Are Open Marriages More Successful Than Traditional Couplings? - Page 6

shel90 · 07-09-2009, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babyblue

I agree.

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs.

If one do not like it. Don't do it.

That is what I have been trying to say. The world has enough of criticism already!

Babyblue · 07-09-2009, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

That is what I have been trying to say. The world has enough of criticism already!

Yes, it does.

Freedom of speech, religion along with civil rights. Everyone just have to decide and do what they want.

It is not up to us to Judge anyways. It is up to the higher power to judge.

Reba · 07-09-2009, 07:51 PM

No one is being forced to follow anything.

American Christians do have First Amendment speech rights like everyone else.

shel90 · 07-09-2009, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

No one is being forced to follow anything.

American Christians do have First Amendment speech rights like everyone else.

Nobody is saying that they arent entitled to these rights. If that's how u felt, then I apologize for that but I just was just not understanding the strong opinions against people for what they do behind closed doors. That's all.

deafdyke · 07-09-2009, 09:31 PM

Quote:

If two people are so self-centered and focused on their own desires,

Right on.
The concept of open marriage SOUNDS good. But, the fact of the matter is that humans are very complex and confusing.
It does seem like a lot of the people who are into open marriages are kind of emotionally immature (like frat boy immature) or think that quanity is valued over quality. Maybe then a lot of them don't understand that you should be best friends ever with your SO, and just married them b/c they liked their looks or whatever.

shel90 · 07-09-2009, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafdyke

Right on.
The concept of open marriage SOUNDS good. But, the fact of the matter is that humans are very complex and confusing.
It does seem like a lot of the people who are into open marriages are kind of emotionally immature (like frat boy immature) or think that quanity is valued over quality. Maybe then a lot of them don't understand that you should be best friends ever with your SO, and just married them b/c they liked their looks or whatever.

What if they are socially immature but are really happy in the marriage and as a result, their marriage lasts forever? IMO, I would say good for them!

inspirabull · 07-10-2009, 06:33 PM

Our society is an experimental one. Created within Christian culture and morals and a religion of Christianity that had gone through several major upheavals based on the advancement of the idea that the word and teaching is to be followed as it written.
The men of that time that laid the foundation and framework of our country were not religious men they were advanced thinkers in a time when it was a careful business. They were operating on two planes satisfying the overall culture of religious belief and setting in ink the beliefs of Thomas Paine into a
unique society based on the idea that each and everyone one of us has equal value. Very revolutionary stuff. At the same time the freedom of religious belief was equally as revolutionary. People had gone to all manner of horrible deaths at hands of the powerful for simply trying to practice the teachings in the Bible as closely as they could sort out of the text. So we have a parallel society that is united and separate at the same time. Separate in that there are two basic different beliefs intertwined in its framework. It no surprise at all that we have these collisions of belief. That the whole thing still works is just awesome. That we are able to have this conversation right now is proof of the continued success of our society not its
downfall.

inspirabull · 07-10-2009, 07:06 PM

It is my belief that many people end up in the traditional marriage that should not be in it in the first place. At a later point in their lives or maybe at no point in there lives. There are many that it works the way it is supposed to work and to them I take my hat off. It is like any skill there are some who can learn to drive really well and responsibly early on. There are others that never will. And there are a whole bunch that get by without disaster but are not so good.
There are others who finally get control of themselves later in life. I am one of those. I thank God that I did not marry and did not destroy or devalue a marriage. As an older man I can keep up with one woman and one woman only. As a younger man I wanted them all. Now I want one. Maybe I am too simplistic and a weenie for not trying to get in the harness with a female and pull that plow straight and true as a young man. Polyamory and open marriage is someone else's idea not mine, I just look at it like," maybe it will work for them". If there are children I worry a little, they are not my children so not much. But it does seem like a private type of thing that I don't really need to know about.

Silentwolfdog · 07-10-2009, 09:40 PM

Hehe, I think I am just too selfish to have that type of relationship (open marriage). If I ever get married, I would just like having husband to myself and knowing I am only one for him. And not having to worry about all sort of risks that come with open marriage such as diseases or pregnancy by someone else other than my husband.

If it makes them happy then it's their business, but yeah it's not for everyone.

caitlin · 07-11-2009, 01:33 AM

I think that marriage is a religious institution. If your scripture says not to do something, well, don't you think you should follow it?

However, what does that leave for the non-religious? It's a social expectation in the US to be married by a certain age.

Personally, I do not plan on getting married unless a) their last name is super awesome or b) tax breaks are too good to pass up. I do not think it is necessary. Some people need that union...but I'm perfectly happy just being with the person.

