Relationship with one of your hearing family

Fitnessfreak · 09-04-2003, 01:11 PM

I m just so frustrated with my hearing parents.. Dont you guys ever get frustrating at times with one of your hearing family? Especially when it comes to lack of communciations ... All silbings and hearing parents and u the only one deaf in the whole family.... I can talk but still it would be nice for them to be able to learn some sign languages and make things easier for everyone involved.. Ya know what i mean.. They kept thinking that something went wrong with me and that I have built up alot of anger in me... Which is not true.. It s just that them two are frustrating me and cant even get to the points where i am trying to tell.. U know.. UGH Thanks for letting me venting!!

Fly Free · 09-04-2003, 02:28 PM

good vent -- and i dont blame u on how u feel cuz i also feel the exact same way Fitnessfreak -- i myself am only 1 deaf in a family of hearies and im at times VERY frustrated with them not keeping me updated on the family events, news and etc and ofc im always the last to know of anything anyhow

javapride · 09-04-2003, 04:01 PM

I resolved my anger towards my mom not to long ago and made a deal with her NO more outings surrounding so many hearies when i know she will not interpet all the comments thier saying, She has apologized to me for the yrs of screwed up communications, and we both agree NO more of this. the only outings we will have is small outings like just immedite family where they KNOW they are required to speak directly to me, or to ask mom if my HA is off then to sign letting me know things otherwise that would be the end of this.

Bam-Bam · 09-04-2003, 04:27 PM

This is quitely common for deaf people around hearing families. U're not the only ones out there. I'm involved too. I have a big family, I'm deaf myself.. I tend to be left out on occassion. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that's left out. My other cousin tend to be left out as well. She isn't social person from what I see. She tend to be shy.. So what I did was, I just try to chat with that cousin.. To keep us company, while others are busy entertaining themselves. So why don't ya find someone that u're close with or see someone's lonely. Keep company with one or two of them. That might help. Parents usually don't understand how it feels, while they aren't deaf themselves. Sometime when I dont have someone to talk with, I tend to sit or stand beside my mom at occassion. Gettin her attention that I wanted to be involved. Mom tries to interpret at most of the conversation. But it's difficult for her to talk while signing at the same time. To tell me what she's tellin people. I dont blame her for that. It's all that she can try. It proves that she's really tryin to get me involved. She knows how I feel. She finally realized, by me having few of my deaf friends at a family occassion. She finally woke up by seeing us sittin in the living room chattin with each other, and seeing some of our relatives tryin to communicate with us. She realize how it feels when we're not able to understand. That helps her realize how deaf peepz felt when they're left out or aren't able to understand.

Liza · 09-05-2003, 09:21 AM

All the time in the past. But you don't gotta be there if you know people prove themselves to not include you in convos, and you are left out. This has happened to me, and it's a very thoughtless act with which I have made sure my family are conscious about. They don't do that shit anymore, and they know if they do - they can expect me to not be there. My hearing husband and his family really got the point when I refused to participate in their family events. Why torture myself more than necessary.. haha, other than for the free food? I do have a great and loving relationship with my family and the in-laws, so I hardly have a problem with being left out of conversations.. and most of the times I do initate these conversations, haha! A sure fire way to not be left out of stuff. Self-direction helps. Display of frustration and anger may only take away the focus from a real issue. You're the teacher. Hit that bed with a nerf baseball bat later on! LOL Express your feelings - "I am feeling very hurt and sad when I am left out of the loop. Is it possible for me to be a part of your conversations from now on?" OR just ask them how you can be a part of the conversations without them feeling uncomforable or awkward. LOL it matters how you handle it.. don't feel like they owe you something, or feel righteous.. okay? hehe, just my thoughts and you're free to believe the same or differently.

Just yesterday, my friend let me know he had became more aware of the deaf world (he is hearing, and was relatively unexposed when I met him). He apologized to me and sent me a link where he read a lot about deaf issues lately. Keep in mind I didnt tell him too much about them, only through my reaction of his "helpful" suggestions.

I thought this was a very compassionate article made from a sermon in one of the churches which he sent me.

http://www.uumontclair.org/sermons/2...eafWorld.shtml

You see, he took it for granted and basically demanded that I learn to lipread better. Now he tells me no wonder I was pissed off. lol it's a new world for him now. I do appreciate it when people make an effort to understand *me* a bit better, without trying to make me feel bad about making my own choices and perceptions. I'm happy I didn't take the preachy approach to tell him what I *know* about deaf stuff, because I believe people should do their own homework and find out whatever feels right to them.

Feel free to send the link he gave me to your family and friends if they wish to read something cool, haha

RosesNY · 09-05-2003, 08:17 PM

I been there I always feel so left out.

