Hearing women dating deaf/HoH men - Page 5

DeafCaroline · 06-19-2011, 04:09 PM

All couples. She didn't really clarify all the demogaphics and factors, it was a general remark based on her observations that most of her deaf friends that were in long term relationships with hearing people are now single again. I have had only hearing boyfriends and for the most part, they were cool about dating a deaf woman except when we were in a social setting like at a dinner party where everyone is talking and I'm quiet because I just can't keep up and I don't like interrupting people to ask them to repeat themselves. Then I would see people giving my boyfriends looks like "why is she here?" Then my boyfriends would be uncomfortable about that and I could tell they were silently agreeing with their friends that it was awkward having me around. Then I would stop being invited out to more dinner parties with them. That sucks. So, it made me realize that I would probably be more comfortable dating a deaf man or a CODA. I don't want to be with someone who feels uncomfortable dealing with my deafness in certain situations.
So, if anyone knows a nice single deaf man, I'm single! Just saying!

Beach girl · 06-19-2011, 04:32 PM

Hope you find that someone nice!

DeafCaroline · 06-19-2011, 05:14 PM

Thanks!

Beach girl · 06-19-2011, 05:34 PM

FWIW, my husband used to be the quiet one when we were at dinner parties where he didn't know people. Had nothing to do with hearing; he's just naturally quiet and isn't one to shoot his mouth off and be the center of attention in a group. I'm the more gregarious one.

It's fine having one of each in a couple. Maybe with the right guy, he won't care that you tend to be on the quiet side in a large group. Or maybe the two of you can change your socializing to be more with small groups.

It's interesting to see how couples adapt to each other's little quirks and idiosyncracies over time. Every couple has to do that to some extent.

PiperFlute21 · 06-30-2011, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Em903

Paraphrased (So I don't get sued for copying

) It lists the book The Feel of Silence by Bonnie Poitras Tucker in that she was in a marriage with a hearing man. She finds most deaf men benefit more from a marriage to a hearing woman than if a deaf woman were married to a hearing man for this reason: Deaf men derive support from their hearing wives and list loyalty, compassion, commitment as those qualities. While with the reverse, deaf women haven't found the same kind of support from their husbands.

I find this very, very interesting. Then again, I wouldn't mind dating a Deaf man. I don't see Deafness as a disability at all... in fact, I think Deafness can actually be considered an Ability... since Deafies don't spend all of their time talking over people and are able to pick up on more subtle visual clues.

DeafTim · 07-02-2011, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazy

Sometime I do find women who would say they rather not date with deaf men. It could be many different reason. I think mostly its the fact they are not sure how to handle around deaf man. They may feel like we are "Handicapped" but we know its not true. There are many deaf people I've seen do make us look bad, when they are very intelligence yet, they go around begging for help and want to be treated as handicapped so they can save money or they don't want to be burden with responsibility. So therefore, a hearing woman would look at the deaf men and feel they would have to take care of us instead of taking care of them. Its not very often I would find hearing woman who would be willing to date deaf man like me. I'm always on a lookout for an intelligence beautiful hearing woman.

Most women listen to music. So if you can't hear music and sing with them is a huge deal-breaker to them. I know, it is silly.

lanapoo · 07-02-2011, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafTim

Most women listen to music. So if you can't hear music and sing with them is a huge deal-breaker to them. I know, it is silly.

Not true at all.

**GrendelQ** · 07-02-2011, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafTim

Most women listen to music. So if you can't hear music and sing with them is a huge deal-breaker to them. I know, it is silly.

Eh, I'm hearing and I don't think I ever sat around singing with dates or boyfriends. Going to music events, yes, but often we've had very different taste in music, so one or the other of us was usually just along for the ride and the fun of it, rather than the music, anyway. My husband has to deal with it now because I do sing with my child, and we have so much fun. But no hearing is required, in fact, it's probably best not to hear the resulting sound we make.

Beach girl · 07-02-2011, 11:33 AM

Grendel, I think I must sing in the same choir you do!

KStiletto · 07-02-2011, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafTim

Most women listen to music. So if you can't hear music and sing with them is a huge deal-breaker to them. I know, it is silly.

I think if music is a big part of their lives, i.e a singer or anyone deeply connected with music that it may be a deal breaker. I dont know many guys down for a duet or many men who like to serenade, but I understand your point.

