Would you forgive your boyfriend when he cheat on you?

Kalista · 04-25-2008, 08:50 AM

Cheating Boyfriend wants me back
Writing by Laura

She dated a man 2 years ago who admitted to me that he was seeing another woman, after we had become intimate and agreed to be exlcusive.

Since then, in between women "friends" he has written her e mails and told me he cannot forget me, I have told him that I could never go back to him because of trust issues I would have. He is 71 years old!!! a widower and is always looking for the next opportunity with a woman. I finally used reverse psychology on him and told him if he wanted to come back to me he would have to earn my trust. He made all kinds of excuses why it would not work!!! I think he just was wanting to see if I would come back to him and pick up where we left off. Told him this was impossible. He forever altered our relationship when he cheated. I sent him this e mail from a friend of mine and her slant on the whole thing...

I don't think cheating is about anyone other than the person doing it. It speaks volumes about their integrity. So the real question is, not will he cheat again, but are you prepared to be with a man who is capable of it, due to his lack of integrity? We choose to allow ourselves to be hurt or not, but a cheater lives with the reality that he's hurt someone who trusted them whether they discover the truth or not. So, cheaters really cheat themselves and compromise their self-respect. Would he be willing to work on that?

Since this e mail...I haven't heard a word from him. I am finally feeling that he will not contact me anymore because he really would not want to "work" on the trust issue...it is beneath him. What do you think of a guy like this? I am 62 years old and attractive and young looking for my age...and everytime he sees my profile on a dating site...he writes to me and keeps asking me to come back to him. Even has done this while I was dating someone for a long period of time. I don't know what to make of him except that he is like a kid in a candy store...doesn't know what to touch first!!! I am looking for the "real deal" when it comes to a long term partner. It seems that even the older men do not know what they want...it is most discouraging to say the least.

-------------------------------------

I doubt this guy is going to do much changing, and I think he's just looking for some intimacy from her while he continues to play the field. Why is he still perusing dating sites when he can contact her directly? I dated a marriage man few months ago who admitted to me that he is still with his wife, after we had become intimate and agreed to be exlcusive.

Since then, in between women "friends" he has written me e mails and told me he cannot forget me, I have told him that I could never go back to him because of trust issues I would have. Also, the communication barrier effect us misunderstand. He is worthless ! Since this e mail...I havn't heard a word from him. I am finally feeling that he will not contact me anymore because he really would not want to "work" on the trust issue...it is beneath him.

Otherwise, I prefer to dating with Deaf men more fun and communication better. As long as he respect my wishes because I am not ready for long term relationship.

GarnetTigerMom · 04-25-2008, 10:45 AM

Would I forgive my boy-friend for cheating on me? My answer would be "hell no!" Once a guy cheat on me, I won't take him back. I had ex boyfriends cheat on me and I won't put up with their excuses. I can give second chances but it all denpend on the situation. But the chances are I am not likey to take him back. Once a cheater is always a cheater. It would not matter if he hearing or deaf. Both cheat period. :-)

PowerON · 04-25-2008, 10:48 AM

What if it's not cheat as you think? it would be difficult how thing look like.

Proof is the important evidence that he or she did cheat then there is no forgiven.

GarnetTigerMom · 04-25-2008, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PowerON

What if it's not cheat as you think? it would be difficult how thing look like.

Proof is the important evidence that he or she did cheat then there is no forgiven.

He if confess he cheat on me telling me he was drunk and he was sorry, forget it would still be over. But I would know if he cheating on me by acting funny and telling me lies. I would know by the way he behave such as Lower desire to be with you sexually, Working late more often, Mysterious phone calls, Gets angry when you look at the cell phone, pager, or computer. Is secretive of such, Smell of perfume on their clothing, Takes a shower as soon as he comes home, You find hairs or other objects on his body or in his possessions, Accuses you of cheating, Lip stick on his clothes, or He changes his normal routine without cause or reason.

sara1981 · 04-25-2008, 11:50 AM

i do forgive my boyfriend for cheat and he acceptance my behalf forgives messages but i dont think he never cheat at me all the times.

Freaky Cat · 04-25-2008, 12:29 PM

I would forgive my boyfriend but I wuldnt stay with him. It is not worth to stay with a cheater as cheater will always be a cheater.

