse for it.

craigm26

With my family, it's quite the opposite. They understood what my levels of "adequate" hearing are and repeat what they said when I ask them to. At times, it sort of reinforces that they think before they speak. They speak very loudly so that I'm included. I am probably the most critical if they say something that most people don't understand or don't speak their ideas clearly, but certainly they aren't annoyed or upset if I ask them to repeat something if I genuinely can't understand them (i.e. if they detect "selective hearing" they give me that look).

If they ...friends or family... don't take the time to "accommodate" your needs, then don't put in the effort the reciprocate that relationship. It's not worth it. If they don't respect you, why should you respect them?

For friends and work, yes I wish they'd talk more directly (or use e-mail more "freely" i.e. not as literal). Nobody wants to use an office, just a cubicle and a hushed voice. Annoys the s*** out of me. Talk clearly, it's not like someone is going to overhear and give you 20 lashings.

DDU

family understanding and caring and ,,, not !! which is why i live in a different state. no attachment. anytime i was with family all attempts at communication would be over after 5 minutes or so. maybe it was because it was a big family with 7 kids and i got lost in the shuffle? i am not bitter by any means but not attached at all either. typical irish family me thinks

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shel90

My family dont ****ing understand me except for my Deaf brother.


Nothing more needs to be said.

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craigm26

Sorry about that.

shel90

they expect me to be the hearing person that I was raised to be...


only thing they forgot was...I am a deaf person.

thanks.

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DDU

can't get too mad. it is family after all

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souggy

My family is a weird one.

Everytime I share my Deaf experiences, they try to normalize it by saying other hearing people go through the same things. Um... Deliberately choosing to live in your parents' basement is different from being deaf.

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Beowulf

I agree.

serena1986

yes i become frustard with family membere because i don't understand me at all,sometimes i became angry with them because their don't get it at all!

rockin'robin

Reread what you have typed.....

So....it's OK for you to become angry at them....not not OK for them to become angry at you?

naisho

I think this topic is more about discussing personality clashes more than deafness related issues or so. Maybe you ought to see what myers-brigg type you fall in and compare that with your family if it helps understand clashes, if that is what you're trying to figure out..

There are some CODA and families with deaf children that get along like bread and butter. And then there are those who don't get along as well and the children feel like outcasts.

AlleyCat

I can't really think of good examples of why the family would get mad at the deaf person ... ?

whatdidyousay!

I really think it is hard for a person with no hearing lost to understand what it like to be deaf or HOH. I have a friend that does not get it when I tell her that I can hear her but not understand a word , and she will yell at me ! I keep telling my friend yelling does not help and it hurt my ear! My famliy did not not get it either. They had no idea how much I could or could not hear.

Rio

I am hearing, there are people who don't understand me at all

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Lavender

Yes, they do understand me very easy. Sometimes I don't pronounce correctly that depends on the word what to say. If I am stuck then I have to spell a word instead.

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MoMo_2010

My family and friends are great and i think they understand me most of the time but sometimes i know they get annoyed. Like for example if i ask them to repeat something and i still dont get it they then just wont tell me which is really frustrating. My mum gets annoyed cause i turn tv up a little bit and she doesnt understand, she says she can hear it but i try to explain i hear half of what she hears it just causes a row. So i guess most of the time they are good but sometimes it just feels like im a nuisance to them and thye get annoyed.

Bottesini

No one understands me.

It has caused me to become sarcastic.

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Beowulf

Once I went into a crowded bar to get change for bus fare. I waved the dollar bill and said to the bartender, "Could you break this dollar bill for me, please?"
He nodded and made me a Bloody Mary.

Deaf_Elements

My parents kind of have this mentality that my hearing loss can be fixed with CI and don't understand the risks involved. In other words, they look at the positive aspects of how to 'fix' my hearing loss, but don't take into consideration of all potential outcomes.

Needless to say, my parents treat me as if I'm hearing and disregard my 'deaf' side of me most of the time. Sometimes its a good thing, other times its extremely infuriating. I don't expect them to understand my perspective on things and what I deal with on a day to day basis, but please do not disregard the fact that I am truly a hearing impaired individual and certain accommodations are needed (such as face to face conversation for the purpose of lip reading) in order to alleviate any kind of unnecessary conflict/tension.

However, over the last few years, I've slowly been alienated from my family and as a result, I've somewhat stopped trying to include them in many aspects of my life. I try to maintain some semblance of a relationship, but when it becomes a one-way street where I'm doing all the work, it becomes tiring. Hopefully, the family relationships doesn't completely disappear over the years.

Jiro

yea my family's good. 2 deaf boys (me and my brother).... yea YOU accommodate us!

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whatdidyousay!

What did you then , drink the Bloody Mary or get or your money back?

Beowulf

Hah. I paid for it and gulped it down (that was about five years ago, before I quit drinking) and got the change. The bus fare was $1.10 with a transfer ticket, and I had a friend with me, and I figured spending $2.20 was better than $4. I forget how much the bloody drink was, but it was a lesson to be learned.

KristinaB

For me, that's daily life. I am getting a little better at dealing with it.

whatdidyousay!

My dad did not need a good reason to get mad at me , he only knew that when he called me I better come even if I did not hear him!

kokonut

My parents understand me. I feel blessed by them. And thankfully my hearing aids as well.

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