MattyinAus

Ok, as everyone know about myself here.

Just curious about couple of things. I see most of girls here at uni wears ragged short jeans with broken edges as common sense. What kind of girls are they to me? It seems a little dirty or sexist? Like this image from our sports page:



Are they good?

What about science nerds? Like marine biologists and that etc. They always be like hippies or whatever that I don't like to label names. Like this:


Is this good for me?

Or sporty girl type, like go to gym and fitness classes. They always wear tight clothes on, drink protein shakes, running, swimming etc.



So, the problem what type of women is right for me? Ok so who I am. I like gym/fitness, environmental sustainability, sports, photography, nature, geography etc. What I don't like is drugs, alcohol, parties etc.

I can't see anything related to the categories above. They are all seem quite broken to me. They into sexual union, not a real relationship. I want real relationship, include sex or not. It's so hard to categorize something that would works for me

Deafness

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C.C.Sinned

dem bitches are hawt!

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drphil

As a person who does swim-almost everyday I don't pay any attention to the bathing suits of the females there. More important things to "worry about"_ BEAT the clock.
aside my Implant is disconnected-real quiet! Don't wear my glasses either!

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Get Real:Implanted Sunnybrook/Toronto -Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07

dereksbicycles

I bought an used swimsuit from Goodwill earlier this year. I've put it to a good use.

MattyinAus

I'm still so confusing at the moment. I have no idea what type is right one and place so I can get the timing right. I believe this city where I am for uni is just crap because of poor attitude and discriminative against my conditions.

Does a deaf women would be handy to compatible with? So lack of them here in Australia because population demand is VERY low. I'm not sure about big cities like Brisbane and Gold Coast. I think majority of those clubs are actually older than 30s.

drphil

Matty: are you near any public libraries? Check out the books dealing with "dating". My user name has one called "Love Smart" published in 2005.
Happy reading!

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Get Real:Implanted Sunnybrook/Toronto -Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07

MattyinAus

JCU library is HUGE library.

Love Smart book by Dr Phil?

I read a book about Aspergers and dating. I applied that before and it did work for my first date with my ex gf. Then it good, however after we broke up and rest of women in general doesn't make it work any more

deafbirk

Women problems is way tooo common. Lots of guys on here are looking but you can't come on too strong. Actually the best way to finda woman is not to look for one. Instead look for more than I woman look for friends and activities or things to get interested in. I didn't find my 1st wife til I was 30

MattyinAus

You say women usually look for a guy because a guy don't need to look? Why the opposite polarity effect? This sounds pretty weird.

As for the case, I am still curious what type of women is compatible with me? I'm always go to wrong place all the time without knowing it is wrong place for me from the first place! How frustrating it is. I felt like wasting my time. I wanted to get married during the 20s, just like most of my cousins, my sister (this November), few of uni friends and American friends. Rest of the people I knew are quite immature, drinking parties, sheep shaggers, drugs and being asexual.

I DO NOT belong to that category of stupidity young life. I prefer the calm the hell down side like my cousins, sister and few of uni friends. So, think about it? How it can be my fault to cause this issue because they don't understand me? Like I'm an aspie. That is great automatic poor attitude to put me down......that hurts a lot.

Why its easy for them, but not me? I didn't do anything at all. I don't drink, no smoking, no criminal records, never hit someone, just plain good guy........always work, fitness, healthy, strong muscles, clear brain cells, great attitude, conversing the environment and communities, thriller storm chaser and that. Why girls don't even like this type, since they said they want a good type? That just so confusing to me. :S :S

drphil

Not being "up-to-date" re Aspergers' syndrome on dating however can one "guess" when one has some "idea" if a woman is "right" for him? Where does DEAF women fit into this "consideration"?

One what basis is "that" formed -Study-Psychology, self Reflection?

Aside: I was never in college/university. Have done a "bit of reading".

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Reba

Have you tried an on-line dating service like e-Harmony? They can match you with someone that has common interests and values.

MattyinAus

I been thru e-harmony, plenty of fish, oasis, okcupid, aspieaffection and that. They are never successful to me. Its so ugly and worse. I'm not good with anything about women. I'm pretty poor with it, hence why they hate me for who I am.

Deaf girl? What you mean?

MsSaraB

It sounds to me like you are thinking way too much. I suggest that you stop thinking so much. Go out and meet friends, and don't put so much pressure on the idea of finding a girl. That way you may relax a little more and therefore be more approachable. : ) If a girl does approach you, stop, breathe, be friends first. It's just a theory. I don't know you and I've never seen your interactions but based on your posts in this thread it really does seem like it may be your problem.
Also, unless you know the girls that are in the pictures you posted above then you don't know that they aren't good a match. You shouldn't be so quick to dismiss people before you get to know them. Maybe you've looked over possible girlfriends because of it. : )

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MattyinAus

Hey! I wasn't thinking too much at all. I got other things to think about, such as my uni studies, making meals, going to gym, try make friends and that etc. I still have my own time to handle myself alone though. Its all good.