Lasza · 09-05-2003, 08:35 PM

Grew up in my hearing family. ofc, I am the only

Most of time I was not left out cuz my fave cousin Kerri kept me company. she interpreting for me what they talk about. her sign language become much better when she grow up. Till she passed away at age 25, i start less attend family events.
Every holiday, my family

at me. I chose my friends' over them. Now, they seem not upset or disappointment. i reckon that they get used with my Deaf ways.

CatoCooper13 · 09-05-2003, 09:03 PM

During family gatherings, I was always BORED SHITLESS -- parents knew about that and apologised because they needed to have family gatherings to catch up and so forth. Grr...at least, mum did try to interpret for my sister and I on what was happening around us.

09-08-2003, 05:57 PM

Naturally we have al been there. My dad's side of the family is deaf, and my mom's is hearing, and i grew up with my dad. However, i was still exposed to being left out - i have a hearing sister. the older we got, the less I saw of her, and everytime I DID see her, she'd bring me along with her friends (who were obviously hearing.) And that sucked. Then I moved to colorado to live with my mom, and that sucked too. My mom can sign, but not my step dad. Fustration is hard to deal with, i just go and find someone who can sign and be like "dude look how easy this is!"

Kai Onca · 09-09-2003, 10:09 PM

The only deaf one in the family- and I have had fights with my family about why I dont like to attend the family gatherings- As I got older, my family started to be more senstive to my feelings. I still attend the family gatherings but I make it clear that I do not want to miss out on anything that is being said. I realized that if I'm more aggressive and start several of converstations with the family, people tend to include me in most of their converstations

LovelyBlkGal · 09-11-2003, 08:08 PM

Hello peeps... I undertand how y'all feel about hearing family ur not only bec i have hearing family too i m only deaf person and it's not bother me.... they get used to learn sign lang with me sometime i teach them sometime they have hard time to learn.. i don't blame for it and i still love them no matter what if they alway be there for me and i alway be there them.

Muwahh LBGal

***VamPyroX*** · 09-12-2003, 12:22 AM

Communication is a problem with my parents... not because of my deafness but because of our points of view. My parents are strongly against gays/lesbians. They are strongly against tattoos, piercings (other than ears), smoking, and drinking. I pretty much am the opposite of what my parents are like. There are a lot of times when I try to avoid my parents. They walk out of movies like "There's Something About Mary", "Me, Myself, & Irene", "American Pie", etc. They pray before they eat... even in McDonalds or Taco Bell! They refer almost everything to religion. "God helped you get your girlfriend." "God is watching you when you study in school." "God made sure nothing happened to you during the WTC crisis." Jeez... all of that really annoys me. That's why I don't exactly look forward to going home for the holidays. The only thing I look forward to during the holidays is fun with my friends. My deafness isn't really an issue with my parents. They know to speak clearly and to look at me when they talk. They know very little sign language plus a few home-made signs when it comes to communicating with my deaf friends. Other than that, we're just fine.

Oddball · 09-12-2003, 01:07 AM

I feel you all. It is my turn to tell....I had ongoing frustrations with my hearing family members coming to so called family gatherings at my former home or my relatives's houses in Ohio.

I begged my parents not to get me involved in lame family gatherings, but they took me with them anyway. Years later, I got older, I specifically told my mom that I did not want to go to my cousin's house for pre Christmas family event, but she ingored my pleas. I was forced to go there with my parents to my cousin's house for a few hours. Then, I went back home and yelled at my mom for showing lack of respect for me. I was mad as fuck because my mom acted dumb saying, "Oh, I am sorry." Yeah, right. I knew that she was bullshitting me because she did it to me on purpose.

When my mom moved to LV one year before my dad and I joined her, I told my dad that I don't want to go to family gatherings again because I am BORED SHITLESS. I explained to him many reasons why I should not go there because of communication barriers. Finally, he realized and RESPECTED my feelings. I feel so much BETTER than I was in my heydays. No more family gatherings. Thank GOD.

at my hearing family members.

Fitnessfreak · 09-12-2003, 11:10 AM

Hey you guys... Thank you all for the feedbacks you responded.. It was great to read all the feedbacks you gave..

Oddball, I m in the same shoes as you are.. I hate attending to any family gatherings due to communciation barriers.. They all know that and always try to drag me in.. Every time, I come over for family gatherings, I tend to stay only for a few hours.. For instance, 1 1/2 to 2 hours are at the max then I leave.. cuz I get bored so easily and what more do i need to stay there? Nothing.. Just to hang out and to socialize with family.. They tend to forget to include me when they are gathering at the table or in the group and chatting away... i can t catch them all at one time... too hard... They dont know sign language at all.. they just dont try.. very frustrating for me....At times, i do wish we have this kind of close family knit. U know what i mean.. But i dont feel this way at all... I m one stubborn girl in the whole family and they know I tend to rebel against them for some reason and of course, there are alot of times that i get to disagree with them... at times, they show no respects or remorses... So it was like I prefer to hang out with my close friends who are able to commuicate with me... Like deafies or hearies that are skill in sign language.. Just that i m more laid back and more comfy this way.. Oh well....

lilredridinhood · 09-13-2003, 11:35 PM

im the only deaf person in my family too, but its not that bad because i'm never home.

thank god for my car.

