Communication issues with hearing a spouse

KweenSasha · 08-28-2008, 09:01 PM

Are there any deaf/HOH ppl here who are married to or in a long term relationship with a hearing person? How does your situation affect your relationship? Do u get frustrated when having communication problems? How do you deal with it?

Pepsi · 08-29-2008, 12:16 AM

For me it got worst over the years.My husband made it all about what was best for him and the way he wanted things to go.He would say things like "I can't wait till you get you're new aids so it would be easy for me" or " I can't stand CC" and "You're hearing lost is not my problem" and now we are getting a divorce.

KweenSasha · 08-29-2008, 02:45 PM

He's horrible. I know men can be really selfish and abusive. I hope he didn't cause any self esteem problems. Think of your divorce as a passage to freedom and you can do much better than a selfish bastard like him.

Maria · 08-29-2008, 07:26 PM

Not with my hearing man. I am deaf myself. He loves me so much enough to explain e v e r y t h i n g to me what he talks about or what friends around him were talking about. He don't leave me out.

You know what I thought is cute ? When he and I hop on a bus, he would take out a fingerspelling card from his packback and try to practice it while talking to me with it.

Of course, we are very much in love as still. I even showed him this thread and asked him what he thinks of that ....

Know what he says ? He said " The men are idiot. Didn't with none ... hear or hearings ". Hearing men does have problem communicating with other hearing men and women ... no difference. So much the same with deafies to deafies as well. It doesn't matter, if it is in a relationship or mutual friendship.

I think it is really ashame for some hearing men actin' like that when they have nooo patience or willin' to try to accept the way it is. Some of them don't want to TRY and UNDERSTAND. I know some deafies do have some frustrations about communication issue with hearing spouses, but they both need to sit down and learn to work things together by explaining things to each other patiently.

My man won't let me go as ever and, even thou I sometimes wander off in a Mall.... know what he did ? He would TEXT me and ask me where I was at.

Aww, he is very considerate person with a sweet and gentle heart!

Some hearing men are not that thoughtful person.... they just don't care and want to get out of a relationship with a deaf spouse. Too easy way out for them.

KweenSasha · 08-30-2008, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maria

Not with my hearing man. I am deaf myself. He loves me so much enough to explain e v e r y t h i n g to me what he talks about or what friends around him were talking about. He don't leave me out.
You know what I thought is cute ? When he and I hop on a bus, he would take out a fingerspelling card from his packback and try to practice it while talking to me with it.

Of course, we are very much in love as still. I even showed him this thread and asked him what he thinks of that ....

Know what he says ? He said " The men are idiot. Didn't with none ... hear or hearings ". Hearing men does have problem communicating with other hearing men and women ... no difference. So much the same with deafies to deafies as well. It doesn't matter, if it is in a relationship or mutual friendship.

I think it is really ashame for some hearing men actin' like that when they have nooo patience or willin' to try to accept the way it is. Some of them don't want to TRY and UNDERSTAND. I know some deafies do have some frustrations about communication issue with hearing spouses, but they both need to sit down and learn to work things together by explaining things to each other patiently.
My man won't let me go as ever and, even thou I sometimes wander off in a Mall.... know what he did ? He would TEXT me and ask me where I was at.

Aww, he is very considerate person with a sweet and gentle heart!

Some hearing men are not that thoughtful person.... they just don't care and want to get out of a relationship with a deaf spouse. Too easy way out for them.

Maria you are a very lucky woman! You husband seem to be an amazing person to be considerate, giving u soo much attention and love.
I wish my hubby can be more considerate as he is (I'm jealous, lol).
My husband is a great guy. He may not be that considerate and we have communication issues at times.
I hate when he decides if something is important enough to tell me or not...if i didnt catch on or doesn't know wat is going on. When I ask him he will be like, "It was nothing"....

~*Kaelei*~ · 08-30-2008, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maria

Not with my hearing man. I am deaf myself. He loves me so much enough to explain e v e r y t h i n g to me what he talks about or what friends around him were talking about. He don't leave me out.

