Hard of Hearing in College

BuzzCity23

BuzzCity23

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Hello! :wave:

I'm new to the AllDeaf community. Currently I'm a college student at UNC Charlotte. Lately I've been struggling with the whole deal of dating. Heck to be honest I've never dated before. I think part of that may deal with me being a hard of hearing person. All I've gotten from girls is countless rejection. I've never met a girl that actually took the time to get to know me. Let me backtrack a bit. I have hearing loss in my left ear. Up until I was 14/15(start of the high school years :eek3:) I began to lose hearing in my right ear with the faint ringing sound. I was eventually fitted for a hearing aid in my right ear. So pretty much I can communicate with the hearing world. I can hold conversations and follow movies and such. Yet all that changed when I had to wear a hearing aid in high school.

Automatically this placed me in stereotypical situations. So me dating girls was pretty bad. Over the years my hearing aids got smaller and smaller. Still I've had no luck with girls. Not even one date what so ever. Fast forward and now I'm a senior in college. I'll be graduating in the spring and have never been on a date. Never been kissed. Never been in a relationship. I'm at a point now that I think my hearing loss is the cause of this. I can do everything everyone else does. I just wear a hearing aid. I'm depressed and just don't get it.
 
Do you have tried taking up any hobbies where you could meet more people or join find a club when hoh and deaf people hang out ? I am hoh and dated and there are lot of member here to that are married , so I wonder if something else is going on that keeping you from getting dates.
 
I am a part of some clubs on campus, but none of them have hoh/deaf people. I'm the only person that I know of on campus that is hoh. Another thing is that this campus has a lot of girls that care about status. So trying to explain to someone that I'm hoh may be difficult. It's a young crowd and pretty much high school all over again with cars/money etc.
 
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BuzzCity23 said:
I am a part of some clubs on campus, but none of them have hoh/deaf people. I'm the only person that I know of on campus that is hoh. Another thing is that this campus has a lot of girls that care about status. So trying to explain to someone that I'm hoh may be difficult. It's a young crowd and pretty much high school all over again with cars/money etc.
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Take up ASL and attend Deaf socials. Young girls will fall all over you because you are deaf.

True business.
 
Bottesini said:
Take up ASL and attend Deaf socials. Young girls will fall all over you because you are deaf.

True business.
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So true and if those young girls watch Switched at Birth you will have your pick of girlfriends.
 
As someone who went to a RIT/NTID and ITT Tech as a HoH guy. Why bother making an attempt? You are really there to learn and get an education. Just finish school.

They are young, childish and immature. They see your hearing aids as a bad thing. Image is everything to young stupid college kids. I also noticed you called them 'girls'. Yes, they are 'girls', none of them are really a woman. A woman looks beyond images. And if they care about money, cars, status. That means their daddies are paying for their education.

Bottom line, just be yourself and someone will give you the time of day. Don't go out of your way to be someone you are not. Still single, big deal. The real world is a bigger world than some pathetic college campus of young kids trying to be cool on daddy's dime. Once they all go to the 'real world', they will see very quickly their outlooks and views means absolutely nothing. And will have to fight just like everyone else without daddy protecting their stupid arses in the real world.

Oh, I'm still single and really don't mind it. There are a lot of women I could have dated. But I'm still being myself, I choose to be single. Less stress in the long run. I already got a female in my life that I love, she's my 11 year old daughter. Once I find that woman who can respect me and meet me halfway. Then things will flourish, until then, single I will be.
 
^What he said, I have a hard enough time with school and work and trying to keep my shit together-ish. Some friends would be nice, but when it comes to relationships my hearing is probably least of my worries. Take the time to get to know someone with similar interests or routine, even if that person is a friend, it is a connection and that's a part of college and your future.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using AllDeaf App mobile app
 
Bottesini said:
Take up ASL and attend Deaf socials. Young girls will fall all over you because you are deaf.

True business.
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I almost took a sign language course over the summer at another school, but things didn't work out financially. smh. I seriously want to find something like that on this campus, but it isn't offered. I did see something about a deaf/HoH group, but that was a few years ago and the group doesn't seem advertised. At least it's not listed on the student organizations list.
 
RisinDragon said:
As someone who went to a RIT/NTID and ITT Tech as a HoH guy. Why bother making an attempt? You are really there to learn and get an education. Just finish school.

