Craig's List: Free to good home

My girlfriend doesn't like my dog, so I appeal to you.

She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. Has long hair so she's a little high maintenance, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you're down. Does not bite but she can be mean as hell!

So........anyone interested in my 33 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend? Come and get her! Me and my dog want her re-homed!!

You know, until I read the last line I was thinking that maybe you needed a new girlfriend. It seems that you have made the most logical decision.

My disapproving head tilt matched that pups "whaaaaaat?!" expression until I got to the end.

Scott, now tell me what attracted you to her to begin with?