jamescoleman

Alright so I have a rule when wanting to date someone. This rule is that I have to wait a while to get to know the person before I date them but how long do you think is to long? It might sound silly but I know a few people have dated someone else in like a month or two of knowing the other person. I'm thinking two years but a friend told me that that amount of time was way to long and that she could have moved on. Well I don't want to meet a girl and start to date her in like three to four months. I feel that I won't get to know her as well and I really don't think that "we can get to know each other" line works out. The few months before dating seems kind of like too fast. Plus it'll seem a waste of time if I do get in a relationship after knowing a person for a few months and then breaking up soon after we got together.

Deafness

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Taurus

Dont listen to your friend..

If you perfer 2 years then go for it! It's good chance to find the right woman for you.. I said that because if she is/will truly love you so much and she should accept your ways.

There are some women are very impatience and there are some women who are very patience.

You'll have to find some women who are patience..

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jamescoleman

I also forgot to mention that I want to avoid the "friend zone"

I already have a hard time trying to find a girl that's interested in me.
I haven't met any patient girls because we just end up being friends and
she wouldn't want to date me.

MoonDrifter

There's books that say once you're in the friend zone, you're out of luck and other books that say give it time and slowly progress the relationship at a pace that the two of you are comfortable with.

I'd say throw the books out of the window and be yourself.

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Jiro

2 years? damn. Took me 1 day. YMMV though

It's the risk you should take. You can even start dating immediately after 1-2 dates. There's nothing wrong with it. That's usually the best way to get to know of each other. If it didn't work out, no big deal.

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Jiro

friend zone... that's what happens when you take too long. Quite frankly - I don't really see any point in being "friend" with a girl because she's not going to have time for you once she's hitched.

If you like her, be a man and take charge. If you don't like her later on, break up.

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SCBassist

I think you got this reversed - you need to date them in order to get to know them. Previously knowing her from chat, forums, or the like don't really say much as anyone can say anything, what you believe what they say is up to you, but to know one, you need to experience what it's like being with her. That's where dating comes in. About your question, you will know when you feel you have known her, there is no set time established for this - go at your own pace. If she seems too hurried or amiss to you, it's up to you to try another way of approaching her wants and needs, or move on. Like Taurus said, go at your own pace, but keep in mind, (from my experience) there may be times when you have to modify your expectations (stick with your standards though) to "meet her halfway" if you still want to get to know her better.

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Jiro

there's no correct or wrong way to do it but there are a few things to avoid. That's why I said YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary). It's different for all. When I meet a girl and it's going well... I simply ask her if she would like to chill again (not as a date). If that went well again, then I will ask her out on date. Of course - her answer could go down to either way - "friend zone" or dating zone. If it went to friend zone, yes it would be awkward but if both of you are cool about it, there's nothing wrong with being friends. That can lead to dating zone as well later on.

I've been to both situation. It's ultimately up to you and the girl on how the pace should be but just don't take it too long and don't move too passively (as in playing it too safe). One thing for sure - girl likes to be told (such as "I like you! You look very nice! You have a quirky sense of humor")

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whatdidyousay!

It took me half a day to date a guy, and we stay friends after we broke up ! We were friend for over 30 years , he dies 2 years ago . When I was 40 years younger I did not wait to let a guy know I like him! Some other woman could made a move ! If you really like someone let them know , 2 years is way too long to wait! The person could move or get married to another other guy! Go for it!

~*Kaelei*~

If you like someone, you should go ahead and make a move.... I personally think that two years is too long.... she would've/is most likely have moved on.

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Dodge Trucker

As for me..after the SERIOUS health issues that I just recently went through...if it was me..I would grab it by the horns and ride with it.

There's not enough time in this world to pussyfoot with other people. If you see something you like..you better go the hell after it cuz it may not be around tomorrow. You have to muster up the courage and ask this guy/lady out on a date and see how it goes for both of you. If you continue to pussyfoot around..it will be YOUR loss.

So..grab the horns and go for one helluva ride!

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jamescoleman

Wow theres good advice from everyone, thanks

I honestly thought that people would date after being friends. I mean, how is it that alot of people can be good friends but not move up into being a couple. It's like a promotion, instead the company hires the new guy/girl to be the boss that doesn't have the experience such as the person who got passed up for promotion for the new guy/girl.

I can understand a friendship not wanting to be ruined but wouldn't it be more difficult to ruin a friendship if they were good friends????

Jolie77

There is no exact time for how long you want to wait for a date. It is entirely up to you - that is whenever you're ready for it.

Although, Some of the time it is good to step out of the comfort zone because life is too short to wait for anything too long.

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Jiro

you see most people dating with each other? they weren't friend in the first place. They either just met at random place or were introduced by friends. it takes a couple dates to see if they like each other or not.

but yes - they can become couple after being friends for a while but it's kind of complicated that way IMO.

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Em903

Actually I dated one of my really good friends and it so didn't work out! It was too much like kissing a family member after awhile, it just wasn't there. Not to say that that will happen to you but it is a possibility. And afterwards, we didn't talk for quite some time. We only recently just said hey lets put the past behind us, yea?

From a woman's point of view, (solely my own mainly), if a guy tried to befriend me and then say after 2 years came up and said hey btw I like you I'd be like hmm thought we were just friends lol. It'd be really awkward and would fall into that category of "But you're like my friend! Not my BOYfriend!"

~*~Carly~*~

~*Kaelei*~

Not Exactly,

I have dated lot of my male friends (Majority of them were great friends)....and after we broken up, our friendships were never the same. Sure, some remained my friends and some, we haven't spoken for years since the friendship. Out of all the guys I dated, one were not my friend before dating.... it was a different experience.

