Hearing women dating deaf/HoH men - Page 2

violet · 10-30-2009, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JClarke

This is a interesting thread, sometimes I am in the same boat.

Hearing girls just look at me, and then, fuck it, he's deaf - too hard. C'mon!

aww you're not too hard.. just too far away

NintyFresh · 10-30-2009, 02:54 PM

I'm hearing and I didn't start to understand more about deafness and sign language until I started dating my (now) fiance. I never really thought about dating a deaf guy, it just happened that way. We talked a lot using the computer to get to know each other, then in person I adjusted to his way of speaking and learned some rudimentary signs for basic communications, though I plan to become more fluent when I finish with my degree in May.

For him, he didn't care what kind of person that he ended up with, deaf or hearing, as long as they didn't think anything of him being deaf.

Somehow we just fit each other very well, we've known each other for nearly five years now.

sallylou · 10-30-2009, 03:57 PM

It's hard for anyone (hearing or deaf) to find the right person for a relationship. I married my husband because he has a big heart. I just knew that he was the right one for me. Once you find that person with a big heart, you won't need to worry about those other details. Don't give up. It happens when you least expect it.

Em903 · 10-30-2009, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NintyFresh

I'm hearing and I didn't start to understand more about deafness and sign language until I started dating my (now) fiance. I never really thought about dating a deaf guy, it just happened that way. We talked a lot using the computer to get to know each other, then in person I adjusted to his way of speaking and learned some rudimentary signs for basic communications, though I plan to become more fluent when I finish with my degree in May.

For him, he didn't care what kind of person that he ended up with, deaf or hearing, as long as they didn't think anything of him being deaf.

Somehow we just fit each other very well, we've known each other for nearly five years now.

JClarke · 10-31-2009, 02:40 AM

Thank you for the compliments, ladies.

At the least, I got plenty of time

sara1981 · 10-31-2009, 02:43 AM

im been dating some deaf boys and some hearing boys whether i would chose but my parents dont care about that!!

Im grown adult i can makes my own decision having boyfriend in my lifes but im been dating my British boyfriend James Windsor for 2 years since 2006 but im not sure in my mind.

whether how tall boyfriend would be?!? but my boyfriend James is 6'4 than me but im also 6'2

Doug5 · 11-01-2009, 01:58 PM

I dont trust hearing men that want to exclusively date deaf women. I think they have some personal issues.

deafdude1 · 11-02-2009, 01:37 AM

Ive had no luck dating and have never been asked out. Well once when I was 11 and in summer camp, this girl, also 11 had a crush on me. I would have liked her if she wasn't so weird. She wanted to stick her tongue in my mouth and lick my tongue with her tongue. Ewww, can we say cooties? I even pointed out I could get all kinds of germs that way but she didn't care.

My hearing impairment/deafness makes communication more difficult, even with my great ability to read lips, it's not as good as a hearing person being able to understand pratically 100%. Also some people don't speak clearly, their lips don't properly move and don't form the correct shape. They may actually make good ventriloquists! Women consider good communication a very important aspect in a relationship and given the choice, she would rather date a hearie than a HOH/deaf man. Perhaps ill have more luck dating a HOH/deaf woman myself, but then ive been told those women also prefer to date hearing men!

shel90 · 11-02-2009, 06:49 AM

Many of my deaf male friends are in relationships whether married or not married with hearing women. Much more than a handful.

TheWriteAlex · 11-02-2009, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Many of my deaf male friends are in relationships whether married or not married with hearing women. Much more than a handful.

A couple questions: first, is that number higher than the amount of Deaf women that you know in relationships with hearing men? Second, how many of those hearing women were already fluent at signing and involved in the Deaf community in one way or another when they met your deaf male friends?

herewego · 11-02-2009, 08:51 PM

Agreed from the people that I know in the ASL programs I would say it's mostly females, however some guys learn ASL (hearing people) as well I would say, a guy who is deaf statistically speaking has a better chance of landing a hearing girl. Looking at the numbers and the odds. However, not all guys are close minded to the idea of dating a deaf girl. I'm hearing and I really don't mind because personality is kind of what I'm looking for in a future mate. It's interesting to hear peoples opinions non the less.

herewego · 11-02-2009, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sallylou

It's hard for anyone (hearing or deaf) to find the right person for a relationship. I married my husband because he has a big heart. I just knew that he was the right one for me. Once you find that person with a big heart, you won't need to worry about those other details. Don't give up. It happens when you least expect it.

