Date Advice .. Ü

freckles · 05-17-2008, 05:31 PM

I am not used to posting this ha. okay, here goes - just wanted to know what you think.

I've known this guy since last year but distantly then we started hanging out about a month ago. yesternight we went out din-din, just to get to know each other better.

all of sudden he asked me if he could change his relationship status on facebook from single to in serious relationship... with me. what does that usually signals do you think? it caught me off guard and mind you, he knows I have a boyfriend. but I really do like him too.

also, the other day when I was crying leaning my back on the wall - I didn't hear he got home - he came up to me, had his arm to the wall over me. without wanting him to see me like this, I walked away as I was fine, he grasped my arm and cornering me, telling me to stay there and that it was okay .. you know, but of course I probably watched too much movies LOL but should I not overjudge or shouldn't he do these? he did both ways gently, I really don't think he'll hurt me.

your thoughts?

Brian · 05-17-2008, 06:07 PM

I am sorry but...if I were you, I would be very cautious with/around him. As for cornering you in, it sounds like he was wanting/planning to do something but changed his mind.

Gemma · 05-17-2008, 06:37 PM

Please deal with your current boyfriend FIRST then you can decide what you want to do with this new crush. If he truly cares and respect you, he will back off until you get your business done with your current boyfriend.

***VamPyroX*** · 05-17-2008, 06:56 PM

It sounds like he's getting too attached. Did you tell him that what he's doing is making you uncomfortable? If he still doesn't stop, then he's not respecting your wishes and should leave you alone then.

freckles · 05-17-2008, 07:00 PM

actually gemma, he (my boyfriend) knows I'm hanging out with him AS a friend. and that he kissed me on forehead. not that he minded, only was scared of my safety. I won't move on with him until I know who I should share my life with.

maybe I should have said something else than Date Advice because we are not really dating. again, I may have confused him by coming over his home to meet his dogs and crashed there for awhile. (I love animals!)

vampy, yeah. when he approached me, I nodded yes? and he insisted that I'll be okay and everything is okay. just this part; arm and asking if we'd be an item. my boyfriend is really bothered by this while I, as he says, am blind as a bat lol.

***VamPyroX*** · 05-17-2008, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freckles

actually gemma, he (my boyfriend) knows I'm hanging out with him AS a friend. and that he kissed me on forehead. not that he mindedd, only was scared of my safety. I won't move on with him until I know who I should share my life with.

maybe I should have said something else than Date Advice because we are not really dating. again, I may have confused him by coming over his home to meet his dogs and crashed there for awhile. (I love animals!)

Well, here's a similar experience I had with me... but it was more of a test.

One time, my girlfriend was talking to her male friend about her relationship with me. She felt that she should test my loyalty. So, the next time all 3 of us went out to lunch... she sat next to him (or across from him), then held his hand. I saw them and didn't care because I trusted her and him enough... and that both were likely to be playing. My friend also had a girlfriend at the time, so I wasn't worried. Later that day, she yelled at me saying that I didn't love her enough to stop her from holding his hand.

Seriously, I loved her enough to know that she would never cheat on me and that I didn't care if she had any male friends because I knew just about everyone she knew. I guess it was a personal issue for her. (BTW, we broke up 3 years later.)

Freaky Cat · 05-17-2008, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemma

Please deal with your current boyfriend FIRST then you can decide what you want to do with this new crush. If he truly cares and respect you, he will back off until you get your business done with your current boyfriend.

i would follow what Gemma said. Deal with your bf first then you can go from there if you want to have a relationship with new crush or not.

freckles · 05-18-2008, 06:53 PM

I think I know the answer now.

Oceanblue7 · 05-18-2008, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian

I am sorry but...if I were you, I would be very cautious with/around him. As for cornering you in, it sounds like he was wanting/planning to do something but changed his mind.

I agree with Brian, you need to focus on your current bf, why would you want to start seeing other guys if you have a bf

Unless your a youth understandable still learning.

freckles · 05-18-2008, 08:14 PM

a few of you plaese reread my posts, of course a few of you'd misinterpret I do really like him AS a good FRIEND. or are you all saying I can't be friends with opposite sex? ....

my question was, what he did should be red flags? even being befriends with him. like brian said, I should be, maybe more caution. the boyfriend I've hhad was for only a couple of months, not moer than two yet and this guy I started seeing around treats me better than he doe.s

but it doesn't matter now. he threw me over the table and now I can't walk - my back is having a hard time.

Sweetpolly · 05-18-2008, 08:21 PM

Freckles...who threw you over the table and what happened ??