They are young, childish and immature. They see your hearing aids as a bad thing. Image is everything to young stupid college kids. I also noticed you called them 'girls'. Yes, they are 'girls', none of them are really a woman. A woman looks beyond images. And if they care about money, cars, status. That means their daddies are paying for their education.

Bottom line, just be yourself and someone will give you the time of day. Don't go out of your way to be someone you are not. Still single, big deal. The real world is a bigger world than some pathetic college campus of young kids trying to be cool on daddy's dime. Once they all go to the 'real world', they will see very quickly their outlooks and views means absolutely nothing. And will have to fight just like everyone else without daddy protecting their stupid arses in the real world.

Oh, I'm still single and really don't mind it. There are a lot of women I could have dated. But I'm still being myself, I choose to be single. Less stress in the long run. I already got a female in my life that I love, she's my 11 year old daughter. Once I find that woman who can respect me and meet me halfway. Then things will flourish, until then, single I will be.
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I agree. That seems to be the case with a lot of girls and guys here. I never had anything handed to me like that. I always had to work harder than everyone else do to being HoH. I'm just greatful I got into college. So I'm already trying to have my focus on finishing. It just sucks to be here sitting on the sidelines, when I know full well my value.
 
You're not alone......Used to get IMd by born/early dhh guys DESPERATE for a girlfriend.....I feel for you... people can be SO superficial!
 
deafdyke said:
You're not alone......Used to get IMd by born/early dhh guys DESPERATE for a girlfriend.....I feel for you... people can be SO superficial!
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Exactly. One of the things I absolutely hate is when people learn that you are deaf/HOH and automatically assume they can't converse with you. Or if they find out, then they start to make assumptions. I can honestly say that not a lot of girls have taken time to get to know me. It's not just girls for that matter, but the hearing world in general. Yet at the same time I'm a college student and very capable.
 
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I think that nobody should really judge you because you are HOH, but it happens more and more in society. I am dating a deaf guy (and I am hearing) but I don't let that bother me because overall he is much more mature than most guys that I actually know. If girls can't get past your hearing aid or the fact that you are HOH then they aren't worth your time, meet somebody that embraces everything about you and doesn't care that you are a little bit different. Nobody is every going to be perfect and if the girls you like don't see that within themselves then they are still stuck in "high school" mode where they think they are allowed to judge people for anything and everything. Keep your head up high and do join some clubs that fit your common interests and you will find that people will accept you for who you are, and probably not notice your hearing aid. Good luck!
 
slilly said:
I think that nobody should really judge you because you are HOH, but it happens more and more in society. I am dating a deaf guy (and I am hearing) but I don't let that bother me because overall he is much more mature than most guys that I actually know. If girls can't get past your hearing aid or the fact that you are HOH then they aren't worth your time, meet somebody that embraces everything about you and doesn't care that you are a little bit different. Nobody is every going to be perfect and if the girls you like don't see that within themselves then they are still stuck in "high school" mode where they think they are allowed to judge people for anything and everything. Keep your head up high and do join some clubs that fit your common interests and you will find that people will accept you for who you are, and probably not notice your hearing aid. Good luck!
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Thanks for the reply.
You're right. We are judged regardless if we have a disability of not in this society. I'm curious to know. Were you slightly hesitant to date your boyfriend when he asked you out? How did that happen? Maybe this sounds super lame, but I'm trying to figure out how to go about asking someone out and telling them I'm HoH. The thing is I haven't told many people about my hearing issue. I carried myself as if it didn't matter. Most girls would see my behind the ear hearing aid and act different(back in high school.)

I wear a in the ear hearing aid now(which is less noticeable) and still have this issue. So do I flat out bring this to the table when asking a girl out? Over the years I've grown not to trust peoples responses. Let's face it, there are a lot of ignorant people in society. It sucks, because I have no interest in playing games. I'd very much appreciate a relationship.


Oh and I have joined two new groups on campus this year.(Well trying out one and joining the other.)
 
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If what you have going on isn't working it means you have some things to work on.
College is prime time for meeting women. It is a lot tougher when you are older and not there. A lot of college is about social learning and it is important to get as much as you can from it.
As you yourself said you have to work harder to succeed in academics well it is the same with tracking down your own smoking hot female.
If they are not naturally going for you and it sure sounds like the case then you are amongst the many who have to do things to help it happen. It is not enough to just be there. That works for other people not you.

