Member turning straight?

**shel90** · 10-14-2010, 07:17 PM

Since I am not a lesbain, I have several friends who are gay and lesbains. However, one of my friends who was a lesbain for 20 years recently fell in love with a man and now she is considered an outcast in the GLBT community.

Is that typical..if someone becomes straight, will they be "outsed" by the community?

ExR · 10-14-2010, 07:23 PM

You don't just "become straight". She is probably bisexual but may not have admitted it. She may also have a preference which may cause her to swing one way. As we all know, our preferences can change over time. I guess this can result in people being confused over their sexuality. However, I'd say she's probably bisexual.

People have no right to judge her based on her sexuality. If people look down upon her for it, then they're not worth knowing anyway. And if it's her own gay "community", then they're probably hypocrites.

**shel90** · 10-14-2010, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ExR

You don't "become straight". She is probably bisexual but may not have admitted it. She may also have a preference of generally liking females over men. If that's the case, she'd probs keep that quiet too given that she's now dating a man.

She has been in a 10 year relationship with a woman and broke up with her for this man. Everyone in her community was totally shocked and are saying stuff like how disgusting of her to be with a man and all that. I was shocked because we know that straight people have said that about gay/lesbain people. It was just something I never thought of until recently when this all happened.

ExR · 10-14-2010, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

She has been in a 10 year relationship with a woman and broke up with her for this man. Everyone in her community was totally shocked and are saying stuff like how disgusting of her to be with a man and all that. I was shocked because we know that straight people have said that about gay/lesbain people. It was just something I never thought of until recently when this all happened.

It is not uncommon. I guess most people made the false assumption that she's a lesbian when she may really be bisexual. Just because a female may have been dating another female for 10 years, it doesn't automatically mean that they're pure lesbian. They could still be bi.

At the end of the day, it doesn't change their sexuality. I could be gay but could be married to a female. Would that make me straight? No, it would just make me a dishonest and delusional person. (FWIW I'm actually straight.)

I know a woman who got married to a man, had 2 kids and now has a female lover... Turns out that her lover was also in the same boat, and also has 2 kids too. Now there's 2 female lovers and 4 kids living under the same roof! When I say "kids", they actually between the age of 17 and 22...

**shel90** · 10-14-2010, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ExR

It is not uncommon. I guess most people made the false assumption that she's a lesbian when she may really be bisexual. Just because a female may have been dating another female for 10 years, it doesn't automatically mean that they're pure lesbian. They could still be bi.

At the end of the day, it doesn't change their sexuality. I could be gay but could be married to a female. Would that make me straight? No, it would just make me a dishonest and delusional person. (FWIW I'm actually straight.)

I know a woman who got married to a man, had 2 kids and now has a female lover... Turns out that her lover was also in the same boat, and also has 2 kids too. Now there's 2 female lovers and 4 kids living under the same roof! When I say "kids", they actually between the age of 17 and 22...

Yea, I have heard of stories like these. I didnt realize that if a member turned straight, they run the risk of being outsed in their community.

People are so complicated! LOL!

**Dixie** · 10-16-2010, 06:15 PM

Shel,

I believe that sexuality is fluid. It is possible for a person's preference to change over time. As stated above it sounds like this woman is likely bi rather than pure lesbian. However, it is entirely possible that this woman may decide that she wants to be with this man for the rest of her life, and for me that would be OK. It is up to her.

I personally believe that a person is born with a certain tendency to be homosexual, either this homosexuality is tramped upon and the person lives a miserably straight life with a number of failed marriages/relationships until they just give up altogether and make the decision to just never date again. The other portion are those who are homosexual and their sexuality is 'helped along' if you will by a set of good or bad circumstances.

A good set of circumstances would be that the family is understanding of this delicate sexuality and carefully nurtures it while keeping with the familial stance that they may not necessarily agree with it.

OR

A set of bad circumstances would be a sexual assault, sexual abuse, rape, etc by someone of the opposite sex. The victim is left so hurt and so disgusted by the opposite sex that they find heterosexual relationships to not be natural for them.

There has been scientific proof that a person can be born homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual. I can't wait for extensive and complete studies to be finished in which we can finally settle it once and for all that sexuality isn't a choice but rather a characteristic of the human genome.

Thoughts?

**Daredevel7** · 10-16-2010, 06:30 PM

I wonder if some of the women who have been saying "Omg how disgusting!" has been romantically/sexually linked with this "turned straight" woman. Sometimes when the person you've been with sudden goes "to the other side", it can cause negative feelings.

Also, could the fact that she left a woman (possibly also friends with the group?) for this man could also elicit those feelings?

