Friends with benefits -- - Page 2

Oddball · 03-14-2004, 11:37 AM

Well, I agree with some on friends with benefits issues. I admitted that I did get involved with some people sexually. But, we have to agree as long as we have no strings attached. Whoever I get involved with are still friends with me, but I am no longer friends with few others.. sad. Funny thing is I never had sex with my high school classmates or someone in my hometown where I grew up..that's very odd.

Yes, sometimes I get horny and get involved with someone at that point, but not often happened right now.

I agree with Lasza that sex is healthy and helps burning some calories. I consider that sex is my alternative execrise. LOL However, you have to be cautious of unexpected occurrances like AIDS, HIV, STDs, and some other diseases. That's why it is important to have your health tested (I already took STD and HIV tests and come out negative).

Fly Free · 03-14-2004, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyberRed

Sexual abuse ? Well, I think there's wrong if, it involves in a relationship and/or friendship. It depends on 2 persons what type of "sexual abuse" is... sometimes, it means another meanin' when it comes to "kinky" type of thing or what word people are usin' to rough their sex/intercourse. I know that words "sexual abuse" is an ugly words. And, of course some people who feels something that is violatin' them or to degradin'/humiliatin' them, then they will call it a "sexual abuse" ...more likely to the word "rape". Sexual abuse is a disrespectful kind of thing, because it is not a "givin'" the pleasure, but it is a "takin'" the pleasure away from the person for one self's ecastasy/gratification. Sexual abuse is very dangerous when a person's unhealthy "crave" for it leadin' to an out of control, meanin' to force or order a person to obey. That's not a good. Sexual abuse's attitude is a very selfish...psychologically selfish.

u have mentioned 2 sides to the "sexual abuse" definitions -- 1 being a true

in sexual abuse WITHOUT the consent of the person -- the 2nd u mentioned "kinky" ref to the leather community/BDSM -- yes rough sex can happen in BDSM roleplaying -- but mind u, the members in the community are VERY safety conscious -- we abide to the "safe, sane and consensual" policy and we have our limits and that is clearly defined to the top/dom(me) -- it may be viewed as "sexual abuse" to those who arent into it or is viewed as "vanilla" and to keep it clear that BDSM play is NOT abuse in any manner! there is futher discussion abt this topic at this thread:
http://alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=2573

Maria · 03-14-2004, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fly Free

it may be viewed as "sexual abuse" to those who arent into it or is viewed as "vanilla" and to keep it clear that BDSM play is NOT abuse in any manner! there is futher discussion abt this topic at this thread:
http://alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=2573

Thanks for the link I just read. Well, like I mentioned earlier... it depends on 2 persons what kind of "sexual abuse" is. It is all in their view and what they feels about it. As its for me, "sexual abuse" is NOT acceptable.

Frog_Feet · 03-14-2004, 04:07 PM

Friends with benefits? Sure, if you want to slut yourself up!

***VamPyroX*** · 03-14-2004, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fly Free

u have mentioned 2 sides to the "sexual abuse" definitions -- 1 being a true

in sexual abuse WITHOUT the consent of the person -- the 2nd u mentioned "kinky" ref to the leather community/BDSM -- yes rough sex can happen in BDSM roleplaying -- but mind u, the members in the community are VERY safety conscious -- we abide to the "safe, sane and consensual" policy and we have our limits and that is clearly defined to the top/dom(me) -- it may be viewed as "sexual abuse" to those who arent into it or is viewed as "vanilla" and to keep it clear that BDSM play is NOT abuse in any manner! there is futher discussion abt this topic at this thread:
http://alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=2573

That's why I'm not really into S&M. That's something that sticky for me. We can't always know our limits and may accidentally go overboard. I'd rather just be intimate and take things easily than sitting there grabbing her hair and banging her brains out like some ragdoll!

Y · 03-14-2004, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ^Angel^

I understand where youre coming from on this....but with Sexually Abuse that is different because it will be one that willing than the other one....As for friends with benefits it take 2 people to agree on this....The person can always say ' No ' and walk away...and still be friends....but, if u say ' Yes ' and knowing this before you ever make love or etc with this person then u know the chance of getting hurt after it happen in case the feelings or emotion comes up right after or during love making....I hate it when someone end up getting hurt because simply there just no control over the feelings you may be having....

as What I said above make sure you both want it....then knowing the chance afterwards!...some do remain friends some don't ....its just depending on each person (s)...I hope I make sense here....

yes you made sense here... sometimes
a guy would be interested in something
more than a friendship then he change
his mind wanting "no strings attached"
later... that can hurt.

