Is he Insecure??

Sharan · 08-05-2008, 08:31 PM

Hey Guys,

I posted here a lil while ago about a guy that I met recently. I am hearing and he is deaf and we dated a couple of times!

Now hes said he wants to stay friends

I dont get it.. we got on really well... we would text each other several times a day (nearly all of which was initiated by him)! Spoke on IM loads... He was also flirty with me at times and i made it very clear that I really liked him (I told him so).. then last week we had a really odd text conversation, which went as follows:

ME: Stay cool... cos ur lovely!
HIM: what does that mean?
ME: Means wht it says
HIM: Meaning yr not sure anymore? rather stay as mates for now?
ME: No I didnt mean that! I wanna be more than mates.. i really like you! What do u want? just to be friends?
HIM: Kind of Yea! Its just that i dont have many friends... i like you as a friend.. your wicked person to chat to and chill with...

I dont understand why he would ask me if im not sure anymore and if i would rather stay mates for now if all he thought we ever were was just friends!!!

His past gfs have cheated on him (he said it was because hes deaf)..i dont know if that is entirely the case... so he does have some trust issues! He once said that he didnt care about women anymore and that he was just going with the flow! But i did my best to re-assure him that my feelings for him were genuine!

So when he was texting me several times a day, EVERYDAY... i thought that I had finally got through to him and we were making progress... until he dropped that bombshell on me.. I AM GUTTED!!!!

I mean do people really make that much contact with someone they only want to be friends with?? I usually dont lol...

I dont know what to make of it

Of course, I am going to continue being his friend cos he is such a beautiful person (even tho i find it hard cos i like him so much), but I dnt know whether hes just insecure...

Any Advice???

Bottesini · 08-05-2008, 08:36 PM

I don't know how long you knew him.

I would think it normal to text you lots to have conversation to get to know you better.

Maybe after he knew you better, he felt he only wants you to be a friend.

jillio · 08-08-2008, 10:53 AM

Sounds like miscommunication to me. You thought the relationship was heading a different direction than he did, and when he realized that you had some expectations that were not in line with his, he made the effort to correct your misperceptions. That's a good thing. Keeps things honest.

Misunderstandings about this issue occur all the time in relationships, and not just hearing/deaf relationships. It usually happens because, rather than being honest and up front about one's expectations, the person simply takes the stand that if they hang on long enough, the other person will grow to see things the same way they do. Big mistake.

I say count yourself lucky that you have a friend whose company you enjoy in your life, and if you are unsure of something, ask. You are spending too much time trying to read what you want to see into someone else's behavior.

Is he insecure? Definately not. His willingness to be completely honest with you about his feelings shows that he is very secure, and no doubt has a high self esteem.

Phillips · 08-08-2008, 10:59 AM

Probably misunderstand.. so Why dont you contact him and more questions

***VamPyroX*** · 08-08-2008, 11:56 AM

Things like that will happen. We can't expect every person we meet and like... to want to be more than friends.

I've gone through that before where I'll meet a gal I want to be serious with, but they end up saying they just want to be friends. So, I move on.

Maria · 08-08-2008, 12:46 PM

A deaf person has a different way of " deaf " thinking than " hearing " thinking. Deaf and hearing people don't think the same thing when they communicate. It's why it's important to help each other by explaining each other's feelings and what each other's means when they say it if, not understand. This will help to prevent misunderstanding and confusion. It needs to take the time and get to know each other more. Give each other time and things will be fine in the long run.

My boyfriend is hearing and I am deaf. We both don't think the same, but we give each other time to get to know each other and explain things if, we both don't understand each other about something. We are still very much in love. Communication is important to keep things in open and be honest with each other. No hiding.

Pythia · 08-08-2008, 10:45 PM

Why don't you talk to him in person and see what happens?Maybe he is shy/scared to take next level with you. If not, then it's his loss!

Good luck!

Byrdie714 · 08-09-2008, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maria

A deaf person has a different way of " deaf " thinking than " hearing " thinking. Deaf and hearing people don't think the same thing when they communicate. It's why it's important to help each other by explaining each other's feelings and what each other's means when they say it if, not understand. This will help to prevent misunderstanding and confusion. It needs to take the time and get to know each other more. Give each other time and things will be fine in the long run.

