why do men abuse their women? - Page 2

cdaigle430 · 06-30-2009, 12:35 PM

Abusing someone because you were abused is stupid, and men who abuse their wives, girlfriends are a$$holes. Theres no other way to look at it. The real question is why do women who are being abused stay with the a$$hole?

shel90 · 06-30-2009, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdaigle430

Abusing someone because you were abused is stupid, and men who abuse their wives, girlfriends are a$$holes. Theres no other way to look at it. The real question is why do women who are being abused stay with the a$$hole?

Why do women stay...several reasons

Fear for their and their children's lives

No money

No outside support system

Brainwashed into accepting this behavior

Feelings that they deserve it

It is not simple as just getting up and leaving. I wish it was but in reality, it is far far too complex.

It is a shame. These women deserve support instead of criticism for not leaving their abuser. When they have that, the chances of them leaving increase.

cdaigle430 · 06-30-2009, 03:32 PM

Thats so messed up, and hopefully wrong. My mother-the mother of 6 children at the time, feared for her life and ours and no money, left the bastage and we ended up at a local shelter for women. We never looked back even to this day. I also know women who left their abusers, go back, leave their abuser again and go back again-why? I also know women who would rather be with an abusive guy than a nice guy, why? I have seen this over and over again and its very confusing.

shel90 · 06-30-2009, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdaigle430

Thats so messed up, and hopefully wrong. My mother-the mother of 6 children at the time, feared for her life and ours and no money, left the bastage and we ended up at a local shelter for women. We never looked back even to this day. I also know women who left their abusers, go back, leave their abuser again and go back again-why? I also know women who would rather be with an abusive guy than a nice guy, why? I have seen this over and over again and its very confusing.

People are complex..sometimes there are no answers to why people do the things they do.

Your mom was very brave and I applaud her for taking that step to get herself and all kids out of danger.

xspinningisfun · 07-08-2009, 01:50 AM

I was never in a relationship where the guy was abusive. But I have been abused by my father...for sooo many years. Bloody noses, bruises, etc. And it confuses me, because I'm the only one he did it to. Not to my mom OR my brothers. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of him and all that stuff. I'm working on forgiving him though. He hasn't put his hands on me in one year, so that's pretty good at least.

But yeah, the abuse was ignored by everyone. It was horrible. But it's getting better, thankfully!

Why do people abuse other people? It could be various reasons. Poor role modeling, self-esteem issues, anger, hurt, etc. etc. The list could go on and on. I don't know why my dad just started abusing me one day. Maybe because I grew up. I don't know. He still thinks it's my fault...so I really don't know what led him to do that.

And I've had a boyfriend who was emotionally abusive, but not physically...

inspirabull · 07-08-2009, 06:50 PM

It is sad how much of it goes on. We are beginning to know a lot about it. It was not that long ago such things were very private and there was no way to stop the cyclical affects of it. It was locked up in our old male dominated culture like a safe. Abused children become parents and have often continued this sickness in our culture. I believe at the roots of it are two things alcohol and nowadays some kinds of drug abuse: substance abuse number one and equal to number one, anger.
It is up to each and all of us to understand what it is, especially the ones living it.
I have known some very very strong people get tangled up in this. It is not a sign of weakness, it is simply something to deal with that has to be stopped.
I was abused as a child by a stepmother who I later found out had been abused herself. My heart goes out to everyone who has to deal with the effects of abuse. It is an ugly ugly thing and only we can stop it.

Dixie · 07-16-2009, 02:37 PM

Not everyone who wasa bused as a kid grows up to be violent as an adult. It is widely known that Micheal Jackson was abused as a child, bloody noses, beatings with saps, belts, whips etc. After a spanking he threw a shoe at his dad, his father screamed out "BOY! YOU JUST SIGNED YOUR DEATH WARRANT!", held him upside down by one leg and pummeled him until he was unconscious.