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jamescoleman

Well I'm wrong then. I just figured that, that would be a better way to go. I really wish there was a manual on dating because this is really confusing. It seems like the new boyfriend/girlfriend would replace the good friend automatically. I have had it happen where I was good friends with someone then they got into a relationship and they just stopped talking to me. How is it that someone can just remain friends when they like the other person??? I can understand that they would want to keep their friendship but wouldn't it be worth it to just put it out there??

Jiro

click here

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jamescoleman

Thats really good!!!!

sallylou

James, did you ask her out already? FWIW, my advice as a person of the female persuasion is to ask her out! If a guy didn't ask me out, I assumed that he wasn't interested in me romantically.

jamescoleman

Sally

I'm not really attracted to anyone now. I did ask a girl if she wanted to hang out sometime but we didn't hang out at all. A friend of mine told me to remind her but I'm sure if she really wanted to then we would have. I also didn't want to seem like I'm trying to force the matter either.

sallylou

James, I would tell a guy let's have a beer sometime as a *hint.* I figured if the guy was interested, he'd arrange it. If you're not attracted to the girl in question, then don't bother.

I didn't ask guys out because I had a couple of bad experiences with it. Maybe it was just bad luck.

When you meet a girl that you're interested in, arrange that beer or cup of coffee. <--- fingers crossed for good luck for you!

jamescoleman

Thanks Sally. I usually don't talk to girls and ask if they would like to do things. This actually was the first time for me asking a girl that I didn't really know if she wanted to do something. It might be a long time before I even ask a girl that I'm attracted to, to do something. People usually say to go out and get something to drink. That just seem's sooo common. Maybe a walk on a trail or a walk along the beach. Maybe a team activity that's new to the both of us???

sallylou

I like the walking idea. It's important to be able to talk on the first date so you can get to know each other.

You sound like my hubby. He didn't ask women out much either. I called him and suggested that he stop my and see me. He did. We've been married 18 years now. Maybe the right girl needs to ask? It seems that way.

jamescoleman

It sounds that way but I doubt it'll happen. I'll be waiting around forever for a girl to ask me. I like the walking idea too. A friend and I did that and it was nice to just talk. Plus it was at an old elementary school that I went to, so I got to explain to her what everything was like when I went there over 11 years ago. She was familiar with the area. So did you ask your husband out??? It would be nice to see alot more girls asking guys out. Some girls I know have alot of guys that like them but they can just pick and choose which ones that they want to date if they did like them. Some of them just don't have the list but know that they have alot of guys that like them.... it's crazy.

sallylou

I called my husband and pretty much told my him to come see me. He was like you--he didn't ask women out. It was going to take a brick wall to fall on him. He needed some encouragement! Hubby is introverted and nerdy (an engineer!). I'm pretty nerdy, too, so it was nerd love. LOL! I was 27 and hubby was 29 when we married.

You seem younger than almost 30, so give it some time. Dating in my early-mid 20's was pretty crazy. It was hard to find someone who had the same values and interests. Most of the guys weren't interested in a long-term relationship at that point in their lives. Older men asked me out but I never felt comfortable dating older guys.

The girl for you is busy studying and getting her life in order. She'll come along, and take the hint! Don't make her drop a brick wall on you!

Douglas

Dating is never right. That is for evildoers' doing.

Dating is always the waste of time...why being so selfish by just getting to know someone then one day you don't interest in her then fuck her over? That is no way of friendship, respect, love, and caress.

I never dated in my life and I thank God for that because there is integrity in human being...and my girlfriend never dated in her life so there is integrity in another human being...makes it right.

Keep breaking up with people for fun (doesn't matter when say if doesn't it work out" and bsbs) after just getting to know each other and play around such as kissing, holding hands and even sex actions...how's that looks the right thing to do? *rme* *smh*

Friendship for a long period of time (say, at least half a year to 5 years) is always the best way, sometimes can lead to commitment relationship if there is right match with common interests and background personal life then marriage WITHOUT a mistake. Make sure there is no mind games, head-on games, hidden secret games and shit. Unless, you are doing that evil wrongdoing....so well I'm the wrong person to post this for you.

How could you get to know EVERYTHING about this friend person on one day or one month. Could you? Oh, please.

To make sure that by knowing everything about this person (by friendship/serious friendship ---never dating) before jumping into the loving serious relationship is at least 2 years to up. Depending on her/his age...for example if she is 18..well it's easy to catch a lot since she/he lives thru 18 years...if she/he's 30, the more time to know about her/his personal life and etc. But very depending on her/his honesty, her/his record, her/his behavior and hidden agendas. Like a hawk-watching the friendships around you and even behind your back.

To skip a friendship, it clearly states the one night stand/non-friendship intimacy active user. That's 100 percent wasteful time in life itself. That's so low.

sallylou

Douglas, you sound like a guy worth catching. I agree that it's best to take your time and get to know each other. I knew hubby 9 years before I married him. That's why he needed some encouragement! That and I waited to get out of grad school. It was worth the wait. I appreciated him more after I had dated some jerks.

C.C.Sinned

screw waiting, if i saw someone I wanted, went right after her...

jamescoleman

I'm 21 going on 22 here pretty soon. I'm mostly introverted and nerdy too lol. I really like the story. You really think that she's out there studying???!!! Thats cool though, I think you gave me part of the answer to "where is she?"
It's hard to find someone who is up to my expectations. I do make exceptions but with those, that means I'll loosen my grip on what I want and be more accepting of the things that she'll do that I won't like about her. My cousin told me that she'll have expectations of me too. This is true and I've never thought about that. I know the girl will have wants from the guy but what she told me, gave me more to think about it. I guess it was just something that I would automatically know.