Kalista · 05-18-2008, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freckles

a few of you plaese reread my posts, of course a few of you'd misinterpret I do really like him AS a good FRIEND. or are you all saying I can't be friends with opposite sex? ....

my question was, what he did should be red flags? even being befriends with him. like brian said, I should be, maybe more caution. the boyfriend I've hhad was for only a couple of months, not moer than two yet and this guy I started seeing around treats me better than he doe.s

but it doesn't matter now. he threw me over the table and now I can't walk - my back is having a hard time.

You need to call police immediately if he did physical abuse to you. I had experience with physical and verbal abuse from former husband for years. I gave him many chance to save the relationship. At once, he hurt you, DO NoT ever go back with him. He is worthless!!

Jiro · 05-18-2008, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freckles

but it doesn't matter now. he threw me over the table and now I can't walk - my back is having a hard time.

WHAT? Just give me 5 minutes with him. The FIRST thing he does that to you, that's when you should leave him for good. NO MATTER WHAT. Men do not change that easy. Once they're abusive, they stay abuse for life. PERIOD. I'm a guy and I know because I don't change that easily. (I don't slap lady around - mind you). It's easy to give up smoking habit but it's not easy to change the man's nature (such as stubbornness, temper, etc). Apparently, it's in his nature to slap lady around.

freckles · 05-18-2008, 09:00 PM

the boyfriend. it was an accident.. and my fault too. I lied to him (didn't mentioned) that the eguy held my arm. I only didn't wanted him to worry. after he called me a name, I asked him to just leave the home (because of my pets) until he calms down. theen physicals s tarted, I upsetted him. I didn't mean to.

I'm sorry, gotta go, I'm going to take some rest now. I wish what I ate would saty down there. thanks guys.

Jiro · 05-18-2008, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freckles

the boyfriend. it was an accident.. and my fault too. I lied to him (didn't mentioned) that the eguy held my arm. I only didn't wanted him to worry. after he called me a name, I asked him to just leave the home (because of my pets) until he calms down. theen physicals s tarted, I upsetted him. I didn't mean to.

I'm sorry, gotta go, I'm going to take some rest now. I wish what I ate would saty down there. thanks guys.

upset or not... your fault or not... no man should lay a land on woman at any time at all. do not apologize for it. hope you feel better soon

sequoias · 05-18-2008, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemma

Please deal with your current boyfriend FIRST then you can decide what you want to do with this new crush. If he truly cares and respect you, he will back off until you get your business done with your current boyfriend.

I agree with her on that one! Not a good idea to like someone while you have a boyfriend. Gotta deal with your boyfriend first then can worry about finding love later on. It will wreck havoc, trust me.

SCBassist · 05-18-2008, 09:46 PM

You sound indecisive, figure out who or what you want first, then act on what you decide and set both of them straight as to what you want. If they dont honor your decisions, they likely will hurt you emotionally.

Liza · 05-19-2008, 01:03 AM

My advice? Stay away from nuts like that, period. They are not worth the trouble, period. You have to make better decisions for your own safety and well being, okay? You can't afford to be passive like this, girl. You deserve better.

Abuse is never acceptable. Not even once. He should have controlled himself, and it was his damn fault for choosing to act that way. Not your fault. WALK away. Now. Please surround yourself with supportive and protective friends and family asap. You will deal with the dating dilemma you posed earlier after you resolve this situation you are in with the abuse. I'd file a police report and get checked in with the hospital about your injuries.

Buy pepper spray for your keychain, too... for your own protection.

Jiro · 05-19-2008, 01:06 AM

Lastly - DO NOT be alone on this issue. Please involve your understanding family member and friend with your issue. They will help un-confuse this issue for you.

***VamPyroX*** · 05-19-2008, 02:00 AM

If you allow your "friend" to do those things to you as you know him a lot longer than your "boyfriend", then that's probably a subconscious action saying that you're better off dating your "friend" than the "boyfriend" that you're with now.

freckles · 05-19-2008, 12:08 PM

I don't have a family since my childhood. and just moved here last year, new place, new people.. I used to stanb up for myself.. speak for msyelf.. but I don't know anymore. at least I keep telling msyelf there's nothing I can't handle. I'm too young to leave my life for granted.

he came back last night, apologized and tried to make out. I think I had him out this time. I hope so. I'm not feeling so well right now, unable to get up out of bed this morning. he could have droven me to hospital but he said he had an emergency to go to and will be back tonight. I don't have a landline either.

I think I'll be okay, thank you guys for little support even though we don't know each other.

***VamPyroX*** · 05-19-2008, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freckles

I don't have a family since my childhood. and just moved here last year, new place, new people.. I used to stanb up for myself.. speak for msyelf.. but I don't know anymore. at least I keep telling msyelf there's nothing I can't handle. I'm too young to leave my life for granted.

he came back last night, apologized and tried to make out. I think I had him out this time. I hope so. I'm not feeling so well right now, unable to get up out of bed this morning. he could have droven me to hospital but he said he had an emergency to go to and will be back tonight. I don't have a landline either.

