dreamchaser

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Deafness

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jillio

No, but many do for very understandable reasons. Domestic violence is acomplicated phenomenon.

VamPyroX

Being homeless isn't an only option. There are shelters for abused people.

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Jiro

they don't always accept them. the option is very very limited and it's pretty damn complicated.

meyag2

well, that's scary.

VamPyroX

Well, I would rather be homeless. If I stayed with someone who was abusive, I could end up getting killed one day. I'd rather take my chances in a shelter or being homeless.

That's why it's important to have friends. If you say that you have no friends, then there's something wrong.

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dreamchaser

If you love your friends, you don't want to pull them into the drama, or danger. And Jiro is right. Stuff is very limited, especially if you have no kids. and if you are tryin to keep a school schedule with night classes, you don't fit. And it is very temporary. What good does it do to run and leave if you know that you only have a short time of shelter? Quandry

VamPyroX

When you stay with your friends, you're not pulling them into your drama or getting them involved. You're actually leaving your own drama.

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dreamchaser

ok. I will see if that works. But it still means I can't take fourteen credits and work too. So, I guess he wins. I quit school.

I guess I am an idiot, but my real friends don't even know, cuz I am just too embarrassed to say much, especially since he has kind of isolated me, with his jealousy and I was stupid enough to appease it. I know that I know better. But, when my husband died, he was a friend, and I should have known he

Bottesini

Hpd

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jillio

Most DV victims living in a shelter or a safe house are homeless. They have had to leave their family home in order to proect their immediate safety, and quite often their life. That is why they, and their children arrive at the shelter. Left the abusive relationship and had no other support system. Or cannot goto a family members home because the abuser would know where to find them.

jillio

Dreamchaser, please pm me about this situation. If I know your location, I may be able to refer you to services that can help you.

Liebling:-)))

Really?

The shelters for abused people are obligate to accept because it´s safety for women and also children as well.

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VamPyroX

When you tell your friends the situation, that doesn't mean you're trying to involve them. You're simply telling them what's wrong. It's up to your friends to decide if they want to help you.

For instance, your boyfriend is abusing you. You're still in school, but you don't have money for rent if you stay at other places. Well, you ask your friend if you can stay at his place for a while because of problems at home... but you don't have money to pay for rent. Your friend is kind enough to let you stay for free for a while until things gets resolved. Now, you can still go to school.

That's why it's important to communicate. Good friends are understanding.

(It happened to me before. I moved in my friends' apartment thinking that I would be their roommate for the next year. A few days later, one roommate suddenly decides to pack up and move out (for stupid reasons) with 2 months left on the lease. This left me and another roommate to pay more in rent for 2 more months and forced us to have to look for another place to live.

A month later, my other roommate decides to move out and live with his girlfriend out-of-state. So, I'm all alone for 1 month. Yet, I have 2 more months before I go back to school.

I manage to find a job on campus as a resident advisor so that I have a place to live while I'm in school. That still leaves me with 2 weeks for a place to live. I find a friend who offers to let me stay at his house for 2 weeks... for free. He was a great friend. A year later, I became his roommate for the summer... paid my part. Another year later, I'm become his roommate again. Great friend.

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meyag2

True. That's what happened to people "victim" who was abused or raped by violent husband or father or others. I've seen it. That's scary. And I met a deaf person who was homeless in san fransisco, I asked him, "what happened to you?". he was heavy on drugs and out of a job, he told me a long sad story.. I didn't know what to say to him but I did told him to go to shelter. I hope that he got back on his feet. I felt bad for him. That deaf guy seemed nice to me but sadly that he's homeless. I gave him a food from fast food restaurant. I was visiting in SF with my old best friend for christmas 15 yrs ago.
I'm sad for those victims and childrens become homeless.

jillio

If the shelter is full to capacity, (and ours quite often is) there is no choice but to deny admission. However, in that case, we also assist a client in finding an alternative.

Sexy Babe

That is what I went through. But thank god for the abusive women shelter and that is where I stayed til I get back on my own feet and live my own life.

