Buffalo

My former brother-in-law married for the second time. His present wife does resemble my sister.

I came across a picture of a guy that I knew back at the college. I knew he married his girlfriend but the picture told me that he divorced his first wife and remarried. His present wife does resemble his first wife.

What does all this mean? Does that mean the man is still in love with his first wife? I just find this really weird because there are so many second wives who don't resemble the first wives. Your thoughts?

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Deafness

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jillio

No, I don't think it means that the man is still in love with the first wife. It just means that they have a certain set of physical characteristics that they find attractive, and they are attracted to. Both women have those characteristics.

Buffalo

Maybe... but I am thinking of a different guy who told me that he really want a petite blonde but he ended up marrying a redhead who is taller than him and abit overweight. He didn't understand why he fell in love with her as she doesn't look like what he wanted in a woman.

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It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
- Gilbert Chesterton

jillio

Perhaps he didn't understand that he was attracted to the qualities his wife had because he had never experienced them before. We base our assumptions of what we prefer based on what we have experienced.

Kind of like an oral deaf person claiming to prefer oralism when they have never experienced a signing environment.

Or, perhaps, as he matured, he revised his idea of what his preference was. As we mature, different things become more important, and what was important in our younger years becomes less of an issue.

That actually happens alot. We may think we prefer a "petite blond" to use your example, because we have known a petite blond that we liked very much. So, we use hueristics, and apply the same characteristics that the one we have known has to all petite blondes. We later discover that it was not her petite blondeness that attracted us, but her personality, her attitude, etc. Those same personality characteristics can be found in a different body type, and with maturity, we begin to focus on those personality characteristics rather than the physical characteristics.

deafbajagal

It is when the wife looks a lot like the husband's mother that I would start to worry.

jillio

Good point!

Keritsubo

True, hehe, although it can be very common. I notice mostly not a physical resemblance but mannerisms tend to be the same. We do indeed seek out people we find familiar, like someone whom is like our mother/father. If we were close to them and if we value their qualities as a person.

For example, my husband reminds me of my father in the way he can be very serious and very respectful. He feels devotion to family is most important responsibility as well, even if it means sacrifice for oneself. Also, they both like cartoons and like to tease their friends a lot.

They are very different too and do not really look anything alike...

dead money

lol

yeah that wouldnt be so good.

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mike matusow...or god for short.

Buffalo

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It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
- Gilbert Chesterton

VamPyroX

I've never thought of it that way.

It could be for a number of reasons... or it simply just happened.

It could either be because it looks like her or because he likes people that look like that.

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