Sharan

Hey Guys.. I'm Hearing and new to this site! I have recently had my first encounter with a deaf person. I met him online.. we chatted via IM for a couple of months before deciding to meet up!

I've met him now.... and i think he's the best thing since sliced bread

I did lots of reading before meeting him about the do's and dont's of when someone's trying to lipread you and i think i did ok... BUT...

I had enormous difficulties understanding him! There were so many occassions where I could not make out what he was trying to say to me and i was sooo embarassed and felt rather stupid. It was better when we were alone as he would voice himself and i could more or less pick up the drift of what was being said.

However, it became really very hard as soon as we were in public as he doesn't like to voice himself in fear of people staring and judging! So, instead he was miming his words and i most definitely cannot lipread! Therefore, i could not make head nor tail of what he was trying to say. Many a time, we resorted to him typing text on his cell phone, which is fine but i imagine it was very frustrating for him!

I just really need some advice and tips on how i can better understand him. I really like him and don't want him to think im a bimbo lol.

Deafness

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VamPyroX

Paper & Pen?

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Jolie77

Have you thought about trying to ask him to show you some basic signs or fingerspelling some alphabets for starters? Paper and Pen is another way to help ease the ice but of course, yes, there will be some minimal frustrations to this. If you have a laptop, you two can try and communicate via notepad or something like that until something else progresses for the better.

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Sharan

Unfortunately.. he doesn't use sign! I would gladly have been willing to learn otherwise!

authentic

A deaf guy doesn't use sign at all ? Is he oral? If he is oral, then he should speak pretty well, and you should understand him clearly. Can he hear a little? Did he use hearing aids?

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Miss-Delectable

Maybe suggest you and he take sign language class together?

Anyway, good luck working out a solution.

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Jiro

now that's something new! a deaf man who doesn't sign.... or maybe he was too embarrassed to sign in public or to her.

Sharan

Nope he doesn't sign at all! I was suprised too... when i asked him he said it was too difficult to learn. He is oral but doesnt speak in complete sentences so i was only picking up words here and there.

In public, he refused to be oral at all... he would mime his words. I told him he had nothing to be emabrassed about, but still he didnt feel comfortable voicing himself.

Im thinking that it's maybe a matter of getting used to his speech, but its when we're in public that the real problem lies.

Jiro

wow... interesting situation... sounds like he's having some kind of "identity crisis" and a bit of low self-esteem. He should not be embarrassed about his disability! He may be mistreated or made fun of by some assholes for a long time which is why he's like this. I hope you can use your womanly charm to make him come out of his shell and accept what he is and who he is!

for now.... paper and pen will do.... and both of you should learn how to sign together! bring a book of ASL (assuming you reside in America) and practice it at home together. it's for his own good because it will benefit him greatly to communicate with the society.

I'm glad that you're very understanding and patient of him. good luck!

Sharan

Hey just wanted to say thanks to everyone that replied.... i think im going to suggest we both learn to sign together! At least then we can communicate effectively in public!

Until then... pen and paper it is i guess! Thanks all x

deafbajagal

Uh, folks. There are a lot of deaf adults who do not sign...and may not speak clearly. Especially with all the hype of oralism going around. Many of the students enrolled in the oral programs...graduate from them but never learned how to sign...or speak. It happens - a lot.

Sharan, don't let communication get in the way. You can continue to use IM, paper/pen, gestures, and other modes until you guys decide what works best. Good luck and keep us posted.

Gemma

deafbajagal is correct - I didnt use sign language until I was way into my very late 20s. Even then I didnt know it very much.

It sounds like this young man is lacking self confidence but you, Sharan, can reassure him that you still find him sexy and whatnot despite his self consciousness with the public. I remember refusing to use my vocal chords out of fear of public humiliation.

Go with this slowly, gently and lovingly if you want to have a future with this guy. Best of luck!

paperclip

I don't sign either and public places are hard/embarrassing in some ways for me also. It depends if I am comfortable with the other people around me. I suggest staying away from public places until you guys feel more comfortable communicating or at least have a way to communicate that does not make either one of you guys feeling uncomfortable. Being in public places can add to fustration and stress which takes away from actually enjoying each others presence. But I do agree with the suggestions above including typing on computers, pen and pad, and texting. Good Luck!

Babyface

well to tell you the truth true words dont come orally or from signs true words if you have love for each other come from the heart even if its frustrating youll both understand

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stueyyy

Yes a deaf guy who deosnt sign...looks about, yep thats me as well, but im going to start In septemeber BSL...my speech isnt bad i had speech therapy for about 12 years,, but now and then im told, it goes wayward..

And i know a few deaf people who dont sign, and their speech isnt good...I dont see a problem, some deaf dont want to sign.....