My boyfriend is hearing and I am deaf. We both don't think the same, but we give each other time to get to know each other and explain things if, we both don't understand each other about something. We are still very much in love. Communication is important to keep things in open and be honest with each other. No hiding.

BTW...how is Florida going with your boyfriend? Miss Alaska yet?

Chase · 08-09-2008, 12:13 PM

I'm with Phillips and Maria on this thing. He may have just been having an off day. We all do. Plus we deafies tend to write (or text) in a way that hearies tend to misunderstand, and we don't always comprehend the round-about way in which lots of hearies express themselves.

If you like him, it may be worth your while to give him another chance . . . or two . . . or even three.

Bottesini · 08-09-2008, 03:07 PM

People, why don't you think the guy knew what he was saying?

"I only want to be friends" does not mean pursue and harass me!

Oceanblue7 · 08-09-2008, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharan

Hey Guys,

I posted here a lil while ago about a guy that I met recently. I am hearing and he is deaf and we dated a couple of times!

Now hes said he wants to stay friends

I dont get it.. we got on really well... we would text each other several times a day (nearly all of which was initiated by him)! Spoke on IM loads... He was also flirty with me at times and i made it very clear that I really liked him (I told him so).. then last week we had a really odd text conversation, which went as follows:

ME: Stay cool... cos ur lovely!
HIM: what does that mean?
ME: Means wht it says
HIM: Meaning yr not sure anymore? rather stay as mates for now?
ME: No I didnt mean that! I wanna be more than mates.. i really like you! What do u want? just to be friends?
HIM: Kind of Yea! Its just that i dont have many friends... i like you as a friend..your wicked person to chat to and chill with...

I dont understand why he would ask me if im not sure anymore and if i would rather stay mates for now if all he thought we ever were was just friends!!!

His past gfs have cheated on him (he said it was because hes deaf)..i dont know if that is entirely the case... so he does have some trust issues! He once said that he didnt care about women anymore and that he was just going with the flow! But i did my best to re-assure him that my feelings for him were genuine!

So when he was texting me several times a day, EVERYDAY... i thought that I had finally got through to him and we were making progress... until he dropped that bombshell on me.. I AM GUTTED!!!!

I mean do people really make that much contact with someone they only want to be friends with?? I usually dont lol...

I dont know what to make of it

Of course, I am going to continue being his friend cos he is such a beautiful person (even tho i find it hard cos i like him so much), but I dnt know whether hes just insecure...

Any Advice???

He's confused perhaps.

jillio · 08-09-2008, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oceanblue7

He's confused perhaps.

Sounds more to me like she is confused.

Bottesini · 08-09-2008, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Sounds more to me like she is confused.

Amen!

Sharan · 08-09-2008, 07:01 PM

Lol... i was confused! Hence the reason for this post!

He still texts me continiously (like today hes started 6 diff text conversations.. all of which i just stop replying to after a few texts and then he'l start another text conversation lol)! They're not "get to know me" texts really.. they more like, how u doin? what u up to now? asking about my day etc...

I accept that he just wants to be friends...so thats what i will be to him! His friend! I guess he's going to be a friend that likes to be in touch all day, everyday!!! Bless his Heart!

Oceanblue7 · 08-09-2008, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Sounds more to me like she is confused.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Amen!

Both confused

Bottesini · 08-09-2008, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oceanblue7

Both confused

Me and Jillio or the OP and the guy?

Oceanblue7 · 08-09-2008, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Me and Jillio or the OP and the guy?

Sharan and the guy

jillio · 08-10-2008, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Me and Jillio or the OP and the guy?

jillio · 08-10-2008, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oceanblue7

Sharan and the guy

Could be. They certainly are not on the same page.

Maria · 08-10-2008, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Byrdie714

BTW...how is Florida going with your boyfriend? Miss Alaska yet?