Oddball · 09-16-2003, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilredridinhood

im the only deaf person in my family too, but its not that bad because i'm never home.

thank god for my car.

You are a lucky bitch...I was suffering through many ill themed family gatherings. Yuck.

blackintel · 10-15-2003, 12:49 PM

My family is hearing and I'm the only one with moderate hearing loss. I don't depend on sign language since I can pretty much hear and understand most of the time. It would be nice if they learn cuz my nephew is profound deaf and he doesn't wear hearing aids as much I wanted him to so he could get uses to the sounds now than later. He doesn't even speak which he should be but that never been dealt with when he was growing up at home. His mom tend to be lazy in accommodating him since she had a very tiny hearing loss, and don't take things seriously until too late. I know I can do better when it come to my kids when I have them.

SweetThang · 10-16-2003, 10:23 AM

I grew up with a hearing family and they raised me as i was hearing. I was mainstreamed with no interperters. I was forbbiden to sign as a child because my mother wanted me to talk and read lips. I accept the decision she made but sometimes it felt she couldnt accept me as deaf.

philipo · 10-28-2003, 10:36 PM

I grew up being the only deaf member of my family. No one in my family could sign except my mom, and my younger brothers.

I get along with my brothers and mom well, but you know, sometimes I fight with them. After all, I'm thankful that my close family are very supportive of me. They understand why I wanted to sign, but I also understood why they wanted me to talk.

The reason why they wanted me to talk is so that there will be a clearer communication between them and me.

Family gatherings? When I was little, I was stuck there from the beginning to the end. But now, I'm only there for short time as long as I can survive. Once I can't survive, I'm free to leave the gathering if I want to. My mother understands that, and makes sure that there's no misunderstanding between my enlarged family.

GalaxyAngel · 10-28-2003, 11:11 PM

Not only ones likely everyones are same shoes..

I'm only Deaf... Adoptees parents always left me out all the time but siblings ASister and Abrother not really much left me out and mostly body languages talk with me.. When the Dinner time.. I hate that one.. because MOST LEFT ME OUT.. while I eating too fast.. then leaving the table... Went out with hang my deafies friends.. My Aparent kept asking me, What they saying? I replied NOYB... My Aparent really fury mad at me.. I was told them, THAT'S FAIR... how I feel when I asked you what they saying.. Your habits say.. er um.. Nothing important....
Gimme me a break... :rolls:

When I met Birth Mom and Sister.. wow, Awesome, They aren't left me out.. Amazing... Unbelivable.. When Eat together and willing talk with me during written the paper for communcation and willing try to learn ASL. I taught them ASL.

Canada's Culture... Thanksgiving Day (October).. My Birth mom and sister's family came over my place and having staying my place for wknd.. Awesome.. Im so happy so much.. They aren't left us out (My hubby and I), Kept talking together and talk talk talk more...

Isn't same compare from Aparents and Bmom and sister too..

talk talk talk .. awesome..

Historyfreak · 11-04-2003, 12:09 AM

I can hear pretty well, but I sometimes cannot hear how loud I talk and it drives me nuts when I am in a restaurant with my daddy and he keeps saying, "please lower your volume!" I also have a bad habit of starting over what I was saying when someone tells me to lower my volume. Also, sometimes the librarians at the library (who are all my friends) have to remind me to talk quietly. The Head Children's Librarian knows I cannot always hear myself. I am comfortable when people tell me to talk more quietly ONCE but I am not when they tell me more than once.

What can be really bad sometimes is when the downstairs neighbor has his radio turned up full volume and it's so painful to me that I practically start having a fit and I call up my mother and say how miserable it makes me and she says she understands but I don't know if she really does. And Daddy thinks I'm louder than the neighbor, which is not the case! (I used to play my stereo loud when I was young.) I would never turn up my stereo so loud that it makes a neighbor uncomfortable.

MsGiglz · 11-09-2003, 01:48 AM

I am only one deaf in whole realtives and family.. yes I agreed with you.. being left out.. or bored shitless..
since i have kids.. its like forced me to go events or family cuz of kids' sakes.. but since few years. i started to less attending relatives events, but i dropped off my kids either at their place or go with their grandma.. they picked on my mom or my brother or my sister.. they asked...where is annie? her kids are here.. but where is she? that makes my mom and others realized.. they tried hard to keep me company not left out.. few times i tried to attend few of events.. i only show up for 15 or 30 min.. to make sure kids will have ride back home if they want stay.. i went off on my own.. go home and kick my shoes off and get some rest.. and enjoy my couple hours of free time.. but now.. recently, my brother felt the same.. he felt so much burden since he have a kid and wife (and expecting 2nd too).. plus 2 huge dogs that he has to be limited outing time.. we just talked about christmas eve that our traditional to get together with relatives.. I told him, this year maybe from now on.. we stay home on christmas eve.. and celebrate with families on christmas day... my brother agreed.. he said we get so tired on christmas day cuz we stayed up so late night before (christmas eve).. its like it robs our energy for our own family together to celebrate..
so wait and see..