He grew up to be actually one of the most timid and insecure celebrities ever. His wives divorced him not because of abusive behavior, but because of his strangeness.

faire_jour · 07-16-2009, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dixie

Not everyone who wasa bused as a kid grows up to be violent as an adult. It is widely known that Micheal Jackson was abused as a child, bloody noses, beatings with saps, belts, whips etc. After a spanking he threw a shoe at his dad, his father screamed out "BOY! YOU JUST SIGNED YOUR DEATH WARRANT!", held him upside down by one leg and pummeled him until he was unconscious.

He grew up to be actually one of the most timid and insecure celebrities ever. His wives divorced him not because of abusive behavior, but because of his strangeness.

Maybe you should choose someone else....he very well may have abused young boys......

inspirabull · 07-16-2009, 02:55 PM

I did not mean to sound like it is an absolute that it passes on as being an abuser. It has an effect though. And that is where it can be dealt with.
In me it a determination to not be a passer on of it. It took a lot of my youth away as the anger ran my life as well as the shattered confidence and fear of people. Some things take longer than others to heal from. For me it was only forty years.

Mrs Bucket · 07-16-2009, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by inspirabull

I did not mean to sound like it is an absolute that it passes on as being an abuser. It has an effect though. And that is where it can be dealt with.
In me it a determination to not be a passer on of it. It took a lot of my youth away as the anger ran my life as well as the shattered confidence and fear of people. Some things take longer than others to heal from. For me it was only forty years.

The abuse cycle is a vicious one, aye?

I can relate with you there.

Dixie · 07-17-2009, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

Maybe you should choose someone else....he very well may have abused young boys......

Yes he may have, but it is speculation, it was never proven.

inspirabull · 07-25-2009, 05:01 PM

I wanted to start a thread about forgiveness but I don't know how to start a thread.

yizuman · 07-25-2009, 05:13 PM

A lot of men are very insecure of themselves and they're afraid of women cheating on them or would leave them. So they beat them in order to control them.

Control is the keyword, they want to control everything and anything that's going on in their lives.

Yiz

yagazn · 07-27-2009, 06:45 PM

Women who stay in abusive relationship with violent husband or boyfriend is not good or it's not healthy either *Suffer mind*. Get out of abusive relationship period.

Same things with either violent mother or father abuse child too. Anyone who's violent in relationship then get out of relationship immediately and call someone for help. Violence can be any race, hearie, deaf/hoh, gay or straight doesn't matter everywhere or anywhere in the world.

Warning: Violence on youtube movie from "A Cry for Help: Tracy Thurman" with Nancy Mckean and "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett (Both movie are based on a true story from Lifetime channel).

See that husband slapping her face ("The Burning Bed") Slapping her face is no good!.

You Tube

You Tube

DeafLissa90 · 07-28-2009, 12:22 PM

I know somebody who gets abused by her fiancee when he is drunk.

She refuses to leave him. She actually told me she is too embarrased to leave him

07-08-2009, 01:50 AM	#35 (permalink)
xspinningisfun Registered User Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 202	I was never in a relationship where the guy was abusive. But I have been abused by my father...for sooo many years. Bloody noses, bruises, etc. And it confuses me, because I'm the only one he did it to. Not to my mom OR my brothers. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of him and all that stuff. I'm working on forgiving him though. He hasn't put his hands on me in one year, so that's pretty good at least. But yeah, the abuse was ignored by everyone. It was horrible. But it's getting better, thankfully! Why do people abuse other people? It could be various reasons. Poor role modeling, self-esteem issues, anger, hurt, etc. etc. The list could go on and on. I don't know why my dad just started abusing me one day. Maybe because I grew up. I don't know. He still thinks it's my fault...so I really don't know what led him to do that. And I've had a boyfriend who was emotionally abusive, but not physically... __________________ http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pr...86&ref=profile xanga.com/shineyourlight_x

