Confused

AliciaM · 09-08-2009, 09:06 PM

So I finally told two of my friends that I'm bi-sexual..i've never told anyone until a few months ago. My best friend who is lesbian is one of those ppl i told..and i didn't know but when we first met she liked me..but never said anything..Now we hang out and we have a sexual friendship as well...we are really close emotionally and physically..but it just sucks cuz my mom is not understanding at allllllll and if i even mention a hot girl she freaks out and makes a gay joke...And my friend wants me as a girlfriend but we can't have that kind of relationship due to my family...i just needed to get off my feelings to more ppl who understand..thanks for listeninggg

Jiro · 09-08-2009, 09:26 PM

confused??? don't be. Obviously - your parents and my parents are from the generation where homosexuality is a taboo and sinful. so it's understandable that the parents do not like the fact that their own child is a homosexual or bisexual. But then.... the time will tell. Let it sink into their head and hopefully they'll love you and understand it and accept it.

sorry I will behave

sallylou · 09-08-2009, 09:50 PM

Alicia, I don't know how old you are so I'll assume that your at least 18. Isn't it time for you to make you own decisions without your parents' approval. Yea, your family might be upset at first but it's your life. You shouldn't have to live your life to get your parent's approval. If this girl makes you happy, go for it.

AliciaM · 09-08-2009, 10:06 PM

I am 20 and yes i can make my own decisions..but my family is pretty important to me too..

Aleser · 09-09-2009, 12:13 PM

Your family is important to you, yes, but do you think they're treating you fairly? No. Do what makes you happy- and if it means having a relationship with this girl, do that. They'll either come around, or they'll use being bi as an excuse to judge you anyways- with or without the girl.

I say this with a wealth of experience trying to please my family: at the end of the day, the only person you answer to, is the mirror.

PowerON · 09-09-2009, 12:49 PM

umm... is your boyfriend aware of? I think so. *shurg*

Well, it's your choice: family or your life whatever come first.

Frisky Feline · 09-09-2009, 04:26 PM

Alicia, If you are close to your mom, then you can tell her a little bit at a time to allow to toy the idea of seeing you who you prefer in either male or female. Evenually, she might accept you for who you are. I believe that she loves you so she will accept it at a much later. Of course, i rather you to be happy who you are going with someone who is male or female. Of course, let your mom know a little by little. good luck.

If it were me, i hope my kids would tell me who kids prefer either the genders and i will support them all the way. I only want to see my kids to be happy.

shel90 · 09-09-2009, 04:47 PM

Alicia, are you the type of Bi-sexual who prefers relationships with men but just play with women?

deafdyke · 09-09-2009, 09:02 PM

Alicia,
Ask your mom if she would love her current partner just as much if he happened to be a female.
Some people think that homo/bisexuality is about being all KINKY!
Explain to your mom that you honestly totally and completely love your friend.
There's support groups out there you know............PFLAG etc.

AliciaM · 09-10-2009, 09:40 PM

I am dating someone a guy (who i call my bf cuz it's just easier) ...and I reallyyyy like him but I reallyyy like my friend grace as well. I don't care about just the sexual stuff it's about how she makes me feel..women are more intuitive to other womens feelings and she's romantic which I love. I have dropped hints there by saying a girl was really hot and that I'd hook up with a girlto my mom in passing and she was just shocked but then made a comment about being lesbian...my "bf" knows that I like girls as well he knows I am bi, which sort of shocked him cuz he thought I only had eyes for him and never thought of the idea of me checking out a girl...cuz he knows I don't really check out other guys esp when I am with him cuz I just don't care. It's hard cuz my "bf" is not wanting a commitment right now and I totally respect that cuz we live 1.5 hrs away from each other..but we see each other every 2-3 weeks or so and talk everyday and I want a commitment but I'm not hell bent on it...where as grace wants a relationship in a heartbeat and would love to be my girlfriend and vice versa but because of extenuating circumstances and REALLY judgemental ppl and family it's sort of hard...

CJB · 09-10-2009, 10:23 PM

AliciaM, since your family is important to you, think about it this way. Your family can't have a completely honest relationship with you if you are closeted about your sexuality.