DeafCaroline · 07-02-2011, 03:26 PM

there was a guy who flirted with me every time we were at the same cafe. One day I told him I'm deaf and he said he was a musician and as such, can never date a deaf girl, got up and walked away. I still see him around sometimes in the neighbourhood but whenever he tries to say hello to me, I pantomime I can't hear him.
Yet my last boyfriend who I dated for two years, he was the coolest nicest guy and he's a country music singer

Everyone's different.

DJGrace · 07-02-2011, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KStiletto

I think if music is a big part of their lives, i.e a singer or anyone deeply connected with music that it may be a deal breaker. I dont know many guys down for a duet or many men who like to serenade, but I understand your point.

I'm hearing and a DJ, so music is a big part of my life. My girlfriend is deaf and this isn't an issue for me in any avenue of my life. Yes, I did randomly one day think about if her hearing loss progressed to total loss and how that would make me feel if she could never hear me DJ or hear me in general. It saddened me for sure, but at the same time not once did it cross my mind that I would leave her because of that.

I'm not with her and in love with her for reasons like hearing me and my DJing. I love her for all the amazing natural chemistry we share and many other reasons.

I think if someone broke up with you because of your deafness, it's a cop out. It's like dating someone and then breaking up with them for their hair colour. Maybe it's just me, but that's how I view this kind of stuff.

SillySally · 07-02-2011, 06:38 PM

I am hearing. I met my (now ex) online. I didnt know he was almost deaf until we talked on the phone... his speech was different.. then he finally told me. I accepted it. He came from East coast to West coast to live with me. We made a baby, then we broke up. The hearing or non hearing didnt play a big role in our day to day lives... but one thing that angered me about him, is he would NOT teach me sign so i could use it with our baby... he said wait til he is 2 or so...So anyway, i am currently interested in finding a HoH or Deaf bf. However, im in no rush

DeafTim · 07-02-2011, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lanapoo

Not true at all.

Oopps, I meant, deal breaker to some not all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KStiletto

I think if music is a big part of their lives, i.e a singer or anyone deeply connected with music that it may be a deal breaker. I dont know many guys down for a duet or many men who like to serenade, but I understand your point.

Thanks. A deaf guy has no chance to date Beyonce!

KStiletto · 07-02-2011, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafTim

Oopps, I meant, deal breaker to some not all.

Thanks. A deaf guy has no chance to date Beyonce!

Lmao..

Okay, when I speak I never generalize soooooo, there is always exceptions. For me, music, has more meaning than it has for others. Its one of those things that certain songs reminds me of certain times in my life. It's really deep for me, and since I am not a person that takes solace from many things, music is just very profound to me. Gotten me through many things. Other singers, beat makers, etc, might not feel as compassionate as me, not to say they aren't in love with the art. It just holds a higher meaning. I sing, and even if a hearing guy didn't enjoy it with me, or even if it were something like didn't really "get my music," ( I like rock, pop, r&b from the late nineties, early two thousands, like Third Eye Blind, Goo Goo, Usher, etc) I don't know how that would work out.

So in short, I think it's possible for a deaf man to find a hearing woman, you just have to look.

Grummer · 07-03-2011, 04:43 AM

good thread here, good discussion about all this Alex, id re-read it tomorrow and get back to it
right now im half-pissed just been playing pool all day lol with my mates...we do this every sunday, so now sunday is my fav day of the week lol
oh, only the cheap beer/grog 'when we play, they only sell sludges' and id keep quiet about it or else risk looking a wine/whisky snob or have too much money (which i don't im dirt poor just i have good tastes)...and better tastes in women (when my time comes)

anlos09 · 07-03-2011, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafTim

Most women listen to music. So if you can't hear music and sing with them is a huge deal-breaker to them. I know, it is silly.

Definitely not true, I dont sit around singing with my husband. =\ we go to concerts and such but that can be done with a deaf partner. I had a really close deaf friend who loved to dance. He said he couldn't hear the music but he felt the vibration, and that was good enough for him.

**Bottesini** · 07-03-2011, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anlos09

Definitely not true, I dont sit around singing with my husband. =\ we go to concerts and such but that can be done with a deaf partner. I had a really close deaf friend who loved to dance. He said he couldn't hear the music but he felt the vibration, and that was good enough for him.

Pretty boring for the deaf partner. It's awful just to tag along for one person's interests.

anlos09 · 07-03-2011, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Pretty boring for the deaf partner. It's awful just to tag along for one person's interests.

but thats true for any couple. you dont always want to do or like the same things.

