Dating Sweet Deaf guy

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 01:06 PM

Hello All, I am 19 and met a wonderful sweet guy online.... we have to meet in person but he is deaf. I am just worried if it would work out and stuff? We have a lot in common and can talk for hours at a time. He is soo sweet and nice and I know I wont find a guy like him hearing. It doesnt bother me that he is deaf m jsut I have never had a boyfriend let alone someone who cant hear. Anyone got some info / help! Please

Thank you

06-06-2005, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbeards19

Hello All, I am 19 and met a wonderful sweet guy online.... we have to meet in person but he is deaf. I am just worried if it would work out and stuff? We have a lot in common and can talk for hours at a time. He is soo sweet and nice and I know I wont find a guy like him hearing. It doesnt bother me that he is deaf m jsut I have never had a boyfriend let alone someone who cant hear. Anyone got some info / help! Please

Thank you

I understand your concerns. You have found a good forum that may help with your questions/concerns.

Can you specify more about your request for information? Such as learning sign language or what?

Good luck!

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 01:28 PM

Well, he knows how to lip read so he told me not to worry about learning sign language. But I would like to learn anyways, and I am not sure what the Relay system is he tried to explain it to me but it still confuses me. I really like him a lot ( i know we only just met yesterday but we talked for a straight 5 hours lol) And we are both what we want in a relationship.

Anything that you have for me would be great help

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 01:44 PM

I forgot to say this in my message earlier.... but I am VERY sure that he is who he says he is b/c I looked up his name online and the address he gave me matched the one I looked up and the phone number matched and everything. We have so much in common I just hope it is true..... Any advice on meeting someone from online... I know to meet in a public place and all that

And I am going to write him a snail mail letter without my return addy on it until we meet just to be certain that he is the sweet wonderful guy I talked to online

I would appreciate any help that anyone in this forum could offer me. I also have yahoo and aim so you can feel free to message me.

horselover61 · 06-06-2005, 02:18 PM

Relay service is a hearing operator who relay the messages back and forth. Like you call your date thru relay and you tell the relay to call the number and the operator will dial the number. The operator will let your date know that there is a relay call from the hearing person *you*. Then the converstation begin and treat that the operator is not there but you are speaking to your date not the operator. Meaning the operator talking to you from what she/he read from the tty and then she/he typed what you says. So the conversation is going back and forth. I hope this make sense to ya.

Good Luck

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 02:58 PM

Ya it sort of makes sense

And he is a great guy I cant wait to meet him. I am looking for any information that any one has about being in a deaf/hearing relationship. Its all new to me, and so is relationship.... never had a bf.

diehardbiker · 06-06-2005, 05:49 PM

Sounded sweet, but you DO need to get involved in deaf world. And that your honey should try to get involved with hearing world. These two things that needs to get priority straight. Because of culture conflicts between hearing and deaf world! That is why there is about 88% divorce rate going on between hearing and deaf spouse within 5 years time frame. So, my suggest to dive in deaf world and see if you can deal with them. Then you would have better idea how your relationship with that sweet guy would come out. Finally suggest to start with friend first and let time go by and you will know for sure. Rather dive right into relationship and that heart shaped baloon would burst and end of story with LOTS of grieves, worth it? You decide.

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 05:59 PM

I agree with you on that .... but how exactly do I get involved in deaf world? I think that things would go ok b/c there are more ways of communicating than speaking... body language...sign language...lip reading.....and for the fact that he i unable to hear if i say I love you *** when the time comes *** there are more ways to show it like hugging, kissing, holding hands. But I do understand what you mean. How can I learn sign language... He has said he would show me but I want to learn some before hand .... you know? Just I know I shouldnt jump into a relationship with him ... but I wont let someone sweet like him be passed up b/c it is hard for me to find a bf and I have finally found a great guy regardless if he can hear or not.

