nope

I think maybe the issue with hearing/deaf relationships is the same issues with any relationships that involve two different cultures, no matter what those cultures might be.
Language and communication are an obvious one. A french woman and an english man couldn't date and have a healthy relationship without one (or both) of them learning the other language. How can you know each other without communicating? I think it would be the same for hearing and deaf. How can you really be together, if you aren't willing to learn the language that can allow you to communicate. The deaf person (whether the man or the woman) can't learn to hear, so the hearing person has to learn the communication method preferred by their partner. I don't know, it just seems incomprehensible to me that two people could be together and be happy without being comfortable communicating.
If the deaf/hoh partner is culturally Deaf, then the couple is going to have to be culturally savvy. Little misunderstandings are bound to happen when any two cultures meet. You have to be willing to step outside of what you know and look at things from someone else's perspective to try and understand how they're feeling or what they are thinking.

It's late, I'll stop rambling

Deafness

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shel90

It is hard to say because I know hundreds of people in the Deaf community.

I will think of my closest friends for now..

In my circle, it seems there are more deaf women with hearing guys than hearing women with deaf guys. I know several of my deaf friends say that they refuse to date anyone who do not know ASL already so it could be the reason. One of my friends recently broke up with his deaf girlfriend who didnt know any sign language because her parents put so much pressure on her about him being so dependent on ASL even though he had oral skills too.

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"Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it."

--- Anonymous

lawner

hello
am actually a hearing person living in kenya
ever since i got into special education as a careef and i do speak sign language,my heart has gone for a deaf man'if you can hiik me with one who will be comfortable staying with a black woman.i will appreciate

lawner

congratulations
am also looking for a guy just like him
could he hook me up to his friend
al send you african regalia presents for your wedding

MyDarkling

I don't know if my input counts but, as a hearing woman I would most certainly date a Deaf man if he was the right guy for me If we had things in common, we could communicate, and so on... I don't see why I wouldn't.

sima1289

i'm hearing, and i've always wanted to date a h-o-h/deaf guy. since sign language is something i'm really passionate about, i want to be able to date someone who speaks the language :-)

i actually just started dating a h-o-h guy at my college. he's awesome! :-D he's mainly oral, but he does sign...he just prefers to talk. we've signed a little, but it's usually one-ended (me signing to him and him replying aloud). he hasn't signed in 5 or so years though (although he knows exactly what i sign to him), so i understand that it makes him uncomfortable to sign...hopefully he'll eventually feel more comfortable with it while we're together :-)

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Jessie Marie

this is actually a really interesting topic because i am a hearing girl and i have a deaf boyfriend. umm the wierd thing is that he had an ex who was deaf and she is telling me i cant go out with him because deaf boys should be with deaf girls. sometimes i get a litlle bit jealous because i am still only learning sign language and so i only know a little bit at the moment, and so i get jealiius when he talk to deaf women coz i dont know what hes saying.
i think one of the reasons women don't go for deaf men tho is because girls talk to much like on the phone and stuff all the time and its kinda hard with the lack of communication

but i love andrew heaps and could never imagine having a hearing boyfriend

Purlee

I didn't read through all the posts. I'm going to after I put in my 2 cents but here's my opinion....

hearing men tend to care only about looks. It's the foundation for their attraction. Most men are shallow...they won't date a girl who isn't pretty to their liking

hearing women on the other hand care about status. It's the foundation for THEIR attraction. Having any form of disability is considered a negative status in the hearing world.

That's why a man would probably **** a girl in a wheel chair if she was gorgeous but a woman wouldn't even **** brad pitt in a wheel chair unless he was a celebrity.

Celebrity = High status hence why girls always go nuts over famous people. They're more attracted to their fame than anything. If the same guy she is CRAZY over wasn't famous and approached her at the bar with a corny pick-up line she'd turn him down in a second

So a guy isn't likely to date an ugly girl
and a girl isn't likely to date a low status guy

So the obvious statement here is that it's much harder for a deaf guy to find a relationship than it is for a deaf girl. Personally I think if a deaf girl dates outside of the community it's making it even harder because the only girls who know his position and can relate to him aren't available.

Edit: TheWrightAlex basically said the same thing on the first page. I think this is the most logical answer

Jason

I have read most of the posts by you people. I have few deaf girl friends who married hearing guys and divorced for reasons apart from being deaf. Some of them stay married and have family. Let me to be honest, I have not seen a lot of deaf guys with hearing girlfriends or a wife. Just about 1/8 the number of couples I have knew...(deaf girl with hearing guy).