Ditto, My husband is the same, He takes time to explain everything, he never leaves me out. He's very patient man and I love him to pieces.

Byrdie714 · 08-30-2008, 06:21 PM

I made mine learn ASL and Deaf culture.

Byrdie714 · 08-30-2008, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pepsi

For me it got worst over the years.My husband made it all about what was best for him and the way he wanted things to go.He would say things like "I can't wait till you get you're new aids so it would be easy for me" or " I can't stand CC" and "You're hearing lost is not my problem" and now we are getting a divorce.

He is a selfish man.

You deserve better Pepsi! Maybe you meet a man that likes Coca-Cola?!

(j/k)

I wish you well in your divorce and as Ivanna Trump said in the movie, "First Wives Club": Don't get mad, get everything!

WBHarley · 08-30-2008, 08:53 PM

aww

varies with people some cant some can

my man is hearing I have bilaterial He support me for getting one.. He never pressure me one he has asked me "Why? your natural" I said "cos Im doing this for myself not for others" he loves me for who I am.. I love him for who he is. and we both respect.. Mainly we do have communications in our relationship.. sometime its hard when kids bugged in to interp. I tell them don't LOL yes My daughter STILL Try to control me I told her dont! smile

anyhow my ex bf was hearing and it was awful relationship.. now Im with my man.. It is worth that I married him.. even tho we have had up and downs

hes more of "old fashions" im more of "oldie moderns fashions" still trying to keep up with presents moderns LOL

deafbajagal · 08-30-2008, 10:12 PM

I was married to a hearing guy for seven years (dated him about 2 or 3 years before then). At first he was learning how to sign and learning about deaf culture (he was an interpreter major at the college we both were attending). After we got married, he changed...he stopped trying to learn how to sign and using it. Communication became difficult. He also was caught on several occasions talking about me in my presence, knowing I could not hear him. When I divorced him, I vowed I would never date another guy again...but if I for some reason did, he MUST be deaf.

However, I'm beginning to realize that not all hearing men are like him. He was a jerk..and it doesn't matter if he was hearing or deaf...jerks come in all sizes and shapes.

Pepsi · 08-31-2008, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Byrdie714

He is a selfish man.

You deserve better Pepsi! Maybe you meet a man that likes Coca-Cola?!

(j/k)

I wish you well in your divorce and as Ivanna Trump said in the movie, "First Wives Club": Don't get mad, get everything!

Thanks Byrdie, your post made my day.

Pepsi · 08-31-2008, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KweenSasha

He's horrible. I know men can be really selfish and abusive. I hope he didn't cause any self esteem problems. Think of your divorce as a passage to freedom and you can do much better than a selfish bastard like him.

Thanks

Maria · 08-31-2008, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KweenSasha

Maria you are a very lucky woman! You husband seem to be an amazing person to be considerate, giving u soo much attention and love.
I wish my hubby can be more considerate as he is (I'm jealous, lol).
My husband is a great guy. He may not be that considerate and we have communication issues at times.
I hate when he decides if something is important enough to tell me or not...if i didnt catch on or doesn't know wat is going on. When I ask him he will be like, "It was nothing"....

It would make me

too, if he says " It was nothing " - it's all B.S. IF, my hearing man says " It was nothing " to me, I would do the same to him back and see how he feels. IF, he don't care, then I will leave him for good. I am not going to let it to waste my time.

Maria · 08-31-2008, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~*Kaelei*~

Ditto, My husband is the same, He takes time to explain everything, he never leaves me out. He's very patient man and I love him to pieces.

Aw, how sweet! I am glad both of you are still in love. That's really good.

shel90 · 08-31-2008, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maria

It would make me

too, if he says " It was nothing " - it's all B.S. IF, my hearing man says " It was nothing " to me, I would do the same to him back and see how he feels. IF, he don't care, then I will leave him for good. I am not going to let it to waste my time.

Did u get married recently?

My husband is hearing and we have been together for 4 years. He signs to me. If he didnt or refused to sign with me, then I would have seen him to the door a long time ago. I need ASL in my life, including in my home. So, because he respects my deaf needs, we dont have communication issues.

