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Unread 10-23-2006, 06:00 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by diehardbiker View Post
Please do not take me hard. But, FYI when I was in college doing research on deafies. I dropped my jaw when I learn the fact. at least 85% of deaf-hearie marriage ended up divorce within 5 years! I know some hearie-deafies have long marriage. Just that there is majority of them meaning not all of them didn't come out all based on culture conflicts.
Yes, very true! This kind of marriage has had much higher percent of divorces basically due to several key points including the communication and culture differences.

Although as low like you said it works well but rather so few in the numbers. So your research must have done well and most approxiate there is. I wasn't that surprised of that though.

I'm married with my deaf wife for 11 years by the way. We are doing well together. I have seen my several friends who were married with hearies and ended up with uglier divorces except few still are married in my world, too.
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Unread 10-23-2006, 12:46 PM   #32 (permalink)
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I don't having problem with my hearing husband. We have been married for 14 yrs and still going strong. The most important thing is patience and love. We love each other , we like to joke and be open mind. We don't argue very often. I would say we argue about once a year. Arguing is not a big deal.
We have 2 kids. We love it. I have seen everybody is different and different life.
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Unread 10-24-2006, 04:13 AM   #33 (permalink)
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well i m deaf myself but i have zero deafcultures at all i shunned all deaf cultures and i cant tell you why so right now i m going to marry an hearing woman whom i m engaged with bascially we have no communciation problems we have no trust issues and our love is so powerful and is growing every second and our cultures are exactly like and i adapt to almost everything we are willing to keep an open mind and learn from each other deaf to deaf or hearing to hearing marriage doesnt really work out tha tgreat either so it doesnt really matter concerning the deaf or hearies its trust or communcation or love if one of them is missing then yeah relationship is doomed so in my opinion deaf and hearing marriage will be just fine besides everyone have their own culture anyway
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Unread 10-24-2006, 04:24 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Interesting... mmmhhh

I noticed many deaf ADers who have hearing partners and hearing ADers have deaf partners, too.

I would say that 0.5% of deafies who married hearing here in Germany. I only know 2 deafies person who married hearing partners... One married for 52 years and other 18 years... I aware that hearies have no intend to try anything with deafies as deafies to hearies as well. They each feel comfortable to communicate with their own culture than try other culture... Oh Well...
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Unread 10-24-2006, 04:26 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Communication can be challenging if hearing spouse isn't good with SL, and you are a native SL user. You have to have a lot of patience, and things will be ok.
True

Yes, a lot of patience is a mainly key...
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Unread 10-24-2006, 09:20 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Well, most deaf people do not understand the hearing world, and most hearing people do not understand the deaf world. Hearing/deaf couple in their marriage life still learn about their world. Share! Help each other! I am deaf and my wife is hearing. We celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary last month.

I asked my wife about the question what I was asked by deaf people concerning hearing people. They think hearing people understand more than deaf people. My wife answered NO! Why? Deaf and hearing people have common lifestyles -- worldly life or christian life. However their communication is different because they seldom get hard time to understand each other during their communication -- they misunderstand each other many times. They are human being.
Oh wonderful for you guys.. congrats for 21st wedding anniversary... ! !

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Unread 10-27-2006, 06:20 AM   #37 (permalink)
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I forgot to add, my family don't care that she is deaf. If my family did care if she was deaf, then I guess I won't have that close of a realtionship with my family. I started my own with my wife, and that is the most importent part of it.
Hi ya,

yup, you said me about your deaf wife. i know its not easy with your wifes parents. i think, she can be happy that you will keep with her and your parents too. Think of positiv okay!

you know, i had been with my ex hearing bf since 5 years together so well. i dont imagine if i will someday again together with hearing bf. No Thanks!!!
i had enough myself experience what was happen?
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Unread 10-27-2006, 12:10 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Please do not take me hard. But, FYI when I was in college doing research on deafies. I dropped my jaw when I learn the fact. at least 85% of deaf-hearie marriage ended up divorce within 5 years! I know some hearie-deafies have long marriage. Just that there is majority of them meaning not all of them didn't come out all based on culture conflicts.
So are many deaf-deaf marriage ended up divorce. Really it does not make no difference between deaf-hearing and deaf-deaf marriages.
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Unread 10-27-2006, 12:14 PM   #39 (permalink)
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HONESTLY, I REALLY hate to say in some negative comments, in the Fact, hearning and deaf marriages/ couples won't be the long LASTING! Add my comment, I had experinces in marriage with previous hearing.. I would tell you but it is long story.. forget it! YOU GO THRU IT & SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.. YOU WILL BE BIG REGRETS FOR SURE... but GOOD LUCK to you all!
I do not regret to be married to a hearing man, we have been together for almost 30 years and will celebrate silver anniversary next year. I love him more everyday.
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Unread 10-27-2006, 12:26 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Hi! I am in a Deaf-hearing marriage and I am wondering how you all feel about "mixed" marriages.

