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Unread 08-20-2012, 04:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Thumbs down HOH girl with relationship problems

I am Hard of Hearing I have had a hearing loss my whole life but in the last few years it has gone down hill. I have a moderately severe-severe hearing loss binarually. I am 23 years old. I am dating someone who is hearing and has a five year old. Recently I have noticed that we have had problems that have to do with my hearing loss. There are situations that I dont want to put myself in because I wont be able to hear and he gets upset saying I am being selfish even thouhg I tell him he can go without me. He tells me I need to try harder to hear when out with friends but doesnt try to understand how hard it is for me. He also said he feel dumb when he has to wave his arms to get my attention also not thinking of how dumb I feel not being a part of the conversations. HELP!
How do I make him understand my hearing loss and what its like for me??
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Unread 08-20-2012, 04:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I had people tell me that my bike prices were ridiculous. Well, I sold the bikes to someone else who were willing to pay my price. Life goes on. If you've problems, you don't have to stay with the guy. No one is holding a gun to your head. You're free to make your own decision.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 04:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I know I am free to make my own decisions. I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt because I love him. I believe that if he understands what it is like to have hearing loss we will be better. So im looking for ideas
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Unread 08-20-2012, 05:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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give him this book
Amazon.com: Deaf in America: Voices from a Culture (9780674194243): Carol A. Padden, Tom L. Humphries: Books Amazon.com: Deaf in America: Voices from a Culture (9780674194243): Carol A. Padden, Tom L. Humphries: Books
.

Did he learn something? No change? no questions?

on the other hand, have you bluntly told him how you feel?

if nothing works- time to dump him. sorry.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 05:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Agree with radioman....being miserable in a relationship with someone who will not accept ur lack of hearing is a big NO, NO....It's not ur fault, you know?....
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Unread 08-20-2012, 05:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
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A leopard does not change it's spots, is an old saying. If he ia inconsiderate now, it will be worse later. Don't waste time on a person who doesn't value you for exactly who you are.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 06:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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thank you everyone for your feedback!
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Unread 08-20-2012, 06:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I love that. "try harder to hear" like it's an option. Do people tell blind or almost blind people to try harder to see? Someone paralyzed try harder to walk. Sheesh.

I was married for 14 years, well I'm still married we're separated, when we met I had hearing loss in just my left ear. But about 4 years into the relationship I started losing it in my right. After 10 years he still couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he couldn't talk to me from another room, while he was facing away from me, with something in his mouth or that I'm not going to want to be in some situations because I will be bored out of mind. When you're hoh and in a group situation the only way you're going to be able to be involved is if the hearing people make an extra effort to include you. I just can't expect people to do that.

So in my experience Botts is spot on, 10 years and he still couldn't make little extra efforts to communicate with me. He still thinks I'm self involved and don't care about anything or any one. He just doesn't understand that being hoh you almost are in your own little world unless the people around you make sure they're heard.

Maybe he could try using ear plugs and go out with you, get little perspective of what's it like.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 06:20 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Yes he has called me selfish before but he just doesn't understand. He has no idea what its like sitting with a group of friends while they talk not being a part of the conversation at all. I try to go out with them and pretend like I am having a good time but he says I stare off into space and look sad which makes everyone around me sad. So I compromise and not ask him to stay in with me I say I wont be mad if he goes without me and that somehow makes me selfish! It is very frustrating!
I have thought about asking him to wear ear plugs before but his hearing is so good and mine is so severe it wouldn't be anything like what it is like for me and I am afraid he just wont get it!

Quick question I can find where to put a profile picture??
I would like to put one up!
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Unread 08-20-2012, 06:41 PM   #10 (permalink)
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At the top of the screen, far left, click user CP, on the left of the screen there's all kind of option to change in your profile, the 3rd section down is like setting? click on edit avatar, then you can upload one from your comp
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Unread 08-20-2012, 06:42 PM   #11 (permalink)
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thank you so much! your comment was very helpful! Would love to chat more!
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Unread 08-20-2012, 06:49 PM   #12 (permalink)
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thank you so much! your comment was very helpful! Would love to chat more!
you're very welcome
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Unread 08-20-2012, 07:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I had people tell me that my bike prices were ridiculous. Well, I sold the bikes to someone else who were willing to pay my price. Life goes on. If you've problems, you don't have to stay with the guy. No one is holding a gun to your head. You're free to make your own decision.
I do not see how you can compare selling your bike to a person having a difficult time in her relationship. Your comment is very insensitive to me and does not ofter and good advice to the OP.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 07:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
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thank you everyone for your feedback!
Do you know if you will stay with your boyfriend or dump him ? He sound like very self centered and act like it all about him having the hard time. I think you should look for someone that would be proud to date you and not have someone blaming you for making them look dumb. The guy feel like bad news to me.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 07:53 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Really, if he is making things for the worse. Cut him loose and move on.
you'll find someone better than him - not worthwhile to stick along....
Life is too short to wait. Go on!
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Unread 08-20-2012, 08:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I am dating a hard of hearing man, and I try to relate to what he goes through all of the time. One of the ways I was able to better understand what he goes through is muting the television and trying to follow the conversation on a show. My boyfriend lip reads, not always getting things correct, but after I tried it myself I saw how inaccurate I was and how exhausting it is. Maybe you could ask him to give it a try and he will see how tough it is? Best of luck to you.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 08:49 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Deafness is something you cannot change. A hearing person cannot expect a deaf person to make changes in order to make a hearing person happy. A deaf person can expect a hearing person to make changes in order to make a deaf person happy.