Maria · 08-31-2008, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Did u get married recently?

My husband is hearing and we have been together for 4 years. He signs to me. If he didnt or refused to sign with me, then I would have seen him to the door a long time ago. I need ASL in my life, including in my home. So, because he respects my deaf needs, we dont have communication issues.

No, not yet.... but, we have talked about it for sometime. And, yes we will plan to marry. We haven't set a date yet.

Oh, yes ASL is a must for me, too. I can't live without it. Without it, I can't see myself in him.

HDfreak316 · 08-31-2008, 03:13 PM

Sounds like ASL is a big thing here. I'm glad I learned ASL when I met my late wife in college. With her and our daughter, I've always used ASL, never verbal (not even mouth movements as she forbade that). Before she passed away, the three of us had a great relationship.

To answer your question, the frustration was very early in our relationship when I was learning sign. I picked up quickly and things went smoothly after that.

LittleBabyTalk · 09-01-2008, 08:00 PM

Yes I am with a guy now i really love

and he know i HOH and he not mind at all

bebito831 · 09-07-2008, 09:43 PM

My husband is hearing. He is the best! He treats me like a queen. He never even batted an eye when he first learned I was hoh. We have three daughters (all are hearing) and he will help me in anyway he can. He makes all the phone appointements for me, he made sure we have cell phones with unlimited text messaging. He goes with me to all my audi appointments so he can learn about my hearing aids. I can't imagine my life without him.
I hope you find a man who treats you wonderfully because you deserve it!

~♥~Pinky~♥~ · 09-08-2008, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebito831

My husband is hearing. He is the best! He treats me like a queen. He never even batted an eye when he first learned I was hoh. We have three daughters (all are hearing) and he will help me in anyway he can. He makes all the phone appointements for me, he made sure we have cell phones with unlimited text messaging. He goes with me to all my audi appointments so he can learn about my hearing aids. I can't imagine my life without him.
I hope you find a man who treats you wonderfully because you deserve it!

Same here. My husband always go with me for go doctor appointments. I asked my husband to call pharmacy to refill my medicines. He want me to ask him do anything for me what I need. He is such support me. I do support him too. He is not good at remind on date. I helping him to remind the date on schedule. We are great marriage. I am deaf and usher syndrome. He accepted who I am. I accepted He is hearing and had a stutter problem. Communicate is very important.

shel90 · 09-08-2008, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maria

No, not yet.... but, we have talked about it for sometime. And, yes we will plan to marry. We haven't set a date yet.

Oh, yes ASL is a must for me, too. I can't live without it. Without it, I can't see myself in him.

Congrats on finding your love!

Yea, ASL is a must for me too with my hearing husband. He signs more SEE but now starting to change to more of a PSE...finally! Cant complain cuz he is not around signers all day but at least he has shown the motivation to learn and now he is practically fluent. Even some of my deaf friends mistook him as being deaf. Not bad for someone who learned ASL 6 years ago and never took an ASL class.

If he didnt learn ASL, we wouldnt have a relationship.

imdeafsowhat · 09-09-2008, 01:44 PM

Before you divorce, be sure to annoy your husband by doing the dishes.

OR, have a naked young boy sleep in your bed. You don't have to do a thing, just have your husband imagine things.

LoveMyBostons · 09-12-2008, 05:09 PM

I have been married to a CODA for 20 years. When we first met, we immediately knew! However, I was still with another guy who was deaf. We broke up, and my husband immediately proposed. I accepted without any hesitation. Of course we have communication problems like any other couple in marriage. We just keep talking to resolve issues. He is a very good listener and I like to talk so we balance each other. It is important that your significant other (SO) respects you for who you are and accepts your deafness. The SO should be immersed into the deaf culture and can communicate with you in ASL easily. If my husband had not known ASL or deaf culture, I wouldn't give him a chance. I don't have time or energy to teach him. Luckily, he is a CODA

Celticty · 09-16-2008, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pepsi

For me it got worst over the years.My husband made it all about what was best for him and the way he wanted things to go.He would say things like "I can't wait till you get you're new aids so it would be easy for me" or " I can't stand CC" and "You're hearing lost is not my problem" and now we are getting a divorce.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. There are way better men out there. You just have to realize that there is one man out there for you who will have his strenghts and his weaknesses. and you have your strengths and weaknesses. Together his strengths will help your weaknesses and you strengths will help his weaknesses. I wish you luck in this whole ordeal and that you will always remember that you will always have friends on AD to talk to if you need it.