It was great so far. Do I miss Alaska ? Naw -- knowing that Alaska will always be there, the Last Frontier.

Sharan · 08-12-2008, 04:29 AM

Hey... just to update you all on my situation! He told someone I know without realising they knew me that apparently he thought i was ugly! Bit harsh i'd say... but each to their own i suppose!

dead money · 08-12-2008, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharan

Hey... just to update you all on my situation! He told someone I know without realising they knew me that apparently he thought i was ugly! Bit harsh i'd say... but each to their own i suppose!

lol

thats not nice. I think you should just kick him to the curb from this point on. If he wants you back, you can remind him he shouldnt be so blunt with your friends

jillio · 08-12-2008, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead money

lol

thats not nice. I think you should just kick him to the curb from this point on. If he wants you back, you can remind him he shouldnt be so blunt with your friends

From what she said, I don't think she ever had him in the first place. At least not the way she thought she did.

Chase · 08-12-2008, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharan

Hey... just to update you all on my situation! He told someone I know without realising they knew me that apparently he thought i was ugly! Bit harsh i'd say... but each to their own i suppose!

Don't take his word for something that requires an expert like me.

I'm considered ugly, but often need to beat the girls off with a stick. Besides, I know beauty because I'm a beekeeper.

Post your picture, and I'll tell you the real facts about beauty.

What? You wonder how a beekeeper has an eye for knowing beauty?

Haven't you ever heard "Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder"?

Bottesini · 08-12-2008, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chase

Don't take his word for something that requires an expert like me.

I'm considered ugly, but often need to beat the girls off with a stick. Besides, I know beauty because I'm a beekeeper.

Post your picture, and I'll tell you the real facts about beauty.

What? You wonder how a beekeeper has an eye for knowing beauty?

Haven't you ever heard "Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder"?

That is a terrible pun!

Tousi · 08-12-2008, 01:19 PM

Chase!!!

Liza · 08-12-2008, 02:10 PM

lol, Chase

Well, Sharan, just enjoy what you have with him... it seems that he is okay with flirtations for now. I think guys are generally wussy about putting labels to something (I am, too!). I dunno why your friend said that, and if it was a lie out of jealousy on her or his part.. or he just wanted to act 'cool' around friends. Which is still uncool, by the way. I hope that alone disqualifies him being worthy of your romantic attention now. You need to know you can rely on a potential partner for anything. If you are kinda inter

08-05-2008, 08:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sharan Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 15	Is he Insecure?? Hey Guys, I posted here a lil while ago about a guy that I met recently. I am hearing and he is deaf and we dated a couple of times! Now hes said he wants to stay friends I dont get it.. we got on really well... we would text each other several times a day (nearly all of which was initiated by him)! Spoke on IM loads... He was also flirty with me at times and i made it very clear that I really liked him (I told him so).. then last week we had a really odd text conversation, which went as follows: ME: Stay cool... cos ur lovely! HIM: what does that mean? ME: Means wht it says HIM: Meaning yr not sure anymore? rather stay as mates for now? ME: No I didnt mean that! I wanna be more than mates.. i really like you! What do u want? just to be friends? HIM: Kind of Yea! Its just that i dont have many friends... i like you as a friend.. your wicked person to chat to and chill with... I dont understand why he would ask me if im not sure anymore and if i would rather stay mates for now if all he thought we ever were was just friends!!! His past gfs have cheated on him (he said it was because hes deaf)..i dont know if that is entirely the case... so he does have some trust issues! He once said that he didnt care about women anymore and that he was just going with the flow! But i did my best to re-assure him that my feelings for him were genuine! So when he was texting me several times a day, EVERYDAY... i thought that I had finally got through to him and we were making progress... until he dropped that bombshell on me.. I AM GUTTED!!!! I mean do people really make that much contact with someone they only want to be friends with?? I usually dont lol... I dont know what to make of it Of course, I am going to continue being his friend cos he is such a beautiful person (even tho i find it hard cos i like him so much), but I dnt know whether hes just insecure... Any Advice???

