Are Open Marriages More Successful Than Traditional Couplings? - Page 4

**Banjo** · 06-30-2009, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Not all couples follow the traditional vows and write their own vows which may not include this statement.

A marriage is an union of two people who are committed to each other. Can't get any simpler than this.

**shel90** · 06-30-2009, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

A marriage is an union of two people who are committed to each other. Can't get any simpler than this.

I don't dispute that.

However I know many people who have different ideas of what it means to be committed to each other.

**Reba** · 06-30-2009, 07:32 PM

If people don't have enough self control and respect for their spouses to stay faithful, then how can they be trusted in any other area of life?

Can they be trusted in business, in government, in the military, etc.? Will they cut and run when the going gets tough? Will they cheat on business deals and taxes so they can maintain their lifestyles?

If Mom or Dad can't stay faithful to each other, will they be around when their kids need them?

If they have no children, will the elderly wife be dumped for a trophy wife? Will the healthy wife want to stay home and tend to the bed-ridden husband? Will their extra-marital sex partners be willing to also be caregivers for them?

**shel90** · 06-30-2009, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

If people don't have enough self control and respect for their spouses to stay faithful, then how can they be trusted in any other area of life?

Can they be trusted in business, in government, in the military, etc.? Will they cut and run when the going gets tough? Will they cheat on business deals and taxes so they can maintain their lifestyles?

If Mom or Dad can't stay faithful to each other, will they be around when their kids need them?

If they have no children, will the elderly wife be dumped for a trophy wife? Will the healthy wife want to stay home and tend to the bed-ridden husband? Will their extra-marital sex partners be willing to also be caregivers for them?

I think what people do in their private lives doesn't reflect their characters and their work ethics. There is a line bwtween personal and business lives, IMO.

If people can't distinguish between that line, that's their own personal problem but those who can, they should be respected for their skills, work ethics and etc on the job not by how they live their personal lives.

There r so many people who r hard workers, good parents and etc despite how they live their relationships.

Can't judge people like that. That's unfair...

Besides I'll bet there are so many good workers, good parents and etc who have open marriages but don't tell anyone. Who really knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Ever hear of "skeletons in the closet"?

**shel90** · 06-30-2009, 07:55 PM

What about people who dont have sex with other people but still cheat others out of money, neglect and abuse their children, and etc?

What about them?

It is like saying all people who follow the traditional marriage are child abusers, pedophiles, liars, theives and etc when we know that isnt true.

The same should apply to those people who live alternative lifestyles.

I see no correlation between how one lives their personal lives and how they act in society.

~*Kaelei*~ · 06-30-2009, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Not all couples follow the traditional vows and write their own vows which may not include this statement.

Ditto

There are couples out there that aren't traditional..... there are couples out there that had made their own vows and you know what, that suits me just fine because it's their business, it's not my business as it doesn't affect my life.

Dodge Trucker · 06-30-2009, 09:00 PM

Way back a couple of years ago...I met this co-worker who was honorably discharged from the Army. On her dog tags..she had her general information. On the 2nd tag..it asked for Religion. It said "Religion - Any". I kindly asked her what her idea of this was and she made a VERY valid point. I think this point translates to this thread.

She said..."when we all die and go up to meet our maker..will there be separate rooms for the Catholics...the High Rollers (Pentecostals)..the Baptists...the Lutherans...Jehovah's witnesses...the Methodists???"

I kindly told her that I didn't think there would be such a plan because we are all human being. We're all from the same cloth.

Case in point: Every body has their own religious views of who their God is. I don't speak for everyone, but I have noticed that pretty much every one I come across does not like to be lectured on WHO their God should be and WHY. If you disagree...OK fine..you're entitled to your opinion and then SHUT UP!! You can not and will not force your opinions on any one in the Land of the Free.

If people choose to have Open marriages..be heterosexual..be bi..have multiple partners or whatever...you certainly are entitled to your views..you may give it..but that doesn't mean the other person will HAVE to accept it. You don't like it..tough..move on.