Don't let your family stop you from living your life. No one has the right to do that, not even your family. If I were you, I would tell them. Hopefully if they love you they will come around.

Dodge Trucker · 09-12-2009, 08:05 PM

Alicia - First off..I would like to tell you that you are a beautiful lady. I mean that in every sense of the word. From the pictures I've seen you posted...my my..you are quite beautiful.

Now..about your relationship(s) with your guy and lady...since you are 20 years old...you have to keep this in mind. Family will always be there forever. Through the thick and thin of it. You are a BIG girl...you have a good head on your shoulders. Your folks NEED to let you lead your own life, be that you may or may not make mistakes. If your family really loves you, they will be there to support you if you decide to go down this path in life and they will be there to support you if you took the wrong path. Like the old saying...blood is thicker than water. You may or may not have relationships come and go..but your family is forever.

Now..about your wanting to have a relationship with your girl-friend...maybe you two ladies can get together and come to a consensus on what you want to do in "stages" and do the same with your boyfriend.

Trust me...I have been through A LOT with my family and my wife. From what it sounds like...your problems are nothing compared to mine. To this day..I'm still married to my highschool sweetheart despite my familys objections (19 yrs)

Anyway...back on topic...like I said..you're a big girl..make your own decisions. Just remember every decision has cosequences. If your family truly loves you..then this issue should not have even been thought of.

Cheers Alicia. Keep your chin up girl!!

shel90 · 09-12-2009, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaM

I am dating someone a guy (who i call my bf cuz it's just easier) ...and I reallyyyy like him but I reallyyy like my friend grace as well. I don't care about just the sexual stuff it's about how she makes me feel..women are more intuitive to other womens feelings and she's romantic which I love. I have dropped hints there by saying a girl was really hot and that I'd hook up with a girlto my mom in passing and she was just shocked but then made a comment about being lesbian...my "bf" knows that I like girls as well he knows I am bi, which sort of shocked him cuz he thought I only had eyes for him and never thought of the idea of me checking out a girl...cuz he knows I don't really check out other guys esp when I am with him cuz I just don't care. It's hard cuz my "bf" is not wanting a commitment right now and I totally respect that cuz we live 1.5 hrs away from each other..but we see each other every 2-3 weeks or so and talk everyday and I want a commitment but I'm not hell bent on it...where as grace wants a relationship in a heartbeat and would love to be my girlfriend and vice versa but because of extenuating circumstances and REALLY judgemental ppl and family it's sort of hard...

You say vice versa meaning you want to be in a committed relationship with her. I have learned throughout the years to follow my heart even when in doubt but when I do, things do work out at the end. My advice is to follow you heart and dont worry about what others think. They will get used to it.

jillio · 09-14-2009, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaM

I am dating someone a guy (who i call my bf cuz it's just easier) ...and I reallyyyy like him but I reallyyy like my friend grace as well. I don't care about just the sexual stuff it's about how she makes me feel..women are more intuitive to other womens feelings and she's romantic which I love. I have dropped hints there by saying a girl was really hot and that I'd hook up with a girlto my mom in passing and she was just shocked but then made a comment about being lesbian...my "bf" knows that I like girls as well he knows I am bi, which sort of shocked him cuz he thought I only had eyes for him and never thought of the idea of me checking out a girl...cuz he knows I don't really check out other guys esp when I am with him cuz I just don't care. It's hard cuz my "bf" is not wanting a commitment right now and I totally respect that cuz we live 1.5 hrs away from each other..but we see each other every 2-3 weeks or so and talk everyday and I want a commitment but I'm not hell bent on it...where as grace wants a relationship in a heartbeat and would love to be my girlfriend and vice versa but because of extenuating circumstances and REALLY judgemental ppl and family it's sort of hard...

You say vice versa meaning you want to be in a committed relationship with her. I have learned throughout the years to follow my heart even when in doubt but when I do, things do work out at the end. My advice is to follow you heart and dont worry about what others think. They will get used to it.

Excellent advise, shel.

