Toma

I never come out to my family. Never! My family already knows.
Why? It’s because sister knows me excessively well.

Deafness

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dogmom

Hey there Toma, welcome to this section - dogmom from intro

my parents know - mom doesn't get it but cuz I'm married <am bi> she lets it go. Hubby knows, came out to him during college when he and I met. Mom's sister - my beloved aunt in Ca - knows; she was one of the first I came out to. No sibs and no other family to speak of.

San Fran. ROCKS -

Toma

Ah, thanks again! Haha

Foxrac

I came out as bisexual when I was young teenager and won't easy to become straight because mind has twisted up, however I refuse to come out in outside of my families and I live in area that is probably homophobia that many people don't tolerate with gay people.

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dogmom

homo - and trans-/biphobia - !!

very hard if u live in a small or intolerant community

if bi, some people who are gay or lesbian have a problem with it too, so issues on all sides -

deafdyke

true dogmom.......however it amazes me how much things have changed from the time that Ellen came out as gay.
Being gay is now being seen as something that's actually *gasp* OK.
Small towns will change,, and I bet in ten or twenty years homophobia will be seen as archic as anti Semitism or Catholicism vs Protestantism.

Foxrac

Any small town or rural area that filled with socially conservative then it wouldn't going happen but increase of tolerate is possible since views of gay marriage isn't and it would going to be very slow.

In bold, remember, no religion discussion allowed in this forum and I don't agree with your comment.

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kipourgos

I first came out to my mom at 19. I suppose I should have known she would not have a big problem with it because my mom and dad were both professional musicians, but it was still scary as hell. She said "Well, it had crossed my mind." I hadn't dated in high school, this was Iowa in the 1970s, not a time or place for taking another guy to the prom! She said she loved me no matter what, and she asked me how long I'd known. I said "I suppose I was aware of it since I was about 13." Her answer was wonderful: "I'm so sorry you thought you had to hide it for so long." The next thing she said was, "Actually I sometimes wonder about your father." :S I said something like "Um...Mom...can I be out for 10 minutes at least before we start dragging Dad out of the closet too?" I asked her not to tell my Dad and brother because I wanted to get used to her knowing, and she said OK. The next morning at breakfast though, I could tell my dad was looking at me differently. Like he was searching me, trying to see something he'd missed. He went down to warm up the car (I rode into school with him), and I asked mom, "Did you tell dad?" "Well, yes I did say something, I know you didn't want me to but I thought it would be easier," she said. "Oh, and I told your brother too." (Argh!) So it wasn't the most comfortable ride in but he was okay, a bit silent about it really. My brother however, was sort of a shit, and there were a couple of times where he threatened to tell people when it would have caused a problem. Actually we wonder about him...48 and never had a relationship? (Not that we know of.) Hmmm. As for dad, the circumstantial evidence is pretty strong but we'll never really know.

What I find is that coming out isn't something you just do once, it's something you do throughout your life actually. I lived in Seattle for many years and worked at the University of Washington, where there is a non-discrimination policy so it wasn't so much a matter of "coming out" as it was of simply not hiding it and letting people come to their own conclusions. Now I'm in Istanbul, and things aren't nearly so free here. But I think what is important is not so much whether you have the luxury of being able to tell everyone or not, but being confident in yourself and refusing to accept the crap that you hear. In Turkey "ibne" (faggot) is one of the worst insults you can call someone. Yet almost all of my friends here know and I have not been rejected by anyone. Then again, I pick my friends carefully. But people surprise you, sometimes you think someone is going to freak and they don't, other people you think should know better turn out to be homophobic.

It's easy to be frustrated with people like that...but lots of us have internalized homophobia to deal with, and we know we aren't perverts or filthy or evil. (Well, maybe a little perverted...with the right person...) People are products of their cultures, and we have to be just as patient with them as we are with ourselves. For a while at least! Later though it's like, "Grow the hell up already!"

dark

Too many interesting stories to know; Well, my story doesnt have much interesting but simple and sweet, lol.

I came out of the closet when i was 15 years old i believe, however, when it did, nothing really happened to me that bad but of course, i were extremely nervous to see everybody's reaction at first as i thought they gonna hate me and pick on me but no; Fewest of my old best friend suddenly faded away from friendship just cause of that and I knew it gonna happen but thats life so goes on.

I still meeting ton of people that i met through my friends networking and parties, I havent had problem with any of them knowing that i am gay. It is good to stick with who we are, though.

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Dixie

I am out to a select few - mostly coworkers. I think a lot of people suspect it at church. A couple of people from my high school probably knows. My parents probably know but are in denial, but I haven't come out to them yet and probably will never come out to my dad. It's just one part of me I'll have to hide from him as he is extremely judgmental. I've been dealt enough of his judgment as it is growing up deaf in his hearing household.

But I can tell you hiding it is very self-destructive, you begin to hate yourself because you feel guilty for living a lie.

I just wish a day would come where I could find a suitable partner that loves me for me and not just as a sex toy and the time comes where I am ready to spread my wings.

But now, there are times I feel extremely unlovable as no one from either sex seems interested in me.