The best thing I can recommend straight up right off is to learn to smile a lot. Can't hear? ... Present smile and seek information. Smile smile smile. Saying huh with a frown turns off the whole world. Along with that smile hows the old enamel looking? Are your teeth nice and bright and clean and white looking? Brutal self appraisal here really. Your mirror will lie. If they aren't get on it. Get rid of those coffee stains and brighten them up.

College women are not that tough. There are a myriad of things you can do to get some action. First that smile. Then go from there. The other thing is learn to pick out the ones that are actually in your functional reach. Believe me they know with a glance where that is. The serious looking girl that has a stay away look is one that is usually single. She is a little grouchy and wont say hi right back the first time. Take your thin skin that says whoa I guess not her and toughen it up a fraction and try again later. They get used to feeling alone and need a second chance. I know it isn't fair. Usually they do not give us guys a second chance. Doesn't matter it is about what works.

There is nothing more beautiful than bringing smiles and love to a woman that is alone and soured about it. Good luck to you brother. There are lots of nice women out there don't settle for less. If she is mean to you in any way shape or form, move on it wont get better.
 
goodonya said:
If what you have going on isn't working it means you have some things to work on.
College is prime time for meeting women. It is a lot tougher when you are older and not there. A lot of college is about social learning and it is important to get as much as you can from it.
As you yourself said you have to work harder to succeed in academics well it is the same with tracking down your own smoking hot female.
If they are not naturally going for you and it sure sounds like the case then you are amongst the many who have to do things to help it happen. It is not enough to just be there. That works for other people not you.

The best thing I can recommend straight up right off is to learn to smile a lot. Can't hear? ... Present smile and seek information. Smile smile smile. Saying huh with a frown turns off the whole world. Along with that smile hows the old enamel looking? Are your teeth nice and bright and clean and white looking? Brutal self appraisal here really. Your mirror will lie. If they aren't get on it. Get rid of those coffee stains and brighten them up.

College women are not that tough. There are a myriad of things you can do to get some action. First that smile. Then go from there. The other thing is learn to pick out the ones that are actually in your functional reach. Believe me they know with a glance where that is. The serious looking girl that has a stay away look is one that is usually single. She is a little grouchy and wont say hi right back the first time. Take your thin skin that says whoa I guess not her and toughen it up a fraction and try again later. They get used to feeling alone and need a second chance. I know it isn't fair. Usually they do not give us guys a second chance. Doesn't matter it is about what works.

There is nothing more beautiful than bringing smiles and love to a woman that is alone and soured about it. Good luck to you brother. There are lots of nice women out there don't settle for less. If she is mean to you in any way shape or form, move on it wont get better.
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You know you actually brought up the characteristics of this girl that I know. She's serious and does have this don't approach me look. She even looks single lol. I see your point about smiling. I need to do that a lot more. I shouldn't have any issues doing that anymore.(Had braces about 4 years ago.) So my smile is fine. I think it's the whole growing up HoH and having literally no one understanding that in my life. So I was always in my own little world. It didn't help not to be the most popular either.

As far as "smoking hot" goes. I'm over that stage in my life. She doesn't have to be a cover girl model. She doesn't have to be the next Kim Kardashian. I just want a plain regular down to earth girl. Someone who is understanding and will have some patience with me. As far as doing nice things, that will come as I'm a senior and will have a career. All I'm looking for is that understanding. So simple, it feels like it doesn't exist.
 
That frowny girl with stay away look and a bit of plain jane about could easy do a Jody Foster from plain to burn the house down on you. Women are awesome that way. All you need is one but if you don't try and I mean just a break the ice hello then you wont know. Even then like I say if she has been focused on her own thing and maybe a bit shy or just hurt by the past some etc. you may not get any response at all. It feels mighty bad too brother... standing there feeling like a big dumbass with your idiot hello hanging in the air and going on about your day thinking that didn't feel so good.
Welcome to the world of breaking the ice. That is why its called that. Next time you see her try again. Same hello... give it a moment .. a chance for her to say hi back. There is a real chance you will get a nice smile and few words. The ice is broken.
Still you don't know her. You may not even know what the hell she just said. This is where smiling comes in. As you know this is the dealbreaker moment. This is where you are looking at her too close with a look on your face that worries her. She is going uh oh. She is planning her hurry off. You are going oh goddam here I go again. What the f did she just say?
I wish I had a great save the day line here for you. At this point it is sheer blind luck for the hoh guy. Fly with what you thought you heard. That can be good for a chuckle at your expense or send her zooming to her next class on the other side of the campus. I tend to just keep the dealbreaker moment as short as possible and say something about something and smiling zoom off at a dignified speed and put it off til next time.
If she is hot for you and you are happy about it that is smoking hot. It is not what the world thinks its what you think.
 
