ShindaTravis

Dear friends,

I recently began chatting with a deaf woman I met online. I am in the Army currently deployed in Iraq and I return to the States in just over a month. She lives only about an hour drive away from my Army base and we have agreed to meet each other when I return. I've been talking to her for only a week but we seem to be clicking very well so far. We've chatted via Instant Messenger, Webcam, and I've sent her letters and other various things. Deafness does not inconvenience me at all. I see her for who she really is. I know that we are both having a very strong connection and I am coming to you for some advice. I am really falling for this woman, and I don't want to do something stupid to ever ruin our relationship, whether it turns out to be just a friendship or more. I have learned the ABC's (finger spelling) and some basic words and phrases in ASL for both of our conveniences. She really enjoys talking with sign with me but she also likes talking verbally.

My question is this:

When I take her out somewhere, what would you suggest would be the best for us? I know that I could take her out anywhere I would with a hearing person and it would be fine. But surely there must be something that would really sweep her off her feet. I'm just wondering if taking her to something that hearing people would enjoy more such as a concert, a movie without captions, or something similar would offend her. On the other hand, would it offend her to NOT take her to these places because I don't completely understand deaf culture and what she may enjoy? I was thinking of doing something that she said she would enjoy such as ice-skating, a theme park, or playing some tennis.

If I have said anything that you might find offensive, please understand I would never do it intentionally. I am simply not fully informed on deaf culture and I would like to learn more about everything I could. Thank you so much.

-Travis

Deafness

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Brian

Hello and welcome to AllDeaf.com, Travis. Thank you for your service to our country.

Why don't you ask the deaf lady friend these kind of questions? This is the best way to get know one a little better. Many deaf people I know enjoy going to concerts where they could feel noises (I think vibrant is the right word for this) on the floor/ground.

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-Brian

ShindaTravis

Thanks for the reply and the welcoming, Brian. Thank you for complimmenting me on my service as well; I enjoy doing what I do very much.

You are right about the vibrations at concerts and such. She said she enjoying ice-skating, tennis, and roller coasters. I will do these things for sure but I was just curious about things that I guess 'hearing' people would enjoy more?

Bottesini

I would skip the movie without captions. It is really boring if you can't figure out what is going on because you miss the dialog.

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ShindaTravis

Thank you for the tip! I figured that would be pretty boring...

Byrdie714

Hope you are taking a crash course in ASL.

ShindaTravis

Yes, I have already learned finger spelling and basic phrases in ASL. I use a website that has an ASL dictionary with video and it is helping me out a lot!

dead money

well good luck with that.

Take her dancing or something, maybe go to an amusment park, something visual obviously. The Zoo seems to fit as a good date here and there

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mike matusow...or god for short.

Byrdie714

Good, practice makes perfect.

BTW...how is your receptive skills doing?

If you see my brother in Baghdad, tell him I say, "hi".

ShindaTravis

I can understand finger spelling at a normal speed but I definitely need to practice ASL a lot more. I hope I can become fluent eventually. She said she would like that but I know she would mostly rather communicate verbally.

Tousi

Thank you for your service, Sir. Might I ask what your job over there is?

ShindaTravis

Tousi,

Thank you so much for your appreciation. It means the world to us! I'd be happy to tell you what I do. I joined the Army as a Graphic Designer. After all of the training such as Basic Training, Advanced, Airborne School (yipee!), etc. I was assigned to my unit at Ft.Bragg, NC. I work for Psychological Operations and for now, I am working at the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad. Our main focus here is peace and reconciliation of the different sectarian groups throughout Iraq. I'm not sure if you know all of the conflicts between the Muslim religion (Sunni, Shia, Kurd) but we do this by planning and coordinating Unity Concerts, Poetry Festivals, Koranic Recitations, Folklore Events, etc. All of these events have a theme of peace and togetherness and we have a great success with everything so far. My specific job is to create the backdrops, posters, billboards, tickets, banners, newspaper inserts, logos, and anything else needed to advertise our message or events. I have been here for 9 months and I have 1 more remaining! I cannot wait to get back home!