diehardbiker · 06-06-2005, 06:05 PM

Its more than that. It is basically culture issues. One of classic examples we deafies have what is called DST (Deaf Standard Time). Arrive late, leave late at parties, gathering etc. Can you deal with long byes? Believe it or not, it is part of deaf that generally would take an hour or longer to say good byes! For example, I would say, hey, I better get going, take care bye then subject changes, then few minutes later, I said sheesh I gotta to go, but again I stay longer and longer and longer couple hours later I finally left! That is natural for deafies to do that. On other hand, once a hearing person say good bye, they ZOOM out of place and got lost in no time. In fact, most hearing people hate long goodbyes. So, ask yourself, can you handle that? I have known many hearing people get fumed over this.
Anyway, that is one small example, there is much more to that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbeards19

I agree with you on that .... but how exactly do I get involved in deaf world? I think that things would go ok b/c there are more ways of communicating than speaking... body language...sign language...lip reading.....and for the fact that he i unable to hear if i say I love you *** when the time comes *** there are more ways to show it like hugging, kissing, holding hands. But I do understand what you mean. How can I learn sign language... He has said he would show me but I want to learn some before hand .... you know? Just I know I shouldnt jump into a relationship with him ... but I wont let someone sweet like him be passed up b/c it is hard for me to find a bf and I have finally found a great guy regardless if he can hear or not.

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 06:09 PM

I can handle long good byes b/c Last night we both said we were getting offline at 11.....and before you know it is was midnight.

I dont mind long good byes......I know it is more than that And I am willing to learn and be patient whatever it takes. I mean I came here so I could get advice on what to do

I am looking for any advice that ANYONE has in being in a deaf/hearing relationship. I am willing to learn sign language for him even though he said he could read lips... And Im taking the extra step to make things go smoothly between us. I understand some things like the relay system and everything but I still need to learn more and it will take time... I know that....

sequoias · 06-06-2005, 07:15 PM

not all deaf have long goodbyes, many times I go off real quick with a short goodbye.

HawaiiJo · 06-06-2005, 07:18 PM

Reminds me of the Gremlins movie. Cute fuzzy toys made them acceptable to people only to find oput they can become monsters.

Jo

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 07:21 PM

Well, I really like him ... and I think he feels the same about me... So I am willing to learn sign language for him and do whatever it takes. B/c I know we have a lot in common and it feels like we were meant to be together. Anyone know where I can learn sign language online? Anyone got any information for me about deaf/hearing relationships??? Any help will be greatly appreciated....19 and he would also be my first bf ... and he is 24 and very sweet

sequoias · 06-06-2005, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbeards19

Well, I really like him ... and I think he feels the same about me... So I am willing to learn sign language for him and do whatever it takes. B/c I know we have a lot in common and it feels like we were meant to be together. Anyone know where I can learn sign language online? Anyone got any information for me about deaf/hearing relationships??? Any help will be greatly appreciated....19 and he would also be my first bf ... and he is 24 and very sweet

Here's my word of advice, don't get your hopes up with him. Keep it low and see how it goes in person, it's not the same online as in person. You understand people far better in person than online. I've been there and done that with several dates. I know he would be your first bf, just wait and see how it goes in person. That's my 2 cents

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sequoias

Here's my word of advice, don't get your hopes up with him. Keep it low and see how it goes in person, it's not the same online as in person. You understand people far better in person than online. I've been there and done that with several dates. I know he would be your first bf, just wait and see how it goes in person. That's my 2 cents

I know that ... but I think he is the same online as in person

I know I should keep it low... but I just have a gut feeling when I talk to him that things are going to work...... We have known each other one day but in that time I feel like i have known him for years.

sbeardsmmiller · 06-06-2005, 07:51 PM

I have love her ever since I am talk to her yesterday and I am still the same person and online and in peron and sbeards is my gf and will always be I am here first and last to search for happy ever after ending story.

sbeardsmmiller · 06-06-2005, 07:56 PM

I would never become monster when I am really truly in love with her

Missus_Philos0phyK · 06-06-2005, 08:16 PM

yall have my blessing in your relationships

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I will be SMAHT

yall have my blessing in your relationships

Thank you very much

And SbeardsMmiller thanks you 2

He is my honey and I cant wait to meet in person.

ksbsnowowl · 06-06-2005, 09:13 PM

I'm a hearing guy dating a deaf girl, and the biggest advice I have for you is to have patience, both of you. I took a college ASL class last fall, and I'm improving vastly, but I still have a long way to go. My girlfriend is very patient with me and my slow receptive skills (learning to read sign is a lot more work than learning the signs yourself); we both know there will be miscommunications, and take the time to make sure we are understanding each other properly. It takes some work, but when you really care for the person, you don't mind it.