SCBassist · 09-16-2008, 12:42 PM

Not a problem with us. Anyone I've met over the years were interested in trying to use sign (sometimes hilarious and provocative hand gestures), so I taught them how to fingerspell to start with. They'd learn it within minutes. Now I use a CI so the arrangement is sometimes oral, other times fingerspelling, and on rare occasions, gestures you wouldn't believe! LOL

0

08-28-2008, 09:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
KweenSasha Registered User Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: The Bahamas Posts: 289	Communication issues with hearing a spouse Are there any deaf/HOH ppl here who are married to or in a long term relationship with a hearing person? How does your situation affect your relationship? Do u get frustrated when having communication problems? How do you deal with it? __________________ `~Confusion Is The Name Of The Game, A Misconception, A Vast Deception, Something's Got To Change~` Never Say Die, Never I Will Fail... I'm Not Looking For a Place Ashore...I'M GONNA WIN!! Never I Will Give Up...Never I Will Give In...I'M GONNA WIN...

08-29-2008, 12:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
Pepsi The One and Only Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: USA Posts: 3,406	For me it got worst over the years.My husband made it all about what was best for him and the way he wanted things to go.He would say things like "I can't wait till you get you're new aids so it would be easy for me" or " I can't stand CC" and "You're hearing lost is not my problem" and now we are getting a divorce. __________________

08-29-2008, 02:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
KweenSasha Registered User Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: The Bahamas Posts: 289	He's horrible. I know men can be really selfish and abusive. I hope he didn't cause any self esteem problems. Think of your divorce as a passage to freedom and you can do much better than a selfish bastard like him. __________________ `~Confusion Is The Name Of The Game, A Misconception, A Vast Deception, Something's Got To Change~` Never Say Die, Never I Will Fail... I'm Not Looking For a Place Ashore...I'M GONNA WIN!! Never I Will Give Up...Never I Will Give In...I'M GONNA WIN...

09-01-2008, 08:00 PM	#18 (permalink)
LittleBabyTalk LittleBabyTalk Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 59	Yes I am with a guy now i really love and he know i HOH and he not mind at all __________________ Howie's Wifey

09-16-2008, 12:42 PM	#25 (permalink)
SCBassist ...And your point is? Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Spartanburg, SC Posts: 885	Not a problem with us. Anyone I've met over the years were interested in trying to use sign (sometimes hilarious and provocative hand gestures), so I taught them how to fingerspell to start with. They'd learn it within minutes. Now I use a CI so the arrangement is sometimes oral, other times fingerspelling, and on rare occasions, gestures you wouldn't believe! LOL 0 __________________ Complaints Division Here

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08-29-2008, 07:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
Maria My love and I Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: FLORIDA Posts: 8,725	Not with my hearing man. I am deaf myself. He loves me so much enough to explain e v e r y t h i n g to me what he talks about or what friends around him were talking about. He don't leave me out. You know what I thought is cute ? When he and I hop on a bus, he would take out a fingerspelling card from his packback and try to practice it while talking to me with it. Of course, we are very much in love as still. I even showed him this thread and asked him what he thinks of that .... Know what he says ? He said " The men are idiot. Didn't with none ... hear or hearings ". Hearing men does have problem communicating with other hearing men and women ... no difference. So much the same with deafies to deafies as well. It doesn't matter, if it is in a relationship or mutual friendship. I think it is really ashame for some hearing men actin' like that when they have nooo patience or willin' to try to accept the way it is. Some of them don't want to TRY and UNDERSTAND. I know some deafies do have some frustrations about communication issue with hearing spouses, but they both need to sit down and learn to work things together by explaining things to each other patiently. My man won't let me go as ever and, even thou I sometimes wander off in a Mall.... know what he did ? He would TEXT me and ask me where I was at. Aww, he is very considerate person with a sweet and gentle heart! Some hearing men are not that thoughtful person.... they just don't care and want to get out of a relationship with a deaf spouse. Too easy way out for them.