This is very true, love happens when you least expect it, because it just happens.

Bottesini · 11-02-2009, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWriteAlex

A couple questions: first, is that number higher than the amount of Deaf women that you know in relationships with hearing men? Second, how many of those hearing women were already fluent at signing and involved in the Deaf community in one way or another when they met your deaf male friends?

I forgot to ask. Do you prefer to marry a hearing woman?

TheWriteAlex · 11-03-2009, 12:34 AM

No, absolutely not. At the same time, I wouldn't say I'd prefer a deaf woman either. Similar to what Sallylou said, it just depends on the right person. I've never actually even dated a deaf/HoH woman, mainly because I've met so few that are my age, and the ones I have were taken.

But I'd like for that to change. Really, I just want someone who understands me and what my life is like. The odds are fairly good, however, that a deaf/HoH woman is going to understand that better than a hearing woman.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

I forgot to ask. Do you prefer to marry a hearing woman?

Sapphire Moon · 11-03-2009, 05:15 AM

I am a hearing woman, I have been dating a Deaf man for two years and i love him very much. I was not shocked or turned off by the fact he was Deaf, he had a culture different from mine and I did not speak his language. I never saw it as an inability. He is profundly Deaf and uses sign language 99% of the time, he does not read lips. I met him at the club and he is a fantastic dancer. He has taught me how to sign and I picked it up pretty easily but I know there is sooooo much more that I need to lean and I do wish to become an interpreter (might as well get paid, right?). He is a nice guy and is very patient with me (I'm extremely patient with him, too) and very loving! We do have challenges within our relationship that i think stems from his lack of trust with hearing people in general. I've come to learn that many Deaf people have issues with the way they were raised: they think their parents did not focus enough on them or they just don't agree witht he methods their parents chose to rear them. He has some of those feelings that he has unfortunately carried over into our relationship. I am patient and pray that he learns to trust me completely. It is a challenge to be in this relationsip but I know there are rewards also. I have started a group on this site for people who are currently dating a Deaf person or who has ever been in a romantic relationship with a Deaf person. The purpose of the group is to swap advice that specifically effects that group...there is not a magazine or advice column that caters to us, and there are not many people who can answer our questons! The group is called SpODA, GODA, BODA for the Spouses, Girlfriends, or Boyfriends of Deaf Adults. Look it up, Join it, and Enjoy! Thanks! =)

sallylou · 11-03-2009, 01:17 PM

It takes a long time to build trust and not just for deaf people. Good luck, sapphire moon. It sounds like he's a special guy.

In a long-term relationship, the constant is change, and the people must adapt to change with their partners. It's not easy but it's worth it.

dogmom · 11-03-2009, 10:26 PM

some thoughts of mine only....I met my husband in college. He considers himself deaf w/o HA's, didn't have any when I met him college. Happens to be oral. We have stayed together over the course of so many things, including my coming out to him as bi. I was formally diagnosed w/LD the second year after I met him. Now I am hoh. Am in my 30's. We dated for about 6 years before we got married in 1996. For us, our relationship has been sustained because of something in each of us that is whole and that wholeness is able to encompass but not absorb the other person. The wholeness has nothing to do w/his ears or mine, or my neurology or whether the sky is purple.....

Bottesini · 11-03-2009, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogmom

some thoughts of mine only....I met my husband in college. He considers himself deaf w/o HA's, didn't have any when I met him college. Happens to be oral. We have stayed together over the course of so many things, including my coming out to him as bi. I was formally diagnosed w/LD the second year after I met him. Now I am hoh. Am in my 30's. We dated for about 6 years before we got married in 1996. For us, our relationship has been sustained because of something in each of us that is whole and that wholeness is able to encompass but not absorb the other person. The wholeness has nothing to do w/his ears or mine, or my neurology or whether the sky is purple.....

I promise you the sky is not purple. ( and people say I am not helpful) pfffftt

dogmom · 11-03-2009, 10:41 PM

no, true technically not ....but sometimes it is....here....

WHO says you're not helpful?

Bottesini · 11-03-2009, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogmom

no, true technically not ....but sometimes it is....here....

WHO says you're not helpful?