I have to make this whole thread back
to one simple point that "friends with benefits"
is kinda of "sexually abuse" only
if one of them change mind and then
one of them got hurt. Very Subtle here !

What i mean is that "friends with benefits'
is NOT a sexual abuse ONLY if both of them
agree all the way from the beginning.

That's something I never thought
about this until I analyzed this whole
thread !!! Wonder if I'm making
any sense ?

Wesley1482 · 03-15-2004, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

That's what I hate about these damn bitches. They say nothing, then after they do it... they call it rape. WTF? Jeez... even the police will listen to that. If a guy yelled rape, the police would hestitate. If a gal yelled rape, the police would immediately take action!

YES EXCALTY! you got the point. imagaine how i feel about this... i really pissed off and worried but so far nothing happen.... phew ... that bitch need use common sense and do right thing to speak up than being two-face and later on its goes bad happen...

***VamPyroX*** · 03-16-2004, 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wesley1482

YES EXCALTY! you got the point. imagaine how i feel about this... i really pissed off and worried but so far nothing happen.... phew ... that bitch need use common sense and do right thing to speak up than being two-face and later on its goes bad happen...

I've seen it happen here. I'll see this couple who are close friends with each other. They agreed to have sex and I'm not surprised that it happened. I've seen how they talk dirty to each other at time. After they have sex, she feels embarassed about it and then reports to Campus Safety telling them that it was rape. Jeez!

Ginette · 03-16-2004, 12:50 PM

Where do I start?

At the age of 16, I met a guy "Dale" who was 20. I was physically attracted to him. We became just friends.
When I was 17, Dale asked me out for a date. We dated for about three months...nothing beyond kissing. But still remained friends.
On my 18th birthday, we did harmless flirting and kissing. Our friendship got stronger. Soon we were getting closer physically.
Whenever I had a boyfriend, or he had a girlfriend we would never touch each other. When we were both single.. we were friends with benefits. It was never spoken or agreed, the sex just happened, no strings attached.
Dale and I did have a strong physical attraction, but we knew we were not compatible enough for a relationship.
By the time I was 19, I met my 'soon to be hubby'. Dale and I still remained friends, and he was there for me during my pregnancy, my marriage problems.
I was lucky to have Dale in my life, he was very supportive when I needed him most. I unfortunately had to end the friendship, because my hubby had a problem with our history together.

Y · 03-16-2004, 02:32 PM

Ginette:

Wow what a beautiful yet sad story...
That's why I do NOT like to see when
someone else (third party) came later
and then interefered & changed
your original friendship/relationship, Sigh...

Just curious if you don't mind why
did you think that both Dale and you
were NOT compatible for a relationship ?
Of course you do not have to explain
if you do not feel comfortable ...

I have the feeling that Dale would probably
came back to visit you someday
many many years later with white hair,
who knows....
I love that movie "Forever Young"
acted by Mel Gibson and (I forgot her name)
they came back together after
many many years seeing each other
with white hair and wrinkles
Even with EXACTLY SAME FEELINGS
toward each other just like
when they were young lovers !!

This might be a fate.
I believe in fate, thats what it meant to be....

Ginette · 03-16-2004, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Y

Wow what a beautiful yet sad story...
That's why I do NOT like to see when
someone else (third party) came later
and then interefered & changed
your original friendship/relationship, Sigh...

Just curious if you don't mind why
did you think that both Dale and you
were NOT compatible for a relationship ?
Of course you do not have to explain
if you do not feel comfortable ...

I have the feeling that Dale would probably
came back to visit you someday
many many years later with white hair,
who knows....
I love that movie "Forever Young"
acted by Mel Gibson and (I forgot her name)
they came back together after
many many years seeing each other
with white hair and wrinkles
Even with EXACTLY SAME FEELINGS
toward each other just like
when they were young lovers !!

LOL

Oh I don't mind answering your question.
The upside to Dale:
When I was severely depressed, and admitted to the hospital, he visited me everyday.
When my parents kicked me out, he took me in.
When I was drunk and about to go home with some stranger, he dragged me kicking and screaming to his car.
Those are just a few examples... I was a very troubled teen.. can you tell

He was there for me always, and for that I am thankful.

The downside to Dale:
*Needed some work on his french kissing.*wink*
*He expected his girlfriends, including myself to be the model type,
skinney,big busted, long hair etc. When we dated I felt like I was on display.
Other than that he was great.