AliciaM · 09-16-2009, 11:36 PM

So it's official..my friend and I grace got into a fight over us ..and my bf and i were going thrua thing so i broke up with him today and am now happily going out with my now gf grace..just haven't told my mom

Jiro · 09-16-2009, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaM

I am dating someone a guy (who i call my bf cuz it's just easier) ...and I reallyyyy like him but I reallyyy like my friend grace as well. I don't care about just the sexual stuff it's about how she makes me feel..women are more intuitive to other womens feelings and she's romantic which I love. I have dropped hints there by saying a girl was really hot and that I'd hook up with a girlto my mom in passing and she was just shocked but then made a comment about being lesbian...my "bf" knows that I like girls as well he knows I am bi, which sort of shocked him cuz he thought I only had eyes for him and never thought of the idea of me checking out a girl...cuz he knows I don't really check out other guys esp when I am with him cuz I just don't care. It's hard cuz my "bf" is not wanting a commitment right now and I totally respect that cuz we live 1.5 hrs away from each other..but we see each other every 2-3 weeks or so and talk everyday and I want a commitment but I'm not hell bent on it...where as grace wants a relationship in a heartbeat and would love to be my girlfriend and vice versa but because of extenuating circumstances and REALLY judgemental ppl and family it's sort of hard...

1.5 hours away and see you only every 2-3 weeks? Honey - I'd see you every week!

if he thinks seeing you every 2-3 weeks and no commitment are good enough for you.... Lady... you ain't got time playin' around with little boys! we ain't young no more! good luck having "adult" relationship with grace!

PowerON · 09-17-2009, 11:11 AM

If you're so confuse. Why don't you fly and see me. I'll cuddle you, patting your back. Your head on my chest. I say "there there, you poor girl"

AliciaM · 09-17-2009, 02:17 PM

who's poor? lol well i'm not rich in money but i have a lot of ppl that love me ...my gf being one of them and friends and fam so im good! but thanks for the offer poweron!

PowerON · 09-17-2009, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaM

who's poor? lol well i'm not rich in money but i have a lot of ppl that love me ...my gf being one of them and friends and fam so im good! but thanks for the offer poweron!

if everything is good. Then great.

cdaigle430 · 09-17-2009, 11:24 PM

I was just going to say that seeing two people at the same time like that wether your gay, bi, straight, or transgendered is a dangerous thing to do. You took care of that. I think it might be a good idea to tell your mom and give her some time to take it all in, this will also help you. She might be dissapointed at first but she will always love you no matter what. I have a few friends that were very open to friends about their sexuality, but when it came to their parents they always froze up. In the meanwhile they kept it hidden from them for so long, for one it was too late. The other two finally told there parents and once they came to terms with it everyone lived in harmony-even today.

kipourgos · 09-25-2009, 11:31 AM

Everyone's parents are different when it comes to bi/homosexuality; some come around, some don't, some can deal with it only when it's never actually talked about. About the only thing that will tell is time. if your mom came from a really strict religious or traditional background, be patient with her. You said she makes jokes - joking is often a way of trying to deal with or deflect discomfort. I hope it all turns out all right for you.

09-08-2009, 09:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
AliciaM Midge Join Date: May 2006 Location: Ottawa, ON Posts: 1,603	Confused So I finally told two of my friends that I'm bi-sexual..i've never told anyone until a few months ago. My best friend who is lesbian is one of those ppl i told..and i didn't know but when we first met she liked me..but never said anything..Now we hang out and we have a sexual friendship as well...we are really close emotionally and physically..but it just sucks cuz my mom is not understanding at allllllll and if i even mention a hot girl she freaks out and makes a gay joke...And my friend wants me as a girlfriend but we can't have that kind of relationship due to my family...i just needed to get off my feelings to more ppl who understand..thanks for listeninggg __________________ Alicia Phonak versatas Severe loss deaf Ears are cheap. It's what's between the ears that counts

09-08-2009, 09:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jiro YOU DOMESTIC DISSENT! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The Sopranos State Posts: 22,961	confused??? don't be. Obviously - your parents and my parents are from the generation where homosexuality is a taboo and sinful. so it's understandable that the parents do not like the fact that their own child is a homosexual or bisexual. But then.... the time will tell. Let it sink into their head and hopefully they'll love you and understand it and accept it. sorry I will behave __________________ - Don't forget to buy Jiro's Special Edition Sunglasses for $19.95