I have went thru this before as my ex boyfriend cheated on me while I was pregnant and have him abandoned me. It hurts. I couldnt forgive him for long time till now He is forgiven but I wouldnt take him back ever again. Knowing he could do it again? No thanks! grrr!

KarissaMann05 · 04-25-2008, 01:28 PM

I will not forgive him if he cheats on me, because he will do it again anyway.

Same with this, she cheats on him and there is no forgiven for it.

GarnetTigerMom · 04-25-2008, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sara1981

i do forgive my boyfriend for cheat and he acceptance my behalf forgives messages but i dont think he never cheat at me all the times.

Then you lucky enough to forgive the guy. I think it because you have allowed it in the past. If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them. But remember men do like to be sneaky enough to try to get away with it. There old saying what men usually say " “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,” so becareful what you wish for. :-)

GarnetTigerMom · 04-25-2008, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freaky Cat

I would forgive my boyfriend but I wuldnt stay with him. It is not worth to stay with a cheater as cheater will always be a cheater.

I have went thru this before as my ex boyfriend cheated on me while I was pregnant and have him abandoned me. It hurts. I couldnt forgive him for long time till now He is forgiven but I wouldnt take him back ever again. Knowing he could do it again? No thanks! grrr!

I don't blame you. I guess it because men had the option to cheat. The old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.

Kai Onca · 04-25-2008, 06:30 PM

I dont need to put up with some guy's wandering ways. It shows me the value the guy sees in me.

I'll forgive and forget and MOVE ONTO a different prospective relationship. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

PowerON · 04-25-2008, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mann_K05

I will not forgive him if he cheats on me, because he will do it again anyway.

Same with this, she cheats on him and there is no forgiven for it.

I'll cheat on you over your kitten. I think she is cute.

Cheri · 04-25-2008, 08:27 PM

I don't and won't tolerate cheating, I would forgive him if he apologized, but, He is not gonna be my boyfriend after that. It doesn't matter if it was one night stand or if it was an accident.

Pinky678 · 04-25-2008, 08:48 PM

Well. I dated with deaf men before. They did cheat on me before. They did apology to me. I forgave them and let move on new life. I want to forget about old past. I am getting marry to hearing man in June. We have no problem at all. He never cheat on me. He really hate cheat! I hate the cheat either. I don't believe in wrong relationship and divorced. If you're not ready for long relationship. It take your time. It happened to me before. I dumped my ex last bf for good! I wasn't ready for boyfriend a while until I was ready. I am tired of being single since many deaf men begged me for sex when we aren't in the relationship. They weren't my type to go out or have sex. I had been restrained their wish to have sex. I prefer a real relationship than a swinger. I prayed to god found me a right man. He answered my pray. I found a right hearing man. I am happy with him. You should read my other thread about deaf partner and hearing. Please don't find a wrong relationship for you. If you want to have a right man for long relationship. You can ask god to find you a right man. Make sure you ask god for forgive you from sin. If you like to get a new life with relationship. It up to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalista

Cheating Boyfriend wants me back
Writing by Laura

She dated a man 2 years ago who admitted to me that he was seeing another woman, after we had become intimate and agreed to be exlcusive.

Since then, in between women "friends" he has written her e mails and told me he cannot forget me, I have told him that I could never go back to him because of trust issues I would have. He is 71 years old!!! a widower and is always looking for the next opportunity with a woman. I finally used reverse psychology on him and told him if he wanted to come back to me he would have to earn my trust. He made all kinds of excuses why it would not work!!! I think he just was wanting to see if I would come back to him and pick up where we left off. Told him this was impossible. He forever altered our relationship when he cheated. I sent him this e mail from a friend of mine and her slant on the whole thing...

I don't think cheating is about anyone other than the person doing it. It speaks volumes about their integrity. So the real question is, not will he cheat again, but are you prepared to be with a man who is capable of it, due to his lack of integrity? We choose to allow ourselves to be hurt or not, but a cheater lives with the reality that he's hurt someone who trusted them whether they discover the truth or not. So, cheaters really cheat themselves and compromise their self-respect. Would he be willing to work on that?

Since this e mail...I haven't heard a word from him. I am finally feeling that he will not contact me anymore because he really would not want to "work" on the trust issue...it is beneath him. What do you think of a guy like this? I am 62 years old and attractive and young looking for my age...and everytime he sees my profile on a dating site...he writes to me and keeps asking me to come back to him. Even has done this while I was dating someone for a long period of time. I don't know what to make of him except that he is like a kid in a candy store...doesn't know what to touch first!!! I am looking for the "real deal" when it comes to a long term partner. It seems that even the older men do not know what they want...it is most discouraging to say the least.

