Relationship woes.

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 07:50 AM

I'll try to make this as quick as possible.

In April one of my co-workers introduced me to her gorgeous friend, Noah (he's deaf btw) who was writing a story on the Jazz Club I waitress at. Anyways it was love at first sight, but I'll spare you of all the soppy details. So towards the end of May he took me to meet his parents (dramatic reverb) & THEY HATE ME! I made myself very presentable & I was very polite, I wasn't loud or obnoxious & I didn't snort when I laughed, so what's up? I know this is a bold thing for me to say but I feel like they disapprove of me because 1.) I'm not deaf & 2.) I'm a waitress. I talked to Noah & he said they just are getting used to me, but we go to his parents house every Thursday for dinner & I feel like their feelings for me worsen each time. I am running out of ideas on how to handle this, advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance,
Suri.

shel90 · 07-26-2008, 07:53 AM

Are his parents deaf?

Opal · 07-26-2008, 07:54 AM

It is their loss for judge you as the book cover, perhaps they think apparance is more important than personalities!!

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Are his parents deaf?

Yes.

shel90 · 07-26-2008, 08:02 AM

That's nothing new...there are many (not all) deaf families who are like that. Prefer their children date deaf people. I do not agree with that because it is reverse discrimination so it is possible it is not because of who u ae but because of your hearing status. Important that you and Noah focus on each other and worry about each other not everyone else. Good luck!

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opal

It is their loss for judge you as the book cover, perhaps they think apparance is more important than personalities!!

Ugh I wish they would just get over themselves.

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

That's nothing new...there are many (not all) deaf families who are like that. Prefer their children date deaf people. I do not agree with that because it is reverse discrimination so it is possible it is not because of who u ae but because of your hearing status. Important that you and Noah focus on each other and worry about each other not everyone else. Good luck!

What I don't understand is a deaf girl going to love him anymore than I do just because she's deaf? Probably not. On a lighter note that is very good advice, thank you.

shel90 · 07-26-2008, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apres_moi

What I don't understand is a deaf girl going to him anymore than I do just because she's deaf? Probably not. On a lighter note that is very good advice, thank you.

Right...I am deaf and I have had hearing parents tell on of my hearing ex that I may not be the right person for him because I couldnt talk on the phone like "normal" people do. I remember feeling so hurt.

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Right...I am deaf and I have had hearing parents tell on of my hearing ex that I may not be the right person for him because I couldnt talk on the phone like "normal" people do. I remember feeling so hurt.

Damn I can see why you felt that way. People say some pretty hurtful things & sometimes without even realizing it.

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 09:32 AM

I feel like my situation could be made into a movie. All it needs now is some rival deaf girl who has a better job & nicer rack than me.

Gemma · 07-26-2008, 09:37 AM

Let's look at it in more positive light - not all but most deaf people from deaf families prefer dating deaf people only but it is clear that Noah wants YOU! Maybe his parents have a problem but Noah isnt even letting them influence his decision to date you. Noah wants YOU!

So if you keep your focus on that, the sting of his parents harsh judgment will lessen.

Phillips · 07-26-2008, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apres_moi

I'll try to make this as quick as possible.

In April one of my co-workers introduced me to her gorgeous friend, Noah (he's deaf btw) who was writing a story on the Jazz Club I waitress at. Anyways it was love at first sight, but I'll spare you of all the soppy details. So towards the end of May he took me to meet his parents (dramatic reverb) & THEY HATE ME! I made myself very presentable & I was very polite, I wasn't loud or obnoxious & I didn't snort when I laughed, so what's up? I know this is a bold thing for me to say but I feel like they disapprove of me because 1.) I'm not deaf & 2.) I'm a waitress. I talked to Noah & he said they just are getting used to me, but we go to his parents house every Thursday for dinner & I feel like their feelings for me worsen each time. I am running out of ideas on how to handle this, advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance,
Suri.

Hi Suri..

Try tell him that going out eat instead his parent s house??

maybe i am wrong??

Good luck!

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemma

Let's look at it in more positive light - not all but most deaf people from deaf families prefer dating deaf people only but it is clear that Noah wants YOU! Maybe his parents have a problem but Noah isnt even letting them influence his decision to date you. Noah wants YOU!

So if you keep your focus on that, the sting of his parents harsh judgment will lessen.

You're exactly right. I'll keep my fingers crossed, try my best to stay positive & maybe his parents will stop treating like the plague.

