Originally Posted by jillio

I agree with you, Vampy. She no doubt has some mental/emotional issues that she needs to deal with. But it is not unusual in someone who exhibits the symptoms you have described to think that the problem is not with them, but with everyone else.

Her boyfriend needs to draw a line, and tell her that this behavior is unacceptable, and that he will not tolerate her abuse any longer. One of two things will happen....she will get help, or she won't. Chances are good that she will hang onto her destructive behavior, and try to blame him for the break-up.

Sometimes, there is nothing we can do to help those we care about. The only thing we can do is remove ourselves from the destructive realtionship. But allowing her to continue in this abusive behavior is destructive for both of them. He can't force her to get help, but he can save himself from the negative impact of her behavior. Many people have the mistaken impression that if they just keep being tolerant, the abusive person will eventually come to their senses. This never happens. The tolerance just gives them permission to continue.

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

He's still with her because of the baby.

Originally Posted by jillio

I don't mean to sound harsh, but that's a poor excuse. If he is worried about that baby, he needs to realize that exposing a child to the kind of behavior this mother is exhibiting is harmful to the child. This child will grow up thinking that it is normal for women to bully men, and that everyone lives this way. Then she will behave in the same way, and it will create problems in her life. If it is a boy, he will think it is normal, too, and seek out women who bully him because he believes that is the way it is supposed to be.

He can petition for custody of his child whether they are married or not. I have a nephew who was not married to his older daughter's mother. The woman was abusive in many of the same ways that you described. He finally realized that it was unhealthy to stay in the relationship, petitioned for custody of his daughter, and won. He has had full cutody for 12 years now....since she was 1 year old.

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

Well, there's a second on the way.

I think that he's waiting for the right time to do the right thing.

Originally Posted by jillio

If he keeps making babies with her, he will always have a ready made excuse for not leaving and not putting her in a position of having to get help. Is it possible that he simply likes things the way they are, but doesn't want to admit it to his friends?

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

Well, the second kid was a mistake. He regrets it.

We'll see where it goes for him.