Overall Dale was a much better friend, than boyfriend. I remember wanting to give "us" another try, but he said no, he valued our friendship more.
Shortly after, I met Ryan, my hubby who was the ultimate package, and fell in love.
Just last year I went to the bar, and bumped into Dale. We spent the whole night together catching up on each others lives. Dale told me he deeply regretted letting me go. He finally told me how much he loved me but was scared I didn't feel the same way. Dale also told me that if things didn't work out between Ryan and I, he would take me back, including my kids. It was hard hearing that.
The reason we had to end our friendship, was because of our feelings for each other and because my husband didn't trust him. I was not going to jeopardize my marriage and family for him. He had his chance.
I'm lucky to say I've had two great loves in my life. In the end I had to let one go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Y

This might be a fate.
I believe in fate, thats what it meant to be....

You never know what may happen in the near future. I'm only 24 years old, and Dale is now 28.
Or perhaps, Dale needed to learn a lesson, so when he does find the right woman, he won't make the same mistake.

Angel · 03-16-2004, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ginette

I'm lucky to say I've had two great loves in my life. In the end I had to let one go.

....*blowing my nose*....What a beautiful and sad ' LOVE ' story....This is almost like Im reading out of a romance novel...Goodness, I need to buy more tissues ..Thank you so much for sharing your story Ginette ..honestly it was the best LOVE story I ever read....

DeafSCUBA98 · 03-16-2004, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fly Free

leather community/BDSM --

what is BDSM

Fly Free · 03-16-2004, 08:38 PM

Scuba -- its short for bondage, discipline, sadism (dominance/giving pain) and masochism (submission/taking pain) -- basically rough sex with the bottom/submissive's consent and a safeword is agreed upon

DeafSCUBA98 · 03-16-2004, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fly Free

Scuba -- its short for bondage, discipline, sadism (dominance/giving pain) and masochism (submission/taking pain) -- basically rough sex with the bottom/submissive's consent and a safeword is agreed upon

thanks fly free... Its embarrsed to ask

Fly Free · 03-16-2004, 08:49 PM

LOL no plm Scuba dont be embarrassed to ask

at least u asked and if others were wondering they would also know the answer to BDSM

LUNZ · 03-16-2004, 09:52 PM

Sex is part of our experience as physical beings, can be enlightening - fun - painful and more.

You should not have sex with anyone unless you feel comfortable with that partner. You won't have good sex if you are not ready and comfortable.

The energies of sex - combined with the heightened frequencies of love and romance - can bring us to great heights as its passions motivate us in the arts, music, writing and all areas of our lives.

Some couples play 'head games' - while others get right to it and meet just for sex. This is often because they know what they want and how to satisfy each other. Compatibility is the Key! Communication before you begin is important - although some couples just blend together as if they intuitively know what will please them.Sexuality can be great with one partner or multiple partners - group sex - as long as it is what everyone wants. Never get forced into a sexual situation that makes you uncomfortable - yet you are doing it to please your partner.

How often one should have sex? How long sex should last? This varies with each person and partner. A couple can have a quickie if busy - then spend hours having sex - as time permits. In our busy world - there is often not enough and time and energy for lots of sex.

Angel · 03-16-2004, 11:10 PM

*Clapping*...Well said

Lunz!!...

Y · 03-16-2004, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ginette

I was not going to jeopardize my marriage and
family for him. He had his chance. I'm lucky to say
I've had two great loves in my life. In the end I had to let one go.

You never know what may happen in the near future.
I'm only 24 years old, and Dale is now 28.
Or perhaps, Dale needed to learn a lesson,
so when he does find the right woman,
he won't make the same mistake.

Ginette,
You've made a right decision not to
jeopardize your marriage for Dale anyway
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful
sad love story.. yeah i agree it seem
so interesting and romantic especially
when he's there when you were down
in the dumps. You never know what
may happen in the future. Thats why
I try to appreciate today one day
at a time with one step... Too many
people took things for granted in life.

Nusentinsaino · 03-17-2004, 02:04 PM

Yeh, me and my ex girlfriend are probably friends with benefits... And yeah i agree that it can destroy your feelings... I mean right now i slept with her a week ago and she got flirty with me alot.. sexaully... and Yeah today i have been thinkin about it.. It is wrong, It can fuck me and her up... But still i do admit that i miss doing things with her lol... Life isnt always ok sometimes, Its pretty hard to drop it, but right now i am not talkin to her too much and not seeing her that much and That can make us feel better i hope... Im just not sure what to do tho lol, There are millions of girls out there tho and yah some of them are likin' me :-D so Yah to all of you guys with friends with benefits, you guys should stop right now and forget about it cuz it will mess you up in the end. Smile now and Cry later.