I wouldn't be shocked if the gay community was bewildered by this sudden turn of events, but they shouldn't be so critical of this woman. That's why I think there's more to just simply being pissed at her being with a man.

**Dixie** · 10-16-2010, 06:36 PM

BUT within the gay community drama and jealously are the rule.

The partner you have is your partner. If you leave or if they leave for another partner within the community there's usually a lot of badmouthing from both camps. Especially if the new partner is considered a close friend of the original couple.

posts from hell · 10-16-2010, 08:47 PM

I'm going to make an example of myself here:

Although I do know a little about the glbt community I will not comment because I am not a part of it.

**Foxrac** · 10-16-2010, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Since I am not a lesbain, I have several friends who are gay and lesbains. However, one of my friends who was a lesbain for 20 years recently fell in love with a man and now she is considered an outcast in the GLBT community.

Is that typical..if someone becomes straight, will they be "outsed" by the community?

She is bisexual, just like me, I'm experiencing the swing on between woman and man.

**Dixie** · 10-16-2010, 11:14 PM

Also, she could be polyamorous - meaning should could possibly like to have several partners of the same sex or of the opposite sex. It's different from polygamy in the sense that in polygamy the husband has several wives.

netrox · 10-17-2010, 01:24 PM

I know a few who were in that situation.

I don't really care about their sexual orientation at all. If she leaves a woman for a man, I don't care. What I care is her well being. Is she leaving with dignity? Is she stable? Is she dysfunctional? You know the usual.

**Beowulf** · 10-17-2010, 01:35 PM

If you are gay, you are gay. I do not know anyone who has crossed over and successfully stayed there.

Frisky Feline · 10-17-2010, 02:33 PM

I know one gal who had always have a thing for guys. A few years ago, she fell in with a gal and were in relationshio for about 7 yrs. She broke up with her and she went back to going after guys all over again. She isn't interested in other gals since now.

**shel90** · 10-17-2010, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by netrox

I know a few who were in that situation.

I don't really care about their sexual orientation at all. If she leaves a woman for a man, I don't care. What I care is her well being. Is she leaving with dignity? Is she stable? Is she dysfunctional? You know the usual.

Well, the guy is a married man. Nothing dignitified about it.

**Dixie** · 10-17-2010, 09:44 PM

Ah sounds like she's just in for the thrill of the chase.

**sequoias** · 10-17-2010, 09:47 PM

What about the ones who were straight then became gay then went back to the straight scene?

It could be a possibilty she was straight before you knew she was gay for that long.

**Jiro** · 10-17-2010, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Since I am not a lesbain, I have several friends who are gay and lesbains. However, one of my friends who was a lesbain for 20 years recently fell in love with a man and now she is considered an outcast in the GLBT community.

Is that typical..if someone becomes straight, will they be "outsed" by the community?

what a closed-mind community... so many irony on so many levels... comical...

**Jiro** · 10-17-2010, 09:56 PM

these days... people switch their sexuality based on situation because we are social being. nobody wants to be alone. some guys do not have a great luck with girls and that can lead to loneliness and/or depression.

if he happened to find a gay man who he can be happy with, then great. people like him don't mind because the aspect of relationship is more important than other issues.

10-14-2010, 07:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
shel90 Let It Snow!!!! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,303 Blog Entries: 3	Member turning straight? Since I am not a lesbain, I have several friends who are gay and lesbains. However, one of my friends who was a lesbain for 20 years recently fell in love with a man and now she is considered an outcast in the GLBT community. Is that typical..if someone becomes straight, will they be "outsed" by the community? __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

10-16-2010, 06:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dixie May I be found in Him Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arkansas Posts: 13,266	Shel, I believe that sexuality is fluid. It is possible for a person's preference to change over time. As stated above it sounds like this woman is likely bi rather than pure lesbian. However, it is entirely possible that this woman may decide that she wants to be with this man for the rest of her life, and for me that would be OK. It is up to her. I personally believe that a person is born with a certain tendency to be homosexual, either this homosexuality is tramped upon and the person lives a miserably straight life with a number of failed marriages/relationships until they just give up altogether and make the decision to just never date again. The other portion are those who are homosexual and their sexuality is 'helped along' if you will by a set of good or bad circumstances. A good set of circumstances would be that the family is understanding of this delicate sexuality and carefully nurtures it while keeping with the familial stance that they may not necessarily agree with it. OR A set of bad circumstances would be a sexual assault, sexual abuse, rape, etc by someone of the opposite sex. The victim is left so hurt and so disgusted by the opposite sex that they find heterosexual relationships to not be natural for them. There has been scientific proof that a person can be born homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual. I can't wait for extensive and complete studies to be finished in which we can finally settle it once and for all that sexuality isn't a choice but rather a characteristic of the human genome. Thoughts? __________________ Oh, you will. It is all a dream and since matter cannot be created nor destroyed, the dreams must be real in all their myriad forms. -Beowulf This Delicate Thing God Has Made *The world is measured in peasants; smaller than a unicorn but, bigger than a tidbit!*

