Should I.....

Emerald18 · 04-28-2003, 08:53 AM

Should I tell my good friend about her hubby being in the closet gay even though she doesn't know..... OR should I leave it alone and let her find out on her own ?? I just don't want to cause any problem in her marriage but I do care about her very much and don't want to see her get hurt so badly if she finds out on her own but is it right for me to tell or keep it to myself ? HELP ME !!!!

vvti low rolla · 04-28-2003, 09:48 AM

hi, i know you i think

anyway, don't tell her...just let her husband tell her. that's what relationship is for. if you tell her then she accepts it but she would think you as relationship wrecker. just be careful.

Weirdo · 04-28-2003, 10:34 AM

Are you sure he's really gay? If so, then let her find out.

Fly Free · 04-28-2003, 10:39 AM

let the hubby out himself to the wife -- he will do that on his own time -- yes it will hurt the wife -- but its better it come directly from the hubby not the wife hearing it from OTHER ppl -- u might be surprised that the couple are civil with eachother after the hubby out himself and have peace between the 2 of them

Emerald18 · 04-28-2003, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Weirdo
Are you sure he's really gay? If so, then let her find out.

Yes I am sure he is really gay....

MsGiglz · 04-28-2003, 11:50 AM

*huggs* Emerald,
I rather let husband tell her.. because couple years ago, I told one of my friend that her wife is lesbian and doing things behind his back.. Got me in middle.. now i lost both good friends..
so its really sticky decisions..
if you want to risk it.. then be careful

xoxo

04-28-2003, 12:28 PM

Wow, what a dilemma... If the husband is actively having sex with other men, that is like adultery. How can you not tell this friend that her husband is seeing other ppl? And above all, he is gay, that makes the situation even worse. What if he is not having protected sex? That can transmit to the wife! (Mind you, that can happen with heterosexual affairs too) I think you should go to the husband directly, and try to talk with him. Tell him that you are very concerned about his wife. See what the husband says. Don't go directly to the wife and bla bla...

Fly Free · 04-28-2003, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kuifje75
Wow, what a dilemma... If the husband is actively having sex with other men, that is like adultery. How can you not tell this friend that her husband is seeing other ppl? And above all, he is gay, that makes the situation even worse. What if he is not having protected sex? That can transmit to the wife! (Mind you, that can happen with heterosexual affairs too) I think you should go to the husband directly, and try to talk with him. Tell him that you are very concerned about his wife. See what the husband says. Don't go directly to the wife and bla bla...

Emerald -- hes got a point -- talk to the hubby directly and see if u can encourage him to talk to his wife abt that himself on his own terms and be truthful to the wife

GoKiGOki48rs · 04-28-2003, 12:59 PM

just leave it alone til her hubby confessed to her.. himself.

MsGiglz · 04-28-2003, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fly Free
Emerald -- hes got a point -- talk to the hubby directly and see if u can encourage him to talk to his wife abt that himself on his own terms and be truthful to the wife

I seconded that..

Emerald...

wish you a luck..

Slver1FineDude · 04-28-2003, 01:50 PM

Better hand off and let her find it out.

04-28-2003, 02:04 PM

That's right,, just back off and let them figure out what to do. It's their relationship not yours.

Emerald18 · 04-28-2003, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kuifje75
Wow, what a dilemma... If the husband is actively having sex with other men, that is like adultery. How can you not tell this friend that her husband is seeing other ppl? And above all, he is gay, that makes the situation even worse. What if he is not having protected sex? That can transmit to the wife! (Mind you, that can happen with heterosexual affairs too) I think you should go to the husband directly, and try to talk with him. Tell him that you are very concerned about his wife. See what the husband says. Don't go directly to the wife and bla bla...

That is the reason why I am concerned is STD.... what more my good friend have a health problem.... that's why I was very concerned and I really don't want to be a relationship wrecker at all.. it just becuz I do care about her but guess I had to back off and hope things will be fine for them in the future

javapride · 04-28-2003, 03:07 PM

Talk to the hubby tell him how u feel abt this and explain u don't want to lose the friendship but u don t want to see anyone get hurt, honesty will hurt but at least its in the air and not inside themselves it can fester up to a hatered and thats something u and hubby and ur friend don't want to have to endure with. ur better off talking to the hubby and explaining how u feel. AND whats more, i'm sure he will be relived to know u care and just want whats best and u can feel good about urself talking about it .. CALMLY and without bitterness. good luck EM....

~Heather~ · 04-28-2003, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kuifje75
Wow, what a dilemma... If the husband is actively having sex with other men, that is like adultery. How can you not tell this friend that her husband is seeing other ppl? And above all, he is gay, that makes the situation even worse. What if he is not having protected sex? That can transmit to the wife! (Mind you, that can happen with heterosexual affairs too) I think you should go to the husband directly, and try to talk with him. Tell him that you are very concerned about his wife. See what the husband says. Don't go directly to the wife and bla bla...