07-08-2009, 06:50 PM	#36 (permalink)
inspirabull Registered User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Fairbanks, Cantwell, and Wasilla in Alaska and Longview, Washington. I like it that way. Posts: 188	abuse is a horrible horrible thing It is sad how much of it goes on. We are beginning to know a lot about it. It was not that long ago such things were very private and there was no way to stop the cyclical affects of it. It was locked up in our old male dominated culture like a safe. Abused children become parents and have often continued this sickness in our culture. I believe at the roots of it are two things alcohol and nowadays some kinds of drug abuse: substance abuse number one and equal to number one, anger. It is up to each and all of us to understand what it is, especially the ones living it. I have known some very very strong people get tangled up in this. It is not a sign of weakness, it is simply something to deal with that has to be stopped. I was abused as a child by a stepmother who I later found out had been abused herself. My heart goes out to everyone who has to deal with the effects of abuse. It is an ugly ugly thing and only we can stop it.

07-16-2009, 02:37 PM	#37 (permalink)
Dixie Biggest Wimp of AllDeaf Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arkansas Posts: 5,941	Not everyone who wasa bused as a kid grows up to be violent as an adult. It is widely known that Micheal Jackson was abused as a child, bloody noses, beatings with saps, belts, whips etc. After a spanking he threw a shoe at his dad, his father screamed out "BOY! YOU JUST SIGNED YOUR DEATH WARRANT!", held him upside down by one leg and pummeled him until he was unconscious. He grew up to be actually one of the most timid and insecure celebrities ever. His wives divorced him not because of abusive behavior, but because of his strangeness. __________________ Visit my Deaf Blog Signature banner created by me, please do not steal!

07-25-2009, 05:13 PM	#43 (permalink)
yizuman Sci Fi Fan Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Indiana Posts: 689	A lot of men are very insecure of themselves and they're afraid of women cheating on them or would leave them. So they beat them in order to control them. Control is the keyword, they want to control everything and anything that's going on in their lives. Yiz __________________

07-28-2009, 12:22 PM	#45 (permalink)
DeafLissa90 Just me....Lissa Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 2,906 Blog Entries: 3	I know somebody who gets abused by her fiancee when he is drunk. She refuses to leave him. She actually told me she is too embarrased to leave him __________________ www.melissascochlearimplant.blogspot.com Left Ear Nucleus Freedom Implanted-October 25th 2000 Activation-November 28th 2000

06-30-2009, 12:35 PM	#31 (permalink)
cdaigle430 RinconRider Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 200	Abusing someone because you were abused is stupid, and men who abuse their wives, girlfriends are a$$holes. Theres no other way to look at it. The real question is why do women who are being abused stay with the a$$hole?

Today
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06-30-2009, 03:32 PM	#33 (permalink)
cdaigle430 RinconRider Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 200	Thats so messed up, and hopefully wrong. My mother-the mother of 6 children at the time, feared for her life and ours and no money, left the bastage and we ended up at a local shelter for women. We never looked back even to this day. I also know women who left their abusers, go back, leave their abuser again and go back again-why? I also know women who would rather be with an abusive guy than a nice guy, why? I have seen this over and over again and its very confusing.

07-16-2009, 02:55 PM	#39 (permalink)
inspirabull Registered User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Fairbanks, Cantwell, and Wasilla in Alaska and Longview, Washington. I like it that way. Posts: 188	I did not mean to sound like it is an absolute that it passes on as being an abuser. It has an effect though. And that is where it can be dealt with. In me it a determination to not be a passer on of it. It took a lot of my youth away as the anger ran my life as well as the shattered confidence and fear of people. Some things take longer than others to heal from. For me it was only forty years.

07-25-2009, 05:01 PM	#42 (permalink)
inspirabull Registered User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Fairbanks, Cantwell, and Wasilla in Alaska and Longview, Washington. I like it that way. Posts: 188	I wanted to start a thread about forgiveness but I don't know how to start a thread.

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