10-16-2010, 06:36 PM	#8 (permalink)
Dixie May I be found in Him Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arkansas Posts: 13,266	BUT within the gay community drama and jealously are the rule. The partner you have is your partner. If you leave or if they leave for another partner within the community there's usually a lot of badmouthing from both camps. Especially if the new partner is considered a close friend of the original couple. __________________ Oh, you will. It is all a dream and since matter cannot be created nor destroyed, the dreams must be real in all their myriad forms. -Beowulf This Delicate Thing God Has Made *The world is measured in peasants; smaller than a unicorn but, bigger than a tidbit!*

10-16-2010, 11:14 PM	#11 (permalink)
Dixie May I be found in Him Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arkansas Posts: 13,266	Also, she could be polyamorous - meaning should could possibly like to have several partners of the same sex or of the opposite sex. It's different from polygamy in the sense that in polygamy the husband has several wives. __________________ Oh, you will. It is all a dream and since matter cannot be created nor destroyed, the dreams must be real in all their myriad forms. -Beowulf This Delicate Thing God Has Made *The world is measured in peasants; smaller than a unicorn but, bigger than a tidbit!*

10-17-2010, 09:44 PM	#16 (permalink)
Dixie May I be found in Him Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arkansas Posts: 13,266	Ah sounds like she's just in for the thrill of the chase. __________________ Oh, you will. It is all a dream and since matter cannot be created nor destroyed, the dreams must be real in all their myriad forms. -Beowulf This Delicate Thing God Has Made *The world is measured in peasants; smaller than a unicorn but, bigger than a tidbit!*

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10-14-2010, 07:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
ExR Registered User Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: UK Posts: 210	You don't just "become straight". She is probably bisexual but may not have admitted it. She may also have a preference which may cause her to swing one way. As we all know, our preferences can change over time. I guess this can result in people being confused over their sexuality. However, I'd say she's probably bisexual. People have no right to judge her based on her sexuality. If people look down upon her for it, then they're not worth knowing anyway. And if it's her own gay "community", then they're probably hypocrites.

10-16-2010, 06:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
Daredevel7 Adrenaline Junky Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Huntsville, AL Posts: 4,341	I wonder if some of the women who have been saying "Omg how disgusting!" has been romantically/sexually linked with this "turned straight" woman. Sometimes when the person you've been with sudden goes "to the other side", it can cause negative feelings. Also, could the fact that she left a woman (possibly also friends with the group?) for this man could also elicit those feelings? I wouldn't be shocked if the gay community was bewildered by this sudden turn of events, but they shouldn't be so critical of this woman. That's why I think there's more to just simply being pissed at her being with a man.

10-16-2010, 08:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
posts from hell Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 9,434	I'm going to make an example of myself here: Although I do know a little about the glbt community I will not comment because I am not a part of it.

10-17-2010, 01:24 PM	#12 (permalink)
netrox Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 4,780	I know a few who were in that situation. I don't really care about their sexual orientation at all. If she leaves a woman for a man, I don't care. What I care is her well being. Is she leaving with dignity? Is she stable? Is she dysfunctional? You know the usual.

10-17-2010, 01:35 PM	#13 (permalink)
Beowulf Premium Member Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 10,515	If you are gay, you are gay. I do not know anyone who has crossed over and successfully stayed there.

10-17-2010, 02:33 PM	#14 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 20,239	I know one gal who had always have a thing for guys. A few years ago, she fell in with a gal and were in relationshio for about 7 yrs. She broke up with her and she went back to going after guys all over again. She isn't interested in other gals since now.

10-17-2010, 09:47 PM	#17 (permalink)
sequoias Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Iowa, the land of the cornfields and pigs Posts: 21,866	What about the ones who were straight then became gay then went back to the straight scene? It could be a possibilty she was straight before you knew she was gay for that long.

10-17-2010, 09:56 PM	#19 (permalink)
Jiro Aparecium Deletrius Legil Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The Soprano State Posts: 60,539	these days... people switch their sexuality based on situation because we are social being. nobody wants to be alone. some guys do not have a great luck with girls and that can lead to loneliness and/or depression. if he happened to find a gay man who he can be happy with, then great. people like him don't mind because the aspect of relationship is more important than other issues. __________________ - Don't forget to buy Jiro's Special Edition Sunglasses for $19.95

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