09-08-2009, 10:06 PM	#4 (permalink)
AliciaM Midge Join Date: May 2006 Location: Ottawa, ON Posts: 1,603	I am 20 and yes i can make my own decisions..but my family is pretty important to me too.. __________________ Alicia Phonak versatas Severe loss deaf Ears are cheap. It's what's between the ears that counts

09-09-2009, 12:13 PM	#5 (permalink)
Aleser Woosh. Yes, Woosh. Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 669	Your family is important to you, yes, but do you think they're treating you fairly? No. Do what makes you happy- and if it means having a relationship with this girl, do that. They'll either come around, or they'll use being bi as an excuse to judge you anyways- with or without the girl. I say this with a wealth of experience trying to please my family: at the end of the day, the only person you answer to, is the mirror. __________________ "She thinks... she can make people do what she wants or needs, what is right, by the sheer force of her own talent, not by forcing them... she can teach them and persuade them... that they'll catch it from her. This is still faith in their rationality, in the omnipotence of reason. The mistake? Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them."

09-09-2009, 12:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
PowerON Click me 12 time Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Suddenly, I'm cowboy. Posts: 6,863 Blog Entries: 4	umm... is your boyfriend aware of? I think so. shurg Well, it's your choice: family or your life whatever come first. __________________ • [Illustrator.Blog-alloon.com] • Don't shoot me! I'm only blogger!

Today
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09-08-2009, 09:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
sallylou Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 2,090	Alicia, I don't know how old you are so I'll assume that your at least 18. Isn't it time for you to make you own decisions without your parents' approval. Yea, your family might be upset at first but it's your life. You shouldn't have to live your life to get your parent's approval. If this girl makes you happy, go for it.

09-09-2009, 04:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Provoke, Pounce, Purr Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 5,693	Alicia, If you are close to your mom, then you can tell her a little bit at a time to allow to toy the idea of seeing you who you prefer in either male or female. Evenually, she might accept you for who you are. I believe that she loves you so she will accept it at a much later. Of course, i rather you to be happy who you are going with someone who is male or female. Of course, let your mom know a little by little. good luck. If it were me, i hope my kids would tell me who kids prefer either the genders and i will support them all the way. I only want to see my kids to be happy.

09-09-2009, 04:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
shel90 In a pink and black world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: In the land of the free Posts: 24,014 Blog Entries: 3	Alicia, are you the type of Bi-sexual who prefers relationships with men but just play with women? __________________ Shel~ "A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

09-09-2009, 09:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
deafdyke So NOT a Princess! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Trebekistan Posts: 7,495	Alicia, Ask your mom if she would love her current partner just as much if he happened to be a female. Some people think that homo/bisexuality is about being all KINKY! Explain to your mom that you honestly totally and completely love your friend. There's support groups out there you know............PFLAG etc.

09-10-2009, 09:40 PM	#10 (permalink)
AliciaM Midge Join Date: May 2006 Location: Ottawa, ON Posts: 1,603	I am dating someone a guy (who i call my bf cuz it's just easier) ...and I reallyyyy like him but I reallyyy like my friend grace as well. I don't care about just the sexual stuff it's about how she makes me feel..women are more intuitive to other womens feelings and she's romantic which I love. I have dropped hints there by saying a girl was really hot and that I'd hook up with a girlto my mom in passing and she was just shocked but then made a comment about being lesbian...my "bf" knows that I like girls as well he knows I am bi, which sort of shocked him cuz he thought I only had eyes for him and never thought of the idea of me checking out a girl...cuz he knows I don't really check out other guys esp when I am with him cuz I just don't care. It's hard cuz my "bf" is not wanting a commitment right now and I totally respect that cuz we live 1.5 hrs away from each other..but we see each other every 2-3 weeks or so and talk everyday and I want a commitment but I'm not hell bent on it...where as grace wants a relationship in a heartbeat and would love to be my girlfriend and vice versa but because of extenuating circumstances and REALLY judgemental ppl and family it's sort of hard... __________________ Alicia Phonak versatas Severe loss deaf Ears are cheap. It's what's between the ears that counts

09-10-2009, 10:23 PM	#11 (permalink)
CJB deafblind writer Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: U.S. Posts: 1,425	AliciaM, since your family is important to you, think about it this way. Your family can't have a completely honest relationship with you if you are closeted about your sexuality. Don't let your family stop you from living your life. No one has the right to do that, not even your family. If I were you, I would tell them. Hopefully if they love you they will come around.