Ziusudra · 11-16-2003, 05:58 AM

Yeah I know how all of you feel. Even though my parents interpret things for me sometimes, I feel very left out and I often feel bored. I like it better when I have a deaf friend around to chat with so I don't get bored. They would all laugh at a joke and not tell me about the joke until after.... my father was good though, he would interpret during the joke so I would get it and be able to laugh at the same time as the others. I hate being left out.

Not only that, but with other people outside the family, my parents didn't bother interpreting, so when I'd ask what happened they'd go "not now"... so of course if I ask them later, they either can't be bothered to explain or they have forgotten... it is annoying. I have joined in with a friend whose family is almost all deaf and I have seen the amazing difference, how they all easily communicate with each other and everything is understood and no one is ever left out. Deaf people with deaf families are so lucky.

Bookwormet · 11-16-2003, 04:44 PM

Hi, I grew up in hearing world. I was born deaf. I am married to hearing husband and my children are hearing as well. They signs really well. When I was growing up, I am used being in hearing world. Right now, I am getting involved in deaf community cause I know that is who I really am and I am enjoying it so much. I am showing my children where I really am from. My husband is learning about the cultures and its history and all that.

So, I am telling you, that I m happy and I dont want anything to change for who I am.

***Brian*** · 11-17-2003, 12:40 AM

I grew up in the hearing world too. I have great relationships with my hearing relatives, which I am thankful for that. I do not believe in deaf culture, but I do attend deaf events sometimes, if I have the time.

Bookwormet · 11-18-2003, 10:13 AM

I was born Deaf and I know for real, I have no regrets for being Deaf. When I grew up in hearing world, I realized that I dont belong there but of course, I have to be part of hearing world because of my hearing relatives and I respect them fully. I recongize the Deaf world and I knew that is where I do belong to, because they do meet my needs that the hearing cultures doesnt.

huneybear75 · 11-25-2003, 12:27 PM

I totally understand how you feel. I was the only deafie in my whole family. I was always left out, and every time I wanted to know what was being said, I'd ask my mom what was being said, she always replied, "I'll tell you later on." When it came to later, I asked her what was said, she said," What? I forgot. I'm sorry...." I just spent the time keeping my daughter busy, until I met my 2nd hubby who was deaf, we could chat during those boring times with our families and we have no problem with our hearing people now they ask us what are we saying.

Now they can see how we feel. LOL!

Bookwormet · 11-25-2003, 02:05 PM

yeah huneybear75, that is exactly what I have gone through when I was growing up. My husband have always been my interpeter when it comes to my family and relatives when we get together with them so that I wouldn t feel left out... like I used to. He knows that I deserve to know exactly what s going on around me....

Anne · 12-15-2003, 05:46 PM

Whenever I go to see my family with my fiance my dad always talks to my fiance as if I am not there and that really makes me so mad. I live a 3 hour drive from my family and only see them every 3 weeks and I thought that my dad would be pleased to see me and tell me what he has done etc but no he goes on and on and on at my fiance and hardly says anything to me.

My grandma always looks at me to get my attention before she says anything. She has always done that

and if I don't understand she will write it down. She has always had patience with me. Wish I could say the same for the rest of the family.

Anne
x

Cheri · 12-29-2003, 06:21 PM

My Sister ^Angel^ and I always felt left out when we have a family gather the only time they will really talk to us if we have it at our house.. which for birthdays for our children.... My dad is aware of how we felt.. but then he says he is trying to put us involved but doesnt really much involves us... But we have eachother to talk to and Now that Roadrunner is part of the family so that makes 3... (smile)

09-04-2003, 01:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
Fitnessfreak Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 117	Relationship with one of your hearing family I m just so frustrated with my hearing parents.. Dont you guys ever get frustrating at times with one of your hearing family? Especially when it comes to lack of communciations ... All silbings and hearing parents and u the only one deaf in the whole family.... I can talk but still it would be nice for them to be able to learn some sign languages and make things easier for everyone involved.. Ya know what i mean.. They kept thinking that something went wrong with me and that I have built up alot of anger in me... Which is not true.. It s just that them two are frustrating me and cant even get to the points where i am trying to tell.. U know.. UGH Thanks for letting me venting!!

