Alzheimer's disease

**saywhatkid** · 09-29-2009, 07:13 PM

I am currently going through a very troubling period of my life. Mom has slipped deeper into dementia, and now we are moving her into a "Senior Center" after living in the same house since 1963. I have so many great memories of that house, and it will be quite an ordeal to move her. Most of her furnishings are old and frail. She is 83, never drove, very stubborn Irish woman. She still knows who I am, but her hallucinations have become too much to trust her alone. Some of them were downright humorous, like the guy in her back yard with a dead camel; but having all her curtains pinned closed because she CONSTANTLY sees kids looking in her windows is scary. With winter approaching, we have finally set about to get her somewhere safer, because if she walks off in Minnesota, this time of year, she will be done.
Has anyone dealt with this type of situation recently? I know there is no easy way to do this. She is aware of "the plan" and is very bitter and weepy as the day draws near. We have her place rented starting October 1st. We will move her in slowly, and my sisters will be spending a few nights there with her to help her adjust. It is absolutely crushing to do this to her. No other way to say it. I wish she would just pass in her sleep tonight. This Mom is not my Mom....

Picture of Mom; she is sitting in blue recliner with red hair and glasses.

**sallylou** · 09-29-2009, 07:38 PM

saywhatkid, my heart goes out to you. My grandmother had alzheimers for 10 years before she died. She didn't recognize any of us. Eventually, she literally starved to death because she could no longer eat. The family decided not to prolong her life with feeding tubes and other medical intervention. It was excruciating and she would have hated what she became. I still miss her.

It's a truly tragic situation when you lose a loved one to this disease. All I can say is that you're doing the right thing. You have to protect your mom and this is the only way. I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts. Hugs if ok.

rockin'robin · 09-29-2009, 07:41 PM

So sad....such a heart-breaking decision. My prayers are with you & ur Mom during this difficult time. Ur Mom and my Mom both had red hair and Irish.

My mom died in '62...but my Grandmother had dementia too, lived alone in the same house she was born in....My aunt came down from California and took her back there....Grammy didn't know where she was and "wanted to go home", cried all the time....2 months later, she died.

It's hard for old folks to leave their homes and give up their independence. It's hard too, for us to have to make a decision such as this, knowing it'll hurt her, but knowing nothing else can be done.

Sosie · 09-29-2009, 08:16 PM

I am so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

My first stepfather had Alzheimer's for 20 years. He died 10 years ago, on Xmas day. My second stepfather has Lewy Body Dementia for two years. He has been depressed for years because of his dysfunctional parents, and he doesn't enjoy holidays/birthdays, which is sad. He sure has a quick temper and he can be violent. Poor my mother!!!
So, I know what it like. Again, I am so sorry to hear that. If you need some support, I will be here.

jillio · 10-07-2009, 01:59 AM

Hey, kid. I empathize with your position. My mother did not have Alzheimer's, but after a series of strokes, became cognitively impaired, and I had to make the same decision that you are currently dealing with. I agree, it is never an easy decision to make or carry out. It seems like such a final ending.

It may help you to know that while my mother resisted the idea for some time, shortly after moving her to a residential facility, she had adjusted well, made a few friends, and was enjoying the activities they offered. It had been difficult to get her to eat regular meals prior to moving, but afterwards, having seve.ral friends to eat meals with seemed to inspire her to show up for meals and actually consume the food!

Please remember...you and your wife need to take care of yourselves during this period, too. Being the caregiver to an Alzheimer's patient is very stressful. It is known to be #1 on the list of illnesses for producing caregiver strain. I don't know how you feel about support groups, but many find them very helpful. Or perhaps the facility could introduce you to one or two people and you could provide mutual support to each other on a more informal basis.

Hugs to you and your family.