I have been through abusive marriage for 12 years and It is veryyyyy painful and hurting to go through this. I had to make better decission in everyway to leave my ex husband and get on my own life. He always threatened me and blackmailing me to scared me. I was scared of him, but not anymore. I got my own life and left him behind back in Nov 30, 2004 and got divorced on Sept 27, 2005.

A lot of women stayed with their abusive parnters, bec they are scared to be murder, threaten, no money, no place to stay and scared to leave their babies behind.


To any women, who go through this. Leave your abusive parnter and get help asap or you will never make it. Never, Never fall for your parnter if he/she said " I promise that I will go to counselor, I promise that I will change, I promsie that I won't hit you or hurt you" Never fall for it. Once Abusive is abusive and that will never change.


Don't let your parnter threaten you or scare you, bec that is dramas and it show you that he/she have medical problems and is doing this to make you feel guilty or pity.

Once you leave your abusive parnter, you will feel a lot better and have a "start all over new life" You will feel a lot better, if you stand up for yourself and do what you think is the best for your or your babies future.

Jiro

again.... options are incredibly limited for most people. That's why we have shelters at full capacity, limited budgets, priority ranking, and safety. Some shelters may not be safe for mother with children as it's probably full of male drunks/drug addicts. Typically abused people do not have friends. Social Services are not always helpful. They wait until there is serious damage which is usually too late.

There are millions of women and children in USA alone who are being abused. We can't help them all. All I can say for them is - try to find an understanding friend or relative to live with for a while until you get back on your own feet and to get your legal matter settled (filing domestic complaint against spouse, etc).

banshe333

been there, done that. first time, i stayed. second time i did the shelter. trust me, the shelter is the best option, because once you are abused, the abuser always does it again. and once is better than twice.

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Miss-Delectable

Not all shelter can take in a large family. I should know because my mother tried that, and one time, the only shelter they could find for us was in a men's shelter.

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Bottesini

If you can leave abusive situation by working and supporting yourself, it is easy decision.

Most of us work. School is a luxury.

Whoever "he" is, he does not win.

You win if you stand on your own feet.

"Hard work does not hurt anyone" ( Quote of my smart deaf grandmother.)

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Bottesini

To clarify "school is a luxury", I mean if a choice between being abused or getting a job.

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Oddball

Not that many DV shelters have accessible for Deaf individuals. Check the list of Deaf DV shelters:

Deaf Hope

Bottesini

She isn't deaf.

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deafbajagal

If you're in an abusive situation, get out as soon as you can. Start researching into options. Call the hotline for abusive women and see if they can refer you to resources that are available in your area. School is not a priority right now...your life is. And trust me...speaking from experience as a child who grew up in that environment, the abuse will get worse and worse as it goes on.

I grew up in a very abusive home life. My father was very abusive to us, but especially to my mother. We were in and out of the shelters. As in most abusive relationships, my mother always ended up going back to him based on empty promises and his roses. To this day I hate the sight and smell of roses because of what it had came to represent in my life. There were times that we had to get out immediately...I've slept in cars, ditches (one time it was snowing), behind buildings, and any place we could find. There were times my sisters and I had to resort to eating out of a dumpster. Ironically at home we were used to eating out of silver silverware with the best tablecloths and expensive five-course meals. Eventually I learned to skip lunches and save the money for emergencies. We sisters even had a code system that we developed...who was going to grab the babies, who was going to open the door, etc. I also stocked up on food and other essentials in a bag. I started doing that as young as seven or eight years old. There were times my mother didn't have time to grab us girls...she had to leave immediately to save her own life. Those were the worse times...and even though I know she had to do it, I still deep down resent her for leaving us kids alone with a manic. Most of my anger is directed at her, not him. She had the options of leaving more than once...and she could have started over. Yes, it would have been hard. She had five kids...and didn't even have a high school diploma. But - I'd rather live in a shack feeling safe than in the huge house we were living in...and feeling scared all the time.