Jiro · 07-11-2009, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiro

interesting........

suffice to say - I am open to all (well almost all)

I have to retract my previous post because I misunderstood. I do not support open marriage but I do not judge them. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are happily married together and they do have open marriage.

Do I want it? not at all.

Sosie · 07-11-2009, 03:58 AM

I don't support open marriage because it can destroy people's marriage. Sorry to say that but I don't judge people. It's their business, not mine's.

inspirabull · 07-12-2009, 06:14 PM

I don't have a place in my brain for being married with its degree of genuine intimacy and then it being okay for some other man doing any and all manner of sexual things with her, the woman I cherished and loved so much that I married her. The thought sickens me. If she would not feel the same way about other women doing things with me? Then I would find myself wondering about her fidelity. Or something. It has not happened so once again
I can only speculate.

C.C.Sinned · 07-14-2009, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiro

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are happily married together and they do have open marriage.

lets see how happy they are after, one or both, gets STD or AIDS

mariano · 08-07-2009, 06:00 PM

The last time I asked a girl how she felt about having an open relationship with me, she said that I could go to hell... It is difficult to find a woman, who you are attracted to, to be willing to have an open relationship. After a while, most women ask the big question, "so where is this going?" Hence, you either have to commit or let someone you like pass on by.

Grummer · 08-07-2009, 07:47 PM

try marrying a pornstar, it might work

sallylou · 08-08-2009, 12:30 AM

Marriage is a civil institution, too. There are legal consequences. Certain duties and rights exist for married people. Things like inheriting property, the obligation to support a spouse, power to make medical decisions for an incapacitated spouse, etc. Most people marry for these reasons. You can arrange these duties and rights without marriage, but it requires several documents and paying an attorney.

None of this precludes an open relationship if that's what the couple want. I don't consider other adults' consenting sexual activity my business.

I personally don't want that kind of relationship. I've been married a long time, and I only want my hubby. Sure, we've both aged. To me, he's still my handsome groom.

shel90 · 08-08-2009, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sallylou

Marriage is a civil institution, too. There are legal consequences. Certain duties and rights exist for married people. Things like inheriting property, the obligation to support a spouse, power to make medical decisions for an incapacitated spouse, etc. Most people marry for these reasons. You can arrange these duties and rights without marriage, but it requires several documents and paying an attorney.

None of this precludes an open relationship if that's what the couple want. I don't consider other adults' consenting sexual activity my business.

I personally don't want that kind of relationship. I've been married a long time, and I only want my hubby. Sure, we've both aged. To me, he's still my handsome groom.

Awww, that's sweet.

Anyways, about certain duties and rights existing for married people....

If it is that way, then why dont gay/lebsains dont have the same rights even if they dont have an open relationship? Why deny them those rights but give couples who have open marriages the rights? It is all hypocrisy to me.

sallylou · 08-08-2009, 02:00 AM

I support marriage for gay couples, too. It's a matter of fairness. Horror stories about one partner not being able to get into the hospital to see their dying partner. Breaks my heart. I don't understand how family members could exclude someone who loves their child.

DeafCaver · 09-26-2009, 10:50 PM

I've just joined this thread and read up to four pages so far and copy/pasted the ones I felt that I could reply to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

So-called "open" marriage is no marriage at all.

Some people seem to think that giving sinful behavior a new, respectable sounding name makes the behavior OK.

I'd have to strongly agree with this... A wrong by any other name is still a wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I think cheating behind a spouse's back is even more sinful. At least these people are being honest about it and it is their business not anyone else to judge them on.

It's still adultery either way you slice it... if you're believing in (Christian) God then that's the commandment. If not... well that's your business then.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarissaMann05

Word.

And it could cause a spouse end up falling in love with an another person more than his/her lover. Is it worth?

It could cause a spouse to have an another person's baby instead of his/her love. Is it worth?

You could have a kind of disease from your spouse after she/he sleep with an another person and you unknownly sleep with your own lover. Is it worth?

If he/she want to find a random person, he/she are really not love his/her spouse at all.

Well, that's too bad. The traditional marriage is now meaningless and worthless as it seems so... Mm, I guess I probably will have to stay being single, by then.

Good points one and all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin'robin

I believe in traditional marriage also...but I can see that some couples who have been married a long time, get bored with each other. Some women/men let themselves "go", and the spouse still loves them but is no longer attracted sexually, OR one spouse has lost interest in sex, and won't or can't get help for the problem.....The couple wants to remain married, due to really loving each other, or children, or financial reasons, etc.....I do remember the "vows" that are taken....but does that mean if the woman or man lost all interest in sex, that the other one should suffer?

Or if one was in a coma, or had a disabling disease....many issues here, would that mean one of them had to forgo having sex for the rest of their life?