Buffalo · 10-07-2009, 06:08 PM

saywhatkid, I know exactly what you mean that your mother is not your mother. I feel the same way about my mother who also has Alzheimer's. I asked my brother about putting her in a nursing home as the stress of looking after her had gotten to me. My brother didn't want her in a nursing home so I asked him to look after her. I took care of Mom for 3 or 4 years. I had to change locks on the doors to the kind that you need key to open so Mom won't be able to walk out at 3 AM (she did that).

I don't know if you can get her to see that she get to make new friends at the nursing home. I know it is difficult to get her to accept the changes if she didn't want it. Recently, I called my brother and he told me that Mom talk more than when I took care of her. If she talks more, then she is in good hands. I had TV running for Mom back then.

**saywhatkid** · 10-07-2009, 07:38 PM

Update:
At the present time, we are planning to move her in two weeks time. The facility is about one mile from her current residence. We have already started a lease and the apartment is ready for her. My sisters have been getting items for her use, such as dishes, silverware, and the like. I am not alone in this. My brother and two sisters are also involved, maybe more than I am, because they can make phone calls better than I can. It will be a very sad day when we actually take her there. She is well aware of our plan, and has not accepted it yet.

The changing of the locks was considered, but there is much more to this. Her dementia is in the area where she might start a fire or worse. It is difficult to leave her alone, even for a few minutes. My wife is actually experienced in this, because two of her aunts went through it. She started to cry when I told her about Mom's diagnosis. I did not know quite what was in store. We are in the stage where she still knows us, but there are many "other people" that she has begun to converse with. Someday, she will not know her real family anymore.

BTW, I am her first born, so it will be a sad day when I am not remembered. Thanks again for all your kind words and support.

Buffalo · 10-07-2009, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saywhatkid

The changing of the locks was considered, but there is much more to this. Her dementia is in the area where she might start a fire or worse. It is difficult to leave her alone, even for a few minutes.

Ah, yeah, I have pulled the knobs from the stove and keep them locked back then. Now my mother can't walk without any help (I am not sure why) and I consider this to be a plus for the caretaker.

jillio · 10-07-2009, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saywhatkid

Update:
At the present time, we are planning to move her in two weeks time. The facility is about one mile from her current residence. We have already started a lease and the apartment is ready for her. My sisters have been getting items for her use, such as dishes, silverware, and the like. I am not alone in this. My brother and two sisters are also involved, maybe more than I am, because they can make phone calls better than I can. It will be a very sad day when we actually take her there. She is well aware of our plan, and has not accepted it yet.

The changing of the locks was considered, but there is much more to this. Her dementia is in the area where she might start a fire or worse. It is difficult to leave her alone, even for a few minutes. My wife is actually experienced in this, because two of her aunts went through it. She started to cry when I told her about Mom's diagnosis. I did not know quite what was in store. We are in the stage where she still knows us, but there are many "other people" that she has begun to converse with. Someday, she will not know her real family anymore.

BTW, I am her first born, so it will be a sad day when I am not remembered. Thanks again for all your kind words and support.

Cherish each day. It will make what is to come less painful. I am very glad to hear that you have so much family support in this situation. I will be thinking of you and your family.

jazzy · 10-08-2009, 05:36 PM

Wow, your not alone. My friend is dealing with this also and she needs to find $$ to drive other state to visit her mother and need to make a decision to take her with her back to Calif. Her mother is in stage 1 now, but who knows it may move up to stage 2 or 3 after hear all those stories. It runs in her family. Really sad. I have a mother who is 82 now and is in poor health but soon she may have to move in with one of us if she can not take care of herself. She still has strong memory but medicines she takes sometime make her forgetful.

Sad for you to go thru this.

Buffalo · 10-10-2009, 06:45 PM

I hope that they will find a cure for it or some medicine to control it. Namenda didn't help my mother at all and Aricept made her dizzy and caused her to fall. She had a bad gash on her forehead. That is when the doctor took her off Aricept.
Now and then, I would read up on science stuff on Alzheimer's. Protein and Beta Amyloid, etc.