09-04-2003, 02:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
Fly Free Living Life! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: In the loving arms of my butchboi! Posts: 9,101	good vent -- and i dont blame u on how u feel cuz i also feel the exact same way Fitnessfreak -- i myself am only 1 deaf in a family of hearies and im at times VERY frustrated with them not keeping me updated on the family events, news and etc and ofc im always the last to know of anything anyhow __________________ Enjoying life!

09-05-2003, 09:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
CatoCooper13 Am attached and in LOVE! Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Sonoma County, California Posts: 6,421	During family gatherings, I was always BORED SHITLESS -- parents knew about that and apologised because they needed to have family gatherings to catch up and so forth. Grr...at least, mum did try to interpret for my sister and I on what was happening around us. __________________

09-12-2003, 12:22 AM	#12 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Hell Posts: 31,473	Communication is a problem with my parents... not because of my deafness but because of our points of view. My parents are strongly against gays/lesbians. They are strongly against tattoos, piercings (other than ears), smoking, and drinking. I pretty much am the opposite of what my parents are like. There are a lot of times when I try to avoid my parents. They walk out of movies like "There's Something About Mary", "Me, Myself, & Irene", "American Pie", etc. They pray before they eat... even in McDonalds or Taco Bell! They refer almost everything to religion. "God helped you get your girlfriend." "God is watching you when you study in school." "God made sure nothing happened to you during the WTC crisis." Jeez... all of that really annoys me. That's why I don't exactly look forward to going home for the holidays. The only thing I look forward to during the holidays is fun with my friends. My deafness isn't really an issue with my parents. They know to speak clearly and to look at me when they talk. They know very little sign language plus a few home-made signs when it comes to communicating with my deaf friends. Other than that, we're just fine. __________________ Check out my city... CLICK HERE! (If you already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

10-28-2003, 11:11 PM	#20 (permalink)
GalaxyAngel That's me! Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Alberta,Canada Posts: 13,626	Not only ones likely everyones are same shoes.. I'm only Deaf... Adoptees parents always left me out all the time but siblings ASister and Abrother not really much left me out and mostly body languages talk with me.. When the Dinner time.. I hate that one.. because MOST LEFT ME OUT.. while I eating too fast.. then leaving the table... Went out with hang my deafies friends.. My Aparent kept asking me, What they saying? I replied NOYB... My Aparent really fury mad at me.. I was told them, THAT'S FAIR... how I feel when I asked you what they saying.. Your habits say.. er um.. Nothing important.... Gimme me a break... :rolls: When I met Birth Mom and Sister.. wow, Awesome, They aren't left me out.. Amazing... Unbelivable.. When Eat together and willing talk with me during written the paper for communcation and willing try to learn ASL. I taught them ASL. Canada's Culture... Thanksgiving Day (October).. My Birth mom and sister's family came over my place and having staying my place for wknd.. Awesome.. Im so happy so much.. They aren't left us out (My hubby and I), Kept talking together and talk talk talk more... Isn't same compare from Aparents and Bmom and sister too.. talk talk talk .. awesome.. __________________ Parent's proud our children.

Today
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09-04-2003, 04:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
javapride Java's Big Island Life! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: hawaii Posts: 6,509	I resolved my anger towards my mom not to long ago and made a deal with her NO more outings surrounding so many hearies when i know she will not interpet all the comments thier saying, She has apologized to me for the yrs of screwed up communications, and we both agree NO more of this. the only outings we will have is small outings like just immedite family where they KNOW they are required to speak directly to me, or to ask mom if my HA is off then to sign letting me know things otherwise that would be the end of this.

09-04-2003, 04:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
Bam-Bam Registered User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Wizard of Oz Posts: 57	This is quitely common for deaf people around hearing families. U're not the only ones out there. I'm involved too. I have a big family, I'm deaf myself.. I tend to be left out on occassion. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that's left out. My other cousin tend to be left out as well. She isn't social person from what I see. She tend to be shy.. So what I did was, I just try to chat with that cousin.. To keep us company, while others are busy entertaining themselves. So why don't ya find someone that u're close with or see someone's lonely. Keep company with one or two of them. That might help. Parents usually don't understand how it feels, while they aren't deaf themselves. Sometime when I dont have someone to talk with, I tend to sit or stand beside my mom at occassion. Gettin her attention that I wanted to be involved. Mom tries to interpret at most of the conversation. But it's difficult for her to talk while signing at the same time. To tell me what she's tellin people. I dont blame her for that. It's all that she can try. It proves that she's really tryin to get me involved. She knows how I feel. She finally realized, by me having few of my deaf friends at a family occassion. She finally woke up by seeing us sittin in the living room chattin with each other, and seeing some of our relatives tryin to communicate with us. She realize how it feels when we're not able to understand. That helps her realize how deaf peepz felt when they're left out or aren't able to understand.

