loldrey

I am hearing, and have recently begun dating a boy who is deaf. I do sign, and we were friends before we started dating. However, now that we are dating, I'm wondering if there are any major cultural differences between deaf relationships and hearing relationships that I should be aware of.

Deafness

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Babyblue

It really depends on how much he is involved in the deaf culture, as well as you are.

and how much he is involve with you, and your hearing culture as well. It is a two way street.

Since I see that you are from St. Augustine he probably an F.S.D student... Major Deaf Culture City.

You knowing sign language, and living in a highly populated Deaf city. Yeah, They're some differences.

Acceptance and understanding between the two of you, along with good communications about the needs and wants in the relationship, should really help both of you out.

loldrey

He doesn't go to FSDB, actually he goes to a public school that is mostly hearing. He is kind of between deaf and hearing cultures. He gets along with my friends very well, and it's not hard for me to interpret. I can sign well enough that I'm not so much concerned with the fact that I'm hearing and he's deaf. I'm just wondering if there are any major differences in deaf-deaf relationships and hearing-hearing relationships that I might come across.

Babyblue

Your first post questioned about deaf-hearing relationship.

Now you are questioning about deaf-deaf and hearing-hearing relationship......


Are you a Flagler College Student???

SCBassist

Funny I found this post by coincidence, It's been awhile since I have been on this forum since getting over a woman I was involved with. I can tell you relationships are really overrated - not something you "must" do, only when you are prepared for it. In my case, my break-up stemmed from two main reasons: her inability to limit alcohol consumption, and not wanting to put effort to communicate with me, ending up talking with others simply because talking is easier to a hearing person. If you hearing individuals want to get involved with a deaf or hoh person, know what you're getting into and what is necessary to communicate efficiently. Otherwise, not meeting each other's needs to communicate well is one short road to heartbreakville.

BTW, I'm single and available if any women are interested.

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MoonDrifter

Take sociology. It'll help answer most of your questions.

Grummer

no it wont, it will open up More questions! lol

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Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better. I've always believed this, in spite of the trouble it's caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles.
Hunter S Thompson

Bottesini

But it will keep the OP occupied and help them learn to think on their own!

loldrey

Let me clarify my original post:

I am hearing. I can sign well. I just started dating someone who is deaf. We communicate well. I get along with his friends, and he gets along with mine. I don't need relationship advice, I just have a few deaf culture type questions.

I guess what I really want to know is, do relationships in deaf culture tend to progress more slowly or more quickly than relationships in hearing culture? Are there certain things that people do in hearing relationships that may be offensive to a deaf person?

Also, no, I do not go to Flagler College.

jillio

That would depend entirely on the two people involved in the relationship. Just like all hearing relationships are different, all deaf relationships are different. I'd suggest talking to the man you are dating about these issues. Wouldn't that be a bit more respectful toward both him and the relationship?

shel90

Is your date involved with the Deaf community? If he grew up around hearing people without being involved with the Deaf community, then maybe he probably hasnt adopted any cultural values from the Deaf community.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Jolie77

Relationship in the deaf culture are just as much as it is for hearing culture. Although, I do understand why you're questioning it because both cultures/backgrounds are given to be different in this stance. I'd say that relationships which are progressed are between two people, regardless of how the cultures are. It is based on how you communicate with him about it otherwise because if not, that's where it goes kaput.

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“Tough girls come from New York. Sweet girls, they're from Georgia. But us Kentucky girls, we have fire and ice in our blood. We can ride horses, be a debutante, throw left hooks, and drink with the boys, all the while making sweet tea, darlin'. And if we have an opinion, you know you're gonna hear it.” - Ashley Judd

loldrey

Well, I do plan on talking to him about some of these things, I was just curious. We haven't been dating very long and it hasn't become serious yet. I'm open to advice on deaf-hearing relationships though!

Taylor

I am hearing and my SO is Deaf. Your are correct in wondering about the cultural differences, but I think you may be worrying too much or putting too much emphasis on it. Let nature takes it course with the relationship, just as it would with any other relationship.

You will find the learning experience of the culture a plus in your relationship. There were things I did not know about and in the end, Glo and I ended up getting a good laugh out of them. Also keep in mind that this is a two way street for both of you. She is learning just as much about hearing culture as I am about Deaf culture.

Sometimes it can cause a bit of minor friction, but isn't too bad. An example would be eye contact. When signing, it can be considered rude to break eye contact. Hearing culture doesn't look at it that way. And a double whammy is my job causes me to watch all around the room constantly while signing with her. At first, she took this as me being inattentive to what what she was saying. She soon learned that I am able to watch the door of the restaurant and still understand what she is saying. But I now also make it a point to no break eye contact with her as often as I used to. Learning experience for both of us, but a meeting in the middle and its a non-issue in our relationship.

AlleyCat

There can be a learning curve - for both of you. He has to adjust to being in a relationship with someone who is hearing and that not everything is deaf-oriented, and vice versa. I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years with a hearing person (I am deaf) and while we have a very, very wonderful wonderful relationship, it wasn't always smooth sailing. There were things that we had to learn about each other that had everything to do with deaf and hearing cultures, and we've worked through them all.

Em903

I would suggest talking with your man to see how he feels on the progression of the relationship. I'm in a similar situation loldrey, I'm hearing and my man, Darin, is deaf. I'm currently learning ASL and we don't find it hard to communicate but some things to ask him maybe that I've asked my man are:

Does he feel comfortable with you interpreting for him? I asked Darin this because I just did it automatically but never considered what his feelings may be on it. Maybe he doesn't want me to interpret for him at the register for food, on dates etc. He said he was fine with it and even encouraged me to help with my signing skills.

What kind of progression are you two looking for? Slow? fast? In my own relationship, we've agreed to take things slowly, which at first I was like WHAT?! But after reading from the book in my ASL class ("For Hearing People Only") it gave some differences between hearing/deaf cultures, things I hadn't even considered. One of which previously mentioned was eye contact and the ramifications of dropping it.

Also previously stated is communication. I wanted to be able to contact Darin better than just IM/text/email so I got a new webcam and downloaded Viable Vision so I could videocall him to his VP. Does he have a VP? Something to consider as well.

Finally, yes there are some differences but to me if you treat them as differences then that is how they shall remain. Different. If both of you embrace both cultures, and sometimes it may mean giving up a few things too, it will really open your heart, mind, and world a lot more.

Hope this helps and best of luck

~*~Carly~*~

serena1986

it depend on the the hearing and deaf culture.

loldrey

Thank you everyone for the advice. It's really helpful to me.

authentic

Take the basic > intermediate > advanced ASL History course.

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Buttercup76

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Buttercup76

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