Its really sticky whether you want to talk to her husband directly about it or not.

But if it was me, I would talk to her husband directly and talk about it...because I care about her and dont want her to catch diseases from her husband that he could've gotten diseases from some guy. You know, if I decide not to talk to her hubby or tell my friend about it -- then later, your friend end up got bad diease like AIDS? I would feel guilty about it and wish that I should've talked or tell my friend about it so it wouldn't never happen to friend to get AIDS that she didnt deserve to get it from her husband? You know what Im saying? Its up to you. Good luck.

***VamPyroX*** · 04-28-2003, 05:36 PM

Maybe he's in the closet but isn't quite sure what he wants. That's why it's best to leave him alone and not say anything. Who knows, maybe he will overcome his homosexuality and decide to stay straight.

04-28-2003, 06:03 PM

Even if he is in the closet, he might still engage in secret sexual encounters. Do you think it is fair for the wife to get a STD from the husband if the husband was careless?

~Heather~ · 04-28-2003, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kuifje75
Even if he is in the closet, he might still engage in secret sexual encounters. Do you think it is fair for the wife to get a STD from the husband if the husband was careless?

Not just STD, theres many diseases out there you can catch same goes for AIDS, its not funny. Something to think about. Thats all I can say.

**bbnt** · 04-28-2003, 07:21 PM

He he gay or bi?

Emerald18 · 04-28-2003, 07:32 PM

I really don't know about how their sex life is but I do know about her hubby being gay cuz he have been seeing a guy for a while so I don't know if he have been with alot of guys or not

04-28-2003, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ~Heather~
Not just STD, theres many diseases out there you can catch same goes for AIDS, its not funny. Something to think about. Thats all I can say.

AIDS is a STD. STD = Sexually transmitted disease

~Heather~ · 04-28-2003, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kuifje75
AIDS is a STD. STD = Sexually transmitted disease

ehh you are right... :blush:

Ditto

javapride · 04-28-2003, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ~Heather~
ehh you are right... :blush:

Ditto

DOH! LOL! sowwy heather, but don t mean to make u feel soo DOH but yah ur a DOH for now LOL!

~Heather~ · 04-29-2003, 01:46 PM

:fu:

GoKiGOki48rs · 04-29-2003, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kuifje75
AIDS is a STD. STD = Sexually transmitted disease

wrong, AIDS is not part of STD, when did that had happened?

AIDs more of coming from injected of blood needle, like herion, unclean needles... STD does have some cures for any dieases of STD but not always for AIDS

if i had AIDS, its not going to be that STD...

where did that comes from? but true its may be part of STD sometimes but its more of Drugs.. thing.. i guess.

LeviathanC · 05-12-2003, 01:53 PM

Let her find out herself.

Fly Free · 05-12-2003, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Grumpy Kiki
wrong, AIDS is not part of STD, when did that had happened?
AIDs more of coming from injected of blood needle, like herion, unclean needles... STD does have some cures for any dieases of STD but not always for AIDS if i had AIDS, its not going to be that STD... where did that comes from? but true its may be part of STD sometimes but its more of Drugs.. thing.. i guess.

Kiki gurl -- HIV/AIDS CAN be transmitted by sexual activities not only by dirty needles, being a hemophiliac (cannot naturally have blood clots when u cut/injure self)

if its possible it can be transmitted then YES its in the category of STD's -- especially if a person had unprotected sex with various sexual partners -- it doesnt apply SOLELY with the GLBT community -- but it CAN happen to those in the straight community -- HIV/AIDS is not gender specific nor is it race specific -- it can happen to ALL ppl of all walks of life -- gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, straight, black, white, hispanic, asian whatever

05-12-2003, 03:06 PM

Kiki,
AIDS can be transmitted through three things:

1)through unprotected sex
2)sharing drug needles
3)through blood

Some STDs have cures and other STDs do not have cures.
AIDS just happens to fit in the latter category.
Trust me, and Fly Free, you'll be thankful.

Fly Free · 05-12-2003, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kuifje75
Kiki,
AIDS can be transmitted through three things:

1)through unprotected sex
2)sharing drug needles
3)through blood

Some STDs have cures and other STDs do not have cures.
AIDS just happens to fit in the latter category.
Trust me, and Fly Free, you'll be thankful.

Kuifje -- ur explaination is much clearer -- gracias for doing that

im aware of those 3 transmissions that can occur on getting HIV/AIDS

05-12-2003, 04:47 PM

that will be tough deision for her hubby to tell her. rty to convince her to make undy but it will be hurt alot for sure!!