09-05-2003, 09:21 AM	#5 (permalink)
Liza Cranial protocologist Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Jacksonville Posts: 4,242 Blog Entries: 2	All the time in the past. But you don't gotta be there if you know people prove themselves to not include you in convos, and you are left out. This has happened to me, and it's a very thoughtless act with which I have made sure my family are conscious about. They don't do that shit anymore, and they know if they do - they can expect me to not be there. My hearing husband and his family really got the point when I refused to participate in their family events. Why torture myself more than necessary.. haha, other than for the free food? I do have a great and loving relationship with my family and the in-laws, so I hardly have a problem with being left out of conversations.. and most of the times I do initate these conversations, haha! A sure fire way to not be left out of stuff. Self-direction helps. Display of frustration and anger may only take away the focus from a real issue. You're the teacher. Hit that bed with a nerf baseball bat later on! LOL Express your feelings - "I am feeling very hurt and sad when I am left out of the loop. Is it possible for me to be a part of your conversations from now on?" OR just ask them how you can be a part of the conversations without them feeling uncomforable or awkward. LOL it matters how you handle it.. don't feel like they owe you something, or feel righteous.. okay? hehe, just my thoughts and you're free to believe the same or differently. Just yesterday, my friend let me know he had became more aware of the deaf world (he is hearing, and was relatively unexposed when I met him). He apologized to me and sent me a link where he read a lot about deaf issues lately. Keep in mind I didnt tell him too much about them, only through my reaction of his "helpful" suggestions. I thought this was a very compassionate article made from a sermon in one of the churches which he sent me. http://www.uumontclair.org/sermons/2...eafWorld.shtml You see, he took it for granted and basically demanded that I learn to lipread better. Now he tells me no wonder I was pissed off. lol it's a new world for him now. I do appreciate it when people make an effort to understand me a bit better, without trying to make me feel bad about making my own choices and perceptions. I'm happy I didn't take the preachy approach to tell him what I know about deaf stuff, because I believe people should do their own homework and find out whatever feels right to them. Feel free to send the link he gave me to your family and friends if they wish to read something cool, haha

09-05-2003, 08:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
RosesNY Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 975	I been there I always feel so left out.

09-05-2003, 08:35 PM	#7 (permalink)
Lasza Premium Lurker Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Mile High State Posts: 2,509	Grew up in my hearing family. ofc, I am the only Most of time I was not left out cuz my fave cousin Kerri kept me company. she interpreting for me what they talk about. her sign language become much better when she grow up. Till she passed away at age 25, i start less attend family events. Every holiday, my family at me. I chose my friends' over them. Now, they seem not upset or disappointment. i reckon that they get used with my Deaf ways.

09-08-2003, 05:57 PM	#9 (permalink)
pinkster Guest Posts: n/a	Naturally we have al been there. My dad's side of the family is deaf, and my mom's is hearing, and i grew up with my dad. However, i was still exposed to being left out - i have a hearing sister. the older we got, the less I saw of her, and everytime I DID see her, she'd bring me along with her friends (who were obviously hearing.) And that sucked. Then I moved to colorado to live with my mom, and that sucked too. My mom can sign, but not my step dad. Fustration is hard to deal with, i just go and find someone who can sign and be like "dude look how easy this is!"

09-09-2003, 10:09 PM	#10 (permalink)
Kai Onca Save the RAINFOREST Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Wandering through the Mist of Time Posts: 971	The only deaf one in the family- and I have had fights with my family about why I dont like to attend the family gatherings- As I got older, my family started to be more senstive to my feelings. I still attend the family gatherings but I make it clear that I do not want to miss out on anything that is being said. I realized that if I'm more aggressive and start several of converstations with the family, people tend to include me in most of their converstations

09-11-2003, 08:08 PM	#11 (permalink)
LovelyBlkGal Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Somewhere in OHIO Posts: 4,429	Hello peeps... I undertand how y'all feel about hearing family ur not only bec i have hearing family too i m only deaf person and it's not bother me.... they get used to learn sign lang with me sometime i teach them sometime they have hard time to learn.. i don't blame for it and i still love them no matter what if they alway be there for me and i alway be there them. Muwahh LBGal

09-12-2003, 01:07 AM	#13 (permalink)
Oddball Wacky Oddball Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I live in my own world. Posts: 3,407	I feel you all. It is my turn to tell....I had ongoing frustrations with my hearing family members coming to so called family gatherings at my former home or my relatives's houses in Ohio. I begged my parents not to get me involved in lame family gatherings, but they took me with them anyway. Years later, I got older, I specifically told my mom that I did not want to go to my cousin's house for pre Christmas family event, but she ingored my pleas. I was forced to go there with my parents to my cousin's house for a few hours. Then, I went back home and yelled at my mom for showing lack of respect for me. I was mad as fuck because my mom acted dumb saying, "Oh, I am sorry." Yeah, right. I knew that she was bullshitting me because she did it to me on purpose. When my mom moved to LV one year before my dad and I joined her, I told my dad that I don't want to go to family gatherings again because I am BORED SHITLESS. I explained to him many reasons why I should not go there because of communication barriers. Finally, he realized and RESPECTED my feelings. I feel so much BETTER than I was in my heydays. No more family gatherings. Thank GOD. at my hearing family members.