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phillips

Hi Suri..

Try tell him that going out eat instead his parent s house??

maybe i am wrong??

Good luck!

Haha good idea (:
& if that doesn't work I can pretend to be violently ill every Thursday for the rest of my life lol.

Phillips · 07-26-2008, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apres_moi

Haha good idea (:
& if that doesn't work I can pretend to be violently ill every Thursday for the rest of my life lol.

Good idea too!!! lol

jillio · 07-26-2008, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

That's nothing new...there are many (not all) deaf families who are like that. Prefer their children date deaf people. I do not agree with that because it is reverse discrimination so it is possible it is not because of who u ae but because of your hearing status. Important that you and Noah focus on each other and worry about each other not everyone else. Good luck!

**nodding agreement** And, excellent advise, Shel.

And, it probably isn't so much a dislike of you as a fear that he will be taken away from their world. It is understandable, especially if they have encountered problems with acceptance in the hearing world. They probably also fear that the time will come that you will hold his deafness against him. While all of these fears are unrealistic, they can be understandable if you try to see things from their perspective. I wish you much luck in your relationship with Noah.

Liza · 07-26-2008, 11:38 AM

Yikes! Noah needs to stand up to his parents if he hasn't already, IMO. I would not let my date/sweetheart hang out in such a toxic environment.

Tousi · 07-26-2008, 12:30 PM

I am coming in at this point because I don't have much time today but where are you on the scale as far as sign language skills go?

deafbajagal · 07-26-2008, 02:10 PM

I was wondering the same thing. How do you communicate with Noah and his family? Also, are you familiar with deaf culture? Those things could be a factor of why there's a breakdown between you and his parents.

Personally, I would stop going to the dinners - especially since your relationship is still pretty new. Let them know if they (the parents, not Noah) would like for you to come, they can let you know and you'll be happy to come. Give it some time.

dead money · 07-26-2008, 02:14 PM

Do they even know your father is Tom Cruise? I mean cmon now? Who cant be happy with that fact?

jillio · 07-26-2008, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

I was wondering the same thing. How do you communicate with Noah and his family? Also, are you familiar with deaf culture? Those things could be a factor of why there's a breakdown between you and his parents.

Personally, I would stop going to the dinners - especially since your relationship is still pretty new. Let them know if they (the parents, not Noah) would like for you to come, they can let you know and you'll be happy to come. Give it some time.

Excellent points, Defbajagal and Tousi.

Debbieaslpr · 07-26-2008, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Excellent points, Defbajagal and Tousi.

I agree With this post, also, I wish her the best of luck.

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

**nodding agreement** And, excellent advise, Shel.

And, it probably isn't so much a dislike of you as a fear that he will be taken away from their world. It is understandable, especially if they have encountered problems with acceptance in the hearing world. They probably also fear that the time will come that you will hold his deafness against him. While all of these fears are unrealistic, they can be understandable if you try to see things from their perspective. I wish you much luck in your relationship with Noah.

I never thought of it that way & I'm glad you brought it to my attention, but what do you mean by "holding his deafness against him?"

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liza

Yikes! Noah needs to stand up to his parents if he hasn't already, IMO. I would not let my date/sweetheart hang out in such a toxic environment.

I'll grow old & tired waiting for the day Noah stands up to his parents. /:

apres_moi · 07-26-2008, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tousi

I am coming in at this point because I don't have much time today but where are you on the scale as far as sign language skills go?

On a scale of 1-10 I'm about a 6. I took classes while I was in high school, but I never used it outside of class so it kind of lacks. Noah is helping me get back on track with my signing & it's definitely coming back.

apres_moi · 07-27-2008, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

I was wondering the same thing. How do you communicate with Noah and his family? Also, are you familiar with deaf culture? Those things could be a factor of why there's a breakdown between you and his parents.

Personally, I would stop going to the dinners - especially since your relationship is still pretty new. Let them know if they (the parents, not Noah) would like for you to come, they can let you know and you'll be happy to come. Give it some time.

Communication...is sufficiently awkward. When his mother wants to talk me she signs to Noah. I know my signing isn't exactly up to par, but that doesn't mean I'm completely incapable.

Maybe I should invite them over to my place for dinner.

apres_moi · 07-27-2008, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead money

Do they even know your father is Tom Cruise? I mean cmon now? Who cant be happy with that fact?

Exactly! They should be worshipping me tehe.
It's actually short for Surianna, but we can still pretend.