08-30-2008, 06:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
Byrdie714 Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Pacific County, Washington Posts: 5,116	I made mine learn ASL and Deaf culture.

08-30-2008, 08:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
WBHarley Multitaskin' Wanderin'Mom Join Date: May 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,378	aww varies with people some cant some can my man is hearing I have bilaterial He support me for getting one.. He never pressure me one he has asked me "Why? your natural" I said "cos Im doing this for myself not for others" he loves me for who I am.. I love him for who he is. and we both respect.. Mainly we do have communications in our relationship.. sometime its hard when kids bugged in to interp. I tell them don't LOL yes My daughter STILL Try to control me I told her dont! smile anyhow my ex bf was hearing and it was awful relationship.. now Im with my man.. It is worth that I married him.. even tho we have had up and downs hes more of "old fashions" im more of "oldie moderns fashions" still trying to keep up with presents moderns LOL

08-30-2008, 10:12 PM	#10 (permalink)
deafbajagal Jasmine's Tiger "Lilly" Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 2,107	I was married to a hearing guy for seven years (dated him about 2 or 3 years before then). At first he was learning how to sign and learning about deaf culture (he was an interpreter major at the college we both were attending). After we got married, he changed...he stopped trying to learn how to sign and using it. Communication became difficult. He also was caught on several occasions talking about me in my presence, knowing I could not hear him. When I divorced him, I vowed I would never date another guy again...but if I for some reason did, he MUST be deaf. However, I'm beginning to realize that not all hearing men are like him. He was a jerk..and it doesn't matter if he was hearing or deaf...jerks come in all sizes and shapes.

08-31-2008, 03:13 PM	#17 (permalink)
HDfreak316 Registered User Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Fremont Posts: 9	Sounds like ASL is a big thing here. I'm glad I learned ASL when I met my late wife in college. With her and our daughter, I've always used ASL, never verbal (not even mouth movements as she forbade that). Before she passed away, the three of us had a great relationship. To answer your question, the frustration was very early in our relationship when I was learning sign. I picked up quickly and things went smoothly after that.

09-07-2008, 09:43 PM	#19 (permalink)
bebito831 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 91	My husband is hearing. He is the best! He treats me like a queen. He never even batted an eye when he first learned I was hoh. We have three daughters (all are hearing) and he will help me in anyway he can. He makes all the phone appointements for me, he made sure we have cell phones with unlimited text messaging. He goes with me to all my audi appointments so he can learn about my hearing aids. I can't imagine my life without him. I hope you find a man who treats you wonderfully because you deserve it!

09-09-2008, 01:44 PM	#22 (permalink)
imdeafsowhat Banned Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: The Golden Coast Posts: 1,654	Before you divorce, be sure to annoy your husband by doing the dishes. OR, have a naked young boy sleep in your bed. You don't have to do a thing, just have your husband imagine things.

09-12-2008, 05:09 PM	#23 (permalink)
LoveMyBostons LoveMyBostons Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 21	I have been married to a CODA for 20 years. When we first met, we immediately knew! However, I was still with another guy who was deaf. We broke up, and my husband immediately proposed. I accepted without any hesitation. Of course we have communication problems like any other couple in marriage. We just keep talking to resolve issues. He is a very good listener and I like to talk so we balance each other. It is important that your significant other (SO) respects you for who you are and accepts your deafness. The SO should be immersed into the deaf culture and can communicate with you in ASL easily. If my husband had not known ASL or deaf culture, I wouldn't give him a chance. I don't have time or energy to teach him. Luckily, he is a CODA