ncff07

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good..)
We always hear ' the rules ' from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or t tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...

1.Christopher Columbus did NOT
need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, motor racing or golf.

1.. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.


Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

__________________
Left ear - Nucleus Freedom
(Implanted: 2/9/09 | Activated: 3/6/09)

Deafness

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chris' mom

I have to admit this is funny..I do have to say he may wear the pants in the family but I tell him which ones to wear..hehehe

__________________
Lori & Sons



Children are a gift from the Lord, indeed, they are a blessing.

Bottesini

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It's a joke Nathan!

S.O.B.

I'll admit, although amusing, it's almost close to the truth! LOL

Pepsi

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JamieLynn

This made me laugh... I will show it to bf tonight... I'm sure he will make fun of me

Jamie

Jolie77

Well - as biased as I am being a female - I couldn't let that go without a rebuttal.

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“Tough girls come from New York. Sweet girls, they're from Georgia. But us Kentucky girls, we have fire and ice in our blood. We can ride horses, be a debutante, throw left hooks, and drink with the boys, all the while making sweet tea, darlin'. And if we have an opinion, you know you're gonna hear it.” - Ashley Judd

Maria

You go, girl Jolie!!


As for the OP's first post, I just laughed at the comment " Cryin' is blackmail " LMAO! Yeah, right

S.O.B.

BUT...BUT...BUT...

radioman

let me rebuttal it back due to misconceptions:

A Woman's 50 Rules for Men

1. Call. -SURE , DONT GIVE US FAKE NUMBERS
2. Don't lie. - DITTO
3. Never tape any of her body parts together. SORRY NOT MOST MEN TYPE
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. EXCUSE ME? GIRLS GO OUT FOR GIRLS NIGHT AND MEN IS NEVER INVITED. SO WHAT GIVES ?
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. SURE NO PROBLEM- SAME FOR YOU AT THE CHIPPENDALE DANCES
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes." SORRY WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO TELL THE TELL, NOTHING BUT THE WHOLE TRUTH. GET USED TO IT
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?" SEE ABOVE - WE WILL NOT LIE. WE LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE BUT OTHERS CAN BE PRETTIER BUT MOST LIKELY NOT OUT TYPE
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. THANKS FOR THE TIP!
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. SURE NO PROBLEM! JUST BE READY WHEN WAITRESS COMES!! NO UUHH NEED MORE TIME
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. OKAY - NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY HERE - NEVER STALKED ANYONE. ANY COMMENTS MEN ?
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad. OK, NO PROBLEM, WHAT ABOUT HUNNY BUN ? IS THAT OK TOO ?
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. PLEASE HEED YOUR OWN ADVICE AND WE WILL TOO.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. IF WE CAN'T SAY YES OR NO, AND WE KNOW ANYTHING ELSE WE SAY WILL GET US IN TROUBLE DUE TO US NOT BEING MIND READERS, THEN A GRUNT IS IN ORDER HERE TO SAVE OURSELVES. REMEMBER, WE WANT TO STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. THEN PLEASE DONT TELL US AOBUT YOUR PAST EX'ES EITHER OK? TRUCE ?
15. Her cooking is excellent. OF COURSE IT IS, MINE IS TOO.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. NO WORRIES HERE, I COOK.
17. Dishsoap is your friend. SO IS THE DISHWASHER, MORE EFFICENT
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. GREAT TIPS FOR THE HOBO'S.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. UHH- WHO SAID IT HERE ON THIS FORUM THAT ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS TAKE YOU TO DINNER AND TELL LYOU HOW PRETTY YOU ARE ?
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. NOBODY MEANS NOT IMPORTANT FOR YOU, WE DONT WANT AN DICUSSION. WE ARE NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR. SAME THING GOES FOR YOU TOO.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks. TWO WORDS FOR YOU TOO: BIKINI'S, WAX
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. THEN HOW COME YOU LOOK PRETTIER ?
24. Burping is not sexy. GREAT TIP, BUT NEXT TIME HIDE THOSE USED PADS
25. You're wrong. OF COURSE
26. You're sorry. ARE YOU TOO ?
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is. THEN WHY THE FEIGNED INTEREST ?
28. Ditto for your discourse on football. DITTO
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. DITTO WITH THE AMOUNT OF STUFF YOU BUY FROM SHOPPING
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. AHEM! LADIES DO USE MEN THE SAME WAY.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. THEN HOW COME IT COINDIDE AREOUND THE SAME TIME OF THE MONTH?
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist. DONT ASSUME MEN DONT HAVE PMS EITHER
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. THEN NO HINTING.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue. TOOTHBRUSHES ARE CHEAP, KEEP AN EXTRA AROUND FOR US TOO THEN, AND DONT USE OURS EITHER.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. SURE NO PROBLEM, NEXT TIME YOU GO AT THAT TIME, INVITE US, DONT ASSUME WE KNOW.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. NO COMMENT
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it. SURE- JUST BE OUT FRONT AND READY.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. THEN DON'T BALLASTIC EVERYTIME WE DO BREAK UP WITH YOU. DON'T THREATEN US TO KEY MARK OUR CAR
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. OKAY- WHAT ABOUT YOU MAKING THE FIRST MOVE FOR A CHANGE ?
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often. DITTO - BUT WITH SEX
41. Always, always suck up to her brother. ALWAYS SUCK UP TO MY FOLKS.
42. Think boxers. THINKING -
43. Silk boxers. FOR YOU- THONGS
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names. YOU NEED TO ACTUALLY TELL US- NO HINTS
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses. DONT THROW MEN STUFF OUT
46. Her haircut is never bad. YOU LOOK GREAT HUNNY BUN
47. Don't let your friends pick on her. THEN DONT'T EMBARASS US MEN EITHER
48. Call. REDUNANT OF NUMBER ONE.
49. Don't lie. THEN DON'T HINT, ACCEPT OUR ANSWERS AS REAL HONESTY NO MATTER HOW BRUTAL.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. EXCUSE ME? WHAT WORLD ARE YOU IN? I THOUGHT ITS NOT 1950'S-1970'S? MEN DO NOW SHARE CHILDBIRTHING IN THE DLEVERY ROOM, EVEN C SECTIONS. JUST REMEMBER OF ALL THE WACKY CRAVINGS YOU HAD AND WE WENT TO THE STORE WITH YOU ? REMEMBER WE HAVE TO BEAR THE PAIN FROM YOU SQUEEZING OUR HANDS DURING LABOR?

HOPEFULLY, MY REBUTTAL IS NOT OFFENDING. IF SO, FEEL FREE TO CHEW ME OUT.