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04-05-2009, 02:33 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Love all, trust a few.
 
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Bad Economy Jokes
Q: What will happen if the DOW average falls any further?
A: They'll add a N to the end of it! Q: Whats the best way to close our camp in Guantanamo Bay? A: Turn it into a BANK! Q: When will you know the economy is bouncing back and good times are here again? A: Instead of just shooting animals for food, Sarah Palin is back shooting them for fun again! Q: Why did the White House Turkey turn down his pardon? A: All of his money was in the market and he has nothing left to live for! Q: How do you know when the stock market is unstable? A: The morning bell is rung by Britney Spears! Q: Why are Women more pessimistic about the economy then Men? A: Because men are in charge of the economy! Q: What is Barack Obama's new slogan in these tough times? A: Spare Change You Can Believe In! Q: Why did General Motors end their sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods? A: Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that's not the image GM is trying to portray! Q: Why is it a bad sign that our camp in Guantanamo Bay is closing? A: The economy is so bad now that even the terrorists are losing their homes! Q: Why did the man think he saw a ghost on Halloween? A: A kid dressed up as a 401 (K) Q: What are Mcdonald's employees now asking customers? A: Can you afford fries with that? Q: How do you know when job market is getting worse? A: People forced to work for peanuts, can't even do that! Q: Why are people afraid of losing one hour of sleep because of daylight savings time? A: After losing their home, job, and 401k nothing scares them now! Q: What new chapter are financial advisors forecasting for the American Economy? A: Chapter 11 Q: Why does George Bush think its good that gas prices have fallen? A: Because now people can afford to drive the cars they're living in! Q: Why did Senator Larry Craig miss the Stimulus package vote? A: He was in the mens room, introducing his own package! Q: How do you know the economy is getting worse? A: People who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes! Q: Why is the United States Congress and the porn industry always mentioned together? A: Between the porn industry and Congress, no one whose screwed more people! Q: Why don't we need Daylight Savings Time? A: Because President Bush has already turned the clocks back to 1929. Q: Why do people believe in Bush's pledge about turning around the economy? A: Because he will be out of office soon! Q: How bad is the economy? A: Vice President Cheney took his stockbroker hunting! Q: What is Dick Cheney's solution to this financial crisis? A: Approving waterboarding for stockbrokers and CEOs!' Q: How do you know when stocks are getting cheap? A: Wall Street is called Wal-Mart Street. Q: How is the bad economy affecting the Super Bowl? A: Instead of a coin toss they are now going to play rock, paper, scissors! Q: How bad do economists think this global recession will get? A: So bad economists are starting to stimulate their own packages! Q: How do you that the American people are in trouble? A: CEO's and prostitutes are merging so they can screw the American people more efficiently! Q: Why did George Bush surprise people when pardoning the White House Turkey? A: No one expected the Turkey to be AIG & Citigroup! Q: Why should we bail out the US auto industry? A: Because we'll need cars for all the license plates, Wall Street brokers are making in jail! Q: How bad is the economy is Las Vegas? A1: Somali Pirates now run the Treasure Island casino! A2: The tigers are eating Roy out of necessity! A3: A casino was turned into an Indian reservation! A4: Hookers are taking jobs as snow blowers Q: Did you hear how bad the economy is in the Middle East? A: Yeah, Iraqis can only afford to throw one shoe at George W Bush! Q: Why shouldn't Bernard Madoff be investigated by congress? A: Because the guy who made 50 billion dollars disappear is being investigated by the guys who made $700 billion dollars disappear! Q: Why isn't the selling of corporate jets by the US Auto Industry good news? A: They are being bought by AIG! Q: How is the bad economy affecting women in Beverly Hills? A: For the first time they are using the sun to get a tan! Q: How bad is the economy? A1: Even people not associated with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes A2: Michael Phelps has to share a bong A3: Ben ate Jerry Q: Why are people comparing the US Economy to the Detroit Lions? A: They both have two consecutive quarters of declining productivity! Q: Why are more people flying US Airways? A: Because they are hoping geese hit the plane and they get $5000 dollars. Q: Why are guys calling information in Bangkok? A: To save money on phone sex! Q: How bad is the economy? A: When Bill and Hilary travel together they have to share a room! Q: How do you know when the economy is getting worse? A: People start standing behind George W Bush just to get the free shoes! Q: How can you know if your bank is hurting from the mortgage crisis? A: You try to cash a check and they tell you to come back with a gun! How do you know celebrities are suffering in this tough economy? A1: Paris Hilton changed her name to Paris Red Roof Inn! A2: Heidi and Spencer actually had to get real jobs (stars of MTVs "The Hills") A3: Brangelina (Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie) can only adopt 1 kid this year! A4: A-Rod had to switch from using steroids to flintstone vitamins! A5: P Diddy is now buying his bling at Kay Jewelers! A6: Rockstar Eddie Money's new name is just Eddie A7: Heather Mills is now marrying guys for love! A8: Bill Maher is going to church to pray! A9: Amy Winehouse is clipping her nose hairs looking for that last little bit of cocaine! A10: Robin Leach has a new show "Lifestyles of the people who still have a job" Q: What Does AIG stand for? A: And It's Gone! Q: Why is the stock market like Britney Spears? A: Yes, it made a nice comeback today, but at any moment, it could chug a Red Bull and shave its head and punch a photographer and we'll be right back where we started. Q: What will happen if the economy gets any worse? A: Well learn how to live off the land like Sarah Palin! Q: Why isn't Halloween special anymore? A: The lights are out, the windows are boarded up, the lawns aren't cut. Everyday is Halloween in America now.
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 “Tough girls come from New York. Sweet girls, they're from Georgia. But us Kentucky girls, we have fire and ice in our blood. We can ride horses, be a debutante, throw left hooks, and drink with the boys, all the while making sweet tea, darlin'. And if we have an opinion, you know you're gonna hear it.” - Ashley Judd |
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