That's how I am..what I do..and how I do it and why I do it is my business. If you cant accept it, then I suggest you move on to some body else, because I wouldn't take it. If guys and gals want to go into strip bars and have the BEST fun there..more power to them!! If guys and gals are content with staying home and reading a book/knitting...more power to them!! In this land of Free...we're free to do what we wish. Some actions may have consequences..some actions may not. You always have a choice...choices equals consequences.

If people want to make choices that they believe will benefit them better...I'm all for it!!

My 2 cents

**shel90** · 06-30-2009, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodge Trucker

Way back a couple of years ago...I met this co-worker who was honorably discharged from the Army. On her dog tags..she had her general information. On the 2nd tag..it asked for Religion. It said "Religion - Any". I kindly asked her what her idea of this was and she made a VERY valid point. I think this point translates to this thread.

She said..."when we all die and go up to meet our maker..will there be separate rooms for the Catholics...the High Rollers (Pentecostals)..the Baptists...the Lutherans...Jehovah's witnesses...the Methodists???"

I kindly told her that I didn't think there would be such a plan because we are all human being. We're all from the same cloth.

Case in point: Every body has their own religious views of who their God is. I don't speak for everyone, but I have noticed that pretty much every one I come across does not like to be lectured on WHO their God should be and WHY. If you disagree...OK fine..you're entitled to your opinion and then SHUT UP!! You can not and will not force your opinions on any one in the Land of the Free.

If people choose to have Open marriages..be heterosexual..be bi..have multiple partners or whatever...you certainly are entitled to your views..you may give it..but that doesn't mean the other person will HAVE to accept it. You don't like it..tough..move on.

That's how I am..what I do..and how I do it and why I do it is my business. If you cant accept it, then I suggest you move on to some body else, because I wouldn't take it. If guys and gals want to go into strip bars and have the BEST fun there..more power to them!! If guys and gals are content with staying home and reading a book/knitting...more power to them!! In this land of Free...we're free to do what we wish. Some actions may have consequences..some actions may not. You always have a choice...choices equals consequences.

If people want to make choices that they believe will benefit them better...I'm all for it!!

My 2 cents

Especially about the part bolded in red.

**Banjo** · 06-30-2009, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodge Trucker

If you disagree...OK fine..you're entitled to your opinion and then SHUT UP!! You can not and will not force your opinions on any one in the Land of the Free.

Maybe you should follow your own advice.

People are entitled to their opinions, no matter how wrong they are. People need to stop whining about how opinions are being forced upon them because it isn't. People are saying their pieces and they just don't like to hear it, so they try to accuse them of forcing it upon them.

If they don't want to be disagreed with, they shouldn't had said something in the first place.

Where's the wahmbulance when you need one?

**shel90** · 06-30-2009, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

Maybe you should follow your own advice.

People are entitled to their opinions, no matter how wrong they are. People need to stop whining about how opinions are being forced upon them because it isn't. People are saying their pieces and they just don't like to hear it, so they try to accuse them of forcing it upon them.

If they don't want to be disagreed with, they shouldn't had said something in the first place.

Where's the wahmbulance when you need one?

I think he is talking about those who try to force their opinions on him not expressing their opinions.

**Banjo** · 06-30-2009, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I think he is talking about those who try to force their opinions on him not expressing their opinions.

Ohhh, if that's what he meant. I apologize.

Dodge Trucker · 06-30-2009, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

Maybe you should follow your own advice.

People are entitled to their opinions, no matter how wrong they are. People need to stop whining about how opinions are being forced upon them because it isn't. People are saying their pieces and they just don't like to hear it, so they try to accuse them of forcing it upon them.

If they don't want to be disagreed with, they shouldn't had said something in the first place.

Where's the wahmbulance when you need one?

Banjo..What I was merely trying to state is...upon reading this thread...people have been giving their piece of what they believe in. Certain other folks are attacking other opinions by criticizing them telling them its wrong wrong and THEY are RIGHT RIGHT.