Girl never approach to me ever in my life. I have no idea why, I didn't do any action. No words, no movements, no nothing. I know how to be calm in front of them, since I'm nice and friendly kind of person I don't do crap approach and that. I told you before, lack of interactions with them is because they don't understand me. I am an aspie that is why. This makes them confused, creeped or scared away. I didn't use 'being an aspie or a typical personality' for this way. I think the problem is their attitude against it, seem to make a big deal of a problem to themselves. Its pissing me off when people blame me about my conditions and that. I never see or met a lady who is really calm, thinking clear, great attitude, open, friendly, comfortable and that what you can think of rest of the list...etc etc.

It's so extremely hard to find. Sometimes I don't feel confident because of the social background. I'm always the one who get left behind for no reason, vice on blaming about who I am (conditions etc). Its so discriminating and criminal for this action. I have one more semester left, this gets scarier and scarier. I don't know what to do now. I felt like giving up on them because the way of their attitude against me. I can't change myself for that way because I am comfortable being myself. I am being me!

Scary part is leaving uni, chances of meeting someone becomes more slimmer and slimmer as I get older and older. This caused by them being married or de facto with other guys instead of me. This how I feel this as a nightmare. Big nightmare I say! As I'm going to US and Canada for working holiday for 12months from end of this year. I have NO IDEA what is going on. What if it get worse or what? I'm heading to Park City, other parts of Utah, California, New York, Miami, Honolulu/Hawaii, Atlanta, DC, Dallas, Vancouver and Tornoto etc etc. I don't go look for someone while being on the trip. As everyone knew Hawaii is a place of hottest and attractive women on the planet. I may start to feel smacked on my face for going there because I love Hawaii.

Then after the trip, I be heading back to Australia and start career job. Probably more likely in larger cities. Hopefully Brisbane, Gold Coast or Lismore etc. I want to live in big cities because I thought more opportunities does exist there than being at the uni where I am right now.

Geeze I need to start stop talking right now. I am making a fool of myself. The greatest single bachelor....

rockin'robin

Ever thought of joining an Aspi forum?....Feel sure there are others just like you....I have a son who has no disabilities at all and a girlfriend is the last thing on his mind...he's too busy and keeps himself that way....And also, if the physical aspect is bothering you (as it does most young guys)...there are many nightclubs to visit, just drink soda or water.....and of course, a "jacket" if it comes to that...

Seems to me you've got plenty of time to find the "right" one....get more experience first.

MattyinAus

Yes. Wrong Planet online forum. I been there for awhile. I don't like nightclubs. I don't to there and try to be mr cool guy. That just steorotypical. I tried everything.

From going to clubs, uni groups, classes, sports, dating websites, counsellor for 7 years already and that. I done everything as I did possible and still not working....

rockin'robin

Oh Man!....Then maybe have one of ur guy friends fix you up?.....ahhh...Church?....I'm surely not gonna suggest a house of ill repute......Dance classes?....You're not a bad looking guy...

MattyinAus

Done that too, sorry! I had set up dates before and the lady never turned up. Those guy friends never ask anyone for me, they were tricking me. Making a sick joke.

Church yep! I was with Christian union club here on campus, been there. So bitchy religious women. They hurt my heart so badly. Dance classes done that too. I used to be rock n roll dancer. I couldn't find a partner at all, and I'm always left out as the only guy in class every week who never get to dance.

Well thank you! I never had self body image problems. I just don't understand why women has to be so incredibly picky, rude, cruel, nasty and all of that. So superficial and alcoholic. I think I don't ever fit in this world. I have to give up. May have to pay the sex worker $140 per hour or more to lose it and then thats it. Wonder how those women across the world feel this problem?

kristy2078

You know, a university is not really the best place to find a potential life mate. Many couples that start in school don't make it far after graduation. Also, you are young, so take the time to observe the different types of people out there, and you have already started taking notes. But, you are prone to falling for stereotypes. It seems that you believe flexing your muscles and showing off your degree and wallet are the way to hooking a woman, but it's not. I saw your video, and you are cute. But the second you flexed your arm? TURN OFF. Some women, including myself, are not interested in meat heads Sure, some women do love men with lots of muscle, but not with the self-loving meat head attitude.

We all have communication issues, but you have to know that:

--some people get scared when someone acts "weird"
--some people don't want to take the time to go a different route to learn how to interact with a person

When you are meeting new people, you need to remember that they don't know how you communicate and interact. You can't expect them know right off the bat and make communication work like magic. Make friends first and educate them about your communication style.

Also, you need to be aware that how a person dresses does not automatically mean they conform to the stereotypical behavior. Like these girls in the picture with the ripped edge shorts--they are not sluts nor are the shorts sexist. But it's ok for YOU to show more skin? The girl with the pink tank on the beach does NOT look like a hippie. Your perceptions are really skewed. Tight sports clothes are often preferred because they don't inhibit movement nor catch on equipment.

As for sexual preferences, well, people do what they want. And it's ok to have sex or have a sexual relationship as long as both partners are ok with it. It's ok to have your preferences about sexuality, but you can't go around looking down on people because of their preferences. That is a turn-off as well.