09-12-2003, 11:10 AM	#14 (permalink)
Fitnessfreak Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 117	Hey you guys... Thank you all for the feedbacks you responded.. It was great to read all the feedbacks you gave.. Oddball, I m in the same shoes as you are.. I hate attending to any family gatherings due to communciation barriers.. They all know that and always try to drag me in.. Every time, I come over for family gatherings, I tend to stay only for a few hours.. For instance, 1 1/2 to 2 hours are at the max then I leave.. cuz I get bored so easily and what more do i need to stay there? Nothing.. Just to hang out and to socialize with family.. They tend to forget to include me when they are gathering at the table or in the group and chatting away... i can t catch them all at one time... too hard... They dont know sign language at all.. they just dont try.. very frustrating for me....At times, i do wish we have this kind of close family knit. U know what i mean.. But i dont feel this way at all... I m one stubborn girl in the whole family and they know I tend to rebel against them for some reason and of course, there are alot of times that i get to disagree with them... at times, they show no respects or remorses... So it was like I prefer to hang out with my close friends who are able to commuicate with me... Like deafies or hearies that are skill in sign language.. Just that i m more laid back and more comfy this way.. Oh well....

09-13-2003, 11:35 PM	#15 (permalink)
lilredridinhood DreameR Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Ht0wn, TX!:-D Posts: 616	im the only deaf person in my family too, but its not that bad because i'm never home. thank god for my car.

10-15-2003, 12:49 PM	#17 (permalink)
blackintel Registered User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 7	My family is hearing and I'm the only one with moderate hearing loss. I don't depend on sign language since I can pretty much hear and understand most of the time. It would be nice if they learn cuz my nephew is profound deaf and he doesn't wear hearing aids as much I wanted him to so he could get uses to the sounds now than later. He doesn't even speak which he should be but that never been dealt with when he was growing up at home. His mom tend to be lazy in accommodating him since she had a very tiny hearing loss, and don't take things seriously until too late. I know I can do better when it come to my kids when I have them.

10-16-2003, 10:23 AM	#18 (permalink)
SweetThang Registered User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 14	I grew up with a hearing family and they raised me as i was hearing. I was mainstreamed with no interperters. I was forbbiden to sign as a child because my mother wanted me to talk and read lips. I accept the decision she made but sometimes it felt she couldnt accept me as deaf.

10-28-2003, 10:36 PM	#19 (permalink)
philipo Registered User Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 6	I grew up being the only deaf member of my family. No one in my family could sign except my mom, and my younger brothers. I get along with my brothers and mom well, but you know, sometimes I fight with them. After all, I'm thankful that my close family are very supportive of me. They understand why I wanted to sign, but I also understood why they wanted me to talk. The reason why they wanted me to talk is so that there will be a clearer communication between them and me. Family gatherings? When I was little, I was stuck there from the beginning to the end. But now, I'm only there for short time as long as I can survive. Once I can't survive, I'm free to leave the gathering if I want to. My mother understands that, and makes sure that there's no misunderstanding between my enlarged family.

11-04-2003, 12:09 AM	#21 (permalink)
Historyfreak Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 15	Hearing Families I can hear pretty well, but I sometimes cannot hear how loud I talk and it drives me nuts when I am in a restaurant with my daddy and he keeps saying, "please lower your volume!" I also have a bad habit of starting over what I was saying when someone tells me to lower my volume. Also, sometimes the librarians at the library (who are all my friends) have to remind me to talk quietly. The Head Children's Librarian knows I cannot always hear myself. I am comfortable when people tell me to talk more quietly ONCE but I am not when they tell me more than once. What can be really bad sometimes is when the downstairs neighbor has his radio turned up full volume and it's so painful to me that I practically start having a fit and I call up my mother and say how miserable it makes me and she says she understands but I don't know if she really does. And Daddy thinks I'm louder than the neighbor, which is not the case! (I used to play my stereo loud when I was young.) I would never turn up my stereo so loud that it makes a neighbor uncomfortable.