Sorry, I am just feeling whiny tonight. I will be happy tomorrow.

dogmom · 11-03-2009, 10:57 PM

oh, no need to be sorry, I really didn't think you were whiny

you can be happy at your discretion

but I still think you are helpful

Passionate4ASL · 11-03-2009, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWriteAlex

Oh, I should discuss the flipside of this. The reason why hearing men don't seem to have a problem with deaf women is because for them, non-visual biological differences are not as much a concern. Men are much more attracted to physicality than women. In fact, deafness is often a desirable trait to men. Some men like to be a "protector" and in extreme cases, this is taken to a controlling degree. I think some hearing men look at a deaf woman and like the idea that they can take care of her, that they can "protect" her and help her with her "disability." Let's face it, too, the hearing person in a relationship is easily able to control the deaf person in many situations, since most of society is auditory based. But then we all know the stories about Deaf women dating hearing men who take the man to the Deaf community, and the man gets pissed off because suddenly he's the one in the position of meekness. I can't help but feel that most of the time when a hearing man wants to date a deaf woman, even if he's not aware of it himself, he's reacting to his biological need to control and protect. I don't like that I feel like that, but I do.

I don't know. Maybe I've got it all wrong...

I think you make some good points, especially about control and protection. This topic came up in conversation once and someone expressed that in a Deaf-Hearing relationship, the "hearie" doesn't always have the best signing skills. And that some Deaf men don't have as much patience if communication is not smooth, where Deaf women are more willing to teach the language to assist communication. I have never experienced said relationship so I can't comment from first hand experience but what do you think about this theory?

TheWriteAlex · 11-04-2009, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Passionate4ASL

I think you make some good points, especially about control and protection. This topic came up in conversation once and someone expressed that in a Deaf-Hearing relationship, the "hearie" doesn't always have the best signing skills. And that some Deaf men don't have as much patience if communication is not smooth, where Deaf women are more willing to teach the language to assist communication. I have never experienced said relationship so I can't comment from first hand experience but what do you think about this theory?

I would generally agree with you that women are more patient than men when it comes to communication (and probably just in general

). In my experience, men are far more likely to say, "oh nevermind" or "don't worry about it" when I ask them to repeat themselves. But while you say that Deaf men are more likely to get frustrated with bad signers, I'd say hearing men are just as likely to get frustrated as well. Personally, I think if communicating is enough of a problem to create that type of tension in a relationship, continuing it might not be the best idea...

Passionate4ASL · 11-04-2009, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWriteAlex

I would generally agree with you that women are more patient than men when it comes to communication (and probably just in general

). In my experience, men are far more likely to say, "oh nevermind" or "don't worry about it" when I ask them to repeat themselves. But while you say that Deaf men are more likely to get frustrated with bad signers, I'd say hearing men are just as likely to get frustrated as well. Personally, I think if communicating is enough of a problem to create that type of tension in a relationship, continuing it might not be the best idea...

Good observation. I can agree in general they tend to be more like that. I'm sorry if I implyed only Deaf men, I was just attempting to keep the two relationship scenerios from becoming mixed up.

Murasaki · 11-05-2009, 11:45 PM

I am a mostly hearing woman, and personally, I would love to date a deaf man.

I think it's part of my affinity for Culture.

rainpeople · 11-06-2009, 12:12 AM

Hello room, I am new here,, so fill me in

KSUASL1214 · 11-06-2009, 02:56 AM

I am a hearing female that would have no problem dating a Deaf man. I love ASL and love to continuously learn new signs. I am currently going to college and I am majoring in ASL. I would not have a problem being in a relationship with a man that is Deaf.

Grummer · 11-06-2009, 06:34 AM

i couldnt say in general women being more patient, maybe only due they tend to be slightly more mature...but also its a personality thing.. some individuals are geniunely interested in other people, others just have a 'me me me' mindset..so they are intolerant

society's_child · 11-06-2009, 10:50 AM

I wouldn't mind dating a deaf man at all.

jinxedkitten · 11-08-2009, 12:55 AM

((bites nails))

Well, ahem, for some reason I seem to be drawn to hearing men. Well, my only boyfriend (will be ex husband soon) was hearing. I think it is a security issue, I was 18 when I met him (he was 25). Since I grew up without a father, I found comfort in a police officer who took the reins and literally spoke for me. I was blind to his control. I think controlling men may be drawn to deaf women for that reason, it is to have someone to take care of and dominate. I am not speaking for all the hearing men, I'm just saying it could be one of the reasons why a select handful of men may desire a woman from the deaf world.