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dogmom

With the exception of the people in my very new part-time doggie job, I am out to pretty much everybody, including my family, and have been for some years now; most recent "outing" was to my mother - about 6 years ago. All the people I see on a routine, friendly basis are all either GBLTQ or straight and accepting.

shel90

I can agree to that. My friend who is a lesbain was telling me how the next generation is so confused because more people are open about being bi. She thinks it is disgusting and refuses to date anyone who is bi. All I could do was just look at her and shake my head.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

deafdyke

And true.....I never said it would be fast. But I mean things are changing faster then they ever did during the 60's!
Ummmmm.............I wasn't saying anything religious. I was comparing the gay rights struggle with general civil rights!

sheerwrath

what's even more hilarious, coming out to somebody gay and all along you were hiding it from each other... old, glorious junior high days.... pot calling kettle black, i guess.

SondheimGeek

I came out to my friends when I was 18, and then my family when I was 19.

My mom took a while to come around, but now she's very supportive of me.

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Kevin
Bilateral Phonak Certanas
"As we all should probably have learned by now, to be a Stephen Sondheim fan is to have one's heart broken at regular intervals."

darkangel8603

I understand how u feel dixie, i feel the exact same way lol. hope someday we will find someone to love.

I came out to my two closest friends when I was i think 15 on the city bus, they were surprised but didnt care lol. then i just gradually told anybody who asked that i was bi.

I still dun know what i am lol, i know i love women, but I dont know if im bi or lesbian lol.

I came out to my parents at the end of 2008 lol, so i was 22 when i came out to them, but my mom said she always knew it, but was just waiting til i felt comfoortable enuf to tell them lol. she said that she suspected that it was always something i had been struggling with all thru out my life lol. mom knows best eh.

pagedancer

It's amazing; people seem to be coming out at younger and younger ages. I think that's awesome. Shows either more acceptance from society or bravery from youth or a combination of both.

I knew all my life that I was gay, but I started to accept it at 14. Told my first friend at 16 that I was bi. Told my mom and she was like, "No, you're not. You're gay." I was shocked. It never occurred to me that my mother would be A: so accepting and B: so savvy. I finally told people I was gay at 17 and have been out ever since. The hardest one to tell was my sister - she was 14 at the time and cried, but it was more because of the social stigma and how it might affect her. She got over it REAL quick and we totally chat about boys now. I was VERY lucky. My entire family, including my great-grandmother, is accepting and loving. They met my ex-boyfriend and will meet the next one (when that happens).

After college, I went back to my high school and directed The Laramie Project with the students. It was an incredible experience and really opened a lot of eyes and minds.

Oh, and it was probably destiny - my birthday is National Coming Out Day. :-D

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CJB

I came out as lesbian at 16 and as transgender at 17. I came out to my school before coming out to my parents in both cases because my school was really accepting to the point it was known for it. We even had an LGBTQ Pride Assembly every year.

Oakley_04

Came out when i was 22, Thats when i was Gallaudet student

Mizzou

I come out with my first girl at 26! I turn into male at 37! 10 years consideing bloom late.

melissa

Technically, I was 12 or 13. I said one day to my mum, I think I like women in that way. She then said that sometimes when we admire someone, especially older, it can feel like that- I felt brushed off and never mentioned it again until a few years ago.

I knew when I was about 7 that I liked my teacher, and used to write her little love notes, but to me it almost felt motherly- I'm an only child and I used to write my mum little cards saying 'I love you'. When I was a teenager I struggled with my sexuality so much- I thought, I like women, so I must be gay, but I also had a massive crush on my male teacher, and liked celebrities, so I must be straight, but I can't be both- felt like I was going to combust trying to work it out! I was pretty much in love with my best friend at school and had a huge crush on another female friend in college but I don't think I recognised that I was bi, I just thought I was weird and that something was wrong with me.

My first serious boyfriend/partner did not approve of women having relationships/sex with other women, and used to make comments about it, so I tried not to think about it; I was with him so I shouldn't be thinking about other people.

Then we broke up, I had a few dates but nothing serious, and experiences with a woman. I said to my mum 'I'vegotsomethingtotellyouIlikewomeninthatwayaswel lasmenlet'sneverspeakofthisagain' and ran out of the room, I was so scared what she'd say. She looked thoughtful then said 'Does that mean you're going to be promiscuous?' really seriously. After I stopped laughing I explained that it doesn't!

Then I had a relationship for a while with a female friend of mine, not exclusive as she had a bf in an open relationship. Then I met my current ex, a male, and fell in love with him, and he understands that I'm attracted to women, and doesn't/didn't make me feel that it was wrong in any way. I like to say that I like/love the person, it doesn't matter to me whether they're male/female/transgender/something else; I feel incapable of ruling out love or sexual desire based on genitals or gender perception.

I always feel slightly odd saying I'm bi when I'm involved with or like a man- as if I expect myself to have both a bf and a gf, but when I'm in love with someone I'm monogamous, that's just how my feelings have so far dictated in relationships.

dogmom

came out at about 18, first to my previous high school homeroom teacher, who I always felt was extremely kind and just understood me on a very intuitive level; then later to my at-time boyfriend, now husband. All this was first year in college.