Astrology Jokes: The Art of War

me_punctured · 03-21-2006, 10:13 PM

Weaknesses in each zodiac sign

Aries: arrogant, napoleonic, childish, short-tempered, easily bored
Taurus: stubborn, lazy, overindulgent
Gemini: gossips, flaky, duplicitous
Cancer: whiney, emotions wash them away, smothering
Leo: self-important, egotistical, proud, drama queens, attention whores
Virgo: controlling, hypercritical, anal, neat freaks, perfectionists
Libra: co-dependent, weak-willed, manipulative, confused, vain
Scorpio: unforgiving, vengeful, secretive, liars, prone to violence
Sagittarius: undependable, flaky, flighty, commitment-phobes, escapists
Capricorn: controlling, cold-hearted, uncaring, boring, work-alcoholics
Aquarius: weird, aloof assholes, know-it-alls, freaks, needs company
Pisces: overly romantic, naive, flakes, alcoholics and drug abusers, wimps

Ways to devastate them

Aries: Never do what they want, never let them speak their mind. Convince them they're wrong, so no one takes them seriously.
Taurus: Change everything around them, keep things in constant flux. Don't let them buy brand name items or eat at expensive restaurants, and make them exercise a lot.
Gemini: REFUSE to be their "friend", don't talk to them. Don't even give them a chance to talk on radio or television.
Cancer: Make off-handed remarks intended for them to take personally, hurt their feelings, don't apologize and refuse to validate their feelings. Kill their family.
Leo: Publicly humiliate them, refuse to play into their drama and walk away from them. Don't give them the time of the day. Isolate them in a room.
Virgo: Keep everything in disarray, constantly change the way things are done, don't let them do things "their way". Mess up their living space.
Libra: Refuse to cooperate with them, but at the same time, don't make any decisions on anything. Let them drift between indecision and isolation. Take away their beauty care products.
Scorpio: Publicly expose their secret plans, refuse to listen to their problems, negate their emotional reactions.
Sagittarius: Put them in a "cage," take away their freedoms and don't let them think outside the box. Don't allow them to leave their company or partner, ever.
Capricorn: Work them to the bone, don't compliment them, refuse to compensate them for it and then fire them. Then post a public announcement about how incompetent they are. Liquidate their estate too.
Aquarius: Prove them wrong in a public forum, make them do things YOUR way, ignore their ideas or even better ridicule them. Take away their books and lock them in a room alone.
Pisces: Show them how fun Acid can be, then start an argument with them while they are in the middle of their trip. Emotionally devastate them, then force them to work while they are in the middle of their emotional tidal wave. Or give them alcohol and let nature take its course.

03-21-2006, 10:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
me_punctured Registered User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 363	Astrology Jokes: The Art of War Weaknesses in each zodiac sign Aries: arrogant, napoleonic, childish, short-tempered, easily bored Taurus: stubborn, lazy, overindulgent Gemini: gossips, flaky, duplicitous Cancer: whiney, emotions wash them away, smothering Leo: self-important, egotistical, proud, drama queens, attention whores Virgo: controlling, hypercritical, anal, neat freaks, perfectionists Libra: co-dependent, weak-willed, manipulative, confused, vain Scorpio: unforgiving, vengeful, secretive, liars, prone to violence Sagittarius: undependable, flaky, flighty, commitment-phobes, escapists Capricorn: controlling, cold-hearted, uncaring, boring, work-alcoholics Aquarius: weird, aloof assholes, know-it-alls, freaks, needs company Pisces: overly romantic, naive, flakes, alcoholics and drug abusers, wimps Ways to devastate them Aries: Never do what they want, never let them speak their mind. Convince them they're wrong, so no one takes them seriously. Taurus: Change everything around them, keep things in constant flux. Don't let them buy brand name items or eat at expensive restaurants, and make them exercise a lot. Gemini: REFUSE to be their "friend", don't talk to them. Don't even give them a chance to talk on radio or television. Cancer: Make off-handed remarks intended for them to take personally, hurt their feelings, don't apologize and refuse to validate their feelings. Kill their family. Leo: Publicly humiliate them, refuse to play into their drama and walk away from them. Don't give them the time of the day. Isolate them in a room. Virgo: Keep everything in disarray, constantly change the way things are done, don't let them do things "their way". Mess up their living space. Libra: Refuse to cooperate with them, but at the same time, don't make any decisions on anything. Let them drift between indecision and isolation. Take away their beauty care products. Scorpio: Publicly expose their secret plans, refuse to listen to their problems, negate their emotional reactions. Sagittarius: Put them in a "cage," take away their freedoms and don't let them think outside the box. Don't allow them to leave their company or partner, ever. Capricorn: Work them to the bone, don't compliment them, refuse to compensate them for it and then fire them. Then post a public announcement about how incompetent they are. Liquidate their estate too. Aquarius: Prove them wrong in a public forum, make them do things YOUR way, ignore their ideas or even better ridicule them. Take away their books and lock them in a room alone. Pisces: Show them how fun Acid can be, then start an argument with them while they are in the middle of their trip. Emotionally devastate them, then force them to work while they are in the middle of their emotional tidal wave. Or give them alcohol and let nature take its course.

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