11-09-2003, 01:48 AM	#22 (permalink)
MsGiglz Blessing Christmas to ya' Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: WVa Posts: 4,254	I am only one deaf in whole realtives and family.. yes I agreed with you.. being left out.. or bored shitless.. since i have kids.. its like forced me to go events or family cuz of kids' sakes.. but since few years. i started to less attending relatives events, but i dropped off my kids either at their place or go with their grandma.. they picked on my mom or my brother or my sister.. they asked...where is annie? her kids are here.. but where is she? that makes my mom and others realized.. they tried hard to keep me company not left out.. few times i tried to attend few of events.. i only show up for 15 or 30 min.. to make sure kids will have ride back home if they want stay.. i went off on my own.. go home and kick my shoes off and get some rest.. and enjoy my couple hours of free time.. but now.. recently, my brother felt the same.. he felt so much burden since he have a kid and wife (and expecting 2nd too).. plus 2 huge dogs that he has to be limited outing time.. we just talked about christmas eve that our traditional to get together with relatives.. I told him, this year maybe from now on.. we stay home on christmas eve.. and celebrate with families on christmas day... my brother agreed.. he said we get so tired on christmas day cuz we stayed up so late night before (christmas eve).. its like it robs our energy for our own family together to celebrate.. so wait and see.. __________________

11-16-2003, 05:58 AM	#23 (permalink)
Ziusudra The Cammy Fighter Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Gold Coast, Australia Posts: 771	Yeah I know how all of you feel. Even though my parents interpret things for me sometimes, I feel very left out and I often feel bored. I like it better when I have a deaf friend around to chat with so I don't get bored. They would all laugh at a joke and not tell me about the joke until after.... my father was good though, he would interpret during the joke so I would get it and be able to laugh at the same time as the others. I hate being left out. Not only that, but with other people outside the family, my parents didn't bother interpreting, so when I'd ask what happened they'd go "not now"... so of course if I ask them later, they either can't be bothered to explain or they have forgotten... it is annoying. I have joined in with a friend whose family is almost all deaf and I have seen the amazing difference, how they all easily communicate with each other and everything is understood and no one is ever left out. Deaf people with deaf families are so lucky.

11-16-2003, 04:44 PM	#24 (permalink)
Bookwormet Coca Cola Rules! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: ~Gone in the Wind~ Posts: 53	Hi, I grew up in hearing world. I was born deaf. I am married to hearing husband and my children are hearing as well. They signs really well. When I was growing up, I am used being in hearing world. Right now, I am getting involved in deaf community cause I know that is who I really am and I am enjoying it so much. I am showing my children where I really am from. My husband is learning about the cultures and its history and all that. So, I am telling you, that I m happy and I dont want anything to change for who I am.

11-17-2003, 12:40 AM	#25 (permalink)
*Brian* 極度の調整器 Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 4,634	I grew up in the hearing world too. I have great relationships with my hearing relatives, which I am thankful for that. I do not believe in deaf culture, but I do attend deaf events sometimes, if I have the time.

11-18-2003, 10:13 AM	#26 (permalink)
Bookwormet Coca Cola Rules! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: ~Gone in the Wind~ Posts: 53	I was born Deaf and I know for real, I have no regrets for being Deaf. When I grew up in hearing world, I realized that I dont belong there but of course, I have to be part of hearing world because of my hearing relatives and I respect them fully. I recongize the Deaf world and I knew that is where I do belong to, because they do meet my needs that the hearing cultures doesnt.

11-25-2003, 12:27 PM	#27 (permalink)
huneybear75 Smile, it's a small world Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Southeast Missouri Posts: 24	I totally understand how you feel. I was the only deafie in my whole family. I was always left out, and every time I wanted to know what was being said, I'd ask my mom what was being said, she always replied, "I'll tell you later on." When it came to later, I asked her what was said, she said," What? I forgot. I'm sorry...." I just spent the time keeping my daughter busy, until I met my 2nd hubby who was deaf, we could chat during those boring times with our families and we have no problem with our hearing people now they ask us what are we saying. Now they can see how we feel. LOL!

11-25-2003, 02:05 PM	#28 (permalink)
Bookwormet Coca Cola Rules! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: ~Gone in the Wind~ Posts: 53	yeah huneybear75, that is exactly what I have gone through when I was growing up. My husband have always been my interpeter when it comes to my family and relatives when we get together with them so that I wouldn t feel left out... like I used to. He knows that I deserve to know exactly what s going on around me....

12-15-2003, 05:46 PM	#29 (permalink)
Anne Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: London, UK Posts: 92	Whenever I go to see my family with my fiance my dad always talks to my fiance as if I am not there and that really makes me so mad. I live a 3 hour drive from my family and only see them every 3 weeks and I thought that my dad would be pleased to see me and tell me what he has done etc but no he goes on and on and on at my fiance and hardly says anything to me. My grandma always looks at me to get my attention before she says anything. She has always done that and if I don't understand she will write it down. She has always had patience with me. Wish I could say the same for the rest of the family. Anne x

12-29-2003, 06:21 PM	#30 (permalink)
Cheri Prayers for my dad. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 22,616	My Sister ^Angel^ and I always felt left out when we have a family gather the only time they will really talk to us if we have it at our house.. which for birthdays for our children.... My dad is aware of how we felt.. but then he says he is trying to put us involved but doesnt really much involves us... But we have eachother to talk to and Now that Roadrunner is part of the family so that makes 3... (smile) __________________ God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow and sun without rain, But God did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.

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