-------------------------------------

I doubt this guy is going to do much changing, and I think he's just looking for some intimacy from her while he continues to play the field. Why is he still perusing dating sites when he can contact her directly? I dated a marriage man few months ago who admitted to me that he is still with his wife, after we had become intimate and agreed to be exlcusive.

Since then, in between women "friends" he has written me e mails and told me he cannot forget me, I have told him that I could never go back to him because of trust issues I would have. Also, the communication barrier effect us misunderstand. He is worthless ! Since this e mail...I havn't heard a word from him. I am finally feeling that he will not contact me anymore because he really would not want to "work" on the trust issue...it is beneath him.

Otherwise, I prefer to dating with Deaf men more fun and communication better. As long as he respect my wishes because I am not ready for long term relationship.

GarnetTigerMom · 04-26-2008, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinky678

Well. I dated with deaf men before. They did cheat on me before. They did apology to me. I forgave them and let move on new life. I want to forget about old past. I am getting marry to hearing man in June. We have no problem at all. He never cheat on me. He really hate cheat! I hate the cheat either. I don't believe in wrong relationship and divorced. If you're not ready for long relationship. It take your time. It happened to me before. I dumped my ex last bf for good! I wasn't ready for boyfriend a while until I was ready. I am tired of being single since many deaf men begged me for sex when we aren't in the relationship. They weren't my type to go out or have sex. I had been restrained their wish to have sex. I prefer a real relationship than a swinger. I prayed to god found me a right man. He answered my pray. I found a right hearing man. I am happy with him. You should read my other thread about deaf partner and hearing. Please don't find a wrong relationship for you. If you want to have a right man for long relationship. You can ask god to find you a right man. Make sure you ask god for forgive you from sin. If you like to get a new life with relationship. It up to you.

Just got to remember that hearing men do cheat too just like deaf guys cheat so really they are both the same to me. Men knows better that cheating is wrong. They knew this. Men sometimes don't use their head to think twice when they head is in their pants half the time. But I am glad you find the right man and I do wish you the best of luck. :-)

Miss-Delectable · 04-26-2008, 09:51 AM

The hypothetical guy in question would end up being dumped by me, no question about it.

Not going to put up with a cheater ever.

deafbajagal · 04-26-2008, 11:39 AM

I will say one thing: "Bye!" *slam door*

shel90 · 04-26-2008, 11:53 AM

My ex hubby cheated on me...funny thing what hurted me the most was that he lied to me about it for 2 months when I begged him to pls tell me the truth. It is a long story but my gut feeling told me that he was having an affair so I asked him about it and he said no way. However, my friends at Gallaudet knew the truth since he was having an affair with the girlfriend of one Gally student so of course in the Deaf community, secrets like that are hard to keep. So, I chose to believe my husband over my friends and after 2 months of hell, he finally admitted the truth to me. That hurted me more than the affair itself.

Freaky Cat · 04-26-2008, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

My ex hubby cheated on me...funny thing what hurted me the most was that he lied to me about it for 2 months when I begged him to pls tell me the truth. It is a long story but my gut feeling told me that he was having an affair so I asked him about it and he said no way. However, my friends at Gallaudet knew the truth since he was having an affair with the girlfriend of one Gally student so of course in the Deaf community, secrets like that are hard to keep. So, I chose to believe my husband over my friends and after 2 months of hell, he finally admitted the truth to me. That hurted me more than the affair itself.

I went thru the same thing. I begged and asked him to tell me. I kept seeing him wearing her shirts. he denied it. the more he stayed away from home and spending the night at his best friends house, etc. I knew he is up to something. I was not dumb but he said no then i found the note in the pants when i was doing the laundry. that hurts. he was cheating on me for almost 3 months while I was pregnant then grieving for the death of my twin sons. losing the kids and ex bf same time. i dont want to go thru that ever again.

Now he said he regret putting me thru that and wished he didnt do that to me in first place. Well its too late but i forgived him for that but I WILL never forget this ever. hard not to.

that was the horrible and darkest time of my life.

deafbajagal · 04-26-2008, 12:44 PM

Awww - hugging all of you who have been hurt by cheaters.

