Holly

Remember, you need a degree to fly a plane but only a diploma to fix one.





After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then the pilot reviews their Gripe Sheets before the next flight.





Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.





P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.




S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.





P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.




S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.





P: Something loose in cockpit.




S: Something tightened in cockpit.





P: Dead bugs on windshield.




S: Live bugs on back-order.





P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.




S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.





P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.




S: Evidence removed.





P: DME volume unbelievably loud.




S: DME volume set to more believable level.





P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.




P: That's what friction locks are for.





P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.




S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.





P: Suspected crack in windshield.




S: Suspect you're right.





P: Number 3 engine missing.




S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.





P: Aircraft handles funny...........
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.





P: Target radar hums.




S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.





P: Mouse in cockpit.




S: Cat installed.





And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.




S: Took hammer away from midget

Deafness

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pek1

Aircraft should know better than to handle funny!

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Pete

Matilda

Best collection of hilarious wisecrack answers!

Holly

yes I agree, they still crack me up

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Use the talents you possess,
For the woods would be silent
If no birds sang except the best

Bottesini

ROFL

JClarke

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