If you are in a Deaf-hearing marriage, how did your family or friends feel about it?

Are there any challenges you dealt with?

Do you have any tips for success you can share?

What ways do you think Deaf-hearing marriages are different from Deaf-Deaf maariages?
My family and his family have no problem with us after we been together for almost 30 years.

Challenge umm, I think be honest with each other is most challenge.

Tip for successful being Honest, loyality, faithful, commitment to each other, loving eachother, fulfil (mispelling)each other's need.

U know there is many deaf-hoh marriages, Deaf-deaf marriage, deaf-deaf marriage, Deaf-Deaf marriage, so every marriage is different. My marriage to hearing man may be somehow difference compare to my Deaf friends with their Deaf-hearing marriage, they are doing very well. I know very few deaf-hearing ended up divorce compare to Deaf-Deaf marriage which I know so many of them ended up divorce.
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Unread 10-27-2006, 11:54 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by diehardbiker View Post
Please do not take me hard. But, FYI when I was in college doing research on deafies. I dropped my jaw when I learn the fact. at least 85% of deaf-hearie marriage ended up divorce within 5 years! I know some hearie-deafies have long marriage. Just that there is majority of them meaning not all of them didn't come out all based on culture conflicts.
Ok- Just curious... Why they ended-up in less 5 yrs ? ? any reasons why ? Cuz lack of communcation or no patient etc... ? ?? many reasons ? ?hmmm


Well, I think really same thing to hearing couples too... Just Humans are humans...

Just cant hear.... but we have a brain... lol


maybe, I m wrong.. Just my opinion.. cool ?


M-
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Unread 10-28-2006, 09:04 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ScubaladyTx View Post
Ok- Just curious... Why they ended-up in less 5 yrs ? ? any reasons why ? Cuz lack of communcation or no patient etc... ? ?? many reasons ? ?hmmm


Well, I think really same thing to hearing couples too... Just Humans are humans...

Just cant hear.... but we have a brain... lol


maybe, I m wrong.. Just my opinion.. cool ?


M-

I think u are right Scubalady...if there is a high percentage of deaf/hearing marriages that fail, it is probably due to other deeper issues than cultural differences. A small percentage fail due to cultural differences alone. My first marriage was with a hearing guy and it failed but I still went to marry a hearing guy again cuz I believe that the failure of my first marriage was due to deep-rooted problems. Our hearing status had nothing to do with it.
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Unread 10-28-2006, 09:29 PM   #43 (permalink)
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My deaf cousin married hearing husband for almost 40 years and did twice separate due lack of communication
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Unread 10-29-2006, 12:57 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Yeah, I utdy.....what ya means...


but Love can beat than anything..Love is very power!

Depends on individually....

Remmy that no one perfect in marriage... Marriage is about "commitment."


It isnt about deaf/hearing..... I know that hard part is "communcation" If they are very motivation to learns signs.. then great for them.

M-
You beat me about depends on individually! I agree with YA!!

My sec husband is oral and deaf. I am deaf in my left ear and hard of hearing on the right side. We have been married for 7 yrs. Thank God that My husband have a strong SENSE OF HUMOR!!!
I noticed deaf people don't know the meaning of commitment! That's why it is so easy to give up in marriage life! I divorced my former deaf husband because his mom is also deaf and also his family all deaf. My former mother in law has been manipulated in the family, too! I learned that in deaf marriage (deaf / deaf, deaf / HOH, etc.) with their divorce rate only at 20% as compare to 95% divorce rate between deaf and hearing person because of the communication problems. Another thing, deaf parents who manipulated their deaf children after they married resulted at about 55% got divorced! That is why I was one of them in 55% rate from my former husband's deaf family. I learned that from a deaf counselor from Gally back in 1996. Now, it could change from time to time based on their communication we have with new technology than we had it in the past.
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Unread 10-30-2006, 08:29 AM   #45 (permalink)
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You beat me about depends on individually! I agree with YA!!