**Bottesini** · 07-03-2011, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anlos09

but thats true for any couple. you dont always want to do or like the same things.

I would not do it.

**Smithtr** · 07-03-2011, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grummer

good thread here, good discussion about all this Alex, id re-read it tomorrow and get back to it
right now im half-pissed just been playing pool all day lol with my mates...we do this every sunday, so now sunday is my fav day of the week lol
oh, only the cheap beer/grog 'when we play, they only sell sludges' and id keep quiet about it or else risk looking a wine/whisky snob or have too much money (which i don't im dirt poor just i have good tastes)...and better tastes in women (when my time comes)

I Know awful on his bad is risk dangerous! nut on on he is very ask irrated!
I wish be chance mod banned for him! his negative already old bio personal risk
prevent to 18 to 30 safe protect reason!
that is not funny

Quote:

Originally Posted by anlos09

Definitely not true, I dont sit around singing with my husband. =\ we go to concerts and such but that can be done with a deaf partner. I had a really close deaf friend who loved to dance. He said he couldn't hear the music but he felt the vibration, and that was good enough for him.

Yeah I am pretty guess Sometimes many guy/ bad or good is person

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Pretty boring for the deaf partner. It's awful just to tag along for one person's interests.

true I agree you protect to nice person otherwise

you are right

anlos09 · 07-03-2011, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

I would not do it.

so youve never been in a relationship where you did something you didnt really want to just to see the other one happy?

**Bottesini** · 07-03-2011, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anlos09

so youve never been in a relationship where you did something you didnt really want to just to see the other one happy?

I have been married practically forever, so I am good at it. But I married someone who suited me where we could share the same interests.

**Smithtr** · 07-03-2011, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anlos09

so youve never been in a relationship where you did something you didnt really want to just to see the other one happy?

really you serious!! that is very watch out your otherwise on happy and interesting love, happy, good personal! otherwise! I am single!

anlos09 · 07-03-2011, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

I have been married practically forever, so I am good at it. But I married someone who suited me where we could share the same interests.

well, thats great, yet hard to come by.

**sallylou** · 07-03-2011, 06:16 PM

When a person keeps doing something he/she doesn't like just to make another person happy, that person grows to resent the other person. Better to find someone very compatible so that you can do a lot together. And secure so that there's no jealousy when one person wants to do something alone (because the other person doesn't participate).

Liza · 07-03-2011, 06:17 PM

I know a friend who keeps getting dumped by hearing women -- there is really nothing wrong with him except that he keeps pickin' them (that or there is just a limited amount of good deaf women in the area). I think, like bottesini, some hearing women probably just like adding a notch on their belts if they date a deaf man. It's exciting at first to 'try' their ASL skills and to take double advantage of a 'free' ASL tutor with a phallus. It happens. Just try to weed out the ASL adventurers from the women that really like you for you! Haha

Keep in mind what your goals are and what you look for in a potential mate.

**Smithtr** · 07-03-2011, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anlos09

well, thats great, yet hard to come by.

that is complication because not easy if suppose communication and straight to happy and mind open feeling statisly fun enjoy positive and skills first date

but don't be fast rush because take an time your patient

Liza · 07-03-2011, 07:06 PM

You know what? Tis the deaf man's fault for pickin' these winners and believing in an illusion!

Fine tune your pickers, get rid of the illusion and get back on the saddle.

**Smithtr** · 07-03-2011, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liza

You know what? Tis the deaf man's fault for pickin' these winners and believing in an illusion!

Fine tune your pickers, get rid of the illusion and get back on the saddle.

who is TIS? I never heard Tis I wonder

06-19-2011, 04:09 PM	#121 (permalink)
DeafCaroline Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 4,889	All couples. She didn't really clarify all the demogaphics and factors, it was a general remark based on her observations that most of her deaf friends that were in long term relationships with hearing people are now single again. I have had only hearing boyfriends and for the most part, they were cool about dating a deaf woman except when we were in a social setting like at a dinner party where everyone is talking and I'm quiet because I just can't keep up and I don't like interrupting people to ask them to repeat themselves. Then I would see people giving my boyfriends looks like "why is she here?" Then my boyfriends would be uncomfortable about that and I could tell they were silently agreeing with their friends that it was awkward having me around. Then I would stop being invited out to more dinner parties with them. That sucks. So, it made me realize that I would probably be more comfortable dating a deaf man or a CODA. I don't want to be with someone who feels uncomfortable dealing with my deafness in certain situations. So, if anyone knows a nice single deaf man, I'm single! Just saying! derek7names likes this.