**sallylou** · 10-10-2009, 07:02 PM

saywhatkid, it will be painful the first time that your mother doesn't recognize you. Perhaps you can accept it and be glad that you can give your mom love even if she can't be the same mom.

There's a documentary about a woman who believed her daughter was "Debbie," her old college roommate. The daughter went along with her mom and let her mom call her Debbie. The daughter continued her relationship with her mom in this way. It was very touching.

**Reba** · 10-10-2009, 08:17 PM

Saywhatkid, I'm very sorry about the struggles you are now experiencing with your mom. I pray her transition to the new home will go smoothly, and that you will have the strength to bear this heartache.

**saywhatkid** · 10-18-2009, 01:10 AM

It gets sadder. Mom fell at home. The ambulance was called, and she was taken to a hospital/nursing home. I was unaware of this until tonight, but she fell a day or so ago. My sisters have been dealing with the implications of this, and did not keep me in the loop. My sisters have POA over her.

Apparently, her mind has slipped much faster in the last couple of weeks, and she is not recognizing her daughters anymore. Also, her physical abilities are such that she cannot use the toilet without assistance.

She has become very bitter, and has been cussing out the staff and my sisters for her treatment. Another thing that was discovered; her neighbor has been finding her outside more than once. He is a retired fire chief, and his wife is dying of cancer, so for him to take time out was really appreciated. Mom has been imagining a house full of kids, and apparently, she has been leaving the house and hiding from the kids.

To sum it up, we no longer can look at the senior center as an option, because her condition does not fit their criteria. She is unable to take care of herself. She cannot cook, walk, use the toilet, take correct meds, or any other of the basic things she needs to do. In addition, she is no longer cognizant of her situation. She thought she was in the hospital to have a baby. She is 83, not 33.

I am very bitter to see her go this way. I now understand why some spouses have killed their other half, rather than continue down this path. I would rather say my goodbyes at the side of the bed, while her pulse grows weak. Instead, she has already left...

rockin'robin · 10-18-2009, 11:29 AM

So sad to read/hear about ur Mom this Sunday Evening.....She sounds like a really "spunky" lady....(her temper!), which may comes with her being Irish and that flaming red hair, I guess!

Hopefully sometime soon she will come back to reality and you two can have a good talk, sooner or later.

09-29-2009, 07:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
saywhatkid Emerging from the sun Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In space Posts: 7,242 Blog Entries: 2	Alzheimer's disease I am currently going through a very troubling period of my life. Mom has slipped deeper into dementia, and now we are moving her into a "Senior Center" after living in the same house since 1963. I have so many great memories of that house, and it will be quite an ordeal to move her. Most of her furnishings are old and frail. She is 83, never drove, very stubborn Irish woman. She still knows who I am, but her hallucinations have become too much to trust her alone. Some of them were downright humorous, like the guy in her back yard with a dead camel; but having all her curtains pinned closed because she CONSTANTLY sees kids looking in her windows is scary. With winter approaching, we have finally set about to get her somewhere safer, because if she walks off in Minnesota, this time of year, she will be done. Has anyone dealt with this type of situation recently? I know there is no easy way to do this. She is aware of "the plan" and is very bitter and weepy as the day draws near. We have her place rented starting October 1st. We will move her in slowly, and my sisters will be spending a few nights there with her to help her adjust. It is absolutely crushing to do this to her. No other way to say it. I wish she would just pass in her sleep tonight. This Mom is not my Mom.... Picture of Mom; she is sitting in blue recliner with red hair and glasses. __________________ "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." ~ Mother Teresa

09-29-2009, 07:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	saywhatkid, my heart goes out to you. My grandmother had alzheimers for 10 years before she died. She didn't recognize any of us. Eventually, she literally starved to death because she could no longer eat. The family decided not to prolong her life with feeding tubes and other medical intervention. It was excruciating and she would have hated what she became. I still miss her. It's a truly tragic situation when you lose a loved one to this disease. All I can say is that you're doing the right thing. You have to protect your mom and this is the only way. I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts. Hugs if ok. __________________