Sophia26 · 03-18-2004, 07:52 PM

Yes and No. If the person makes it clear before hand, then there won't be a problem.

Liebling:-))) · 03-21-2004, 08:23 AM

I don´t think "Friends with benefits" would be good idea. I beleive that sex belong to serious relationship. Most I know are upset because they thought their partners would love them after "hot sex"... Most use them for sex to pleasure themselves... They must have known that sex has absoluately nothing do with friendship & love.

Paul was my friend Pamela´s best friend for years until they feel mood to sleep each other... After that they fall out automaic because of this... They are being stranger each other now. She is regret for let him to sleep with her because his friendship is value to her. She lost her best friend because of this.
I have best friends but it doesn´t mean that I sleep with them but share everything each other.

Nusentinsaino · 03-29-2004, 10:40 AM

I had a best friend named Kayla and i slept with her (no sex) because she needed someone to sleep with and Her dad did not care because he trusts me and She had a boyfriend, and the boyfriend did not care (yes i know its strange) And me and kayla are still friends (its been 4 years and still going) We dont feel bothered by that, We dont talk about it, Because we know we feel comformatle with each other, We know we dont like each other more than friends, so can that be called Friends with benefits?

Vain · 04-08-2004, 09:40 PM

The whole 'friends with benefits' concept is most difentely not a good idea. You will get nothing out of it. The void that lies deep inside you won't be filled, not after meaningless sex. You will feel dirty, empty and alone. But... hey... if you have lost your diginity, then go for it! All the power to you, babe.

03-16-2004, 02:32 PM	#40 (permalink)
Y Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 3,113	Ginette: Wow what a beautiful yet sad story... That's why I do NOT like to see when someone else (third party) came later and then interefered & changed your original friendship/relationship, Sigh... Just curious if you don't mind why did you think that both Dale and you were NOT compatible for a relationship ? Of course you do not have to explain if you do not feel comfortable ... I have the feeling that Dale would probably came back to visit you someday many many years later with white hair, who knows.... I love that movie "Forever Young" acted by Mel Gibson and (I forgot her name) they came back together after many many years seeing each other with white hair and wrinkles Even with EXACTLY SAME FEELINGS toward each other just like when they were young lovers !! This might be a fate. I believe in fate, thats what it meant to be.... __________________

03-16-2004, 11:10 PM	#48 (permalink)
Angel ♥"Concrete Angel"♥ Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 19,088	Clapping...Well said Lunz!!... __________________ "When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is brought in our life, OR in the life of another." ~ Helen Keller

03-21-2004, 08:23 AM	#52 (permalink)
Liebling:-))) My 3 darling princesses Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Germany Posts: 27,021	I don´t think "Friends with benefits" would be good idea. I beleive that sex belong to serious relationship. Most I know are upset because they thought their partners would love them after "hot sex"... Most use them for sex to pleasure themselves... They must have known that sex has absoluately nothing do with friendship & love. Paul was my friend Pamela´s best friend for years until they feel mood to sleep each other... After that they fall out automaic because of this... They are being stranger each other now. She is regret for let him to sleep with her because his friendship is value to her. She lost her best friend because of this. I have best friends but it doesn´t mean that I sleep with them but share everything each other. __________________

04-08-2004, 09:40 PM	#54 (permalink)
Vain Registered User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Milton, ON Posts: 27	Nuh huh The whole 'friends with benefits' concept is most difentely not a good idea. You will get nothing out of it. The void that lies deep inside you won't be filled, not after meaningless sex. You will feel dirty, empty and alone. But... hey... if you have lost your diginity, then go for it! All the power to you, babe.

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03-14-2004, 11:37 AM	#31 (permalink)
Oddball Wacky Oddball Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Cleveland native now lives in New Jersey. Posts: 3,173	Well, I agree with some on friends with benefits issues. I admitted that I did get involved with some people sexually. But, we have to agree as long as we have no strings attached. Whoever I get involved with are still friends with me, but I am no longer friends with few others.. sad. Funny thing is I never had sex with my high school classmates or someone in my hometown where I grew up..that's very odd. Yes, sometimes I get horny and get involved with someone at that point, but not often happened right now. I agree with Lasza that sex is healthy and helps burning some calories. I consider that sex is my alternative execrise. LOL However, you have to be cautious of unexpected occurrances like AIDS, HIV, STDs, and some other diseases. That's why it is important to have your health tested (I already took STD and HIV tests and come out negative).