My sec husband is oral and deaf. I am deaf in my left ear and hard of hearing on the right side. We have been married for 7 yrs. Thank God that My husband have a strong SENSE OF HUMOR!!!
I noticed deaf people don't know the meaning of commitment! That's why it is so easy to give up in marriage life! I divorced my former deaf husband because his mom is also deaf and also his family all deaf. My former mother in law has been manipulated in the family, too! I learned that in deaf marriage (deaf / deaf, deaf / HOH, etc.) with their divorce rate only at 20% as compare to 95% divorce rate between deaf and hearing person because of the communication problems. Another thing, deaf parents who manipulated their deaf children after they married resulted at about 55% got divorced! That is why I was one of them in 55% rate from my former husband's deaf family. I learned that from a deaf counselor from Gally back in 1996. Now, it could change from time to time based on their communication we have with new technology than we had it in the past.
Oh cool ! ! Glad that ya guys have been married for 7 yrs..Thats great...


Yes, I noticed some people seems have no time pay the attention their marriage plms... Just like...get quick to file a divorced! But, they forgot abt their vows.. about "faith" !! what the heck ! !

I see that in American people have been changed little bit... Some of them are attention on money and money and work ! ! Very sadly.. not like before in 1960's til 1990's.
Plus, Some adult people getting married so late after 35's... Cuz, They want more be succeful and more money ...

Compare in 1960's... and now is so different.. wow.. isnt it sad ? ?


M-

I want to share with ya gals.... not for guys.. lol ok ?

I got a book call "The walk out woman" very good book.. so wonderful for women to read this book.. about marriage. You can go to Bookstore and ask them where is the book ? etc... I have been learned alot abt this book.. part of advice abt marriage.
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Unread 10-31-2006, 01:04 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Oh cool ! ! Glad that ya guys have been married for 7 yrs..Thats great...


Yes, I noticed some people seems have no time pay the attention their marriage plms... Just like...get quick to file a divorced! But, they forgot abt their vows.. about "faith" !! what the heck ! !

I see that in American people have been changed little bit... Some of them are attention on money and money and work ! ! Very sadly.. not like before in 1960's til 1990's.
Plus, Some adult people getting married so late after 35's... Cuz, They want more be succeful and more money ...

Compare in 1960's... and now is so different.. wow.. isnt it sad ? ?


M-

I want to share with ya gals.... not for guys.. lol ok ?

I got a book call "The walk out woman" very good book.. so wonderful for women to read this book.. about marriage. You can go to Bookstore and ask them where is the book ? etc... I have been learned alot abt this book.. part of advice abt marriage.
Whoa! Thank you! I will check it out there when I can time Yea, It right changed style life now from before!
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Unread 10-31-2006, 11:21 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Whoa! Thank you! I will check it out there when I can time Yea, It right changed style life now from before!
Yeah ! ! The book is great.. Hope u will like it..


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Unread 10-31-2006, 11:33 AM   #48 (permalink)
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I am not married but should i get that book to be prepared for the marriage in future in case if I get married to someone?? hmm?
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Unread 10-31-2006, 11:52 AM   #49 (permalink)
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I am not married but should i get that book to be prepared for the marriage in future in case if I get married to someone?? hmm?
Yeah, but that book isn't "Before I do" hehe

But u can ! ! To be prepare in the future... and know what to do for ahead time .. hehe..shh shh


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Unread 10-31-2006, 11:56 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Yeah, but that book isn't "Before I do" hehe

But u can ! ! To be prepare in the future... and know what to do for ahead time .. hehe..shh shh


M-

LOL funny! yeah i thought so.. Thanks for the tip! I will look for the book as I love to read u are funny.. haha..
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Unread 10-31-2006, 12:36 PM   #51 (permalink)
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LOL funny! yeah i thought so.. Thanks for the tip! I will look for the book as I love to read u are funny.. haha..
You can pray Lord, please find right man christian someday for you. I did! I am married My sec husband. He is good man and wonderful whole my life! Keep faith! Trust Lord!
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Unread 11-13-2006, 12:14 AM   #52 (permalink)
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HONESTLY, I REALLY hate to say in some negative comments, in the Fact, hearning and deaf marriages/ couples won't be the long LASTING! Add my comment, I had experinces in marriage with previous hearing.. I would tell you but it is long story.. forget it! YOU GO THRU IT & SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.. YOU WILL BE BIG REGRETS FOR SURE... but GOOD LUCK to you all!
You ve got the wrong woman!
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Unread 11-13-2006, 06:57 AM   #53 (permalink)
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You can pray Lord, please find right man christian someday for you. I did! I am married My sec husband. He is good man and wonderful whole my life! Keep faith! Trust Lord!
I know you and your husband in person. You guys are perfect for each other and I can see the love you have for each other!! Cute couple too! smile