10-07-2009, 06:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
Buffalo Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 4,025	saywhatkid, I know exactly what you mean that your mother is not your mother. I feel the same way about my mother who also has Alzheimer's. I asked my brother about putting her in a nursing home as the stress of looking after her had gotten to me. My brother didn't want her in a nursing home so I asked him to look after her. I took care of Mom for 3 or 4 years. I had to change locks on the doors to the kind that you need key to open so Mom won't be able to walk out at 3 AM (she did that). I don't know if you can get her to see that she get to make new friends at the nursing home. I know it is difficult to get her to accept the changes if she didn't want it. Recently, I called my brother and he told me that Mom talk more than when I took care of her. If she talks more, then she is in good hands. I had TV running for Mom back then. __________________ “The problem is not that the (deaf) students do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen. “- Rev Jesse L. Jackson ( American Civil Rights Activist, Minister)

10-07-2009, 07:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
saywhatkid Emerging from the sun Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In space Posts: 7,242 Blog Entries: 2	Update: At the present time, we are planning to move her in two weeks time. The facility is about one mile from her current residence. We have already started a lease and the apartment is ready for her. My sisters have been getting items for her use, such as dishes, silverware, and the like. I am not alone in this. My brother and two sisters are also involved, maybe more than I am, because they can make phone calls better than I can. It will be a very sad day when we actually take her there. She is well aware of our plan, and has not accepted it yet. The changing of the locks was considered, but there is much more to this. Her dementia is in the area where she might start a fire or worse. It is difficult to leave her alone, even for a few minutes. My wife is actually experienced in this, because two of her aunts went through it. She started to cry when I told her about Mom's diagnosis. I did not know quite what was in store. We are in the stage where she still knows us, but there are many "other people" that she has begun to converse with. Someday, she will not know her real family anymore. BTW, I am her first born, so it will be a sad day when I am not remembered. Thanks again for all your kind words and support. __________________ "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." ~ Mother Teresa

10-08-2009, 05:36 PM	#10 (permalink)
jazzy Registered User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: High desert in Calif Posts: 4,208	Wow, your not alone. My friend is dealing with this also and she needs to find $$ to drive other state to visit her mother and need to make a decision to take her with her back to Calif. Her mother is in stage 1 now, but who knows it may move up to stage 2 or 3 after hear all those stories. It runs in her family. Really sad. I have a mother who is 82 now and is in poor health but soon she may have to move in with one of us if she can not take care of herself. She still has strong memory but medicines she takes sometime make her forgetful. Sad for you to go thru this. __________________

Today
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09-29-2009, 07:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,320	So sad....such a heart-breaking decision. My prayers are with you & ur Mom during this difficult time. Ur Mom and my Mom both had red hair and Irish. My mom died in '62...but my Grandmother had dementia too, lived alone in the same house she was born in....My aunt came down from California and took her back there....Grammy didn't know where she was and "wanted to go home", cried all the time....2 months later, she died. It's hard for old folks to leave their homes and give up their independence. It's hard too, for us to have to make a decision such as this, knowing it'll hurt her, but knowing nothing else can be done.

09-29-2009, 08:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
Sosie Registered User Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Beantown Posts: 3,034	I am so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. My first stepfather had Alzheimer's for 20 years. He died 10 years ago, on Xmas day. My second stepfather has Lewy Body Dementia for two years. He has been depressed for years because of his dysfunctional parents, and he doesn't enjoy holidays/birthdays, which is sad. He sure has a quick temper and he can be violent. Poor my mother!!! So, I know what it like. Again, I am so sorry to hear that. If you need some support, I will be here.