Think of it this way: Since you say if they don't want to be disagreed with..they shouldn't say anything...does this hold true for our voters who voted our elected officials? If we don't say anything..then the crooked/less experienced will win. If we say something and vote..then we have a right to defend our beliefs. Some people may be radical..while others will not.

I was just merely trying to say that every one has their own opinions. If the others don't like it..then they can't do anything about it. If you thought I was whining..then I apologize if you thought I was. I wasn't.

**Banjo** · 06-30-2009, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodge Trucker

Banjo..What I was merely trying to state is...upon reading this thread...people have been giving their piece of what they believe in. Certain other folks are attacking other opinions by criticizing them telling them its wrong wrong and THEY are RIGHT RIGHT.

Think of it this way: Since you say if they don't want to be disagreed with..they shouldn't say anything...does this hold true for our voters who voted our elected officials? If we don't say anything..then the crooked/less experienced will win. If we say something and vote..then we have a right to defend our beliefs. Some people may be radical..while others will not.

I was just merely trying to say that every one has their own opinions. If the others don't like it..then they can't do anything about it. If you thought I was whining..then I apologize if you thought I was. I wasn't.

Yes, Shel pointed it out to me recently. I just didn't read it with a clear head at the moment.

Eeps. See what I got myself into when I don't pay attention carefully enough?

Glad you didn't take it the wrong way. Thanks!

Dodge Trucker · 06-30-2009, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

Yes, Shel pointed it out to me recently. I just didn't read it with a clear head at the moment.

Eeps. See what I got myself into when I don't pay attention carefully enough?

Glad you didn't take it the wrong way. Thanks!

Hey its cool! We all have our brainfarts (I call em brainfarts after the movie GI Jane when the Corporal says to GI Jane "did you just have a brainfart?")

Hehehe its all good dude!

**KarissaMann05** · 06-30-2009, 09:52 PM

I understood her POVs for some reasons, and I don't think Reba was being judged on people. Just cos she simply asked. She just wondered about those questions on the idea of open marriage. Nobody is imposed any opinion on any one here.. I don't see any one claim they are right and others are wrong, either...

Well... Interestingly, how people react to those different opinions of another people have. While, with all due respect, here's what I hear you saying. Unless we must agree with you, you will not tolerate our view. Privately, you'll let us think whatever we want, but you don't want we to act as if my view is true. It seems you think tolerance is a virtue if and only if people agree with you.

Like Reba and cdaigle430 said, no one will change your mind or impose on you. We just critique on that open marriage. I don't know why you are so upset cos we are just not agree with that open marriage? Accusing us as judgemental ones? All right, I guess we should keep our words to ourselves and let you whatever the hell you want to say.

With that, I done with this thread. =/

**Reba** · 06-30-2009, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodge Trucker

...the High Rollers (Pentecostals)....

Are those the Las Vegas branch of Holy Rollers?

Dodge Trucker · 06-30-2009, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarissaMann05

.Well... Interestingly, how people react to those different opinions of another people have. While, with all due respect, here's what I hear you saying. Unless we must agree with you, you will not tolerate our view. Privately, you'll let us think whatever we want, but you don't want we to act as if my view is true. It seems you think tolerance is a virtue if and only if people agree with you. =/

Karissa - hmm..maybe I didn't word my sentences right. What I was trying to say is that I am open to any one's opinion. In fact..I WELCOME it. What I was trying to say is that I am acceptable to other opinions..but when other tries to FORCE their opinion on me..then that is when I have a problem. If folks rather do this in a certain way..but I disagree with it..depending on how well I know this person..I probably will say a little something but go no further. If you were a complete stranger to me..I would just state my opinion/views and be done with it. Maybe I would agree or take your opinions/views into serious consideration. I might even take a look from outside the box and see where I could improve/agree on.