I am deaf myself, never had problem dating hearing girls and all that but I do recall when being very young, I noticed few hearing girls were scared to give it a shot or did not want to adapt the language to communicate with me or other deaf boys. They want us but did not want to give it a shot. I have been asked out by two hearing girls during high school years. I believe it is just the security and the ability to adapt the culture. They said they often review the pros and cons before they give it a chance to influence their world. I was like *raspberry* what is the difference? We all are human beings!!! Hearing people can be lazy or busy as we are. But the problem I have with hearing girls is that I couldn't actually trust them because of my bad experiences being cheated on. Those two girls I dated who cheated on me didnt actually adapt the culture they just find it confusing and complicated to adapt so they went out with "normal boys" as they call it. But it didnt stop me from dating other hearing girls. I dated a hearing girl who was so crazy about me. We broke up because I did not feel she was ready and I needed time... later about three yrs later I got married to wrong deaf girl, she showed up at my wedding... I was shocked... she came to me and said, you should have proposed to me instead. I was mute for about an hour mumbling to myself.

So I believe it has to do about the worlds between deaf and hearing people who has the ability to adapt each other or not. It is similar to the idea of a person who is always on the run dating the partner who is always disabled who can not go anywhere. They both have to make it work, if not.. it wont be a success.

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lianne

I'm not sure this is entirely true, and I think its quite stereotypical! I don't agree that girls go for status! It is more that they go for support and stability but I don't see Deafness as a disability. I certainly wouldnt have a problem with dating a Deaf guy, infact, I'd quite like to, to be able to share my enthusiasm for such a beautiful language, but for those not aware of the Deaf culture it might seem a bit unusual, and by the time they have a chance to think about it, the opportunity is probably gone.

To be honest, I don't know anyone who would discount someone for a relationship due to their hearing status, but perhaps I just keep good company

hearing.girl28

I think hearing women get tired of things pretty quickly. Especially if they are one of those I am the best types, who always thinks they can find someone better. Im a CODA, and I would acutally love to find a deaf guy. Most hearing guys shy away because they don't know how to communicate with my family etc. That could also be another reason why hearing women arent often seen with deaf guys. They don't realize the "work" thats involved in such a relationship.
If I repeated everything someone else said, I'm sorry haha. I didn't read all the way down this post.

Bottesini

Hello, hearing.girl28, I did not expect to meet another person with my name here.

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hearing.girl28

I'm confused?? I don't have the same name as you... haha maybe I'm missing something obvious.

Bottesini

Just teasing you because it was a question that was addressed with me.

You should begin response thus, " Well Professor, obviously I can't pretend to have the intelligence, and analytical fervor of Bott, but this is something extra I might be able to contribute to her answer."

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hearing.girl28

ohhh hahaha I'm sorry. I'll make sure to remember next time.

Bottesini

YOu wlll get used to me. Everyone does, except the ones who quit in a snit.

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TWA

Love that Botti!

Bebonang

I have tried dating deaf young men and later middle age deaf men years ago. I find that their personalities and communication are different level than my level like my intelligent. And the funny thing is that I do not have a click feeling of falling in love or a love feeling toward any relationship with deaf men. So I was attracted to hearing men for the simple reason that I can talk with my funny voice to communicate with them. I do have a feeling connection to the hearing men (One ex-husband and one present husband), but still they do not have any experience with deafness and do not want to learn sign language like ASL. I tried to teach them about deafness, but they do not care as long as I can communicate by oral. I would rather sign than oral.

As for hearing women dating deaf men, if the hearing women are not afraid to learn sign language to communicate with him. Communication is the key to the relationship. Do not forget there are CODA women who can married to Deaf men and probably get along much better than Deafies.

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . (thumb up) (very happy)

enomakos

In my own personal experience, I have dated several hearing women, but I think I've had A LOT of potential relationships that never developed because of my hearing. And even though my previous relationships ended for whatever reasons, I do think my hearing was a factor each time. Maybe that's a faulty view. (Maybe I'm just a jerk, LOL! but I don't think that's true either. At least I hope not! )



it does happened to me too,i have lost alots of potential relationship due to the same reason

enomakos

true talk

enomakos

i am happy for you,i will love to date girls like you,they are rare

enomakos

[QUOTE=Jessie Marie;1464372]. umm the wierd thing is that he had an ex who was deaf and she is telling me i cant go out with him because deaf boys should be with deaf girls.

she is lying jessie marie,deaf boys can be with both hearing and deaf girl,she is just jealous,continue your relationship with your bf

kg2789

I'm a student taking ASL 2, so I'm just learning. But, in my previous semester, my teacher had asked us all what would we do if we found out the person we loved was deaf. My response was the fact that I would love him regardless of if he were able to hear or not. Deaf people can do anything that hearing people can do, except hear. They love the same, they hug the same, they kiss the same, etc. I have always been interested in working and being around the deaf. If there ever came a time were I fell in love with a deaf man, I wouldn't think twice. It is a lot of hard work to make a relationship like this work, especially since I'm just now learning ASL. I don't think I would mind being with a deaf man, actually I think that's something I've always wanted.

mudrider420

my opinion on this is this: hearing women doesnt want hoh men because she cant nag or complain like she can with hearing guys (even though hearing guys doesnt hear them anyways) but it can be good for the women because they can gossip all they want and really doesnt have to worry about the hoh guys knowing about it. it can or cannot be true, its your opinion. i am just joking around but at the same time, think about it. so please dont flame me. it can work both ways on the guys and the gals.