Maria · 04-26-2008, 12:51 PM

Would I forgive my bf when he cheats ? The answer is yes, I would -- but, I will break up with him and remain friends. He will never have my relationship again after cheatin'. Once cheatin', the trust's done damaged.

GarnetTigerMom · 04-26-2008, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freaky Cat

I went thru the same thing. I begged and asked him to tell me. I kept seeing him wearing her shirts. he denied it. the more he stayed away from home and spending the night at his best friends house, etc. I knew he is up to something. I was not dumb but he said no then i found the note in the pants when i was doing the laundry. that hurts. he was cheating on me for almost 3 months while I was pregnant then grieving for the death of my twin sons. losing the kids and ex bf same time. i dont want to go thru that ever again.

Now he said he regret putting me thru that and wished he didnt do that to me in first place. Well its too late but i forgived him for that but I WILL never forget this ever. hard not to.

that was the horrible and darkest time of my life.

Ouch, Giving you a big hug. So sorry that he put you through that. I know forgiveness is always such a hard thing to forgive a cheater.

GarnetTigerMom · 04-26-2008, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mann_K05

I will not forgive him if he cheats on me, because he will do it again anyway.

Same with this, she cheats on him and there is no forgiven for it.

Yep, can blame you there. Definately not, that to me would show that he was not thinking of me during that moment, even if drunk, no excuse. Screw me once and you're out, that's just me.

04-25-2008, 08:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
Kalista Premium Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 7,277	Would you forgive your boyfriend when he cheat on you? Cheating Boyfriend wants me back Writing by Laura She dated a man 2 years ago who admitted to me that he was seeing another woman, after we had become intimate and agreed to be exlcusive. Since then, in between women "friends" he has written her e mails and told me he cannot forget me, I have told him that I could never go back to him because of trust issues I would have. He is 71 years old!!! a widower and is always looking for the next opportunity with a woman. I finally used reverse psychology on him and told him if he wanted to come back to me he would have to earn my trust. He made all kinds of excuses why it would not work!!! I think he just was wanting to see if I would come back to him and pick up where we left off. Told him this was impossible. He forever altered our relationship when he cheated. I sent him this e mail from a friend of mine and her slant on the whole thing... I don't think cheating is about anyone other than the person doing it. It speaks volumes about their integrity. So the real question is, not will he cheat again, but are you prepared to be with a man who is capable of it, due to his lack of integrity? We choose to allow ourselves to be hurt or not, but a cheater lives with the reality that he's hurt someone who trusted them whether they discover the truth or not. So, cheaters really cheat themselves and compromise their self-respect. Would he be willing to work on that? Since this e mail...I haven't heard a word from him. I am finally feeling that he will not contact me anymore because he really would not want to "work" on the trust issue...it is beneath him. What do you think of a guy like this? I am 62 years old and attractive and young looking for my age...and everytime he sees my profile on a dating site...he writes to me and keeps asking me to come back to him. Even has done this while I was dating someone for a long period of time. I don't know what to make of him except that he is like a kid in a candy store...doesn't know what to touch first!!! I am looking for the "real deal" when it comes to a long term partner. It seems that even the older men do not know what they want...it is most discouraging to say the least. ------------------------------------- I doubt this guy is going to do much changing, and I think he's just looking for some intimacy from her while he continues to play the field. Why is he still perusing dating sites when he can contact her directly? I dated a marriage man few months ago who admitted to me that he is still with his wife, after we had become intimate and agreed to be exlcusive. Since then, in between women "friends" he has written me e mails and told me he cannot forget me, I have told him that I could never go back to him because of trust issues I would have. Also, the communication barrier effect us misunderstand. He is worthless ! Since this e mail...I havn't heard a word from him. I am finally feeling that he will not contact me anymore because he really would not want to "work" on the trust issue...it is beneath him. Otherwise, I prefer to dating with Deaf men more fun and communication better. As long as he respect my wishes because I am not ready for long term relationship. __________________