10-07-2009, 01:59 AM	#5 (permalink)
jillio Banned Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 60,296	Hey, kid. I empathize with your position. My mother did not have Alzheimer's, but after a series of strokes, became cognitively impaired, and I had to make the same decision that you are currently dealing with. I agree, it is never an easy decision to make or carry out. It seems like such a final ending. It may help you to know that while my mother resisted the idea for some time, shortly after moving her to a residential facility, she had adjusted well, made a few friends, and was enjoying the activities they offered. It had been difficult to get her to eat regular meals prior to moving, but afterwards, having seve.ral friends to eat meals with seemed to inspire her to show up for meals and actually consume the food! Please remember...you and your wife need to take care of yourselves during this period, too. Being the caregiver to an Alzheimer's patient is very stressful. It is known to be #1 on the list of illnesses for producing caregiver strain. I don't know how you feel about support groups, but many find them very helpful. Or perhaps the facility could introduce you to one or two people and you could provide mutual support to each other on a more informal basis. Hugs to you and your family.

10-10-2009, 06:45 PM	#11 (permalink)
Buffalo Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 4,025	I hope that they will find a cure for it or some medicine to control it. Namenda didn't help my mother at all and Aricept made her dizzy and caused her to fall. She had a bad gash on her forehead. That is when the doctor took her off Aricept. Now and then, I would read up on science stuff on Alzheimer's. Protein and Beta Amyloid, etc. __________________ “The problem is not that the (deaf) students do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen. “- Rev Jesse L. Jackson ( American Civil Rights Activist, Minister)

10-10-2009, 07:02 PM	#12 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	saywhatkid, it will be painful the first time that your mother doesn't recognize you. Perhaps you can accept it and be glad that you can give your mom love even if she can't be the same mom. There's a documentary about a woman who believed her daughter was "Debbie," her old college roommate. The daughter went along with her mom and let her mom call her Debbie. The daughter continued her relationship with her mom in this way. It was very touching. __________________

10-10-2009, 08:17 PM	#13 (permalink)
Reba Granny Terp Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: South Carolina Posts: 39,196	Saywhatkid, I'm very sorry about the struggles you are now experiencing with your mom. I pray her transition to the new home will go smoothly, and that you will have the strength to bear this heartache.

10-18-2009, 01:10 AM	#14 (permalink)
saywhatkid Emerging from the sun Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In space Posts: 7,242 Blog Entries: 2	It gets sadder. Mom fell at home. The ambulance was called, and she was taken to a hospital/nursing home. I was unaware of this until tonight, but she fell a day or so ago. My sisters have been dealing with the implications of this, and did not keep me in the loop. My sisters have POA over her. Apparently, her mind has slipped much faster in the last couple of weeks, and she is not recognizing her daughters anymore. Also, her physical abilities are such that she cannot use the toilet without assistance. She has become very bitter, and has been cussing out the staff and my sisters for her treatment. Another thing that was discovered; her neighbor has been finding her outside more than once. He is a retired fire chief, and his wife is dying of cancer, so for him to take time out was really appreciated. Mom has been imagining a house full of kids, and apparently, she has been leaving the house and hiding from the kids. To sum it up, we no longer can look at the senior center as an option, because her condition does not fit their criteria. She is unable to take care of herself. She cannot cook, walk, use the toilet, take correct meds, or any other of the basic things she needs to do. In addition, she is no longer cognizant of her situation. She thought she was in the hospital to have a baby. She is 83, not 33. I am very bitter to see her go this way. I now understand why some spouses have killed their other half, rather than continue down this path. I would rather say my goodbyes at the side of the bed, while her pulse grows weak. Instead, she has already left... __________________ "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." ~ Mother Teresa

10-18-2009, 11:29 AM	#15 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,320	So sad to read/hear about ur Mom this Sunday Evening.....She sounds like a really "spunky" lady....(her temper!), which may comes with her being Irish and that flaming red hair, I guess! Hopefully sometime soon she will come back to reality and you two can have a good talk, sooner or later.

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