Mechanical

I have heard this many times, I don't know if its poster before, but it annoys me when I hear that! In school, I had one teacher tell me it is my choice for being gay, and I could stop if I wanted to. I have had many Christians try to "reform" me and tell me to just be straight and it will turn me straight. I actually tried that in high school, but I still think girls are icky! (No offense... I like girls as friends, and have many... just the idea of sex... BLECH!!)

The reason my "friends" tried to reform me, was to save my soul, because religion says gays are bad. They act like it's a disease! But I am atheist, so that is lost on me. I hate quoting TV, but in one Will & Grace show, Jack says "It's not contagious" which is true! It is NOT a disease, and it is NOT a choice.

If it was really a choice, why would we choose to be ridiculed, and not allowed to marry who we love? Why would we choose to live our lives quietly and hide who we are for fear of rejection? IF it WAS a choice, I'd choose to be straight, just so I can be "normal" and have my own family.

For me, I would love to have a child that is biologically mine and raise him or her with the mother in one house, but it won't happen. I would love to have the normal family and not have to try to hide it from some people. If I adopt, I am afraid of what the kid will go through in school! I saw much bullying to kids for having gay parents when I was in school (I only graduated in 2008!!) And the possibility of adopting is low, because a lot of states dont allow same-sex couples to adopt. Why would I choose to not be allowed to be married, have a kid, and to be ridiculed? I WOULDN'T!!!!

So for anyone who reads this and thinks it is a choice, if you want to continue to say it's a choce... PLEASE elaborate, not just say "because it is a choice" And if you try to use religious references, I will respect your religion, I respect the beliefs of other most of the time, just not on this topic, but I will not say you are stupid. Just think about one thing... did you CHOOSE to be straight? Did you CHOOSE to like women or men? And if it was a choice, where was I the day the choices were made and didnt get to choose?

Sorry, just had to rant about this to let off some steam Just, I heard it a couple days ago and it was annoying me

Deafness

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CJB

I can understand your frustration, Mechanical. I don't think being gay is a choice. I think there are a lot of factors that go into being gay, but think it runs a lot deeper than just a matter of choice.

Keep in mind that religion isn't the only reason for homophobia, and not all homophobes are religious. There are plenty of homophobes that have non-religious reasons and there are plenty of religious people that accept gays.

I don't think we're allowed to have religious discussions on these forums, so we should probably keep this to a discussion about homosexuality.

deafdude1

What ive heard is that for 90% of people, their sexual orientation(or lack of) is innate since birth. For the other 10% they consider it a choice. Are they bisexual to begin with or do they really have the ability to change their sexual orientation?

Ive read of alot of people who have failed relationships, marriages or experienced sexual abuse "turn" gay. Have you heard of any men who were hurt too many times by women decide "im done with women!" and turn gay and date men?

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sampaguita

Don't be sorry for needing to express your thoughts. Sometimes, you do just need a good rant. I agree with you though, I am not gay. Totally straight on my front, but many of my good friends are gay and they would never choose it... ever. Just like you said, at this time there are just so many social and emotional repercussions. My best male friend had to move into my apartment because his mother kicked him out once he opened up to her. It was never a choice for him or anyone who is gay in my opinion.

DeafGuyBS

My opinion, being gay is a choice just as being straight is a choice.

deafdyke

All I can say to the people who think being gay is a choice...........I never consciously CHOSE to fall in love with Maureen, or Stef or Hannah.....it just happened. I didn't even realize it was happening until I was mad crazy in love withe them.

MoonDrifter

I just happened to love women since I was a kid. Butts, yummy. Body, woah. Breasts, Yay! Pussy, I've died and gone into heaven. Eyes and Smiles, I melt faster than chocolate and pant like a wasted dog. Penis, wtf? It's a part of who I am. I have a best friend who is gay. He's so awesome like everyone else and makes me laugh as hard as my straight friends do. I'm sure that sexuality is a deeper part in us that's not really based on choice alone. I can see that some drastic external events tend to influence choices on sexuality, but it's not the same for everyone. We're all unique in our own ways and should respect that.

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CJB

What I don't understand is why gay people are always so politicized. No one talks about the implications of heterosexual attraction and whether it's a choice or not. But when it comes to gay people, it becomes a whole discussion.

If we were sitting here all discussing the root and cause of heterosexuality, wouldn't that seem a bit absurd? So why do we do it with homosexuality? People fall in love with who they fall in love with and people have sex with whoever they have sex with, so why make an issue out of it?

jillio

Because society creates an environment of discrimination against homosexuals, and, therefore causes it to be politicized.