I was married to my first husband who was deaf/hard of hearing and divorced him due to verbal abusive from him and lack of communication. He could sign, but we never saw eye to eye in many conversations. He was too controlling. Now I'm happily married to my 2nd husband for over three years. One of my best friend is deaf and she is married to hearing husband for 19 years. Her husband learned sign language so that he could communicate with her to ask her out for date!! She took her time to get to know him and they got married a few years later. Their two children are a teenager and a pre teenager and the whole family signs. I feel the reason why they stayed married is because the great communication they have for each other, God in their daily lives, love and respect they have for each other. I realize that many deaf and hearing marriage do not last, but also that also many HAVE lasted...only cause of the devotion, love and communication they kept up with each other. Without good communication, respect, etc no one's marriages would last, whether it is deaf-deaf marriage or deaf-hearing marriage.
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Unread 11-13-2006, 02:08 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Am a profoundly deaf male, and have been married for 25-years to my hearie wife. She has a deaf brother. We've two hearie teenage daughters. However, I grew-up in a hearie world other than 3-years at a deaf school from 8th through 11th grade (skipped 10th grade), and 2-years at Gally.

I will say this, it takes a secure and confident deaf person to have a meaningful relationship with a hearie. If the deafie is a fluent lip-reader and able to verbally converse with hearies, all the better. In some cases, the hearie will try to become the dominative spouse or, if you will, the control freak. It depends on whether the deafie is proactive or passive in the relationship. We also have to accept our partners for what they actually are rather than what we want them to be. You can't change people although you do have to talk *with* rather than *at* each other.

Generally speaking, it's more about WHO you are than WHAT you are. As for hearie friends and family, no issues at all. Many within the deaf community were aghast that I married a hearie and didn't want anything to do with me afterwards. Probably just as well as they were too wrapped-up in their own little worlds to see the forest for the trees. :stupid:

However, if I was to do it again, would prefer a deafie/hard-of-hearie with ASL skills *if* the right one was available as we'd share the same identity, and would have more in common. Just be open and direct with one another, and you'll be richly rewarded.
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Unread 11-13-2006, 02:21 PM   #55 (permalink)
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I am married to my husband (he is hearing) for 5 years and still going strong. We are PARTNER! We are TEAM! We made commitment together, we said our vows together, and we communicate a lot!! My husband has NO idea in sign languages, and I speak oral to him, and it's going GREAT!! It's not about the cultures.. It is ALL about COMMUNICATION and LOVE.. Don't you remember you said your vow when you got married.

We have a little boy together, and he is the most important to us to stay together...
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Unread 11-27-2006, 10:12 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Thumbs up

I'm glad to say that I'm also an exception. I am h/h and my wife is hearing. We've been married almost 15 years and have 2 teenage kids ( 1 h/h and 1 hearing) My wife is still the love of my life and we have trust, we give each other space and we communicate very well.
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Unread 11-28-2006, 11:10 AM   #57 (permalink)
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You know ur marriage is working real good and smooth if other ppl asking how long we been together and they have a shocked face. Most of the time, they say afterwards, that is good, cause u guys act like u been only dating for a short time or acting like newly weds.
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Unread 11-28-2006, 07:02 PM   #58 (permalink)
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You know ur marriage is working real good and smooth if other ppl asking how long we been together and they have a shocked face. Most of the time, they say afterwards, that is good, cause u guys act like u been only dating for a short time or acting like newly weds.
Yea...that is why I hope my hubby and I still act like teenagers after 5 years. We have been together for 2 years and still flirt!
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Unread 12-01-2006, 10:11 AM   #59 (permalink)
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Marriage is about bad/good times.

Here is Bad Marriage/Good Marriage


very interesting ! ! !



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Unread 01-18-2007, 05:34 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Hi guys n gals,

hope no one minds but I thought I'd throw my 2pence in.

It is very interesting to read all the discussion reeaf and Hearing marriage. I have meet a girl who I honestly have never felt anything similar for, I am hoping despiratly to expand the friendship we have into something so much more as soon as I figure out the how part lol

Basiscally the subtle point I have hidden away in there is that I agree with the majority on this. The most fundimental aspect of any relationship is how the two individuals act towards each other. Any relationship is about the subtle balance power and if the two people can happily balance each aspect of their relationship then things will work out (mostly*) for the best.
In conclusion I hope to come back to you all with statistic breaking news ;-)

Sorry to have rambled I'm tired
Spirtisword

*As my mum says every relationship has its problem, the main one that nags. The most important factor is how you both negotiate around that problem.
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