I think I'll be okay, thank you guys for little support even though we don't know each other.

If you were really hurt, then what could make that emergency more important than your own health?

Sweetpolly · 05-19-2008, 04:29 PM

Update on Freckles... her friend came and surprised her because she wasn't in school and her friend took her to the hospital.. I was in touch with her via aim and she let me know she has a fractured rib but she is ok. She asked me to let you all know whats going on with her and she appreciates the support and that AD has very nice people. Please leave her comments or further questions on here as she has her sidekick with her ok ?? Thanks.

Tousi · 05-19-2008, 06:10 PM

I'm sorry you got hurt but I also think this should show you that you can't play both sides against the other; you can't have your cake and eat it, too. You're not playing fairly.

***VamPyroX*** · 05-19-2008, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetpolly

Update on Freckles... her friend came and surprised her because she wasn't in school and her friend took her to the hospital.. I was in touch with her via aim and she let me know she has a fractured rib but she is ok. She asked me to let you all know whats going on with her and she appreciates the support and that AD has very nice people. Please leave her comments or further questions on here as she has her sidekick with her ok ?? Thanks.

That's good to hear. I'm glad she got the medical attention she deserved. Although, I wish she could have gone sooner.

Liza · 05-20-2008, 12:47 PM

If I was that guy, I'd have taken you to ER asap - nothing is more important than getting the medical attention you NEED now. A broken rib, goodness!! That is bad. I hope freckles will consider the kind of so called priorities her bf has in the future, and that she can't rely on him when she needs him.

I'm sorry some people are like that, but freckles can find someone better and more mature. Billions of guys out there. I hope freckles will look at this as an experience that taught her about having better standards in dating someone.

Get better soon!

05-17-2008, 05:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
freckles I post, therefore I am Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: wherever my heart pieces are at .. Posts: 954	Date Advice .. Ü I am not used to posting this ha. okay, here goes - just wanted to know what you think. I've known this guy since last year but distantly then we started hanging out about a month ago. yesternight we went out din-din, just to get to know each other better. all of sudden he asked me if he could change his relationship status on facebook from single to in serious relationship... with me. what does that usually signals do you think? it caught me off guard and mind you, he knows I have a boyfriend. but I really do like him too. also, the other day when I was crying leaning my back on the wall - I didn't hear he got home - he came up to me, had his arm to the wall over me. without wanting him to see me like this, I walked away as I was fine, he grasped my arm and cornering me, telling me to stay there and that it was okay .. you know, but of course I probably watched too much movies LOL but should I not overjudge or shouldn't he do these? he did both ways gently, I really don't think he'll hurt me. your thoughts? __________________ latest thread: [[ class time boys! ]]

05-17-2008, 06:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
Brian Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: United States Posts: 3,015	I am sorry but...if I were you, I would be very cautious with/around him. As for cornering you in, it sounds like he was wanting/planning to do something but changed his mind. __________________ -Brian

05-17-2008, 06:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Hell Posts: 27,844	It sounds like he's getting too attached. Did you tell him that what he's doing is making you uncomfortable? If he still doesn't stop, then he's not respecting your wishes and should leave you alone then. __________________ Check out my city... CLICK HERE! (If you already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

05-17-2008, 07:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
freckles I post, therefore I am Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: wherever my heart pieces are at .. Posts: 954	actually gemma, he (my boyfriend) knows I'm hanging out with him AS a friend. and that he kissed me on forehead. not that he minded, only was scared of my safety. I won't move on with him until I know who I should share my life with. maybe I should have said something else than Date Advice because we are not really dating. again, I may have confused him by coming over his home to meet his dogs and crashed there for awhile. (I love animals!) vampy, yeah. when he approached me, I nodded yes? and he insisted that I'll be okay and everything is okay. just this part; arm and asking if we'd be an item. my boyfriend is really bothered by this while I, as he says, am blind as a bat lol. __________________ latest thread: [[ class time boys! ]] Last edited by freckles; 05-17-2008 at 07:16 PM.

05-18-2008, 06:53 PM	#8 (permalink)
freckles I post, therefore I am Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: wherever my heart pieces are at .. Posts: 954	I think I know the answer now. __________________ latest thread: [[ class time boys! ]]

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05-17-2008, 06:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
Gemma Registered User Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 941	Please deal with your current boyfriend FIRST then you can decide what you want to do with this new crush. If he truly cares and respect you, he will back off until you get your business done with your current boyfriend.