MattyinAus

Hold on, I think you seeing this in wrong way as well. The purpose I did at the end of the video is what I show myself as strength. You can see the gesture of 'be strong for your heart'. Using the dumbbells is evident for this case. I wasn't trying to show off as being meat head as you mentioned.

I tried my best to make friends with them, but after first time meeting them they never contact me and I tried to contact them and they told me they are scared of me. I was like WTF, how I am scaring you? Its an act of friendliness.

God, I wish I'm smart as those guys who get women all the time easily make friends. I wish I am not diseased or being labelled as curse in the world. I have no idea what to do next. I feel so pressured and forced.

DeafTim

You're right... The other night, this gorgeous stripper was sitting right next to me after her friend gave me a dance. I told her Im sorry I dont talk a lot and she said to me I completely understand with a smile. She gave me a hug afterwards. We also face audism, prejudice against deaf people. I dealt with it all my life.

You know what? You got me thinking.. I dont have a perfect grammar and only girls made fun of my grammar and not guys. I dont know about women. Im sure they mature as they age.

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MattyinAus

I found women are more immature at uni/college than guys who are more immature in senior high school. Wonder what happened here? I think that why uni wasn't a place for me to find true love.

metalangel

Seriously, don't do that. If anything, you could probably get one of those superficial alcoholic women to do it for a lot less than $140's worth of drinks.

The girls seem immature because they're free, out of their parental home, able to do whatever they want and let loose without worrying.

You ever heard of the ladder theory?

It's cynical but there's truth to it too. I used to have a friend who'd go on and on about the "friend zone". He was so busy drinking away his misery and moping, he didn't realize that he was inadvertantly introducing me to lots of girls who were put off by his sadness and going out with me instead.

MattyinAus

Well I guess I have to give up. Ladder theory applies to me my life finding a women is not going to happen. I guess this is a goodbye.

EDIT: Well truly said ladder theory. Now I have lost a game. I tried everything as I can and its so shocking for my good little world. Whats to do next? Become a criminal? No one want me to become one. Does any one want me to be lonely sad guy who is unmarried for rest of his life who deserved to marry a lady and have family of own?

Reba

Don't give up. You're still young. Many people, including some AD members, didn't meet their soul mates until they were older. There is no deadline for finding your true love. I have personal friends who didn't get married until they were beyond 30 years old, and they are very happy together.

In the meantime, just continue developing your own self so you will have something positive to offer the woman who is waiting for you.

You have to be more patient.

C.C.Sinned

dude, just find a lonely gal, strike up a conversation and start out as friends. you can't become a cassanova overnight it take practice.

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rockin'robin

Yeah...and all those girls pixs that he posted....all slim and skinny....Why not try with a overweight girl or a chubby one?....And don't make any wise-cracks about her weight!....If you get along with her and enjoy her personality...then maybe later she might join the gym with you....These days, I see a lot of real skinny guys with chubby/overweight girls.....A lot of them are real good cooks....and of course!...will keep you warm in the winter!....

metalangel

Er, you completely missed the whole point. Especially the one I made. The guy who sent me the ladder theory link all those years ago and complained about the friend zone just resigned himself to it. I didn't. I kept meeting girls. As the theory explains, you might place someone low on your ladder but you might be really high on hers!

It wasn't always like that for me. I never had a proper girlfriend until after high school. Partly because I decided the girls who were interested in me in high school didn't meet my stupid standards (though in later years I've come to realize they were all what I now look for in girls!) and partly because... meh.

I made a momentous decision one lonely night in university to damn well go out, on my own, to a club, and meet some people. It worked. For one thing, I went out to enjoy myself. My housemates all told me if you went out to get drunk, you'd get lucky. If you went out trying to get lucky, you'd just get drunk. It's true. Desperation and misery isn't attractive.

DON'T go the prostitutes.
DON'T become a criminal.
DON'T mope around.
DON'T give up!

Go out and enjoy yourself, with girls or not. You don't have to drink if you don't want to (though it helps), you don't have to be a social butterfly (though again, it can help) but just sitting there and feeling miserable is only going to result in more sitting there and feeling miserable.

rockin'robin

True that!....Even I don't have a partner, but I don't mope around or get depressed about it. I get out and do things....Being alone, even living alone, does build character.

Even volunteering is a good place to meet other people, as it's in my own thoughts to do some volunteer work very soon...but not to just find a partner, it's to be around other people and to interract with them.

dereksbicycles

In my 20s, I was single and hating it very much!! I did have girlfriend from age 31 to 33 and then other one at 33 to 34, and then other one at 34 to present(35).

WHile I do have a girlfriend now, I look back and wish that I would have done things in my 20s to enjoy life instead of sitting and moping that I was depressed about not having a girlfriend. It was not until my late 20s that I found my niche with bikes. I'm not saying that you've to sell bikes, but I hope you do have a hobby.

I've no job. It does not stop me. I would make goals such as list 100 items per week on E Bay. I think that is a realistic goal for someone who is self employed. I did it for myself.

You can make realistic goals. Like, meet a woman, tell her that you list 100 items on E Bay per week. If she is interested, then she'll want to share her feedbacks about E Bay with you.

People come in all sizes!!!