CJB

I know, but one also reinforces the other. When kids are raised by parents who make it a non-issue, they don't even think of using as a reason for discrimination.

jillio

I'm not sure where you are heading with the statement about kids being raised by parents who make it a non-issue, and I want to be sure.

Are you saying that homosexual children raised by accepting parents don't think of using their homosexuality as a claim for discrimination?

Or is it that parents who raise their children in an element of tolerance and acceptance also raise children who are tolerant and accepting and don't discriminate?

I think you are saying the second, but want to be certain.

CJB

Yes, the second.

If the child doesn't see homosexuality as stigmatized or problematic, then there's no reason for them to bully someone who is gay.

CJB

I should probably also clarify that it's not black and white. Parents are just one of many factors that go into a kid's thinking. If a child sees bullying based on a GLBTQ identity from peers in school, they might join in, regardless of how accepting and tolerant their parents are. But if the parents make it a non-issue, at the very least they won't be contributing to intolerant behavior.

jillio

Agreed. Which is exactly why we need comprehensive counseling programs in schools that teach diversity and tolerance...such as the one being discussed in Current Events.

And while I agree that this is the only way for lasting change, it often takes generations to accomplish it. In the meantime, discrimination continues.

jillio

Agreed.

CJB

It does often take generations and one of the reasons why I think it takes so long is that it's easy to call people on blatant discrimination, but it's the covert discrimination that is the hardest to overcome. Covert discrimination usually happens with so many other factors playing into the discrimination that it's easy to say it's for another reason. For example that's where we are right now with race. If a person of color gets fired, it's usually because they're a lazy worker and black and have a non-standard dialect and showed up late a few times. But since it's all those factors at once it's easier to just say it's due to laziness and showing up late and has nothing to do with race or speech than to acknowledge that while race isn't the sole reason it is an element.

jillio

Absolutely. The covert attitudes are the ones that are so destructive and dangerous. The overt let everyone know up front where they are standing, and are usually not given a great deal of credibility in this society. It is the covert that we need to be aware of.

Mechanical

Because society accepts heterosexuality without a thought, whereas homosexuals are not accepted and are not allowed to have the same legal rights as heteros because the laws discriminate. If the laws didn't discriminate, there would be no discusion.

Ask the people who make the rules and laws saying gays cannot marry, adopt kids, file taxes together, be at the bedside of a dying lover in a hospital, help with medical decisions, you know... the things hetero couples can do without a thought or a fight.

CJB

I'm well aware of all these facts. I guess what I'm trying to say goes deeper. I don't understand why homosexuality has to be an issue to begin with. Even things like saying the Bible condemns it isn't valid once you look at all the other things the Bible condemns that we don't care about nowadays.

Mechanical

Like beating your wife, killing people for simple things, the concept of Hammurabi's code, etc...

CJB

I was thinking more along the lines of wearing clothes made of more than one material, touching pig skin, shaving...

deafdyke

Mech............is there any way that you could move from NC? NC is very conservative and Bible Belt-y. I know it's hard.......but on the other hand things have changed so much. A lot of my lesbian friends are adopting/ having kids. It's changing SO much!!!!! Even from the time when I was a teen, things have changed so much!

pagedancer

Usually, when people say to me, "It's a choice," I ask them in return, "Would you choose it?" Most people who ask that will respond in a firm negative and frankly, I don't think many people would choose to be an over-politicized, marginalized element of society. However, I believe that sexuality is natural, regardless of orientation or preference. Attraction is supposed to be a positive thing, right? Love is a positive thing. As long as there's love between two people, does the gender matter?

After all, straight, gay, or bi, none of us can choose who we fall in love with.

"The important thing is not who you love, but that you love."

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Mechanical

I just moved to NC to be with my boyfriend. Before, I was in Virginia, and planning to move to California.

CJB

The entire state of NC isn't conservative. There are areas that are more accepting like Asheville.

Gangis

I strongly feel that sexuality is not a choice. A person cannot choose to be gay, much as one doesn't choose to be straight. If a straight person says that it's a choice, does that mean if they choose so, they can become attracted to a person of the same sex to the point where they get aroused, their heart thumping hard and (for the men) have a certain body part engorged? No. That makes no sense to me.

Attraction is part of who you are. It has nothing to do with making "choices", much as you can't choose to prefer a certain body type over another. And that's how I see it!