In ten years from now, I might consider dating a HOH/Deaf man. I'm not too involved with the deaf community in real-life but I would like to change that soon.

Good thought-provoking post!

10-30-2009, 03:57 PM	#33 (permalink)
sallylou Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 2,098	It's hard for anyone (hearing or deaf) to find the right person for a relationship. I married my husband because he has a big heart. I just knew that he was the right one for me. Once you find that person with a big heart, you won't need to worry about those other details. Don't give up. It happens when you least expect it. __________________ Happy holidays!

10-31-2009, 02:40 AM	#35 (permalink)
JClarke Good times, good times. Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Packing bags for U.S.A Posts: 20,262 Blog Entries: 5	Thank you for the compliments, ladies. At the least, I got plenty of time __________________

10-31-2009, 02:43 AM	#36 (permalink)
sara1981 Pandy the Beagle Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: North Little Rock,Ar Posts: 4,834	im been dating some deaf boys and some hearing boys whether i would chose but my parents dont care about that!! Im grown adult i can makes my own decision having boyfriend in my lifes but im been dating my British boyfriend James Windsor for 2 years since 2006 but im not sure in my mind. whether how tall boyfriend would be?!? but my boyfriend James is 6'4 than me but im also 6'2 __________________ WWE Dave Batista

11-02-2009, 01:37 AM	#38 (permalink)
deafdude1 Getting stem cells ~2011! Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,051 Blog Entries: 1	Ive had no luck dating and have never been asked out. Well once when I was 11 and in summer camp, this girl, also 11 had a crush on me. I would have liked her if she wasn't so weird. She wanted to stick her tongue in my mouth and lick my tongue with her tongue. Ewww, can we say cooties? I even pointed out I could get all kinds of germs that way but she didn't care. My hearing impairment/deafness makes communication more difficult, even with my great ability to read lips, it's not as good as a hearing person being able to understand pratically 100%. Also some people don't speak clearly, their lips don't properly move and don't form the correct shape. They may actually make good ventriloquists! Women consider good communication a very important aspect in a relationship and given the choice, she would rather date a hearie than a HOH/deaf man. Perhaps ill have more luck dating a HOH/deaf woman myself, but then ive been told those women also prefer to date hearing men! __________________

11-02-2009, 06:49 AM	#39 (permalink)
shel90 In a pink and black world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: In the land of the free Posts: 24,081 Blog Entries: 3	Many of my deaf male friends are in relationships whether married or not married with hearing women. Much more than a handful. __________________ Shel~ "A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Today
Deafness	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

10-30-2009, 02:54 PM	#32 (permalink)
NintyFresh Registered User Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: South Carolina Posts: 14	I'm hearing and I didn't start to understand more about deafness and sign language until I started dating my (now) fiance. I never really thought about dating a deaf guy, it just happened that way. We talked a lot using the computer to get to know each other, then in person I adjusted to his way of speaking and learned some rudimentary signs for basic communications, though I plan to become more fluent when I finish with my degree in May. For him, he didn't care what kind of person that he ended up with, deaf or hearing, as long as they didn't think anything of him being deaf. Somehow we just fit each other very well, we've known each other for nearly five years now.

11-01-2009, 01:58 PM	#37 (permalink)
Doug5 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 551	I dont trust hearing men that want to exclusively date deaf women. I think they have some personal issues.

11-02-2009, 08:51 PM	#41 (permalink)
herewego Registered User Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 8	Agreed from the people that I know in the ASL programs I would say it's mostly females, however some guys learn ASL (hearing people) as well I would say, a guy who is deaf statistically speaking has a better chance of landing a hearing girl. Looking at the numbers and the odds. However, not all guys are close minded to the idea of dating a deaf girl. I'm hearing and I really don't mind because personality is kind of what I'm looking for in a future mate. It's interesting to hear peoples opinions non the less.