05-18-2008, 08:14 PM	#10 (permalink)
freckles I post, therefore I am Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: wherever my heart pieces are at .. Posts: 954	a few of you plaese reread my posts, of course a few of you'd misinterpret I do really like him AS a good FRIEND. or are you all saying I can't be friends with opposite sex? .... my question was, what he did should be red flags? even being befriends with him. like brian said, I should be, maybe more caution. the boyfriend I've hhad was for only a couple of months, not moer than two yet and this guy I started seeing around treats me better than he doe.s but it doesn't matter now. he threw me over the table and now I can't walk - my back is having a hard time.

05-18-2008, 08:21 PM	#11 (permalink)
Sweetpolly Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 114	Freckles...who threw you over the table and what happened ??

05-18-2008, 09:00 PM	#14 (permalink)
freckles I post, therefore I am Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: wherever my heart pieces are at .. Posts: 954	the boyfriend. it was an accident.. and my fault too. I lied to him (didn't mentioned) that the eguy held my arm. I only didn't wanted him to worry. after he called me a name, I asked him to just leave the home (because of my pets) until he calms down. theen physicals s tarted, I upsetted him. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, gotta go, I'm going to take some rest now. I wish what I ate would saty down there. thanks guys.

05-18-2008, 09:46 PM	#17 (permalink)
SCBassist ...And your point is? Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Spartanburg, SC Posts: 885	You sound indecisive, figure out who or what you want first, then act on what you decide and set both of them straight as to what you want. If they dont honor your decisions, they likely will hurt you emotionally. __________________ Complaints Division Here

05-19-2008, 01:03 AM	#18 (permalink)
Liza Cranial protocologist Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: St Augustine, FL Posts: 4,161 Blog Entries: 2	My advice? Stay away from nuts like that, period. They are not worth the trouble, period. You have to make better decisions for your own safety and well being, okay? You can't afford to be passive like this, girl. You deserve better. Abuse is never acceptable. Not even once. He should have controlled himself, and it was his damn fault for choosing to act that way. Not your fault. WALK away. Now. Please surround yourself with supportive and protective friends and family asap. You will deal with the dating dilemma you posed earlier after you resolve this situation you are in with the abuse. I'd file a police report and get checked in with the hospital about your injuries. Buy pepper spray for your keychain, too... for your own protection.

05-19-2008, 01:06 AM	#19 (permalink)
Jiro YOU DOMESTIC DISSENT! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 7,358	Lastly - DO NOT be alone on this issue. Please involve your understanding family member and friend with your issue. They will help un-confuse this issue for you.

05-19-2008, 02:00 AM	#20 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Hell Posts: 27,844	If you allow your "friend" to do those things to you as you know him a lot longer than your "boyfriend", then that's probably a subconscious action saying that you're better off dating your "friend" than the "boyfriend" that you're with now. __________________ Check out my city... CLICK HERE! (If you already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

05-19-2008, 12:08 PM	#21 (permalink)
freckles I post, therefore I am Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: wherever my heart pieces are at .. Posts: 954	I don't have a family since my childhood. and just moved here last year, new place, new people.. I used to stanb up for myself.. speak for msyelf.. but I don't know anymore. at least I keep telling msyelf there's nothing I can't handle. I'm too young to leave my life for granted. he came back last night, apologized and tried to make out. I think I had him out this time. I hope so. I'm not feeling so well right now, unable to get up out of bed this morning. he could have droven me to hospital but he said he had an emergency to go to and will be back tonight. I don't have a landline either. I think I'll be okay, thank you guys for little support even though we don't know each other.

05-19-2008, 04:29 PM	#23 (permalink)
Sweetpolly Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 114	Update on Freckles... her friend came and surprised her because she wasn't in school and her friend took her to the hospital.. I was in touch with her via aim and she let me know she has a fractured rib but she is ok. She asked me to let you all know whats going on with her and she appreciates the support and that AD has very nice people. Please leave her comments or further questions on here as she has her sidekick with her ok ?? Thanks. Last edited by Sweetpolly; 05-19-2008 at 04:48 PM. Reason: so everyone knows its an update on Freckles

05-19-2008, 06:10 PM	#24 (permalink)
Tousi Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 8,240	I'm sorry you got hurt but I also think this should show you that you can't play both sides against the other; you can't have your cake and eat it, too. You're not playing fairly.

05-20-2008, 12:47 PM	#26 (permalink)
Liza Cranial protocologist Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: St Augustine, FL Posts: 4,161 Blog Entries: 2	If I was that guy, I'd have taken you to ER asap - nothing is more important than getting the medical attention you NEED now. A broken rib, goodness!! That is bad. I hope freckles will consider the kind of so called priorities her bf has in the future, and that she can't rely on him when she needs him. I'm sorry some people are like that, but freckles can find someone better and more mature. Billions of guys out there. I hope freckles will look at this as an experience that taught her about having better standards in dating someone. Get better soon!