DVroman7

My daughter is going to be 2 in July, she has a profound hearing loss in both ears. In other words, she can't hear anything; not even herself. I am hearing, and so is her father & like most hearing parents, I've never met a deaf person until my daughter came. We found out when she was 21 months old, I tried to have her tested before that but the doctors said I was being paranoid. They didn't want to test her till she she was 3 because she did pass her screening at birth. As her mother I knew something was off, & eventually called around and got things rolling myself. After a month of testing, the results came back after her sedated abr.. my daughter was infact deaf. Even though I had a gut feeling, hearing those words felt like they crashed my entire world. Honestly, I cried for days. That was the last day her father was activley involved in her life. The doctors immidently tried to push the CI on me, but I told them I needed time to think.. at that moment is what like I was having an outer body expeirence, I was in no shape to make the most important decision of my baby's life. I went home, stopped crying & said to myself.. "what now"? I started doing my own reasearch, got myself in contact with Early On, ordered ASL books & materials & started teaching myself & my daughter to sign. Eventually, I came to my conculision.. Aubrey was NOT getting to CI. That was something that was unnessisary & I felt it was something she should decide. I only want whats best for my babygirl. I don't want her to think I needed to "fix" her. She is and always will be perfect to me. Of course her fathers family give me BIGTIME greif about my choice. But to me.. it's not MY choice; it's Aubrey's. When the time comes, if she wants to get the implant, I will support her decision every step of the way. To be perfectly honest, I still have moments where I do doubt my decision, when i think my decision is selfish & wrong, but then I look at my BEAUTIFUL, SMART, HAPPY, AMAZZZING babygirl & all that goes away. We are still learning to sign, she is catching on like I couldn't ever imagine (: I have never been more proud.

My name is Destiny, and I am a 21 year old single mother to a 2 year old Deaf child. I'm looking to talk to others with similar stories because I feel alone, like nobody knows what I'm going threw.
Also I want so much to know more about the Deaf community & any adivce or just anything you think could benifit us.

Thank you

Deafness

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jamesruppert

Hi Destiny,

I salute you for being brave in facing this situation. This community will give you the emotional support you need. Take care and be strong

CSign

Welcome to AD

Are you actively signing with your daughter, and taking classes to become more proficient?

Is she receiving services through Early Intervention? What type of placement is she in?

It certainly wouldn't be a good idea to get the CI if it's viewed as a "fix". A CI is not a "fix", it's a tool or technology used just like anything else; whether it be hearing aids, glasses, prosthetics, or anything else of that sort.

A CI doesn't "fix" or "cure" anything...

Enjoy reading and posting

GrendelQ

Wow, sound like you've come a looong way in less than 2 months of "deaf awareness" -- initiating ASL, making a lot of significant decisions that will impact the rest of your daughter's life and how your family interacts within the home and with those outside from this point forward. Taking action with a sense of urgency is very good, because you are at such a critical point in terms of language development, and if your daughter has been deprived for nearly 2 years, there's a lot to be done fast.

You probably have realized that by choosing ASL, you'll need to provide an immersion environment for all of you quickly so you attain fluency and can make the shift to using sign at home as your primary language and your daughter can begin to catch up all that missing language. Do you have access to such an environment (for her, a local deaf school may have an intensive program and for you and any other family members, throwing yourselves passionately into classes and the Deaf community)? Can you get the whole family on board quickly and fill your child's life with fluent signers? That's important.

I don't mean to make the ASL route sound more difficult than not choosing ASL -- although it will be very hard for your child and you, it's not more so than if you chose a CI (although you would have a head start on knowing English well enough to teach your child). As others have said, no one who knows anything about a CI thinks it's "a fix" -- that's only ignorant people who aren't familiar with CIs who parrot that line, pay no attention to them. A CI is a tool to provide access to sound and doesn't come "preprogrammed" with language. If you started the CI route now, you'd be coming in late, as well, so you'd have to provide intensive language immersion in English, too -- either way, you've got a lot of time to make up quickly otherwise your child will face a long struggle ahead.

3X weekly early intervention with an ASL language specialist was the first critical step for our daughter, and we expanded that to 4X weekly ASL-based daycare. Family sign for our whole family was the first critical step for my husband and me, followed by formal ASL classes and a lot of interaction with other Deaf families. Wishing you well!

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Bebonang

DvVroman7, I like what you wrote that you can look at your beautiful daughter who happen to be deaf. I admire you for standing up for your daughter as you would like your daughter to be herself, not someone to push her to become that she might not be happy getting a CI (bad with surgery) or hearing aid (not bad without surgery). I don't want anyone to brainwash your deaf daughter that she must hear with CI. Being deaf is not bad. It is something better than having to hear all kinds of noises that can be a bothersome, eh?