08-05-2008, 08:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bottesini Elf Assassin Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Sneaking up behind you Posts: 5,859 Blog Entries: 2	I don't know how long you knew him. I would think it normal to text you lots to have conversation to get to know you better. Maybe after he knew you better, he felt he only wants you to be a friend. __________________ AllDeaf

08-08-2008, 10:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
Phillips Lets ride horses! Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Spaceship Posts: 7,192 Blog Entries: 3	Probably misunderstand.. so Why dont you contact him and more questions __________________ *Enjoy life today, Yesterday has past and Tomorrow may never come.*

08-08-2008, 11:56 AM	#5 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Hell Posts: 27,844	Things like that will happen. We can't expect every person we meet and like... to want to be more than friends. I've gone through that before where I'll meet a gal I want to be serious with, but they end up saying they just want to be friends. So, I move on. __________________ Check out my city... CLICK HERE! (If you already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

08-09-2008, 03:07 PM	#10 (permalink)
Bottesini Elf Assassin Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Sneaking up behind you Posts: 5,859 Blog Entries: 2	People, why don't you think the guy knew what he was saying? "I only want to be friends" does not mean pursue and harass me! __________________ AllDeaf

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08-08-2008, 10:53 AM	#3 (permalink)
jillio Banned Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,197	Sounds like miscommunication to me. You thought the relationship was heading a different direction than he did, and when he realized that you had some expectations that were not in line with his, he made the effort to correct your misperceptions. That's a good thing. Keeps things honest. Misunderstandings about this issue occur all the time in relationships, and not just hearing/deaf relationships. It usually happens because, rather than being honest and up front about one's expectations, the person simply takes the stand that if they hang on long enough, the other person will grow to see things the same way they do. Big mistake. I say count yourself lucky that you have a friend whose company you enjoy in your life, and if you are unsure of something, ask. You are spending too much time trying to read what you want to see into someone else's behavior. Is he insecure? Definately not. His willingness to be completely honest with you about his feelings shows that he is very secure, and no doubt has a high self esteem.

08-08-2008, 12:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
Maria My love and I Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: FLORIDA Posts: 8,725	A deaf person has a different way of " deaf " thinking than " hearing " thinking. Deaf and hearing people don't think the same thing when they communicate. It's why it's important to help each other by explaining each other's feelings and what each other's means when they say it if, not understand. This will help to prevent misunderstanding and confusion. It needs to take the time and get to know each other more. Give each other time and things will be fine in the long run. My boyfriend is hearing and I am deaf. We both don't think the same, but we give each other time to get to know each other and explain things if, we both don't understand each other about something. We are still very much in love. Communication is important to keep things in open and be honest with each other. No hiding.

08-08-2008, 10:45 PM	#7 (permalink)
Pythia Serpent Goddess Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 123	Why don't you talk to him in person and see what happens?Maybe he is shy/scared to take next level with you. If not, then it's his loss! Good luck!

08-09-2008, 12:13 PM	#9 (permalink)
Chase Premium Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 2,316	I'm with Phillips and Maria on this thing. He may have just been having an off day. We all do. Plus we deafies tend to write (or text) in a way that hearies tend to misunderstand, and we don't always comprehend the round-about way in which lots of hearies express themselves. If you like him, it may be worth your while to give him another chance . . . or two . . . or even three.

08-09-2008, 07:01 PM	#14 (permalink)
Sharan Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 15	Lol... i was confused! Hence the reason for this post! He still texts me continiously (like today hes started 6 diff text conversations.. all of which i just stop replying to after a few texts and then he'l start another text conversation lol)! They're not "get to know me" texts really.. they more like, how u doin? what u up to now? asking about my day etc... I accept that he just wants to be friends...so thats what i will be to him! His friend! I guess he's going to be a friend that likes to be in touch all day, everyday!!! Bless his Heart!

08-12-2008, 04:29 AM	#21 (permalink)
Sharan Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 15	Hey... just to update you all on my situation! He told someone I know without realising they knew me that apparently he thought i was ugly! Bit harsh i'd say... but each to their own i suppose!

08-12-2008, 01:19 PM	#26 (permalink)
Tousi Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 8,240	Chase!!!