goodonya said:
That frowny girl with stay away look and a bit of plain jane about could easy do a Jody Foster from plain to burn the house down on you. Women are awesome that way. All you need is one but if you don't try and I mean just a break the ice hello then you wont know. Even then like I say if she has been focused on her own thing and maybe a bit shy or just hurt by the past some etc. you may not get any response at all. It feels mighty bad too brother... standing there feeling like a big dumbass with your idiot hello hanging in the air and going on about your day thinking that didn't feel so good.
Welcome to the world of breaking the ice. That is why its called that. Next time you see her try again. Same hello... give it a moment .. a chance for her to say hi back. There is a real chance you will get a nice smile and few words. The ice is broken.
Still you don't know her. You may not even know what the hell she just said. This is where smiling comes in. As you know this is the dealbreaker moment. This is where you are looking at her too close with a look on your face that worries her. She is going uh oh. She is planning her hurry off. You are going oh goddam here I go again. What the f did she just say?
I wish I had a great save the day line here for you. At this point it is sheer blind luck for the hoh guy. Fly with what you thought you heard. That can be good for a chuckle at your expense or send her zooming to her next class on the other side of the campus. I tend to just keep the dealbreaker moment as short as possible and say something about something and smiling zoom off at a dignified speed and put it off til next time.
If she is hot for you and you are happy about it that is smoking hot. It is not what the world thinks its what you think.
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She is testy like that. I actually said hello and how are you to her a while back. She responded back. That was it. Just stopped there. The thing is she pretty much talks to everyone at this group. However when it comes to me, everything is short. Honestly she's really hard to figure out. We're friends on facebook though. I remember when I met her for the first time two springs ago. She looked at me and smiled. I just never worked up the confidence to make a move. After that I noticed a change in attitude. Everything was short responses when I did try to converse with her.
 
That is because you probably missed the chance moment. The one where she was open to your charm and you seized up and let it go by. Guess what? Probably no second chance. Whoa. You think what if what if.... hey its past that. It is that ruthless. I wont say there are not exceptions but there are other nice women to make mistakes with. I would not waste more than a friendly smile on her any more.

Each failure gives you the opportunity for the right one.
 
goodonya said:
That is because you probably missed the chance moment. The one where she was open to your charm and you seized up and let it go by. Guess what? Probably no second chance. Whoa. You think what if what if.... hey its past that. It is that ruthless. I wont say there are not exceptions but there are other nice women to make mistakes with. I would not waste more than a friendly smile on her any more.

Each failure gives you the opportunity for the right one.
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I wouldn't exactly say that I missed my chance. See the thing about this is that I'm apart of a organization that assigns it's members to groups. Before hand this girl wasn't in any of my groups at all since I joined. So the only time I saw her was at main meetings. That all changed this semester though. Originally my group was already set for the school year. She wasn't in it. About a week after I got the news about which group I'm in, suddenly I learn that now she is in mine. (What a coincidence) So this has lead me to believe that there is still a chance. A whole year's worth of a chance. By the way this group has meetings where each member has their "input" or converse among each other. For some reason I feel this might be the right time and place to tell her I'm HOH. Not sure if it'll mean anything though.
 
BuzzCity23 said:
Exactly. One of the things I absolutely hate is when people learn that you are deaf/HOH and automatically assume they can't converse with you. Or if they find out, then they start to make assumptions. I can honestly say that not a lot of girls have taken time to get to know me. It's not just girls for that matter, but the hearing world in general. Yet at the same time I'm a college student and very capable.
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That's actually what I think too. Sometimes I hate the fact that when I'm playing sports with hearing people they tend to go easy on me. I'm like really? I'm playing unmotivated...I have some hearing friends as best friends which are cool. Even though I don't talk much, most of my hearing friends think I'm cool through how I am.
 
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