06-19-2011, 04:32 PM	#122 (permalink)
Beach girl Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: northern Virginia in winter; NC in summer Posts: 3,760	Hope you find that someone nice! rockin'robin, DeafCaroline and ladysolitary85 like this.

06-19-2011, 05:34 PM	#124 (permalink)
Beach girl Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: northern Virginia in winter; NC in summer Posts: 3,760	FWIW, my husband used to be the quiet one when we were at dinner parties where he didn't know people. Had nothing to do with hearing; he's just naturally quiet and isn't one to shoot his mouth off and be the center of attention in a group. I'm the more gregarious one. It's fine having one of each in a couple. Maybe with the right guy, he won't care that you tend to be on the quiet side in a large group. Or maybe the two of you can change your socializing to be more with small groups. It's interesting to see how couples adapt to each other's little quirks and idiosyncracies over time. Every couple has to do that to some extent. sallylou likes this.

07-02-2011, 11:33 AM	#129 (permalink)
Beach girl Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: northern Virginia in winter; NC in summer Posts: 3,760	Grendel, I think I must sing in the same choir you do! GrendelQ likes this.

07-02-2011, 03:26 PM	#131 (permalink)
DeafCaroline Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 4,889	there was a guy who flirted with me every time we were at the same cafe. One day I told him I'm deaf and he said he was a musician and as such, can never date a deaf girl, got up and walked away. I still see him around sometimes in the neighbourhood but whenever he tries to say hello to me, I pantomime I can't hear him. Yet my last boyfriend who I dated for two years, he was the coolest nicest guy and he's a country music singer Everyone's different. rockin'robin and PiperFlute21 like this.

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06-19-2011, 05:14 PM	#123 (permalink)
DeafCaroline Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 4,889	Thanks!

07-02-2011, 06:38 PM	#133 (permalink)
SillySally Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Portland, Oregon, USA Posts: 15	I am hearing. I met my (now ex) online. I didnt know he was almost deaf until we talked on the phone... his speech was different.. then he finally told me. I accepted it. He came from East coast to West coast to live with me. We made a baby, then we broke up. The hearing or non hearing didnt play a big role in our day to day lives... but one thing that angered me about him, is he would NOT teach me sign so i could use it with our baby... he said wait til he is 2 or so...So anyway, i am currently interested in finding a HoH or Deaf bf. However, im in no rush __________________ Sally Mama of Javonte (11/22/05), Hard of Hearing Portland, OREGON, USA

07-03-2011, 04:43 AM	#136 (permalink)
Grummer Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Batcave Posts: 9,534	good thread here, good discussion about all this Alex, id re-read it tomorrow and get back to it right now im half-pissed just been playing pool all day lol with my mates...we do this every sunday, so now sunday is my fav day of the week lol oh, only the cheap beer/grog 'when we play, they only sell sludges' and id keep quiet about it or else risk looking a wine/whisky snob or have too much money (which i don't im dirt poor just i have good tastes)...and better tastes in women (when my time comes) __________________ "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." Albert Einstein

07-03-2011, 06:16 PM	#146 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	When a person keeps doing something he/she doesn't like just to make another person happy, that person grows to resent the other person. Better to find someone very compatible so that you can do a lot together. And secure so that there's no jealousy when one person wants to do something alone (because the other person doesn't participate). Smithtr and Bottesini like this. __________________

07-03-2011, 06:17 PM	#147 (permalink)
Liza Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Jacksonville Posts: 4,367 Blog Entries: 2	I know a friend who keeps getting dumped by hearing women -- there is really nothing wrong with him except that he keeps pickin' them (that or there is just a limited amount of good deaf women in the area). I think, like bottesini, some hearing women probably just like adding a notch on their belts if they date a deaf man. It's exciting at first to 'try' their ASL skills and to take double advantage of a 'free' ASL tutor with a phallus. It happens. Just try to weed out the ASL adventurers from the women that really like you for you! Haha Keep in mind what your goals are and what you look for in a potential mate. Smithtr, Bottesini and sallylou like this.

07-03-2011, 07:06 PM	#149 (permalink)
Liza Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Jacksonville Posts: 4,367 Blog Entries: 2	You know what? Tis the deaf man's fault for pickin' these winners and believing in an illusion! Fine tune your pickers, get rid of the illusion and get back on the saddle. sallylou likes this.

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