deafdyke

For those of you who don't know, I've broken up with Hannah. It's really not too bad. We are still amazing friends and we still love each other a lot.
However, there is something abt our relationship that is kind of nagging at me. Specificly the Friday night when she and I ended up cuddling. I'm just really kind of puzzled by that still. I mean it wasn't full on making out cuddling, but it was still......rather more intiminate then just platonic friends.
I have seen straight platonic "I love you" actions. (like at summer camp ....especially as my summer camp was an all girls camp and at college) and yet I never saw straight platonic friends cuddling with each other, especially not for an entire SET. I remember clearly, Nancy (her mom) going "Hannah it's Deafdyke!" and we basicly fell into each other's arms. She had her arm around me first, and then without even thinking about it, we both put our arms around each other. I'm just really puzzled by the cuddling.
WTF did that even MEAN? If Hannah just wants to be friends then how come she was cuddling with me? We had our arms around each other the entire set....and from my perspective it felt AWESOME. I'm just so damn confused by the cuddling. I dunno....maybe she's confused too.....wish I could talk to her....in her letter to me when she said she just wanted to be friends she seemed to think that she'd been leading me on or something. I didn't think so....I just thought that it felt good, and that I loved her. god human realtionships are just so confusing?!?!?

Deafness

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deafdyke

Oh, and I decided to repost this, since it wasn't getting any hits in the Closet.

Phillips

I am still hug and good term with my ex boyfriends too ?

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violet

its kinda confusing...you talked about something else in between it may just be me im kinda slow
you made hannah seem straight then not? i dunno
i think i need to understand what you mean better...
im sorry i thought i had it in my head... but then now im cofused sowy!

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imdeafsowhat

If you're confused, you're in love.

Liza

Maybe you just feel so good about the cuddling that it's making you question your decision of having broken up with her in the first place. Just remember what led to that breakup in the first place, and just enjoy what you have with your friend without needing to put a name to it.

violet

are you talking to me or her?
according to Liza.. then this was after your breakup? if so..i agree with liza

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deafdyke

Just to clarify some things. Hannah is BI (as I am)
The cuddling happened BEFORE we broke up. Then she said she just wanted to be friends. If she just wanted to be friends, then how come she was cuddling then? I'm just really confused. I dunno.....maybe she's confused too.

lumbingmi

Perhaps you guys just like to touch each other but don't want to get in relationship. I have that plenty with several women which I dont want to get too emotional attachment but rather having "cuddling" or comfortable to have someone rest on my shoulder.

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VamPyroX

Well, when you've recently ended up a relationship... then this kind of thing should be avoided for it can give both of you a lot of mixed signals.

Who still loves who?

If both broke up, but one still acts like he/she loves the other... then what is it?

Suppose I break up with my girlfriend. I'm the one who dumped her. Yet, I take her out on dates. I cuddle with her. She's going to wonder if we really broke up. If my "dumping" was really intentional. If I keep it up, she's going to assume we're still together. Then one day, I do my own thing like I'm already single... she's going to be hurt worse than before.

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deafdyke

Vampy, the cuddling happened before we broke up.
We were nominally girlfriends at the fest.....very touchy feely...then two weeks post fest I got a letter in the mail saying she just wanted to be friends It wasn't a "we broke up" and then did a snuggle thing.
If she just wanted to be friends, then why the intimacy?
It's weird.....like I wouldn't be puzzling over this, if it had just been something like two "just friends" with their arms around each other for a few mintutes....But this was for an ENTIRE set!

imdeafsowhat

Looks like you want more than a friendship while she only wants friend with benefits.

Perhaps you should talk to her about this than us because not many of us have your perceptive of this "BI" situation.

You and her cuddling should not mean anything unless it's gotten serious and you want to continue doing it.

OH, or she's just horny???

imdeafsowhat

In General.

the Mind would be overwhelmed by the emotion, love.

the Mind wouldn't be clear if you were on Cloud 9.

Reba

Deafdyke, in any relationship, clear communication is most important. With all the other issues aside, the two of you need to sit down during a non-emotional, non-threatening time in a neutral (not romantic) setting, and have a heart-to-heart discussion. That's the only way you will know for sure. The two of you need to be fully honest with each, and clearly define your feelings.