So ignore GrendalQ's comment. She is a hearing mother like you but she has different opinion and really not understand anything about deaf children's life. And why we have to struggle so hard just because we have to respect to the hearing parents by going to mainstream school and having to learn to speak and lipread without sign language. The hearing parents don't respect us halfway by learning to sign with us and getting the accommodations for us, Deafies. Both of my parents don't sign and neither my sister but she tried to sign Alphabet. They think that I can lipread and talk a lot better than signing. That is their satisfaction while I was not happy about it all. So if your daughter can sign with you, then go for it. Good luck on your journey with your deaf daughter.

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . (thumb up) (very happy)

CSign

Many good points...

To the OP- has your child been assessed?

GrendelQ

I'm not sure why Bebonang would tell you to ignore what I say -- we chose ASL as my daughter's primary language, immersed her in the deaf community and language and she has attended a school for the deaf where ASL is the primary language of instruction and interaction for the past 5 years and I'm telling you that a CI is not a fix and would not be easier than ASL . But if her objection is that I'm a hearing parent, this is true, I am and there's nothing I can do to change that.

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Cloggy

Standing up for her daughter is excellent. Starting communication is excellent... but otherwise... "might not be happy getting a CI" might also be "might not be happy being deaf".... Who's to tell...
.. and so are you - hearing mother... So basically, Bebonang is saying that you don't have a clue either..
So ignore Bebonang's comment.
.... and this will be the same for your daughter, except that her mother knows sign..

Your story sounds a lot like Jillio's story who was here on AllDeaf. She also raised her child without her husband (I believe) and learned ASL..
You two might have a lot in common, so try to get in contact with her..

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deafdyke

Destiny, have you tried hearing aids first? Profound does not mean unaidable. There is deep profound which can only be helped by CIs, BUT even some profound and severe profound losses can be aided! It's a FACT that every hearing loss is different. Hearing aids especially very powerful ones may help. If she wasn't dx until relatively late, it's possible that she may have some residual hearing....and in fact, when we were young, it wasn't that unusual for DEAF kids to be identified as deaf when they were toddlers. You know, there were CI kids who weren't implanted until they were TWO, but still developed speech skills (Clarke/CID and the other oral schools were BOOMING back then!)
Keep an open mind as to CI. It's not the ONLY option, but it MAY be a helpful option, especially if HAs aren't enough. I know people who were anti CI, but changed their minds....it's good that you seem to have an open mind. Some of the marketing/pushing for CI makes it seem like a GOTTA HAVE MIRICLE DEVICE. You gotta be very skeptical.
Are you near a school for the Deaf? You may want to move near your state's Deaf School. There are usually a lot of Deaf families as well as a larger then usual population of Sign only kids!I know some parents have mentioned that a lot of kids in sign using local programs now seem to be orally skilled (but with sign too!) and their sign only kids have felt left out. It's awesome that you've decided to pursue ASL....MANY hearing parents don't. Good luck.....ASL rocks!

Cloggy

Welcome James..
Impressive to have your first post in AllDeaf 21 minutes after DVroman's first post..

It sounds ( "This community" ) that you are in a Deaf community so I hope you can guide DVroman towards a Deaf community in her area.
She will need all the help she can get..

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deafdyke

WHAT THE F*&K?!?!?!
THAT is a very unhealthy way to raise a dhh kid. I'm "ONLY" HOH but I don't know what it's like to be hearing..... AT ALL!!!!! I used to have this attitude....wanted to be as hearie as possible, until I came to terms with it and totally and completly accepted it. My mental health and quality of life has been SO MUCH better! Would you send a gay kid for gay conversation therapy? No, so why do hearing parents think that HOH kids should be as hearing as possible, and the hearing world is SO wonderful and glorious?

Bebonang

I second that.

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . (thumb up) (very happy)

Cloggy

You would...

So.. It's perfectly OK to say "she might not be happy getting a CI" and insult the mother that she doesn't know her child because she's not deaf,

but me saying "...might not be happy being deaf" goes straight to the subject of raising dhh children.. including "WHAT THE F*&K?!?!?!"....
btw.. What is "THAT" referring to ???

How on earth are you girls thinking....