As far as learning sign language, you can usually find a class at most colleges and universities; see if you can audit the course. Also, Deaf community centers and some churches offer sign language classes. But, to get you started right away, visit this website to see signs in action.

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ksbsnowowl

I'm a hearing guy dating a deaf girl, and the biggest advice I have for you is to have patience, both of you. I took a college ASL class last fall, and I'm improving vastly, but I still have a long way to go. My girlfriend is very patient with me and my slow receptive skills (learning to read sign is a lot more work than learning the signs yourself); we both know there will be miscommunications, and take the time to make sure we are understanding each other properly. It takes some work, but when you really care for the person, you don't mind it.

As far as learning sign language, you can usually find a class at most colleges and universities; see if you can audit the course. Also, Deaf community centers and some churches offer sign language classes. But, to get you started right away, visit this website to see signs in action.

Thanks

I am very patient and I will have him come on to read this when he is online tomorrow. I know I have the patience and I know there will be miscommunation. But I am willing to do whatever it takes b/c he is such a great guy. He and I have a lot in common, and we have yet to meet in person... I am worried what to do when we meet any advice on that? And for sign I know very few words so I am going to take the time to learn more and make sure I understand it. And he has said that he would help me learn sign too. He has been deaf since he was 16, he is now 24 I am 19. I havea good feeling when we talk....I am worried what to do when we meet though any suggestions on a good first date?

06-06-2005, 09:55 PM

Bowling.

And congratulations. I hope things work out for you, two. As far as first communication on 1 st date. You say he reads lips. If he can speak, too, there shouldn't be a big problem.

sbeards19 · 06-06-2005, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cental34

Bowling.

And congratulations. I hope things work out for you, two.

Thank You

That is a great idea

His screen name is sbeardsmmiller so if you ever see him messge thats who it is

** I signed up for this b4 he did or my sn would have been something similar **

Vance · 06-06-2005, 10:32 PM

sbeards19, out of curious... have you actually 'seen' what that guy looks like and all?

Vance · 06-06-2005, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbeards19

I am worried what to do when we meet though any suggestions on a good first date?

Take it real slow. Walk in the park. Or as cental34 said, bowling... but make sure that you guys have more time for talking... talk about everything to know each other bit more. Go to any place where many people are and do not go to the theater or rent the movie to watch... because it will eat up a lot of time which you guys should use the time for chatting. Eating at nice restaurant will be nice since it offers you guys the perfect environment and opportunity to talk and talk.

Good luck!

ksbsnowowl · 06-07-2005, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbeards19

He has been deaf since he was 16, he is now 24 I am 19. I havea good feeling when we talk....I am worried what to do when we meet though any suggestions on a good first date?

Wow, you guys are almost the same age range as my gf and I; she's 20, and I turn 25 next month.

You guys will be in a slightly different situation than I though; my gf has been deaf from birth, doesn't vocalise, and doesn't read lips. Our relationship is very deaf-centric in that we communicate mostly through sign, though we occationally will sit and write or type too.

Our first official date was to a coffee house, where we just sat and signed for an hour and a half, and then we rented a movie. But, we'd known each other for almost two years, and had already become friends, so we didn't have as much introductory stuff to talk about on that first date. But yeah, definitely do something where you guys can talk and actually get to know each other.

sbeards19 · 06-07-2005, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magatsu

sbeards19, out of curious... have you actually 'seen' what that guy looks like and all?