A hearing person can't tell you to try harder to hear and understand better for his hearing friends. You're deaf, and that will not change. He is the one who needs to make changes, not you.

If he's giving you a hard time and is refusing to change for you, then it's time to let him go.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 09:56 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I don't get it, he's mad at you for losing your hearing? Typical men, they only want the best but they do not know what it is. They are simply blind by their own judgements, I would know, I used to be a man until I became a wolf. If you wanna know more, just pm me, but what I'm saying is he's not trying to make your life better. Just be careful with that and try be more direct with him. Tell him that if your hearing isn't making it any better, then perhaps you and he should try consulting or I dunno, move on? It sucks but I get what you're going through, just be brave and focus on yourself. Beside the relationship, friendship, and hardships you have, all you really have is yourself.
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Unread 08-20-2012, 10:01 PM   #19 (permalink)
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This is classical. I say, wash that man right outta your hair!
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Unread 08-20-2012, 11:24 PM   #20 (permalink)
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hm same general thought hey
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Unread 08-21-2012, 04:12 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Don't feel too bad about it. Use this. As experience. Some people like your partner just don't have the personality to handle people with disabilities. We are all different and can be good in different situations. I myself make a bad nurse, I. Can get the person meds and all but lack the ability to listen to complaints. I have enough good charecteristics to make up for that. Any couple has to be able to accept the partners short comings if they are not hurtful
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Unread 08-21-2012, 05:50 AM   #22 (permalink)
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I have dated some men like him. Let's just say they are not worth your time if they have no desire to listen to how you feel, or want to change to make the relationship work, they are not worth your time and they don't deserve you. You are beautiful. Wish ya the best of lucks.
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Unread 08-21-2012, 08:41 AM   #23 (permalink)
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I have dated some men like him. Let's just say they are not worth your time if they have no desire to listen to how you feel, or want to change to make the relationship work, they are not worth your time and they don't deserve you. You are beautiful. Wish ya the best of lucks.
I agree!!

Maybe try to write him a letter or something? I used to do that. If that doesn't work..byebye!
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Unread 08-21-2012, 10:20 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Yes he has called me selfish before but he just doesn't understand. He has no idea what its like sitting with a group of friends while they talk not being a part of the conversation at all. I try to go out with them and pretend like I am having a good time but he says I stare off into space and look sad which makes everyone around me sad. So I compromise and not ask him to stay in with me I say I wont be mad if he goes without me and that somehow makes me selfish! It is very frustrating!
I have thought about asking him to wear ear plugs before but his hearing is so good and mine is so severe it wouldn't be anything like what it is like for me and I am afraid he just wont get it!

Quick question I can find where to put a profile picture??
I would like to put one up!
Your boyfriend is putting all the blame on you and calling you selfish is a 'red flag' to me. If he is calling you selfish because you are HOH , I feel he will call you other names later on. I hate to say this but people like your boyfriend do not change , they will only get more abusive as time goes on.
You are making excuses for your boyfriend and that is really not a good sign, he is starting to made you doubt your own self worth. And this how abusive
relationship happen. You're being verbal abuse and do not deserve that kind of treatment , a man that really loves his girlfriend does not make them feel bad in anyway.
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Unread 08-21-2012, 10:23 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I agree!!

Maybe try to write him a letter or something? I used to do that. If that doesn't work..byebye!
Same here , how about him sending a Dear John in a text. I would not waste a stamp on the jerk!
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Unread 08-21-2012, 10:33 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Letters?....Nah...don't believe in letters. Face to face is the only way to go.
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Unread 08-21-2012, 10:44 AM   #27 (permalink)
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he sound like selfish man,personally i dump him,he using your hearing problems to cover up he a jerk..if you love someone you try understand their problems and should make no difference,your hearing problems are part of what you are...hints of a bully here.
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Unread 08-21-2012, 10:47 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I can find where to put a profile picture??
I would like to put one up!
wow! you're cute!

not going to have any problem at all replacing the knucklehead

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Unread 08-21-2012, 02:55 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Ha ha thank you everyone!
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Unread 08-22-2012, 12:07 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear that. I don't think he is the one for you to be honest. Blaming your hearing loss will place you into jeopardy in the future. He is NOT your boyfriend.

I have ladies blaming my aspieness and hearing loss over those years. I told them feck off.
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