- Joined
- Jan 10, 2009
- Messages
- 4,951
- Reaction score
- 25
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"
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Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
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Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
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Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
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A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
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A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"
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What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? "Omg, donut seeds!"
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A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
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Q .. How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A .. Knock on the door.
Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".
Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.
Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q .. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A .. A Space Invader.
Q .. Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes?
A .. It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.
Q .. Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A .. They're refuelling.
And last but not least ... (if anyone sees me in a ditch
)
Q: Do you know what is black and blue and found in a ditch?
A: A man who told one to many blonde jokes.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? "Omg, donut seeds!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q .. How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A .. Knock on the door.
Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".
Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.
Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q .. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A .. A Space Invader.
Q .. Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes?
A .. It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.
Q .. Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A .. They're refuelling.
And last but not least ... (if anyone sees me in a ditch
)Q: Do you know what is black and blue and found in a ditch?
A: A man who told one to many blonde jokes.
I think she makes a cute blonde, artificial or not, I'll give it to her. 
Southerners tend to use convincing threats when we mess around.