Yes... I have I have seen his picture and his webcam and he is very cute

sbeards19 · 06-07-2005, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ksbsnowowl

Wow, you guys are almost the same age range as my gf and I; she's 20, and I turn 25 next month.

You guys will be in a slightly different situation than I though; my gf has been deaf from birth, doesn't vocalise, and doesn't read lips. Our relationship is very deaf-centric in that we communicate mostly through sign, though we occationally will sit and write or type too.

Our first official date was to a coffee house, where we just sat and signed for an hour and a half, and then we rented a movie. But, we'd known each other for almost two years, and had already become friends, so we didn't have as much introductory stuff to talk about on that first date. But yeah, definitely do something where you guys can talk and actually get to know each other.

Yeah...I am 20 in October and he is 25 in July. He is a nice guy..I cant

06-06-2005, 01:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
sbeards19 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 28	Dating Sweet Deaf guy Hello All, I am 19 and met a wonderful sweet guy online.... we have to meet in person but he is deaf. I am just worried if it would work out and stuff? We have a lot in common and can talk for hours at a time. He is soo sweet and nice and I know I wont find a guy like him hearing. It doesnt bother me that he is deaf m jsut I have never had a boyfriend let alone someone who cant hear. Anyone got some info / help! Please Thank you

06-06-2005, 02:18 PM	#5 (permalink)
horselover61 Neigh!!! Neigh!!! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 5,321 Blog Entries: 2	Relay service is a hearing operator who relay the messages back and forth. Like you call your date thru relay and you tell the relay to call the number and the operator will dial the number. The operator will let your date know that there is a relay call from the hearing person you. Then the converstation begin and treat that the operator is not there but you are speaking to your date not the operator. Meaning the operator talking to you from what she/he read from the tty and then she/he typed what you says. So the conversation is going back and forth. I hope this make sense to ya. Good Luck __________________ Check out my city!! http://furbyland.myminicity.com/

06-06-2005, 05:49 PM	#7 (permalink)
diehardbiker ... ...- .-. ... - ... Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: One of Embassy Posts: 6,202	Sounded sweet, but you DO need to get involved in deaf world. And that your honey should try to get involved with hearing world. These two things that needs to get priority straight. Because of culture conflicts between hearing and deaf world! That is why there is about 88% divorce rate going on between hearing and deaf spouse within 5 years time frame. So, my suggest to dive in deaf world and see if you can deal with them. Then you would have better idea how your relationship with that sweet guy would come out. Finally suggest to start with friend first and let time go by and you will know for sure. Rather dive right into relationship and that heart shaped baloon would burst and end of story with LOTS of grieves, worth it? You decide. __________________ ... --- .-. . -. ... --- -. / -.-. --- -- -- ..- -. .. -.-. .- - .. --- -. ... / .-. --- -.-. -.- ...

06-06-2005, 07:15 PM	#11 (permalink)
sequoias Subaru rules! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 13,240	not all deaf have long goodbyes, many times I go off real quick with a short goodbye. __________________

06-06-2005, 07:51 PM	#16 (permalink)
sbeardsmmiller I am deaf and sweet looki Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Framingham Posts: 3	response to both of you I have love her ever since I am talk to her yesterday and I am still the same person and online and in peron and sbeards is my gf and will always be I am here first and last to search for happy ever after ending story.

Today
Deafness	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

06-06-2005, 01:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
sbeards19 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 28	Well, he knows how to lip read so he told me not to worry about learning sign language. But I would like to learn anyways, and I am not sure what the Relay system is he tried to explain it to me but it still confuses me. I really like him a lot ( i know we only just met yesterday but we talked for a straight 5 hours lol) And we are both what we want in a relationship. Anything that you have for me would be great help

06-06-2005, 01:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
sbeards19 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 28	I forgot to say this in my message earlier.... but I am VERY sure that he is who he says he is b/c I looked up his name online and the address he gave me matched the one I looked up and the phone number matched and everything. We have so much in common I just hope it is true..... Any advice on meeting someone from online... I know to meet in a public place and all that And I am going to write him a snail mail letter without my return addy on it until we meet just to be certain that he is the sweet wonderful guy I talked to online I would appreciate any help that anyone in this forum could offer me. I also have yahoo and aim so you can feel free to message me.