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Bebonang

Because you would not accept your daughter for being deaf. You went ahead and put CI on her just so that she can please you for being hearing when she is not. She will always be deaf no matter what. CI is the same like hearing aid. They are just tools but it is not benefit for them to listen and hear the words accurately. Not true at all. You want her to be involve in the hearing world, period. Did she have any deaf friends that she can relate to like sign language? She will be happy if she does. You are just stubborn as we have been through this discussion for over 6 years. You just refuse to accept us just because we are deaf and we have the experience of what is like to be in a Deaf world. We are telling you our experiences, but you refuse to understand us. You just don't get it.

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . (thumb up) (very happy)

Mimsy

When you say "us", it seems you mean all Deaf feel the same way. How can that be possible? Some Deaf want to hear and some don't. That is what I have learned from alldeaf.com Please correct me if I am wrong.

Cloggy

I can see you have not read any information regarding CI. You rely on your own (Deaf?) world to find the information..
Have you even met children with CI? I think the problem is that you don't see them. They are too integrated in the hearing world to see. In your Deaf world, you will probably only see children with CI that have problems hearing....
... as opposed to the (you automatically assume) sad, signlanguage deprived child she is now?.. YOu really have no clue when you are assuming this, and evidently you have made sure that you will never see a child that is successful. Isn't it time for you to do a search on youtube with "cochlear implant children" and have a look... Or is that too frightning?
You are not telling me about your experiences.. you are telling me of the experiences of deaf children that can hear with a CI... as if you have a clue.
I have posted video's of Lotte speaking on the phone with friends and family... What do you think when you see that... "That must be fake" .. or do you choose not to look at those video's??

Is there really no-one around you that knows sign that has told you that in fact, children with CI are very successful. Not the medical dropout and misfits that you make them to be....

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Cloggy

I think any Deaf person that wants to hear is probably considered "deaf", not "Deaf" by the Deaf community...

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Mimsy

Thank you. I understand the issue now.

Cloggy

Very old article... 10 years old.. but I just picked the one on the top when in the results of the search " result cochlear implant children " in Google

Maybe you're interested?

Quote:

Science News ... from universities, journals, and other research organizations Deaf Children Who Get Cochlear Implants Early In Life Get The Biggest Language Boost, Concludes Largest-Ever Study ScienceDaily (Jan. 5, 2001) — ANN ARBOR, MI The younger deaf and hearing-impaired children are when a cochlear implant awakens their hearing, the better they will do on speech recognition tests later in life, according to the new results of the largest and most carefully designed study of its kind. .......

Quote:

Speech perception results in children with cochlear implants: Contributing factors ANNELLE V. HODGES, MS, PhD, MARY DOLAN ASH, BS, MS, THOMAS J. BALKANY, MD, JERRY J. SCHLOFFMAN, BA, MA, and STACY L. BUTTS, BA, MA, Miami, Florida Speech perception test results were obtained from a group of 40 pediatric cochlear implant users. Half of the children participated in oral-only habilitation programs, which included both traditional oral and auditory-verbal approaches, and half participated in programs that used a combination of oral and manual communication referred to as total communication (TC). Analysis of the scores showed that children enrolled in oral-only habilitation programs scored significantly higher on the speech perception measures than did children who were enrolled in total communication–based programs. These results were inconsistent with those of other reports, which suggested that communication methods had little effect on implant outcomes. To further examine the reasons for the differences in performance, we analyzed 7 additional factors, including length of implant use, age at surgery, device type, socioeconomic status, bilingualism, school setting, and participation in private therapy, which may affect implant performance. Multiple-regression analysis again showed communication mode to be the factor most highly correlated with speech perception abilities among this group of children. (Otolaryngol Head Neck Surg 1999;121:31-4.)

Please continue reading... and start learning about CI..

btw.. NAD - National Association of the Deaf

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Cloggy

That's impressive.. Not many people understand it.. LL..
but I forgot to make a capital "D" at the end there...
(Can you change that in your post with my quote as well..??)

Frisky Feline

Welcome.

GrendelQ

I think I get it: You tell the OP to ignore my advice based on my family's approach: immediate ASL immersion for the whole family, a deaf school, integrating the child into the Deaf community, don't think getting a CI would be an easier route. And I think you do this because you know that my family also values English and you know very little about CIs.

So, if the the OP is to ignore what I've suggested, as you say, what would your opposing alternative be? Do you instead recommend an oral school or environment, no ASL, and a rush to get a CI as a fix? Or upon rereading, do you think you might have misread, or not read at all?

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Frisky Feline

no need to agrue here. all i support is to see kids being having to learn ASL and/or speaking & listen in a full toolbox to access to language, ( either with HA, or CI or nothing). That is wise to contact with other parents of deaf kids for their opinions or see what their kids are alike, to meet their satisfying needs of helping their kids. Be sure to have kids to be part of deaf community and still function and living in the hearing world. Therefore, It helps kids to decide what to do with their lives to keep ASL, and continuing to speak/listening or nah.

what state are you living, then let heairng parents here give you some tips and make your own decision what the best things for your kids.