No one here can second guess her feelings or motivations. Only you know your own feelings and motivations. The only way to know is to ask. Break it down and ask. Ask what she meant, and what she was feeling. Ask her to define your relationship.

It might be uncomfortable, and the answers might hurt. But at least you will know, and you can rid yourself of this confusion.

If she doesn't want to have such a discussion then that could be your answer, too. If two people can't discuss their feelings for each other, then there isn't a good relationship there.

I hope you get the opportunity to get your answers.

deafdyke

Reba, thanks for the advice. The thing is, I am BEYOND happy with the current status of our realtionship. We still love each other. We are more then friends, but less then intimate lovers is the best way I can describe our relationship.

Byrdie714

Since you mentioned that she is Bi-sexual, maybe she isn't ready for a lesbian relationship as she may still have tendencies for guys???????

~♥~Pinky~♥~

DD, I am honest with you. I had an experience with bisexual and lesbian relationship. I used to be BI and my ex gf is BI. She is almost become to lesbian. After we cuddles and make love each other. She returned to home in other state. I am not able to see her because it's long distance. We kept in touch each other at emails and IM. I don't feel like to become a lesbian or bisexual anymore. Because many women wanted her not me. They think she is so HOTTIE than I was. It turned me off. I decide want to find a right hearing man. When I met him. I admit and tell him I was bisexual. He didn't care if I was. I suppose to visit my ex gf's baby born in other state. I changed my mind. I didn't want to go. I wanted go back straight again for my new life with hearing man instead of bisexual or lesbian. My husband was happy that I am not bisexual anymore. My ex gf was jealous of me to have him. It's bother me when she was jealous of me being with man. She really want to have sex with me. I told her to be friend. She respected my wish. But still she is still thinking about me.

I am proud to be straight.

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deafdyke

I have to say I think she might be confused too. I dunno......Just miss her so much.....wish so badly she lived nearby......it's really hard to know....I wish I could sit down and have a long talk with her about this in person. So hard to do the long distance thing.

I do think that she is confused.........just wish so badly I could talk to her in PERSON!

deafdyke

What if you're confused about the kind of love that it is?
Like I know obviously that I love her dearly.
I freely tell her that I love her. It's clear that I love her. It's just kind of hard to figure out if its real honest to god love or just that I think I'm in love with her because I've been so damn socially isolated. I just wonder like if I'd met her at college or another place, would I have fallen in love with her?
And I have to admit, I WISH SO BADLY there was a way to turn off desire.......My mind knows she's not available but my body refuses to remember that she's not available.

Wokamuka

You cuddled then you broke up?

I'm sorry that you didn't get any response in the other sub-forum . . . still, it begs the question: You cuddled, then you broke up?

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deafdyke

Yes, we cuddled and then broke up a couple of weeks later. I do know the difference between platonic friend affection and the cuddling wasn't just platonic! I really do think she might be confused too!

jillio

As wonderful as it sounds to remain close friends following a break up, it rarely happens in reality. Adjustment requires a separation for at least a period of time that will allow for closure on the relationship. Evidently, closure has not been achieved in this case.

deafbajagal

Have you been able to talk with Hannah about all this?

deafdyke

Well we're limited to snail mail unfortunatly.......haven't heard from her since the letter where she said she just wanted to be friends. She's at college right now, so is busy.
I'm actually writing a letter to her right now....I did bring up the fact that I'm still confused in the letter I'm writing to her. Oh how I wish Hannah was here to talk in person......I miss her SO much!

deafdyke

Oh and jillo,
it wasn't a huge messy break up. Not even a fight or anything like that. More like she's going off to college, and is afraid of the long distance and the change that college brings. We are still incredibily close friends, and still love each other a lot. She even said that in her letter to me!

deafdyke

jillo, I do see what you're getting at.....and most of the time I agree. It can be hard to remain good friends after being intimante that way. However, we basicly just kissed, and cuddled. Also, the break up wasn't the result of a fight or a difference. It's just that she's scared of the long distance thing, and of going off to college.