My only problem is when folks TRY to force their opinions on me/others when I tell them that the conversation is over. Trust me..at my place of employment...there's lots and lots and lots of folks who force their personal opinions (not work related) on others and get PO'd if the others dont follow their opinions personally. I would get PO'd if some folks try to TELL me what I should be doing when I have a good head on these shoulders.

cdaigle430 · 07-01-2009, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarissaMann05

I understood her POVs for some reasons, and I don't think Reba was being judged on people. Just cos she simply asked. She just wondered about those questions on the idea of open marriage. Nobody is imposed any opinion on any one here.. I don't see any one claim they are right and others are wrong, either...

Well... Interestingly, how people react to those different opinions of another people have. While, with all due respect, here's what I hear you saying. Unless we must agree with you, you will not tolerate our view. Privately, you'll let us think whatever we want, but you don't want we to act as if my view is true. It seems you think tolerance is a virtue if and only if people agree with you.

Like Reba and cdaigle430 said, no one will change your mind or impose on you. We just critique on that open marriage. I don't know why you are so upset cos we are just not agree with that open marriage? Accusing us as judgemental ones? All right, I guess we should keep our words to ourselves and let you whatever the hell you want to say.

With that, I done with this thread. =/

Right on the money, seems like this thread is nothing but a blatant crusade to convert everyones marriage into an open/swingers type and if you don't agree with them your a biggot. Usually you get these type of things because those people want others to make them feel better about what they do especially when they are unsure of it. Next thing you will see crusades for humans to marry and have sex with animals, or marry and have sex with space aliens. Just because some country's/religions allow adults to marry and become intimate with children like 12 years old and under doesn't make it right just because they are entitled to there own beliefs. Humans are capable of making inhuman choices-I think that was why the law of marriage came to be in the first place-to provide some sort of guide.

I am done with this thread also....

**shel90** · 07-01-2009, 09:37 AM

Some of these comments are making me laugh. Sex with animals? Now, that's extreme!

**Daredevel7** · 07-01-2009, 10:04 AM

Wow, we already are being condemned for having sex with space aliens?

But but but.... does this mean I can't have sex with Superman?

**shel90** · 07-01-2009, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daredevel7

Wow, we already are being condemned for having sex with space aliens?

But but but.... does this mean I can't have sex with Superman?

C.C.Sinned · 07-02-2009, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daredevel7

Wow, we already are being condemned for having sex with space aliens?

But but but.... does this mean I can't have sex with Superman?

sure you can. just don't get your hopes up. it looks like superman is having an identity crisis

Passionate4ASL · 07-05-2009, 07:02 AM

IMO...
Gotta be careful I have heard of a few men who think they are poly so they can be with another woman but when he see's his wife with another man, he freaks out!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~*Kaelei*~

I think it's interesting.... it could give a divorce rate to go down.

Or go up!

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

yea, cuz even people who appear to be all moral and all that cheat on their spouses anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~*Kaelei*~

Extactly! So why bother having a divorce when you can have open marriage....

IMO...if someone is sneaking around cheating I think its more than just a sexual issue, their are probably also deeper marital scares that need to be addressed and I don't know if making the marriage "open" will solve them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarissaMann05

And it could cause a spouse end up falling in love with an another person more than his/her lover. Is it worth?

It could cause a spouse to have an another person's baby instead of his/her love. Is it worth?

You could have a kind of disease from your spouse after she/he sleep with an another person and you unknownly sleep with your own lover. Is it worth?

Agreed!!

This is like opening pandora's box!

P.S. Not saying how anyone else should believe, just stating my opinion.

Buffalo · 07-05-2009, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daredevel7

Actually, it seems like sins themselves change over time too... what was a sin yesterday isn't a sin today and vice versa. Think about it.

I can think of plenty of examples where what was a sin yesterday isn't a sin today. I can't think of a single example of what was not a sin yesterday is a sin today. Can you?