Today
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03-14-2004, 04:07 PM	#34 (permalink)
Frog_Feet Registered User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Milton, ON Posts: 6	Friends with benefits? Sure, if you want to slut yourself up!

03-16-2004, 12:50 PM	#39 (permalink)
Ginette Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 117	Where do I start? At the age of 16, I met a guy "Dale" who was 20. I was physically attracted to him. We became just friends. When I was 17, Dale asked me out for a date. We dated for about three months...nothing beyond kissing. But still remained friends. On my 18th birthday, we did harmless flirting and kissing. Our friendship got stronger. Soon we were getting closer physically. Whenever I had a boyfriend, or he had a girlfriend we would never touch each other. When we were both single.. we were friends with benefits. It was never spoken or agreed, the sex just happened, no strings attached. Dale and I did have a strong physical attraction, but we knew we were not compatible enough for a relationship. By the time I was 19, I met my 'soon to be hubby'. Dale and I still remained friends, and he was there for me during my pregnancy, my marriage problems. I was lucky to have Dale in my life, he was very supportive when I needed him most. I unfortunately had to end the friendship, because my hubby had a problem with our history together.

03-16-2004, 08:38 PM	#44 (permalink)
Fly Free Just me Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Wherever i want to be LOL Posts: 9,101	Scuba -- its short for bondage, discipline, sadism (dominance/giving pain) and masochism (submission/taking pain) -- basically rough sex with the bottom/submissive's consent and a safeword is agreed upon

03-16-2004, 08:49 PM	#46 (permalink)
Fly Free Just me Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Wherever i want to be LOL Posts: 9,101	LOL no plm Scuba dont be embarrassed to ask at least u asked and if others were wondering they would also know the answer to BDSM

03-16-2004, 09:52 PM	#47 (permalink)
LUNZ Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 874	Sex is part of our experience as physical beings, can be enlightening - fun - painful and more. You should not have sex with anyone unless you feel comfortable with that partner. You won't have good sex if you are not ready and comfortable. The energies of sex - combined with the heightened frequencies of love and romance - can bring us to great heights as its passions motivate us in the arts, music, writing and all areas of our lives. Some couples play 'head games' - while others get right to it and meet just for sex. This is often because they know what they want and how to satisfy each other. Compatibility is the Key! Communication before you begin is important - although some couples just blend together as if they intuitively know what will please them.Sexuality can be great with one partner or multiple partners - group sex - as long as it is what everyone wants. Never get forced into a sexual situation that makes you uncomfortable - yet you are doing it to please your partner. How often one should have sex? How long sex should last? This varies with each person and partner. A couple can have a quickie if busy - then spend hours having sex - as time permits. In our busy world - there is often not enough and time and energy for lots of sex.

03-17-2004, 02:04 PM	#50 (permalink)
Nusentinsaino Xenophobic and Silly Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Athens, Ohio Posts: 452	Yeh, me and my ex girlfriend are probably friends with benefits... And yeah i agree that it can destroy your feelings... I mean right now i slept with her a week ago and she got flirty with me alot.. sexaully... and Yeah today i have been thinkin about it.. It is wrong, It can fuck me and her up... But still i do admit that i miss doing things with her lol... Life isnt always ok sometimes, Its pretty hard to drop it, but right now i am not talkin to her too much and not seeing her that much and That can make us feel better i hope... Im just not sure what to do tho lol, There are millions of girls out there tho and yah some of them are likin' me :-D so Yah to all of you guys with friends with benefits, you guys should stop right now and forget about it cuz it will mess you up in the end. Smile now and Cry later.

03-18-2004, 07:52 PM	#51 (permalink)
Sophia26 Learn it Live it Love it Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Alexandria, VA Posts: 171	Yes and No. If the person makes it clear before hand, then there won't be a problem.

03-29-2004, 10:40 AM	#53 (permalink)
Nusentinsaino Xenophobic and Silly Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Athens, Ohio Posts: 452	I had a best friend named Kayla and i slept with her (no sex) because she needed someone to sleep with and Her dad did not care because he trusts me and She had a boyfriend, and the boyfriend did not care (yes i know its strange) And me and kayla are still friends (its been 4 years and still going) We dont feel bothered by that, We dont talk about it, Because we know we feel comformatle with each other, We know we dont like each other more than friends, so can that be called Friends with benefits?