04-25-2008, 10:45 AM	#2 (permalink)
GarnetTigerMom Registered User Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Virginia Posts: 4,501	Would I forgive my boy-friend for cheating on me? My answer would be "hell no!" Once a guy cheat on me, I won't take him back. I had ex boyfriends cheat on me and I won't put up with their excuses. I can give second chances but it all denpend on the situation. But the chances are I am not likey to take him back. Once a cheater is always a cheater. It would not matter if he hearing or deaf. Both cheat period. :-) __________________ GarnetTigerMom "The rain may be falling hard outside, But your smile makes it all alright. I'm so glad that you're my friend. I know our friendship will never end." -- Robert Alan

04-25-2008, 10:48 AM	#3 (permalink)
PowerON Please don't click me! D: Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Would like to live at Fort Davis, TX Posts: 3,469 Blog Entries: 1	What if it's not cheat as you think? it would be difficult how thing look like. Proof is the important evidence that he or she did cheat then there is no forgiven. __________________ Research before you shoot me.

04-25-2008, 11:50 AM	#5 (permalink)
sara1981 Batista's Fans Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: North Little Rock,Ar Posts: 2,577	i do forgive my boyfriend for cheat and he acceptance my behalf forgives messages but i dont think he never cheat at me all the times. __________________

04-25-2008, 12:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
Freaky Cat Space - it's like heaven! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: ArKaNsAs Posts: 9,962	I would forgive my boyfriend but I wuldnt stay with him. It is not worth to stay with a cheater as cheater will always be a cheater. I have went thru this before as my ex boyfriend cheated on me while I was pregnant and have him abandoned me. It hurts. I couldnt forgive him for long time till now He is forgiven but I wouldnt take him back ever again. Knowing he could do it again? No thanks! grrr! __________________ "SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! Nooo! I'll settle for some fries." - Plankton. Freaky Cat's Blog

Today
Deafness	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

04-25-2008, 01:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
KarissaMann05 Jessie's Character Join Date: May 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,811 Blog Entries: 9	I will not forgive him if he cheats on me, because he will do it again anyway. Same with this, she cheats on him and there is no forgiven for it. __________________ Credit by KarissaMann05 Deaf Authors Forum: This is the forum is for deaf, hard of hearing, and any related to the Deaf Authors community who lived in around the world. All Deafies who love to write stories, poems, editing anything else, any concept of writing style, and much more! Of course, hearing authors are very welcomed too! Please go to visit there if you are interesting!

04-25-2008, 06:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
Kai Onca Save the RAINFOREST Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Wandering through the Mist of Time Posts: 887	I dont need to put up with some guy's wandering ways. It shows me the value the guy sees in me. I'll forgive and forget and MOVE ONTO a different prospective relationship. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

04-25-2008, 08:27 PM	#12 (permalink)
Cheri Premium Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 20,001	I don't and won't tolerate cheating, I would forgive him if he apologized, but, He is not gonna be my boyfriend after that. It doesn't matter if it was one night stand or if it was an accident. __________________

04-26-2008, 09:51 AM	#15 (permalink)
Miss-Delectable Capt Tony Nelson, Jeannie Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: No.1 Shopping Capital in Australia Posts: 8,052	The hypothetical guy in question would end up being dumped by me, no question about it. Not going to put up with a cheater ever. __________________

04-26-2008, 11:39 AM	#16 (permalink)
deafbajagal Jasmine's Tiger "Lilly" Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,394	I will say one thing: "Bye!" slam door

04-26-2008, 11:53 AM	#17 (permalink)
shel90 Sun Whorshipper Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A Desert Rat that has found herself in Maryland Posts: 12,237 Blog Entries: 1	My ex hubby cheated on me...funny thing what hurted me the most was that he lied to me about it for 2 months when I begged him to pls tell me the truth. It is a long story but my gut feeling told me that he was having an affair so I asked him about it and he said no way. However, my friends at Gallaudet knew the truth since he was having an affair with the girlfriend of one Gally student so of course in the Deaf community, secrets like that are hard to keep. So, I chose to believe my husband over my friends and after 2 months of hell, he finally admitted the truth to me. That hurted me more than the affair itself. __________________ ~Shel~

04-26-2008, 12:44 PM	#19 (permalink)
deafbajagal Jasmine's Tiger "Lilly" Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,394	Awww - hugging all of you who have been hurt by cheaters.

04-26-2008, 12:51 PM	#20 (permalink)
Maria Premium Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: ALASKA Posts: 7,658	Would I forgive my bf when he cheats ? The answer is yes, I would -- but, I will break up with him and remain friends. He will never have my relationship again after cheatin'. Once cheatin', the trust's done damaged.