Mistyrose · 07-27-2008, 07:39 AM

Geez! thats terrible! I have heard some deaf parents
are like that and im like...ugh! How stupid!
I have a feeling that the parents are being discriminating
against the hearing cuz i have known some deaf people
are like that, hating the hearing world and all.
So if your boyfriend's parents are like that, then
i would wager that they depend on hearing pe

07-26-2008, 07:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
apres_moi j'aime Noah. Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: New York. (: Posts: 24	Relationship woes. I'll try to make this as quick as possible. In April one of my co-workers introduced me to her gorgeous friend, Noah (he's deaf btw) who was writing a story on the Jazz Club I waitress at. Anyways it was love at first sight, but I'll spare you of all the soppy details. So towards the end of May he took me to meet his parents (dramatic reverb) & THEY HATE ME! I made myself very presentable & I was very polite, I wasn't loud or obnoxious & I didn't snort when I laughed, so what's up? I know this is a bold thing for me to say but I feel like they disapprove of me because 1.) I'm not deaf & 2.) I'm a waitress. I talked to Noah & he said they just are getting used to me, but we go to his parents house every Thursday for dinner & I feel like their feelings for me worsen each time. I am running out of ideas on how to handle this, advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance, Suri.

07-26-2008, 07:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
shel90 Sun Whorshipper Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A Desert Rat that has found herself in Maryland Posts: 16,119 Blog Entries: 1	Are his parents deaf? __________________ ~Shel~ "A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

07-26-2008, 07:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
Opal ~~~~~ Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 3,752 Blog Entries: 1	It is their loss for judge you as the book cover, perhaps they think apparance is more important than personalities!! __________________ (\ (\ (=' x') (,('')('')

07-26-2008, 08:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
shel90 Sun Whorshipper Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A Desert Rat that has found herself in Maryland Posts: 16,119 Blog Entries: 1	That's nothing new...there are many (not all) deaf families who are like that. Prefer their children date deaf people. I do not agree with that because it is reverse discrimination so it is possible it is not because of who u ae but because of your hearing status. Important that you and Noah focus on each other and worry about each other not everyone else. Good luck! __________________ ~Shel~ "A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

07-26-2008, 09:32 AM	#10 (permalink)
apres_moi j'aime Noah. Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: New York. (: Posts: 24	I feel like my situation could be made into a movie. All it needs now is some rival deaf girl who has a better job & nicer rack than me. Last edited by apres_moi; 07-26-2008 at 09:32 AM. Reason: Typo. ):

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07-26-2008, 09:37 AM	#11 (permalink)
Gemma Registered User Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 941	Let's look at it in more positive light - not all but most deaf people from deaf families prefer dating deaf people only but it is clear that Noah wants YOU! Maybe his parents have a problem but Noah isnt even letting them influence his decision to date you. Noah wants YOU! So if you keep your focus on that, the sting of his parents harsh judgment will lessen.

07-26-2008, 11:38 AM	#17 (permalink)
Liza Cranial protocologist Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: St Augustine, FL Posts: 4,161 Blog Entries: 2	Yikes! Noah needs to stand up to his parents if he hasn't already, IMO. I would not let my date/sweetheart hang out in such a toxic environment.

07-26-2008, 12:30 PM	#18 (permalink)
Tousi Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 8,240	I am coming in at this point because I don't have much time today but where are you on the scale as far as sign language skills go?

07-26-2008, 02:10 PM	#19 (permalink)
deafbajagal Jasmine's Tiger "Lilly" Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 2,107	I was wondering the same thing. How do you communicate with Noah and his family? Also, are you familiar with deaf culture? Those things could be a factor of why there's a breakdown between you and his parents. Personally, I would stop going to the dinners - especially since your relationship is still pretty new. Let them know if they (the parents, not Noah) would like for you to come, they can let you know and you'll be happy to come. Give it some time.

07-26-2008, 02:14 PM	#20 (permalink)
dead money Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,267	Do they even know your father is Tom Cruise? I mean cmon now? Who cant be happy with that fact? __________________ mike matusow...or god for short.

07-27-2008, 07:39 AM	#28 (permalink)
Mistyrose Premium Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: NewYork/sometimes Okla Posts: 3,517	Geez! thats terrible! I have heard some deaf parents are like that and im like...ugh! How stupid! I have a feeling that the parents are being discriminating against the hearing cuz i have known some deaf people are like that, hating the hearing world and all. So if your boyfriend's parents are like that, then i would wager that they depend on hearing pe