RonJaxon

Forgive the fact that I didn't read all your replies yet. Some thoughts came to mind as soon as I read the OP so I'm just commenting on the original question here.

The truth is woman, hearing or deaf, are mostly attracted to men who express self confidence. That put's us deaf guys in a unique situation. For one thing it's often hard to be confident in a social setting around hearing people who do not know how to communicate with us very well. So that's kind of a mark against us. Another thing that woman are attracted to is our voices. That's another mark against us deaf guys.

Now, on the other hand if a girl has the right mind set (Most often that translates to if they are smart enough to understand this), and the deaf guy is very self confident despite the fact that they are deaf. Then that's a very big advantage. It's one thing for a guy to have high self confidence when there's no reason for them not to. That's not all that hard to do when you don't have anything to be worried about (For instance if they have good health, strong, smart, successful and in this discussion can hear). Why wouldn't this guy have all the self confidence in the world? Now look at a deaf guy who despite this "Disadvantage" still has self confidence. Then that's even more impressive.

I know it might offend some of you when I said that deafness was a "disadvantage". Don't get me wrong on that. It's nothing to be ashamed of and if you can be proud of our deafness then that's even better. It's a sign of self confidence which is exactly the point I was making.

By the way. I can relate to the OP about a relationship failing due to my hearing. I was with my ex-wife for about 15 years. When we first started seeing each other I was profoundly HOH. We where together as my hearing decreased to deafness. At the time of our divorce I had been deaf for a number of years. We didn't divorce simply because I was deaf. But some of the communication issues that resulted from it certainly didn't help matters.

Ron

Bottesini

Save the deaf men for deaf women!

(New crusade!)

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pinkyandshmoo

i don't know, i'm hearing and have loved the same deaf man for over 20 years. when i was in college there were quite a few hearing girls that were dating some of the deaf guys on campus. whether or not that turned into long-term relationships, i don't know. but there were definitely relationships.

Bottesini

Introduce yourself

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pinkyandshmoo

sorry! i'm hearing, been in love w/the same (deaf) guy since college. (long story!) i was a deaf studies major in college and currently teach beginning sign language classes on occasion. and i'm the "pinky" and "pinkyandshmoo", shmoo is my daughter's nickname.

paperclip

I’m hard of hearing. I’ve only dated two hearing men. One of whom knew ASL, and another willingly joined an ASL club for me. I was raised oral, although recently, after going to NYC, I have an interest in making ASL more of a primary language. That being said – I had originally thought I would date/marry a hearing man, but after realizing the potential in lessening communication barriers – I would hope that whomever I end up with would have a basic knowledge of ASL.

Thus, I would be open to dating HOH/Deaf men now. I can’t say that I’ve had the opportunity to do this in the past since my schooling was done through public schools (I’m in grad school now) and I do not live in a deaf populated area. However, some of the statements in this thread do mirror some of my previous concerns about dating HOH/Deaf men.

I am hesitant in dating a deaf man in that my family is hearing and everyone I interact with on a daily basis is hearing. I hate feeling left out, but it also bothers me if other people feel left out. I am not sure if my family would consider learning ASL if it became my primary language with a future bf/husband. In some sense – I am also not sure if I would be adequate in deaf culture since I was raised oral. Before meeting Gangis and Jiro and others in NYC – I mistakenly thought that people were involved heavily in one culture or the other – but it looks as though some people have remained heavily invested in hearing culture while maintaining their Deaf identity.

I also tend to look on the sunny side of life so I tend relate better with people who are also positive and happy. That is not to say that I cannot relate to feelings of frustration that comes with having a hearing loss though.

I am not the most confident person socially with HOH/deaf folks. Currently, I interact more naturally with hearing people. I’m attracted to socially graceful people who can make my awkwardness feel less awkward. Like many of you – I’ve had my fair share of confusing, awkward conversations and perhaps this would be minimized with deaf/HOH people?

On the flip side – for what it is worth – I feel as though my hearing loss makes me less attractive to hearing men in general.

I am not discouraged though - just enthusiastic. people are beautiful.