09-12-2009, 08:05 PM	#12 (permalink)
Dodge Trucker Can't DODGE it? RAM IT! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Good Ol' KC Posts: 197	Alicia - First off..I would like to tell you that you are a beautiful lady. I mean that in every sense of the word. From the pictures I've seen you posted...my my..you are quite beautiful. Now..about your relationship(s) with your guy and lady...since you are 20 years old...you have to keep this in mind. Family will always be there forever. Through the thick and thin of it. You are a BIG girl...you have a good head on your shoulders. Your folks NEED to let you lead your own life, be that you may or may not make mistakes. If your family really loves you, they will be there to support you if you decide to go down this path in life and they will be there to support you if you took the wrong path. Like the old saying...blood is thicker than water. You may or may not have relationships come and go..but your family is forever. Now..about your wanting to have a relationship with your girl-friend...maybe you two ladies can get together and come to a consensus on what you want to do in "stages" and do the same with your boyfriend. Trust me...I have been through A LOT with my family and my wife. From what it sounds like...your problems are nothing compared to mine. To this day..I'm still married to my highschool sweetheart despite my familys objections (19 yrs) Anyway...back on topic...like I said..you're a big girl..make your own decisions. Just remember every decision has cosequences. If your family truly loves you..then this issue should not have even been thought of. Cheers Alicia. Keep your chin up girl!! __________________ Respect everyone's opinion. Don't like their opinion? LIVE WITH IT!!

09-16-2009, 11:36 PM	#15 (permalink)
AliciaM Midge Join Date: May 2006 Location: Ottawa, ON Posts: 1,603	So it's official..my friend and I grace got into a fight over us ..and my bf and i were going thrua thing so i broke up with him today and am now happily going out with my now gf grace..just haven't told my mom __________________ Alicia Phonak versatas Severe loss deaf Ears are cheap. It's what's between the ears that counts

09-17-2009, 11:11 AM	#17 (permalink)
PowerON Click me 12 time Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Suddenly, I'm cowboy. Posts: 6,863 Blog Entries: 4	If you're so confuse. Why don't you fly and see me. I'll cuddle you, patting your back. Your head on my chest. I say "there there, you poor girl" __________________ • [Illustrator.Blog-alloon.com] • Don't shoot me! I'm only blogger!

09-17-2009, 02:17 PM	#18 (permalink)
AliciaM Midge Join Date: May 2006 Location: Ottawa, ON Posts: 1,603	who's poor? lol well i'm not rich in money but i have a lot of ppl that love me ...my gf being one of them and friends and fam so im good! but thanks for the offer poweron! __________________ Alicia Phonak versatas Severe loss deaf Ears are cheap. It's what's between the ears that counts

09-17-2009, 11:24 PM	#20 (permalink)
cdaigle430 RinconRider Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 209	I was just going to say that seeing two people at the same time like that wether your gay, bi, straight, or transgendered is a dangerous thing to do. You took care of that. I think it might be a good idea to tell your mom and give her some time to take it all in, this will also help you. She might be dissapointed at first but she will always love you no matter what. I have a few friends that were very open to friends about their sexuality, but when it came to their parents they always froze up. In the meanwhile they kept it hidden from them for so long, for one it was too late. The other two finally told there parents and once they came to terms with it everyone lived in harmony-even today.

09-25-2009, 11:31 AM	#21 (permalink)
kipourgos Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Istanbul, Turkey Posts: 76	Everyone's parents are different when it comes to bi/homosexuality; some come around, some don't, some can deal with it only when it's never actually talked about. About the only thing that will tell is time. if your mom came from a really strict religious or traditional background, be patient with her. You said she makes jokes - joking is often a way of trying to deal with or deflect discomfort. I hope it all turns out all right for you.

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