Buffalo · 07-05-2009, 09:02 PM

Personally, I prefer monogamous relationship (married or not). Polyamory is better than polygamy. I just don't like double standards at all. I don't like it when one said to the other, I can fool around with others but you have to be faithful to me alone.

I suspect that one or both couple would still get hurt in a polyamory relationship. If they want to get into that kind of relationship, I hope they stock up condoms. They should use condoms both inside and outside the marriage, just to be on the safe side.

rockin'robin · 07-05-2009, 10:04 PM

I agree, Buffalo....and what works for some people might not work for others....it's really nobody's business but their own.

web730 · 07-06-2009, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

A marriage is an union of two people who are committed to each other. Can't get any simpler than this.

Absolutely right!

Open marriage is not good, period.

ricky_rick77 · 07-07-2009, 09:37 AM

I think that people who try open marriages are playing a dangerous game! because while they are trying to be open and enjoy other couples or other people what happens when one of the spouses decides that he or she likes some one else better, me persoanlly if I was married I cannot just share my wife like I would share candy because once another man has touched her I would see her as damaged goods and would not want nothing to do with her but be in the same room long enough to sign the divorce paper's!

**shel90** · 07-07-2009, 09:45 AM

What if a spouse meets someone at work or at a party and falls in love with that person even without having sex? The dangers of losing a spouse to someone else are there whether one has an open marriage or not. Love is a risky thing no matter what. That's why love hurts.

**Reba** · 07-07-2009, 10:18 AM

If people want to play around with other people outside of marriage then they should at least call it what it is. It is not "open marriage." It is adultery. They should also have no reason to expect their behavior to be accepted by their family, friends, and the mainstream of society.

06-30-2009, 07:55 PM	#95 (permalink)
shel90 Audist are not welcome Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,473 Blog Entries: 3	What about people who dont have sex with other people but still cheat others out of money, neglect and abuse their children, and etc? What about them? It is like saying all people who follow the traditional marriage are child abusers, pedophiles, liars, theives and etc when we know that isnt true. The same should apply to those people who live alternative lifestyles. I see no correlation between how one lives their personal lives and how they act in society. __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

06-30-2009, 09:00 PM	#97 (permalink)
Dodge Trucker Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Good Ol' KC Posts: 223	Way back a couple of years ago...I met this co-worker who was honorably discharged from the Army. On her dog tags..she had her general information. On the 2nd tag..it asked for Religion. It said "Religion - Any". I kindly asked her what her idea of this was and she made a VERY valid point. I think this point translates to this thread. She said..."when we all die and go up to meet our maker..will there be separate rooms for the Catholics...the High Rollers (Pentecostals)..the Baptists...the Lutherans...Jehovah's witnesses...the Methodists???" I kindly told her that I didn't think there would be such a plan because we are all human being. We're all from the same cloth. Case in point: Every body has their own religious views of who their God is. I don't speak for everyone, but I have noticed that pretty much every one I come across does not like to be lectured on WHO their God should be and WHY. If you disagree...OK fine..you're entitled to your opinion and then SHUT UP!! You can not and will not force your opinions on any one in the Land of the Free. If people choose to have Open marriages..be heterosexual..be bi..have multiple partners or whatever...you certainly are entitled to your views..you may give it..but that doesn't mean the other person will HAVE to accept it. You don't like it..tough..move on. That's how I am..what I do..and how I do it and why I do it is my business. If you cant accept it, then I suggest you move on to some body else, because I wouldn't take it. If guys and gals want to go into strip bars and have the BEST fun there..more power to them!! If guys and gals are content with staying home and reading a book/knitting...more power to them!! In this land of Free...we're free to do what we wish. Some actions may have consequences..some actions may not. You always have a choice...choices equals consequences. If people want to make choices that they believe will benefit them better...I'm all for it!! My 2 cents __________________ Respect everyone's opinion. Don't like their opinion? LIVE WITH IT!!