Marriage is hard work! Many things can happen during the marriage. And if the couple opts to have an "open" marriage, then that's their business, as long as they are discreet and honest about their needs.

It may sound as if it's "cheating" to some people...then again to those who are open to their marriages, it's not. Many wives turn a "blind eye" to their husband's discretions due to the fact they no longer want sex but the husband does.

As one other person has observed that is being selfish and not fully committed to the marriage and person... what do the vows say? In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, and so on. Your spouse goes into a coma or is become paraplegic/crippled and cannot "enjoy" sex or the lifestyle both of you had enjoyed together... it shouldn't matter as long as the heart and mind and spirit connection is still there. Sex should NEVER define a marriage. Sex is only one expression out of MANY that says what a particular marriage is. Sex should not be the #1 priority in a marriage either... okay, among the top 5 (out of 10) but IMO it's communication, that is the #1 priority in a marriage, as long as both are talking about what's bothering them, or what is interesting to them, or what they're curious about, or whatever!! the marriage has a stronger chance of survival.
A couple should never stop working to make and keep the marriage strong. If one of the priorities goes weak or drops in importance for one and not for the other then communication needs to be effected to identify the problem and hard work to solve the problem to put things back in balance.
What else would a commitment mean?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daredevel7

Communication and compromise is far more important than living up to some man-made ideals.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreama

For me it really wouldn't work with just one person because There are times when I really am not much fun to be with. I don't want to communicate with anyone at all and it would alleviate a lot of pressure off me if my partner had someone else they could turn to when that happened.

That is understandable but it's still up to you to make those changes that will help your partner help you. To want that pressure off of you and put it upon someone else's shoulders... I'm sorry to say is pretty selfish emotionally. But that is just my opinion. A relationship is a responsibility not only to another individual whom you have chosen to be your partner but also a responsibility to yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreama

I can see what you are getting at. Also in the case of some mental health issues.

In those circumstances I admit that it is a sticky because often times the one with the mental health problem(s) cannot help themselves and sometimes do not work hard enough with their therapist and spouse to help solve the problem or at least make it easier for the spouse to deal with it. But I think that is a separate topic by itself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cowpuppy

Only read couple of replies....and came upon one stating the woman was falling in love with the 'extra' man. A real marriage implies that the married couple will not take chances of falling in love. It is a real disrespect toward the partner. It says there is no real marriage.
To me it is ridiculous....and yes I do judge people who try to make it appear all smarmy. No character......full of lies...lies to yourself to start with. Putting oneself into a position where possibly could fall in love with other...disrespects the partner and marriage.
If one is going to disrespect it to that degree then what is the point of the marriage? There is no marriage. These people don't know what marriage is.
Talking silly garbage.....there is no point.
yes...I judge swingers....and no afraid to say so.
garbage

I'd have to agree with this as well. It's the removal of responsibility of the commitment one made at the altar/judge's chambers. It's being lazy of the work that is needed to keep the marriage alive and in good health.
I've seen A LOT of friends get married and I've seen a lot get divorced after years or (sadly) months of marriage. Seen a lot of different reasons why they divorced... infidelity is one of the major ones. By the same token I've seen a lot of long term marriages that keep pushing on even through "tough-times" both together and individually. I learned a lot from them all.
My comments are a reflection of what I've learned in the last 30 years of observation, study (articles and books on various types of relationships) and hours of discussions as well as some personal experience with relationships (I've never married... but I don't think it disqualifies me to have an opinion on the subject/topic).

07-10-2009, 06:33 PM	#157 (permalink)
inspirabull Registered User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Fairbanks, Cantwell, and Wasilla in Alaska and Longview, Washington. I like it that way. Posts: 189	our great experiment Our society is an experimental one. Created within Christian culture and morals and a religion of Christianity that had gone through several major upheavals based on the advancement of the idea that the word and teaching is to be followed as it written. The men of that time that laid the foundation and framework of our country were not religious men they were advanced thinkers in a time when it was a careful business. They were operating on two planes satisfying the overall culture of religious belief and setting in ink the beliefs of Thomas Paine into a unique society based on the idea that each and everyone one of us has equal value. Very revolutionary stuff. At the same time the freedom of religious belief was equally as revolutionary. People had gone to all manner of horrible deaths at hands of the powerful for simply trying to practice the teachings in the Bible as closely as they could sort out of the text. So we have a parallel society that is united and separate at the same time. Separate in that there are two basic different beliefs intertwined in its framework. It no surprise at all that we have these collisions of belief. That the whole thing still works is just awesome. That we are able to have this conversation right now is proof of the continued success of our society not its downfall.