11-03-2009, 05:15 AM	#45 (permalink)
Sapphire Moon Registered User Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Now I live in Jackson, MS. I am from Nashville, TN but I have also lived in Iowa City, IA, and Lafayette, LA! Posts: 7	I am a hearing woman, I have been dating a Deaf man for two years and i love him very much. I was not shocked or turned off by the fact he was Deaf, he had a culture different from mine and I did not speak his language. I never saw it as an inability. He is profundly Deaf and uses sign language 99% of the time, he does not read lips. I met him at the club and he is a fantastic dancer. He has taught me how to sign and I picked it up pretty easily but I know there is sooooo much more that I need to lean and I do wish to become an interpreter (might as well get paid, right?). He is a nice guy and is very patient with me (I'm extremely patient with him, too) and very loving! We do have challenges within our relationship that i think stems from his lack of trust with hearing people in general. I've come to learn that many Deaf people have issues with the way they were raised: they think their parents did not focus enough on them or they just don't agree witht he methods their parents chose to rear them. He has some of those feelings that he has unfortunately carried over into our relationship. I am patient and pray that he learns to trust me completely. It is a challenge to be in this relationsip but I know there are rewards also. I have started a group on this site for people who are currently dating a Deaf person or who has ever been in a romantic relationship with a Deaf person. The purpose of the group is to swap advice that specifically effects that group...there is not a magazine or advice column that caters to us, and there are not many people who can answer our questons! The group is called SpODA, GODA, BODA for the Spouses, Girlfriends, or Boyfriends of Deaf Adults. Look it up, Join it, and Enjoy! Thanks! =)

11-03-2009, 01:17 PM	#46 (permalink)
sallylou Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 2,098	It takes a long time to build trust and not just for deaf people. Good luck, sapphire moon. It sounds like he's a special guy. In a long-term relationship, the constant is change, and the people must adapt to change with their partners. It's not easy but it's worth it. __________________ Happy holidays!

11-03-2009, 10:26 PM	#47 (permalink)
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,469	some thoughts of mine only....I met my husband in college. He considers himself deaf w/o HA's, didn't have any when I met him college. Happens to be oral. We have stayed together over the course of so many things, including my coming out to him as bi. I was formally diagnosed w/LD the second year after I met him. Now I am hoh. Am in my 30's. We dated for about 6 years before we got married in 1996. For us, our relationship has been sustained because of something in each of us that is whole and that wholeness is able to encompass but not absorb the other person. The wholeness has nothing to do w/his ears or mine, or my neurology or whether the sky is purple.....

11-03-2009, 10:41 PM	#49 (permalink)
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,469	no, true technically not ....but sometimes it is....here.... WHO says you're not helpful?

11-03-2009, 10:57 PM	#51 (permalink)
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,469	oh, no need to be sorry, I really didn't think you were whiny you can be happy at your discretion but I still think you are helpful

11-05-2009, 11:45 PM	#55 (permalink)
Murasaki Blue Aes Sedai Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 33	I am a mostly hearing woman, and personally, I would love to date a deaf man. I think it's part of my affinity for Culture.

11-06-2009, 12:12 AM	#56 (permalink)
rainpeople Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1	Hello room, I am new here,, so fill me in

11-06-2009, 02:56 AM	#57 (permalink)
KSUASL1214 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 15	I am a hearing female that would have no problem dating a Deaf man. I love ASL and love to continuously learn new signs. I am currently going to college and I am majoring in ASL. I would not have a problem being in a relationship with a man that is Deaf. __________________ Before communicating with a person, think about what you are going to say.

11-06-2009, 06:34 AM	#58 (permalink)
Grummer Burn fat off your soul Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: North Island in the South Posts: 3,251	i couldnt say in general women being more patient, maybe only due they tend to be slightly more mature...but also its a personality thing.. some individuals are geniunely interested in other people, others just have a 'me me me' mindset..so they are intolerant __________________ Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better. I've always believed this, in spite of the trouble it's caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles. Hunter S Thompson

11-06-2009, 10:50 AM	#59 (permalink)
society's_child venustrus unus ;-) Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: The big MD Posts: 3,876 Blog Entries: 5	I wouldn't mind dating a deaf man at all. __________________ ...just passing thru, y'all.

11-08-2009, 12:55 AM	#60 (permalink)
jinxedkitten Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northern California Posts: 872	((bites nails)) Well, ahem, for some reason I seem to be drawn to hearing men. Well, my only boyfriend (will be ex husband soon) was hearing. I think it is a security issue, I was 18 when I met him (he was 25). Since I grew up without a father, I found comfort in a police officer who took the reins and literally spoke for me. I was blind to his control. I think controlling men may be drawn to deaf women for that reason, it is to have someone to take care of and dominate. I am not speaking for all the hearing men, I'm just saying it could be one of the reasons why a select handful of men may desire a woman from the deaf world. In ten years from now, I might consider dating a HOH/Deaf man. I'm not too involved with the deaf community in real-life but I would like to change that soon. Good thought-provoking post!

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