06-30-2009, 09:52 PM	#105 (permalink)
KarissaMann05 Premium Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Salem, Oregon Posts: 6,440	I understood her POVs for some reasons, and I don't think Reba was being judged on people. Just cos she simply asked. She just wondered about those questions on the idea of open marriage. Nobody is imposed any opinion on any one here.. I don't see any one claim they are right and others are wrong, either... Well... Interestingly, how people react to those different opinions of another people have. While, with all due respect, here's what I hear you saying. Unless we must agree with you, you will not tolerate our view. Privately, you'll let us think whatever we want, but you don't want we to act as if my view is true. It seems you think tolerance is a virtue if and only if people agree with you. Like Reba and cdaigle430 said, no one will change your mind or impose on you. We just critique on that open marriage. I don't know why you are so upset cos we are just not agree with that open marriage? Accusing us as judgemental ones? All right, I guess we should keep our words to ourselves and let you whatever the hell you want to say. With that, I done with this thread. =/ __________________ "Pragmatic language is a vital social skill that enables the school-aged child to navigate their way through demanding social situations." -- R. Owens

07-01-2009, 09:37 AM	#109 (permalink)
shel90 Audist are not welcome Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,473 Blog Entries: 3	Some of these comments are making me laugh. Sex with animals? Now, that's extreme! __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

07-05-2009, 09:02 PM	#115 (permalink)
Buffalo Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 4,025	Personally, I prefer monogamous relationship (married or not). Polyamory is better than polygamy. I just don't like double standards at all. I don't like it when one said to the other, I can fool around with others but you have to be faithful to me alone. I suspect that one or both couple would still get hurt in a polyamory relationship. If they want to get into that kind of relationship, I hope they stock up condoms. They should use condoms both inside and outside the marriage, just to be on the safe side. __________________ “The problem is not that the (deaf) students do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen. “- Rev Jesse L. Jackson ( American Civil Rights Activist, Minister)

Today
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06-30-2009, 07:32 PM	#93 (permalink)
Reba Granny Terp Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: South Carolina Posts: 39,510	If people don't have enough self control and respect for their spouses to stay faithful, then how can they be trusted in any other area of life? Can they be trusted in business, in government, in the military, etc.? Will they cut and run when the going gets tough? Will they cheat on business deals and taxes so they can maintain their lifestyles? If Mom or Dad can't stay faithful to each other, will they be around when their kids need them? If they have no children, will the elderly wife be dumped for a trophy wife? Will the healthy wife want to stay home and tend to the bed-ridden husband? Will their extra-marital sex partners be willing to also be caregivers for them?

07-01-2009, 10:04 AM	#110 (permalink)
Daredevel7 Adrenaline Junky Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Huntsville, AL Posts: 4,341	Wow, we already are being condemned for having sex with space aliens? But but but.... does this mean I can't have sex with Superman?

07-05-2009, 10:04 PM	#116 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,652	I agree, Buffalo....and what works for some people might not work for others....it's really nobody's business but their own.

07-07-2009, 09:37 AM	#118 (permalink)
ricky_rick77 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Little Rock, AR Posts: 21	I think that people who try open marriages are playing a dangerous game! because while they are trying to be open and enjoy other couples or other people what happens when one of the spouses decides that he or she likes some one else better, me persoanlly if I was married I cannot just share my wife like I would share candy because once another man has touched her I would see her as damaged goods and would not want nothing to do with her but be in the same room long enough to sign the divorce paper's!

07-07-2009, 09:45 AM	#119 (permalink)
shel90 Audist are not welcome Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,473 Blog Entries: 3	What if a spouse meets someone at work or at a party and falls in love with that person even without having sex? The dangers of losing a spouse to someone else are there whether one has an open marriage or not. Love is a risky thing no matter what. That's why love hurts. __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

07-07-2009, 10:18 AM	#120 (permalink)
Reba Granny Terp Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: South Carolina Posts: 39,510	If people want to play around with other people outside of marriage then they should at least call it what it is. It is not "open marriage." It is adultery. They should also have no reason to expect their behavior to be accepted by their family, friends, and the mainstream of society.

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