07-10-2009, 07:06 PM	#158 (permalink)
inspirabull Registered User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Fairbanks, Cantwell, and Wasilla in Alaska and Longview, Washington. I like it that way. Posts: 189	early marriage is not for everyone It is my belief that many people end up in the traditional marriage that should not be in it in the first place. At a later point in their lives or maybe at no point in there lives. There are many that it works the way it is supposed to work and to them I take my hat off. It is like any skill there are some who can learn to drive really well and responsibly early on. There are others that never will. And there are a whole bunch that get by without disaster but are not so good. There are others who finally get control of themselves later in life. I am one of those. I thank God that I did not marry and did not destroy or devalue a marriage. As an older man I can keep up with one woman and one woman only. As a younger man I wanted them all. Now I want one. Maybe I am too simplistic and a weenie for not trying to get in the harness with a female and pull that plow straight and true as a young man. Polyamory and open marriage is someone else's idea not mine, I just look at it like," maybe it will work for them". If there are children I worry a little, they are not my children so not much. But it does seem like a private type of thing that I don't really need to know about.

07-10-2009, 09:40 PM	#159 (permalink)
Silentwolfdog a toku fangirl Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Earth Posts: 739	Hehe, I think I am just too selfish to have that type of relationship (open marriage). If I ever get married, I would just like having husband to myself and knowing I am only one for him. And not having to worry about all sort of risks that come with open marriage such as diseases or pregnancy by someone else other than my husband. If it makes them happy then it's their business, but yeah it's not for everyone. __________________ If you are using red or blue font, there's a good chance that I am not reading your posts due to it being blended into background! I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. ~Sarah William Check my art at http://silentwolfdog.deviantart.com

08-07-2009, 07:47 PM	#166 (permalink)
Grummer Burn fat off your soul Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: North Island in the South Posts: 3,234	try marrying a pornstar, it might work __________________ Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better. I've always believed this, in spite of the trouble it's caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles. Hunter S Thompson

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07-09-2009, 07:51 PM	#153 (permalink)
Reba Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 20,786	No one is being forced to follow anything. American Christians do have First Amendment speech rights like everyone else.

07-11-2009, 01:33 AM	#160 (permalink)
caitlin Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Syracuse, NY/Philadelphia, PA Posts: 8	I think that marriage is a religious institution. If your scripture says not to do something, well, don't you think you should follow it? However, what does that leave for the non-religious? It's a social expectation in the US to be married by a certain age. Personally, I do not plan on getting married unless a) their last name is super awesome or b) tax breaks are too good to pass up. I do not think it is necessary. Some people need that union...but I'm perfectly happy just being with the person.

07-11-2009, 03:58 AM	#162 (permalink)
Sosie Registered User Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: The North Shore Area Posts: 1,677	I don't support open marriage because it can destroy people's marriage. Sorry to say that but I don't judge people. It's their business, not mine's.

07-12-2009, 06:14 PM	#163 (permalink)
inspirabull Registered User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Fairbanks, Cantwell, and Wasilla in Alaska and Longview, Washington. I like it that way. Posts: 189	I don't have a place in my brain for being married with its degree of genuine intimacy and then it being okay for some other man doing any and all manner of sexual things with her, the woman I cherished and loved so much that I married her. The thought sickens me. If she would not feel the same way about other women doing things with me? Then I would find myself wondering about her fidelity. Or something. It has not happened so once again I can only speculate.

08-07-2009, 06:00 PM	#165 (permalink)
mariano Registered User Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 144	The last time I asked a girl how she felt about having an open relationship with me, she said that I could go to hell... It is difficult to find a woman, who you are attracted to, to be willing to have an open relationship. After a while, most women ask the big question, "so where is this going?" Hence, you either have to commit or let someone you like pass on by.

08-08-2009, 12:30 AM	#167 (permalink)
sallylou Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 2,061	Marriage is a civil institution, too. There are legal consequences. Certain duties and rights exist for married people. Things like inheriting property, the obligation to support a spouse, power to make medical decisions for an incapacitated spouse, etc. Most people marry for these reasons. You can arrange these duties and rights without marriage, but it requires several documents and paying an attorney. None of this precludes an open relationship if that's what the couple want. I don't consider other adults' consenting sexual activity my business. I personally don't want that kind of relationship. I've been married a long time, and I only want my hubby. Sure, we've both aged. To me, he's still my handsome groom.

08-08-2009, 02:00 AM	#169 (permalink)
sallylou Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 2,061	I support marriage for gay couples, too. It's a matter of fairness. Horror stories about one partner not being able to get into the hospital to see their dying partner. Breaks my heart. I don't understand how family members could exclude someone who loves their child.