06-06-2005, 02:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
sbeards19 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 28	Ya it sort of makes sense And he is a great guy I cant wait to meet him. I am looking for any information that any one has about being in a deaf/hearing relationship. Its all new to me, and so is relationship.... never had a bf.

06-06-2005, 05:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
sbeards19 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 28	I agree with you on that .... but how exactly do I get involved in deaf world? I think that things would go ok b/c there are more ways of communicating than speaking... body language...sign language...lip reading.....and for the fact that he i unable to hear if i say I love you * when the time comes * there are more ways to show it like hugging, kissing, holding hands. But I do understand what you mean. How can I learn sign language... He has said he would show me but I want to learn some before hand .... you know? Just I know I shouldnt jump into a relationship with him ... but I wont let someone sweet like him be passed up b/c it is hard for me to find a bf and I have finally found a great guy regardless if he can hear or not.

06-06-2005, 06:09 PM	#10 (permalink)
sbeards19 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 28	I can handle long good byes b/c Last night we both said we were getting offline at 11.....and before you know it is was midnight. I dont mind long good byes......I know it is more than that And I am willing to learn and be patient whatever it takes. I mean I came here so I could get advice on what to do I am looking for any advice that ANYONE has in being in a deaf/hearing relationship. I am willing to learn sign language for him even though he said he could read lips... And Im taking the extra step to make things go smoothly between us. I understand some things like the relay system and everything but I still need to learn more and it will take time... I know that....

06-06-2005, 07:18 PM	#12 (permalink)
HawaiiJo Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 35	Reminds me of the Gremlins movie. Cute fuzzy toys made them acceptable to people only to find oput they can become monsters. Jo

06-06-2005, 07:21 PM	#13 (permalink)
sbeards19 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 28	Well, I really like him ... and I think he feels the same about me... So I am willing to learn sign language for him and do whatever it takes. B/c I know we have a lot in common and it feels like we were meant to be together. Anyone know where I can learn sign language online? Anyone got any information for me about deaf/hearing relationships??? Any help will be greatly appreciated....19 and he would also be my first bf ... and he is 24 and very sweet

06-06-2005, 07:56 PM	#17 (permalink)
sbeardsmmiller I am deaf and sweet looki Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Framingham Posts: 3	I would never become monster when I am really truly in love with her

06-06-2005, 08:16 PM	#18 (permalink)
Missus_Philos0phyK strongwise, only funnier Join Date: May 2005 Location: Funnyville in Tejas Posts: 642 Blog Entries: 1	yall have my blessing in your relationships

06-06-2005, 09:13 PM	#20 (permalink)
ksbsnowowl Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kansas City MO, or Mequon WI Posts: 69	I'm a hearing guy dating a deaf girl, and the biggest advice I have for you is to have patience, both of you. I took a college ASL class last fall, and I'm improving vastly, but I still have a long way to go. My girlfriend is very patient with me and my slow receptive skills (learning to read sign is a lot more work than learning the signs yourself); we both know there will be miscommunications, and take the time to make sure we are understanding each other properly. It takes some work, but when you really care for the person, you don't mind it. As far as learning sign language, you can usually find a class at most colleges and universities; see if you can audit the course. Also, Deaf community centers and some churches offer sign language classes. But, to get you started right away, visit this website to see signs in action. __________________ I'm hearing. My wife is deaf.

06-06-2005, 09:55 PM	#22 (permalink)
apathrev Guest Posts: n/a	Bowling. And congratulations. I hope things work out for you, two. As far as first communication on 1 st date. You say he reads lips. If he can speak, too, there shouldn't be a big problem.

06-06-2005, 10:32 PM	#24 (permalink)
Vance Registered User Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 4,280	sbeards19, out of curious... have you actually 'seen' what that guy looks like and all?