On a side note, Im an ASL user, Deaf mom of hearing two Kids. Admittedly, I do not know much about any deaf schools according to the year of 2012. But over 20 years ago, I was in Deaf school all my life and don't live in the Deaf residential schools. I lived with my family. I had an awesome childhood, had Deaf friends when I was a kid, and involved many activities . Indeed, I have good qualify of Deaf friends here in a small hometown. I am very comfortable the way my life goes. I have a job in the hearing world for a long time.

Keep asking any parents of deaf kids to collect the information about language and schools.

Mimsy

I knew what you meant even with the "d". Done.

Frisky Feline

That's what you think it is. But just letting you know that there are
some people who are Deaf who happen to have CIs and HAs and very involved with Deaf community.

It is just attitude to approach on how people are around Deaf people is all depend.

GISJason

As a profound loss deaf child from birth I wish my parents had implanted me with the CI at the earliest possible time. Since I'd proably fared better with speech theraphy that was given to me in while in elem school. Otherwise it was all moot with FM/HA technology back then, I can see what they're sayin about anyone who is deaf and wanting to "hear" is assumed not Deaf by community standards...They're usually quick to judge and even in some cases throw away friendships over that subject. Deaf pride does exist and sometimes I'm even ashamed by their own ignorance. Thinking its perfectly alright to insult others for not accepting deafness in their child. Hello I was a child and I'm one that WISHES to hear and speak effectivly with others without the aid of interpreters or sign. But yes YMMV all that was from my life experince. So don't weight too much on my option.

* I urge you to soak up whatever you can on the subject of CI and make sure it's not the route you want for your child. I feel if I had a deaf child I'd go for it asap. The earlier the better chances he/she will have a shot at having a "normal life" in the hearing world, like the saying you cannot teach a old dog new tricks LOL at young ages while the mind is in a still developing stage its best to get speech in and, then they'd be able to blend in. Weather we like it or not we're still the minory in this world. I grew up and had a great childhood, good mixture of hearing and deaf friends,* attented mainstream schools mostly, had great interpreters, then went to a deaf school in JR High then back to mainstream for High school but I can see areas where it'd be so much better had I been implanted early in my life.

* Why reduce chances and routes of their getting a education to the best maxium potential? Of course all that depends on where you live and plan on spending years. Deaf school nearby? Or too far? Willing to let your kid go to a deaf school and even in many cases commute and not see them til the weekend or once / twice a month.. Many parents do this to their deaf child which isn't ideal in many cases but plently were successful and fine. However many also had issues other than hearing impairment like abandonment by their parents which made the deaf world perfect for them to stay in deaf school among peers they can commuicate with and do much more than they could in a mainstream school lifestyle. But that in no way is preparing them for the real world at all. Employment and etc.. is still a pia to achieve cause we have to WORK HARDER to sell ourselves and stand out more than the other potetial candiate.

Even noticed many of these friends of mine who grew up and were raised in heavy ASL/ Deaf culture ended up with writing and grammar issues of keeping ASL/English apart.. ex writing in ASL format or improper use of or lack of certain English terms in the proper sense. This will proably get me flamed tho it's a FACT weather they like it or not even have seen a ASL man that achieved a masters degree make these very grammar errors while speaking to another person over chat and even eMails it's sad because They cannot see it themselves. I'm not putting them down or saying I'm correct or even grammarly perfect. I'm simply giving my option. Use ESL at first if you want to reduce chances of that occuring to your child.

Very hard decison to make....So many factors to consider. I wish you the best in your endavors weather you take that route or another...

Frisky Feline

I am sorry that happened to you and this is how you feel about it. Some parents push kids too hard in many different ways. I hope you have a comfortable life now, like a job, and a family. I did not read your introduction but do you have a job and a family? Since you mentioned about English.

CSign

What do a job and family have to do with English?

GISJason

I'm not it happened and mother was doing what every other mom does what they think is best for their child and yes certainly some parents do. Mine were great and supported me in any choices I made. Yes holding 2 crap jobs currently and a great family of my own with 3 kids, Worked at Coca Cola then John Deere then Engineering firm then local assessor's office... I've done a lot and am proud of what I have achieved. Just think I could do better but thats me.. I push myself to do the best at everything I start. Image I'd be much better if I had good speech and CI but now making do with HAs.

Yeah what does English have to do with it at all?? :puzzled:

Bottesini

He correlated it with success in work and the world.

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