04-28-2003, 08:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
Emerald18 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Georgia Posts: 131	Should I..... Should I tell my good friend about her hubby being in the closet gay even though she doesn't know..... OR should I leave it alone and let her find out on her own ?? I just don't want to cause any problem in her marriage but I do care about her very much and don't want to see her get hurt so badly if she finds out on her own but is it right for me to tell or keep it to myself ? HELP ME !!!!

04-28-2003, 10:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
Fly Free Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Roosted in the DC area! Posts: 9,101	let the hubby out himself to the wife -- he will do that on his own time -- yes it will hurt the wife -- but its better it come directly from the hubby not the wife hearing it from OTHER ppl -- u might be surprised that the couple are civil with eachother after the hubby out himself and have peace between the 2 of them __________________ Enjoying life!

04-28-2003, 11:50 AM	#6 (permalink)
MsGiglz Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: WVa Posts: 4,255	huggs Emerald, I rather let husband tell her.. because couple years ago, I told one of my friend that her wife is lesbian and doing things behind his back.. Got me in middle.. now i lost both good friends.. so its really sticky decisions.. if you want to risk it.. then be careful xoxo __________________

04-28-2003, 01:50 PM	#11 (permalink)
Slver1FineDude Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Virginia Posts: 279	Better hand off and let her find it out. __________________

04-28-2003, 05:36 PM	#16 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: 40.18, 58.41 Posts: 34,162	Maybe he's in the closet but isn't quite sure what he wants. That's why it's best to leave him alone and not say anything. Who knows, maybe he will overcome his homosexuality and decide to stay straight. __________________ Check out my city... C L I C K H E R E! (If you've already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

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04-28-2003, 09:48 AM	#2 (permalink)
vvti low rolla Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,026	hi, i know you i think anyway, don't tell her...just let her husband tell her. that's what relationship is for. if you tell her then she accepts it but she would think you as relationship wrecker. just be careful.

04-28-2003, 10:34 AM	#3 (permalink)
Weirdo Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 539	Are you sure he's really gay? If so, then let her find out.

04-28-2003, 12:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
kuifje75 Guest Posts: n/a	Wow, what a dilemma... If the husband is actively having sex with other men, that is like adultery. How can you not tell this friend that her husband is seeing other ppl? And above all, he is gay, that makes the situation even worse. What if he is not having protected sex? That can transmit to the wife! (Mind you, that can happen with heterosexual affairs too) I think you should go to the husband directly, and try to talk with him. Tell him that you are very concerned about his wife. See what the husband says. Don't go directly to the wife and bla bla...

04-28-2003, 12:59 PM	#9 (permalink)
GoKiGOki48rs Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: SOuTh D3RRtY KoAsT Posts: 1,556	just leave it alone til her hubby confessed to her.. himself.

04-28-2003, 02:04 PM	#12 (permalink)
BostonIceFire Guest Posts: n/a	That's right,, just back off and let them figure out what to do. It's their relationship not yours.

04-28-2003, 03:07 PM	#14 (permalink)
javapride Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: hawaii Posts: 6,511	Talk to the hubby tell him how u feel abt this and explain u don't want to lose the friendship but u don t want to see anyone get hurt, honesty will hurt but at least its in the air and not inside themselves it can fester up to a hatered and thats something u and hubby and ur friend don't want to have to endure with. ur better off talking to the hubby and explaining how u feel. AND whats more, i'm sure he will be relived to know u care and just want whats best and u can feel good about urself talking about it .. CALMLY and without bitterness. good luck EM....

04-28-2003, 06:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
kuifje75 Guest Posts: n/a	Even if he is in the closet, he might still engage in secret sexual encounters. Do you think it is fair for the wife to get a STD from the husband if the husband was careless?

04-28-2003, 07:21 PM	#19 (permalink)
bbnt King of all I see Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Arizona Posts: 3,615	He he gay or bi?

04-28-2003, 07:32 PM	#20 (permalink)
Emerald18 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Georgia Posts: 131	I really don't know about how their sex life is but I do know about her hubby being gay cuz he have been seeing a guy for a while so I don't know if he have been with alot of guys or not

04-29-2003, 01:46 PM	#24 (permalink)
~Heather~ Banned Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Midwest, USA Posts: 1,328	:fu:

05-12-2003, 01:53 PM	#26 (permalink)
LeviathanC Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,312	Let her find out herself.

05-12-2003, 03:06 PM	#28 (permalink)
kuifje75 Guest Posts: n/a	Kiki, AIDS can be transmitted through three things: 1)through unprotected sex 2)sharing drug needles 3)through blood Some STDs have cures and other STDs do not have cures. AIDS just happens to fit in the latter category. Trust me, and Fly Free, you'll be thankful.

05-12-2003, 04:47 PM	#30 (permalink)
GoldenLeaf74 Guest Posts: n/a	that will be tough deision for her hubby to tell her. rty to convince her to make undy but it will be hurt alot for sure!!

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